Dear teachers, hello. I've always been in the pursuit of perfection, and it seems hard to tolerate the slightest mistake. This attitude may have made me seem serious at work, but in my family life, I found that the personality differences between me and my family became more and more prominent, even to the point where I felt out of place.
My husband and daughter are both relaxed and easy-willed personalities, and their attitude towards life always seems to be so casual, and they don't seem to have many plans and rules. I, on the other hand, always hope that everything will be carried out according to the established plan and standards, and there will be no room for the slightest deviation. This difference is magnified in my daily life, and it is becoming more and more difficult for me to adapt.
Especially when I saw my daughter's learning attitude, I was even more anxious. She is only in her first year of high school, and she already has three courses to make-up, and she has an indifferent attitude towards this. I know that this loose personality will have a huge impact on her growth and future. I tried to guide her in the hope that she would study harder, but it didn't seem to have obvious results.
I don't really know what to do anymore. I feel that everything I do is for the good of my children's development, but I don't seem to be able to understand and support it. I even had the idea of getting divorced and leaving the house, but I knew it wasn't the solution. I was really confused and didn't know how to balance my perfectionism with the contradictions of my family life.
Reply:
Hello. Perfection and looseness, these two distinct personality traits, are like the yin and yang poles in a painting, reflecting each other to form a harmonious picture. However, when there is a rift between the two, which seems incompatible, even to the point of wanting to separate, we need to think deeply about the reasons.
On this issue, we may need to examine the perfectionist side's harsh attitude towards mistakes. Excessive criticism and intolerance of mistakes often make people invisibly stressed, which in turn affects people's self-awareness and growth. This kind of harshness may not only make the perfectionist himself feel tired, but also invisibly create an "unsuccessful" opponent.
In the case of homeschooling, for example, if a parent has high requirements for their daughter's learning, although the starting point is to hope that the child can be better, such an approach may be counterproductive. My daughter's indifferent attitude towards studying may be a rebellion and escape from this high pressure. In this case, we should perhaps reflect on whether our education methods are too strict, and whether we should give children more freedom and understanding.
What children are interested in is often revealed naturally in a relaxed and accepting environment. When we educate our children, if we can give them enough freedom and space to make mistakes and learn from them, then their interests and potentials are likely to be better developed. Therefore, while we pursue perfection, we should also learn to accept and appreciate those imperfect parts, so that we can grow together in complementarity.