In today's society, people's concepts are becoming more and more open, and because of the awakening of women's consciousness, or for the pursuit of equality, family relationship adjustment, etc., many families (especially two-child families) will choose one of the children in the family to take the mother's surname.
After all, they are also blood relatives, and the child's surname belongs to one party, which seems very fair. For example, one of my colleagues, Sister Li, is such a woman who breaks the routine and walks in the forefront of the times.
Blind date is embarrassing: I follow my mother's surname, why did I become an "outlier"
Sister Li's family has two children, the eldest daughter follows her surname, and the younger son follows her father's surname, which should be regarded as the first batch of children with her mother's surname in the trend of the times. Now her daughter is twenty-four or five years old, and she has reached the age of marriage, so Sister Li specially asked someone to arrange a blind date for the child.
It is said that the two children's education, family background, background and other aspects are more suitable, but the blind date result is not ideal! When the daughter came back, her face was not very good, and she said that after the other party knew that she took her mother's surname, she asked 3 questions, which made her feel very embarrassed, and she didn't know how to respond!
Sister Li said that the child follows her surname, and she has encountered a lot of embarrassments since she was a child. But she never thought that this incident would directly affect the children's choice of mates, and even their future married life, which was a bit unexpected! So, what are the three questions?
⚠️ "Are your parents a reconstituted family?"
Most people think that it is normal for children to take their father's surname, and only children from "special" families will take their mother's surname, and the most common is divorced or reorganized families.
Therefore, even in the current society where taking the mother's surname is already very common, in the face of such a child, people's first impression may subconsciously label him as "parents are not in harmony" or "divorced".
⚠️ "If you have children in the future, will you have to take your last name?"
Since you take your mother's surname, it must be normal for you and your family to do so. In other words, you and your family are more concerned or sensitive about this aspect.
Then it is not difficult to imagine that if you have your own children in the future, will you have to take your last name (one of them)? This may be unacceptable to some young people who are more traditional and have no emotional foundation, so they choose to give up at the beginning!
⚠️ "Isn't your grandfather's family very powerful?"
Of course, this question may be asked more obscurely, and even if you don't ask, the other party may have some associations and doubts. After all, in ancient times, only a well-off family had the conditions to recruit a son-in-law, and only then would the child be given the woman's surname.
Influenced by secular concepts, many people subconsciously feel that since the child takes the mother's surname, it must be because the foreign family is powerful and resourceful, and needs to have descendants to inherit it, so they will make such a decision.
Our group of gossipy colleagues were embarrassed to hear Sister Li complain about this! But if you think about it carefully, it is normal for the other party to have concerns. Therefore, Sister Li now also deeply doubts: it may not be a wise choice for her to let her child take her mother's surname in the first place!
Is it really okay for a child to take his mother's surname? Be aware of the 3 drawbacks, please be careful
Although with the progress of society and the diversification of family structure, many families choose to let their children "follow their mother's surname". People's acceptance has also reached a new level, and more and more people are choosing respect!
But I have to say that the thousands of years of "paternal surname tradition" does not mean that it can be changed. Even if everyone can accept it, in daily life, children will still face many challenges and drawbacks with their mother's surname, so young parents need to choose carefully!
(1) Affect the intuitive feeling of being the father of the child
As the father of the child, most fathers should prefer their children to take their surname, which is also the foundation of a family's inheritance and continuation. If your child is a "foreign surname", how can you naturally integrate into the family and become a part of it?
The child takes the mother's surname, or out of respect, and the husband and wife have a deep relationship, but it is also mostly the result of the father's accommodation. Although the father agrees with the parent-child relationship, in fact, he may not have much direct involvement in the child, and the chances of forming emotions and communication will be much less.
Imagine, even if the father and the child look a little similar, but just because the surname is different, if outsiders don't know your parent-child relationship, they still think that you are bringing your own nephew or someone else's child!
(2) The negative impact on children's development should not be underestimated
Although there is a blood bond between children, there is a saying that "blood is thicker than water". But for young children, they don't feel this kind of blood relationship, but more from the attitudes or reactions of the people around them.
Brothers and sisters with different surnames will inevitably be speculated by outsiders. For example, a pair of twins obviously have the same face, but because they have different surnames, they are always asked: are they biological, are their parents divorced, why are they not surnamed......
There are too many questions, and the child can't explain patiently every time, because it's really tiring! Over time, the child may become sensitive and have damaged self-esteem. And children are more likely to "centrifuge" with each other, and when there is a conflict, they may inadvertently shout "You are from your mother's family, I am from your father's family!" ”
(3) The elderly of both parties may treat the child differently
The child's grandparents and grandparents are the people who are closest to the child's blood relationship other than the parents. At present, about seventy percent of families are elderly people helping to take care of the baby. I think that most of the old people love their children from the bottom of their hearts and take care of their babies dutifully.
However, older generations may be more influenced by secular and traditional ideas than younger parents. If two children take their father's surname and the other take their mother's surname, it may inadvertently cause the elderly to be "treated differently" when they bring their babies.
Although the palms and backs of the hands are full of meat, in fact, in ordinary life, it may be really difficult to level a bowl of water. The elderly may be emotionally more inclined to "follow their surname" children, and after a long time, there will be a gap between parents and children, and the seeds of "unkindness" may also be planted in the hearts of children!
epilogue
It can be seen that the child follows the mother's surname, and the disadvantages are obvious. But in the end, whether the child takes the father's or mother's surname, or takes the surname of both parents, it should be the result of careful consideration and the unanimity of the whole family. In this way, you don't have to care too much about what others think and think.
It is not important who the child's surname is, the important thing is that on the road to growth, parents guide and educate correctly. If you can achieve the unity of husband and wife, family harmony, and close and close children and deep brotherhood, that is the best result!
I am a health manager/family education instructor @guanjia mother, enter the homepage to learn more about parenting knowledge and baby raising skills.