Angel Dad
There is no single criterion for "success", and the future that children can open up is also immeasurable.
The best guidance parents can give their children is to teach them to always maintain their love of life.
Give up or continue? My daughter started playing piano in elementary school and won first place in the "Vancouver Children's Piano Competition" at the age of seven. At the age of eight, he took the piano grade 10 exam. In Canada, grade 10 is the highest grade for piano. At that time, my wife thought that there was going to be a pianist in the family, so she started to increase the amount of pianists for her daughter. It was supposed to be one and a half hours a week to learn piano, but it was increased to five hours a week. This caused my daughter's enthusiasm to plummet, and after less than a year of struggle, she said to me: "Dad, I don't study anymore, I have no interest in piano." "I looked at my daughter and thought, what can I do? I said to my daughter, "If you don't have interest, you won't learn, whether you learn piano or not, my dad knows that you used to be the first place in the Vancouver Children's Piano Competition." Whether you play the piano or not is up to you, this is Dad's consistent principle for you. "My daughter left happily, but my wife was not happy and insisted that she continue her studies. Later, I discussed with my wife to let the child pause for a while during this period to help her calm down and adjust her emotions. Because it seems to me that if a child is not interested, we still force her to continue studying, which will make her rebellious.
A week later, I went to a concert with my daughter. After the concert, I said to my daughter, "Look, baby, you play the piano so well, it's a shame if you don't keep playing." You have studied for so many years before, and you have suffered so much, and if you say you will lose it, you will lose it, and I feel wronged by your efforts. Later, when you go to high school or college, when you have a class reunion, if a classmate sings, if you can play the piano to accompany them, everyone will think you are very good, right? Also, I asked you to learn the piano at that time, hoping that you would have one more partner in the future, you know? When you grow up, everyone will have a lot of lonely times, if my mother and I are not with you at that time, and you can have a piano to accompany you, you will not feel lonely because you can confide in. I often feel lonely, but I don't have an outlet for my emotions. Sometimes, I wish I could play a musical instrument like you, so that I can pop out or blow out the depression and loneliness in my heart, and then I will be much happier. But I don't, and I don't have time to learn. So, I don't want you to be like me in the future, I don't want you to give up the piano so easily, but I won't force you to play the piano. ”
Happy
It will allow children to take the initiative to pursue greater progress
Later, I found out that instead of forcing my daughter to play the piano, she went to practice on her own. Sometimes when I get tired of doing my homework, I go to play the piano for about 15 minutes, and then I continue to write my homework, and when I get tired of writing, I play again. In this way, you can play for two or three hours a week. Today, she still plays the piano very fluently and is becoming interested in other instruments as well. One day half a year ago, she said she wanted to learn how to play the drums, and I said, "Okay, let's buy a set and take it home to practice." As a result, after practicing for a while, she joined the Vancouver Youth Symphony Orchestra and worked as a drummer in the band. Confidence was cultivated little by little, and now, when she talks about music with her classmates, she is not only enthusiastic, but also appreciates her own performance in music. Children are like that, and happiness will make them pursue greater happiness. Three years ago, I took her to a Disney Ice Dance performed by former world champions in figure skating costumes. My daughter has loved going to Disney since she was a child, and after watching it, she was very excited and said to me, "I want to be a champion of ice dance." "I thought to myself, how is this possible? Those champions were all learned at the age of six or seven, and now she's 11 years old. But I said, "Okay, you go and learn." "In foreign countries, there are a lot of skating rinks, and the fees are very cheap, about two or three dollars at a time. My wife hired a coach for my daughter to teach her how to dance on ice. Because she likes it very much, she works hard and hard. Usually, she doesn't get up at 8 o'clock every day, and after she starts to learn ice dance, she goes to the ice rink to practice at 6 o'clock. Her movements are graceful and the coach is very happy with her progress. However, on one occasion, she jumped up and did a 360-degree spin in the air, and accidentally sprained her foot when she landed, and her dream of skating was shattered. Later, she kept discovering new dreams. Now, she's back to snowboarding. It's a sport that requires a lot of physical coordination and bravery, but she's willing to do it. I know that as long as you love it, you will have a steady stream of motivation. Last week, she told me that this summer she was going to New Zealand to participate in snowboarding events and competitions. Seeing my daughter's growing enthusiasm for life, I am also full of expectations for her growth.
Jump out of the rush for quick success
Teach your child a lesson in aesthetics
Parents should cultivate a good state of mind in their children. I have always felt that for children, learning from books is only a part of learning, and it is more important to cultivate their good state of mind.
