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In 2016, Yao Chi, who had just arrived in Beijing to attend university, panicked about things in the outside world, and when he walked to the bustling and entertaining Sanlitun, he felt out of place and subconsciously hid in the innermost part of the road to prevent others from seeing him.
Yao Chi, who has now entered the third year of college and has initially gained popularity through the program "Youth with You", will still tremble uncontrollably in the face of interviews.
He talked about his mental journey of creating new songs as usual, laughing from time to time, making people feel that no one would bear to be embarrassed by such a child.
Admittedly, Yao Chi, who was born in 1998, is 21 years old this year, and judging by the legal age, he has already entered the ranks of adults.
But he stubbornly carries a sense of loneliness, fighting against the materialization and mutation of a child by growth, and in order to seek a balance between the two, he instinctively stumbles and explores in the world he has intruded into.
A beam of signals
Yao Chi is a good interviewee, smart and kind, and knows what the other person wants. In the course of a conversation, he never fights a roundabout battle with a few simple words or ambiguous sentences. But this does not give people the slightest sense of flattery or utilitarianism, he is more in understanding, empathy, and then actively giving. As he writes in his new song: "I parse a thousand words from it, and I receive a beam of signals from you." ”
When it comes to this lyric, Yao Chi is like a "middle two teenager" immersed in the fantasy of the universe, showing his superpowers.
In that world, he was an alien with superpowers, and during the landing on Earth, people would think he was a meteor and make a wish to him, so he received a signal from a lonely person who said, "I really want someone who knows me."
Lu Xun has a famous saying, which is now widely quoted - human sorrow and joy are not the same, I only think they are noisy.
Everyone is longing for understanding and at the same time ignoring others, and this alienation creates a huge emptiness of the heart, like a lonely oracle, and the cycle begins.
Once, Yao Chi received a call from China Post, which wanted him to do a user questionnaire. He was in a hurry to go out, and the agent heard a rush from time to time. He wanted to hang up the phone, but he thought about it and resisted, chatted with the other party for eight minutes, and finally because he was really anxious, he had to tell the other party to call later.
The staff member recalled the incident and couldn't help but laugh out loud, "He replied there, well, it's a college student, I said are you cooperating with people doing user surveys?" ”
Yao Chi explained: "If everyone doesn't cooperate, then he really can't get a valid questionnaire, which is too miserable." Just think from someone else's point of view. ”
He attributes this to his own sensitivity, which tends to experience more exaggerated emotions than others, "Your sorrow is more frequent or more delicate than others' sorrow." When someone else encounters something similar, he will think from the other person's point of view about what he is going through. ”
In that "long river of blue and lonely", there may be stars sliding down and running away, and this precious empathy may be able to solve those grievances.
Break the shackles
All of a person's personality traits, broken, or perfect, can find answers in his growth trajectory. Yao Chi's sensitivity and amorousness cannot escape the background of childhood.
After the age of twenty, Yao Chi became Yao Chi, and until then, he had been called Niu Xudong. Yao Chi, whose name comes from his mother, wrote in his new book: "Prefixing such a hero's surname with his own name will definitely bring more power." ”
Yao Chi admitted that his family was not very well-off, at that time the family was opening a small noodle restaurant, it was a great thing to be able to provide him with schooling, and there was no spare strength to support his musical dream. Before he went to college, his mother had no idea that he liked to sing.
In his second year of junior high school, when he heard rock music from his friend's MP3, he realized that pop music can be so interesting. He found music, with the wild desires of a teenager.
Adolescence is always permeated with longing and longing. When he was in school, he often fantasized that he could sing a song at a school celebration performance and become a school figure. After that, he will represent the school to participate in the competition and become the future star...
But his former obesity made him dare not face his dreams, "it is really because he is really inferior, he does not have the courage to take this step." But I felt like fate, and I was always going in the right direction. ”
Fortunately, he still has his sister with him, singing together, eating bacon flatbread, celebrating birthdays... The presence of the sister fills part of the emptiness of childhood without friends. Many people know that Yao Chi was born because of his sister. When my sister was a child, her heart was not very good, and her parents were worried that her sister would be bullied in the future, and she hoped to have another child to accompany her sister, so she had Yao Chi.
