The struggle behind the high-altitude throwing objects of a single mother, how to get along with the adolescent child?

Nutrients

2024-07-02 10:55Creator in the field of parenting

Not long ago, a high-altitude throwing incident occurred in a small community in Nanjing, where suitcases, milk tea, water cups and other items fell from the sky, smashing cars parked on the ground, but fortunately no passers-by were injured.

After a police investigation, it was a single mother who threw her belongings upstairs because her adolescent daughter did not return home at night and could not control her emotions for a while, so she threw her daughter's belongings from the window.

Image source: Weibo

Due to the high-altitude throwing of objects, this parent-child conflict is not simply a family matter, but a public incident that endangers the safety of others.

The damage to the smashed vehicle exceeded 20,000 yuan, which met the standard for filing a case for the crime of intentional destruction of property, and the mother not only had to compensate the owner for the loss, but was also sentenced to 9 months in prison with a one-year probation.

For the rebellious period of teenage children, causing such harmful consequences to others and herself, I don't know if this mother regrets her impulsiveness.

In recent years, with the improvement of living environment and nutrition, children's puberty development has advanced by nearly two years earlier than in the past.

There are not a few parent-child conflicts caused by the phenomenon of children's adolescence, ranging from quarrels and scolding, to hurting others and self-harm, and some parents even send their children to Internet addiction rehabilitation institutions, leaving lifelong scars on their children.

Adolescence is a topic that every family cannot avoid, and mastering how to get along with adolescent children is the key to avoiding such problems.

Image source: TV series "Youth Forty"

So, what are the psychological characteristics of adolescent children?

First of all, after entering adolescence, children will have a significant increase in self-awareness, and will form a strong sense of self-identity and hope to be recognized and respected by others.

If this sense of identity is not satisfied, they may demand independence and rebellion against authority, and many parent-child conflicts in adolescence are caused by the conflict between the child's pursuit of freedom and the loss of parental control.

For example, some children who are not recognized by their parents in the real family will turn to the online world to find recognition, and over time, they may become addicted to the Internet and cannot extricate themselves.

Second, adolescent children have more mood swings. Many parents may have this feeling: "Why was it okay just now, but then angry again?" I didn't say anything, did I? ”

From a physiological point of view, the hormone levels of adolescent children change drastically, but the development of the brain is not yet mature, and it is prone to emotional fluctuations; Psychologically, adolescent children are more sensitive, irritable, and more prone to depression.

Image source: TV series "Days Related to Youth"

In addition, adolescent children will have a significant increase in their exploratory behavior, and they will actively explore new things out of curiosity about the wider world, hoping to gain an identity and experience like an adult.

For example, trying to smoke, drink, go to KTV, nightclubs, etc., and even make other actions that are inconsistent with the identity of minors, are all attempts by them to integrate into the adult world.

If parents interpret their children's exploratory behavior as disobedience to discipline and escape from parental control, and then use more harsh means to control their children, it is likely to further exacerbate parent-child conflicts.

Finally, the polarization of adolescent children is very obvious, their emotions are sometimes high-pitched and sometimes low, their attitudes are sometimes close and sometimes distant, and their self-evaluation is sometimes too high and sometimes too low.

As a result, many parents feel that their children are unpredictable and incomprehensible, and lose patience in communicating with their children.

As everyone knows, this is also a kind of "test" for adolescent children to parents and parent-child relationships, if parents can properly handle the relationship with their children and appease their children's emotions, adolescence will also help the parent-child relationship to a higher level.

Image source: TV series "Life of Pi"

So, what are the special methods and skills that parents should master when getting along with their adolescent children?

First of all, parents need to give their children plenty of space, not interfere too much with their children's behavior and choices, respect their individuality and uniqueness, and allow children to keep their little secrets.

The newly revised Law of the People's Republic of China on the Protection of Minors stipulates that even parents or other guardians may not open or consult the letters, diaries, e-mails or other online communications of minors over the age of eight.

However, there will still be parents who are proud of "their daughters have no secrets in front of them" and ask their children to show their parents their WeChat chats and Moments every day.

As everyone knows, what children show their parents is superficial, but behind them they have to deliberately hide their true selves.

Second, parents should encourage their children's expression, establish an open and equal dialogue environment, and listen to their children's voices.

Adolescent children are in the midst of tremendous physical and mental changes, and may encounter many difficulties that parents can't imagine, such as school bullying, cyberbullying, etc., and may also fall into depression due to academics, making friends, etc.

Image source: TV series "Little Joy"

Many children's tragedies are caused by parents who fail to detect them early, and if parents want to detect the problem and help their children in time, they should encourage their children to express themselves and guide them to share the joys and sorrows of school life.

At this time, parents should put an end to the attitude of superiority, truly put themselves in the shoes of the child to understand it, and not feel that the child does not understand anything. As long as a child's mouth is gagged once, they may never reveal their hearts to their parents again.

Thirdly, there are no rules, there are no rules, and parents should also set clear boundaries for their children, telling them what they must not do, so as to ensure the safety of their children.

For example, you should not stay home at night without informing your parents and without a clear reason, you should not easily meet strangers on the Internet, make money transactions, and do not touch tobacco, alcohol, drugs, etc.

Adolescent children always like to try new things, but may not be able to bear the harm caused by harmful things, at this time parents need to use experience to guide their children to avoid children "falling into the pit".

Finally, it is inevitable that adolescent children and parents will have conflicts and frictions, and parents also need to master the skills of conflict management, maintain a calm and rational attitude, exchange views and communicate with their children on an equal footing on the basis of clarifying the facts, and seek common ground while reserving differences when necessary.

Parents should avoid emotionally blaming their children or communicating with them in a didactic tone, which can lead to resentment.

Image source: TV series "Sanyue has a new job"

Adolescence is not a flood of beasts, and adolescent children are not just rebellious little demons.

What children want is actually very simple, nothing more than a respectful, independent, and free growth environment, and parents who understand, tolerate, and love their children.

When we give our children what they want, they can be what we want them to be.

If you want adolescent children to be sensible and caring, rational and peaceful, the key is how parents accompany their children to grow up.

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