What is a good state of mind? It is an emotional state of loving life and nature. How many of us parents have taken our children out at night to see the stars? It shouldn't be much. Not long ago, I saw a news item on the Internet: The essay topic of the high school entrance examination in a certain province is "What does the stars tell us?" One student wrote only one sentence: "Teacher, where are the stars?" "Can a child not know where the stars are? Definitely know. However, it is true that the child did not see it with his own eyes. Once, I took my son and daughter to the beach in Cuba. It was the night of the fifteenth day of the lunar calendar, the moon slowly rose from the sea, and our family sat on the beach by the sea to watch the moon rise little by little, and the waves pushed the moonlight to float around us. We watched for about an hour and a half, and the weather slowly got cooler. I said to the two children, "It's a little cold, let's go back." My daughter said, "I don't want to go back, I want to see the moon rise above my head." "I sat with her for three hours. My daughter had never sat motionless for so long, and I knew that the beauty of the sight touched her heart. On the way back, my daughter said to me, "I found that the world is one. I asked her what that meant. She said, "Didn't you notice? The sea, the moon, and people are not separated. "My daughter's words made me feel that the night was rewarding, and she had a new experience and discovery of nature. Now, under my nurturing, my daughter is very fond of nature. The scenery of nature makes her more open-minded and increases her love for the world and life. I think that in a child's life, the objective environment will continue to change, and there is only a limit to what they can change, only the state of mind always belongs to them. Parents help their children build a beautiful state of mind, which helps them to transcend the troubles and fetters of the world, reach a higher state of life, and make life elegant and abundant. Children's lives should have poetic and elegant parts, and they should have the ability to appreciate all that is beautiful. However, now there are few children in China who have a poetic mood and an elegant life, because our education is too eager for quick success and does not give poetic and elegant growth space. In fact, the word "beautiful" is inseparable from a child's life, and when the child's heart is full of poetry and is in an emotional state of lasting love for nature, their life must be beautiful.
You can not succeed
But you can't help but grow
Every year when my daughter returns to China, I take her to some poor areas or ethnic minority areas. The year before last, I took her to Qinghai, and last year, I took her to Yunnan to show her how children in poor areas live. At first, my daughter was afraid to go to the toilet in the countryside because the toilets in some backward areas were built on the outside, with two wooden planks on them, which was very rudimentary. We went in the summer, it was very hot, and there were thousands of maggots wriggling under the planks in the toilets. In the past, she had only seen toilets at home and in hotels, so she was not used to such toilets and was afraid, but after two or three months, she got used to them. So, a lot of things can be practiced. When she returned to China this summer, she joined a foreign team to support rural teaching in poor areas of China. She sorted out all the small clothes she wore and brought them to the students she taught. I am very happy about this, because I want to cultivate in my daughter a love of life and a love for others. There are two things that children can't live without. First, the love for life is indispensable. No matter how you study, even if you don't go to university, just study secondary school or junior college, you must be full of love for life and life. Second, the ability to cooperate and share with others is indispensable. Human beings are social animals, and they need to give and warm each other, which is an ability and a responsibility, and children should consciously take it. Not long ago, my daughter's school held a leadership training camp for only 15 people. As a result, more than 100 people in the whole school signed up, had to take exams, fill out forms, write their own essays, and finally have an interview. My daughter came home and told me she had signed up and was ready to participate. My wife and I were surprised because our daughter was introverted and didn't like to talk in front of people. But my wife and I both nodded and said, "Okay, we've got your back!" "We sweated for her in our hearts. Unexpectedly, my daughter actually passed the interview. At that time, the examiner asked her, "Do you have any experience in leadership?" Why should you attend this leadership development bootcamp? My daughter said, "Yes, I know I have no leadership experience, but my dad is a very good leader, he is the object of my admiration, I want to learn from my dad and be like my dad in the future." Because I don't have leadership right now, I want to enter this leadership bootcamp to serve and lead everyone. ”
Her words made the examiner laugh, and on the third day, the results were announced, and a total of 15 people were admitted, and she was actually inside. I am very pleased with my daughter's progress because she has been an introverted and non-talkative child since she was a child. Now, she can perform like this, which shows that she is growing, full of confidence and ideals.
I remember an American professor once said to me, "Chinese children are too tired to live. In their lives, there are only two words – one is 'success' and the other is 'hard work'. He also asked me very strangely: "Is it possible that you don't give your children happiness, but you keep saying that you want them to be happy?" "It's true that we're too obsessed with success, but it's clear to me that for this generation of kids, their success must be built on happiness. Otherwise, in the future of the integration of the world economy and cultural exchanges, the competition will become more and more fierce, and they will not be able to go far without happiness as the foundation.
As a father, I have two goals for my two children's education, the first is to cultivate a positive mindset through happy life experiences, and then to actively help them grow. I believe that growth is more important than success. I want to guide my children to reach their full potential, live happily and be the best version of themselves.
More than once I said to my daughter, "You can not succeed, but you can't not grow." ”
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*Author: Yu Minhong; Source: Internet. *The picture in this article comes from Picture Worm Creative.
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7 June 2024