He admitted that when his mother told him about this, he was sad for a little while, and he also imitated his own crying voice at that time, "I cried with my mother and said, why did I give birth to me because of my sister, and then my mother and my sister and my father's family all came to laugh at me." ”
He also wrote a weekly notebook about this, in which a little boy wondered about his existence: "Can I only bring tea and water to my sister in this life?" After saying this, Yao Chi couldn't stop laughing: "It's really funny, I think about it now that I'm super ashamed." And then the knot is gone. ”
The reporter couldn't help but sigh "this is family", he said: Yes. The family does not have particularly high expectations for Yao Chi, and it is good to be admitted to college, find a stable job, and live an ordinary life. Not necessarily great, just happy.
Before that, studying hard was what he had always done, and he knew that only when he was admitted to Beijing could he have the opportunity to realize his musical dreams. Although the college entrance examination was smashed because of illness, 70 or 80 points lower than usual, he was finally admitted to a school in Beijing and earned a chance for himself.
The tracks of reality and dreams overlap in the city of Beijing," can the word fatality say? I think it's really a fateful arrangement. ”
Don Wiser Gate
When he first went to college, Yao Chi felt that he came from a very small street and was a person who had never seen the world much. Therefore, walking in downtown such as Wudaokou and Sanlitun will feel very inferior. But after watching more, it gradually reached a state of balance. "I kept my curiosity about everything around me, and then I wasn't so timid."
Becoming a trainee was a chance to meet a friend I particularly trusted, so I wanted to seize this opportunity for my dreams. "Everyone feels like it's time to do something, naturally."
After the broadcast of "Youth with You", with the carnival set off by the Internet, Yao Chi's musical dream seems to have come true, and it seems that there are some differences.
Almost everyone has been influenced by TV dramas as children and aspires to be stars and shine on stage. It was the star everyone imagined, bright and beautiful, without any worries. But reality often makes people feel illusory and confused, and behind the light is inevitably hidden dirt and grime, so that the beauty is shattered.
Yao Chi excitedly described to reporters the scene of his dream, at a music festival, there were tens of thousands of spectators watching his performance. People don't look at their phones at all, follow his music, dance strangely, or chat with the people next to them over a beer.
"I've been looking forward to this scene, and I hope that the picture that I have been looking forward to for more than a decade will appear in front of my eyes." The reality, however, is that he has to navigate all kinds of offline activities, living on airplanes and viaducts. Most of the attitudes of the people are clustered, and occasionally there will be people with bad intentions who say a few inexplicable words of diaphragm.
After a period of such a life, Yao Chi suddenly felt that he and the happy male college student in the past seemed to have said goodbye for a long time. If you continue like this, you will become less and less like yourself. It's hard to get up, but it's easy to indulge. As soon as you take a step back, such a life will disappear immediately.
Yao Chi was sober and even vigilant about this: "I am not addicted to such a life, because it will not belong to me for a long time." ”
He prefers to be able to maintain a normal state, to take the subway bus, to go to the market to buy vegetables, to experience the more subtle moments in life.
In the entertainment industry, the desire for the ordinary sounds like a very fragmented thing, and Yao Chi has his own views on this.
His dream now is to be a good singer and actor, and the fireworks in life provide him with nourishment. When we met, he had just finished his new play, and his fingers were still wrapped in some old gauze. It was a wound accidentally scratched by glass while the crew was filming an emotional outburst scene.
He described the feeling at that time as if a very soft fingernail was scratching over the skin, and he didn't expect to come out and see the flesh turned out, "It was very scary, but fortunately it didn't hurt the nerves." ”
He knows that both singers and actors must create things that resonate with others, "provided you have a real experience, not imaginary." Even if you don't write it, if someone else writes it, you have to sing it and perform it."
For these beautiful dreams, he had to do a lot of irrelevant things, including a lot of psychological burdens, and Yao Chi said that he was used to it.
The reporter asked him if he had ever thought of fleeing, and he was stunned and waved his hand, but still smiled: "Ah? Don't ask such a deep question, I have no way to answer." This is indeed a difficult question to answer, not profound or difficult to understand.
If Today's Yao Chi is already middle-aged and has achieved fame, he may be able to discuss this topic without scruples. But at the age of 21, he seems to lack some positions that can express the word.
When planning to skip this topic, Yao Chi gave his own answer: "I have no way to escape, I can only adjust myself." If I can find this perfect balance, I'm sure I'll do better. ”
He then shared another story about the escape.
It was when he was seventeen years old, and one day he was eating hot pot with his family, and suddenly felt that their lives were too boring, and every day he was discussing similar things: what happened to the neighbors again, the rice was broken again, a tile was beaten...
It made him feel broken, didn't want to go on like this for the rest of his life, and longed to have a career with fresh and exciting experiences every day. So he listened to a song about escape every day, thinking about escaping from the boring life.
There is a fundamental difference between actually living for a lifetime and only living for one day, but repeating it for a lifetime.
But now Yao Chi has a different view of this kind of life, "In fact, that kind of thing is also very beautiful, so down-to-earth, you really understand a place, you will really have an experience." ”
In Yao Chi's new song, he quotes a classic line from Blade Runner, "I've seen battleships in the burning constellation of Orion, and C-rays shine secretly at Tang Huaiser's Gate."
In the classic German opera don Wiser in three acts, Don Waiser leaves the illusory world of Venus, the goddess of love, and returns to the real world of the Valley of Wartburg to reunite with the holy Elizabeth.
Experiencing happiness in the unreal and suffering in reality, people balance the relationship between the two throughout their lives.
Yao Chi misses the era of gorgeous rock and roll, everyone is crazy and brave to chase freedom, but modern people are always not so brave.
When modern people do a lot of things, they will think twice before acting, coupled with the fragment bombardment brought by the information age, everyone is becoming more and more indifferent to everything around them. "Just like I'm expressing a thing now, I don't dare to express it so much, but don't say it to me, I already dare to express it."
In the matter of expressing himself, Yao Chi has indeed worked very hard.
Fireworks in the world
When he was eighteen or nineteen years old, Yao Chi re-watched "The Little Prince" and couldn't help but cry. That's when he found that he seemed to have something different from others, "I seemed to be quite sensitive, as if I could feel something delicate."
He was terrified of that. Fear of losing one's sensitivity, fear of losing curiosity and imagination about the world.
Too many people unconsciously let the abilities that are worth cherishing and can help him get experience in this world slip between his fingers. People who are good at life can often use their senses and the purest sorrow in the soul to give the greatest meaning to the tiniest things.
While taking pictures of his new book in Serbia, Yao Chi had an experience chasing the sunset. After finishing work, the group began to seriously enjoy the scene within five minutes of sunset.
Yao Chi's desire to watch the sunset has been around for a long time, but he often can't remember to see it, so he has ignored it. It wasn't until the moment he saw the sunset that day, and saw the red sun gradually being swallowed up by the clouds, that he knew that it only took a minute for the sun to completely set.
This experience also made him feel that he should be more active in using his ears, eyes, and all the senses in his body to experience what the world conveys.
Too many people's enthusiasm for life is consumed by quick information, and people will gradually become numb in the variety of news feeds. "You'll think that pushes like this are very small things, as if they have nothing to do with yourself, but in fact, they are closely related to yourself."
Speaking of this, Yao Chi was a little helpless, saying that he was still in the process of changing. As a person who likes photography, when he sees the beautiful scenery, he always can't help but want to take out his mobile phone to take pictures, "taking pictures is also very important, in order to record that series of times, maybe people are so greedy." 」
He loves photography, not only to document the world, but also to freeze memories.
He fantasized that when he was eighty years old or old, he was in a wheelchair and picked up the previous photos to look at, and sighed: Ah! I was also young. Those memories are either happy, or regretful. Only in this way will he feel that his life has really lived.
"You have tasted the bittersweet and bittersweet of life, and you have all gone down, so that you can not leave regrets for yourself."
So I could see him on the meadows of Serbia, singing with branches of the weeds, turning around and dancing again on the path sprinkled with the setting sun.
Yao Chi was very satisfied with this shooting trip, because the photographer was a very good friend of his own, so he knew what angle was most like him. "The eyes behind the camera must know you best to capture the moment that looks most like you."
It is the will revealed from nature, the reality of detachment from the illusory bubble.
Yao Chi is as imaginative as a child, wandering outside of reality. At the same time, he is rooted in the fireworks world, and he is more eager than anyone to stick to the true meaning of life.
Contradictory, fading away, fresh.
He is on the path of a man who explores the world, like a child who first looks into the darkness at the bottom of a well and discovers his own shadow.
Life is like a reverse journey, and you and I are also pedestrians.
One cannot predict the outcome of the ideal and the reality, perhaps with mixed emotions or balance, which takes time and tribulation to fill in the answers.
Yao Chi had a plan, hoping to take a plane to watch the fireworks below when Chinese New Year's Eve night.
Because the crew's friends told him that once he came back from the United States, it was Chinese New Year's Eve night, he saw the fireworks underneath, and he...
"I saw a lot of human things."