Brushing into Dong Yuhui's live broadcast room late at night, I couldn't cry: If you also have a "slow child"

Boy Pie

2024-05-19 12:00Posted in Anhui parenting field creators

Every child is a little snail who strives to move forward, don't keep urging and suppressing because he walks slowly.

In the face of children who are always "slow and half-beat", we might as well water slowly with love and patience, and wait for the moment when the flowers will bloom.

Author | Maple

I am a very efficient person, but I gave birth to a son who is slow and half a beat.

Slow talking, slow walking, slow reactions are fine.

The worst thing is that he is very slow to learn everything, and his understanding is not very good, and he has always been the presence of the crane tail in the class.

The school has reduced the burden, and the homework is so small that it is not good, and many children have already finished their homework between classes.

But he was able to write from half past seven to ten o'clock in the evening, and it was still difficult for me to finish it with great difficulty.

is also because of procrastination, every time my son takes the exam, he can't finish all the questions once.

For this reason, the teacher also sent me private messages many times, asking me to use more snacks, after all, the child is only in the second grade, and it is the time to lay a solid foundation.

But to be honest, I really can't pay any more attention.

According to my learning experience, there are only two things to improve efficiency:

One is to do time management, and the other is to improve concentration.

So, I bought a pomodoro alarm clock and taught him how to sort his homework so that he could make sure that each homework was completed within the stipulated time.

However, he is never in a hurry, and when he encounters a problem, he keeps doing it when he can't do it, and never refuses to do it......

What left me speechless the most was his fragmented concentration.

When copying new words, those Chinese characters are either missing arms or legs......

I often write the calculated answers directly to another question next to me.

So every time he did his homework, I always stayed by the side, reminded him to focus, urged him to hurry up, and patiently gave him a lecture.

But in the face of such an unenlightened child, the more you invest, the easier it is to collapse and be disappointed.

I was still out of control when my son got back the failing papers again and again, and I couldn't help but roar loudly and slap the table and roar:

"Why can't you be serious and write faster? Everyone takes the double hundred, and you score 60, are you embarrassed? ”

"Why can't the brain turn? Are you a pig? The pigs are taught, you still can't! ”

At first, when I scolded him, he didn't say a word and silently wiped his tears.

After scolding too much, he glared at me hatefully and shouted at me:

"I don't like school! I don't like to do homework! I don't like you mom either! ”

As a result, the conflict between me and my son escalated, the parent-child relationship became rigid, and he became more and more tired of school.

I was physically and mentally exhausted, and I had no choice but to desperately seek an antidote.

During that time, my bedside bibliography and the audio I listened to in the morning and evening were basically occupied by various parenting topics.

I even took my son to the hospital to see a child psychiatric clinic to check for learning difficulties syndrome.

After a number of assessments, my son's ability level in all aspects showed that everything was normal.

I didn't want to believe it, and I listed my son's problems with the doctor, but the doctor said:

"If you firmly believe that there is something wrong with your child, it is possible that the problem may not necessarily lie with the child, but with you, and you are too anxious and anxious!"

At the time, I didn't think I had a problem.

After all, the current environment is radical and involuted, he is already slower than most children, don't I drag him forward anymore, waiting for him to be abandoned by the times?

It wasn't until one night that I accidentally swiped a video of Dong Yuhui that I realized, why was I wrong?

Dong Yuhui said:

"Apples ripen late because they store sugar for themselves, and they bloom late because they don't bloom yet.

So, don't worry about your apples ripening later than others, that means your apples are sweeter than others.

If the child does not blossom in grades, it means that the child wants to become a pine, you must have that mentality, you must have patience.

There is a kind of lateness, which is experience, growth, and providing nutrients to maturity. ”

Dong Yuhui also said that he has been a relatively stupid and slow child since he was a child.

When he was a child, his father took him to graft fruit trees, which was a very simple operation, but he couldn't learn anything.

Instead of reproaching him for being clumsy, his father took advantage of his inattention and secretly ran back to the orchard to graft all the fruit trees he had given him.

In the second year, all the fruit trees lived, and Dong Yuhui became confident and felt that he was capable.

When he was in junior high school, Dong Yuhui often took the first place in the exam because of his poor English foundation.

In order to learn English well, Dong Yuhui can only work stupidly: recite the whole book repeatedly, memorize the textbook and the post-class questions, and then memorize the test papers.

If he couldn't memorize it, he wrote it on his arm, and he memorized it when he ate and walked, several times, and he fell and injured himself because he didn't see the road.

During this period, his mother never compared him with others, let alone denies and hit him, but was very distressed.

So every time he came home, his mother would say to him, "Son, I want you to be a happy fool." ”

Throughout, his mother wanted him to be healthy and happy more than worldly success.

is also because his parents are not anxious, do not yell or scold, Dong Yuhui can not be discouraged, not give up, and have been taking one step at a time, slowly accumulating knowledge and improving himself.

This is why he is now talented, confident and generous.

Every slow child deserves the deep understanding and waiting of parents.

On the other hand, I took the blow as education, and asked my son over and over again, "Why can't you", but I never thought about "why can he do it"?

It was I who extinguished my son's faith with denial and yelling with my own hands.

It was I, who treated the "snail" as a "rabbit", and anxiously pulled him forward to the distance, but I didn't see it, he had done his best......

At that moment, I finally realized:

Education, in fact, is sowing seeds.　　

It requires three points of wisdom to "teach", and even more to seven points of patience of "waiting".

That night, I thought about it for a long time, recognized and accepted the fact that the child will be behind for a long time to come, and decided to give the child a little more patience and waiting.

But waiting for the flowers to bloom is not the same as letting them go.

Maintain hope in your mentality, believe that growth is a slow process, and observe and accept the different rhythms of children's growth in order to teach them according to their aptitude.

Therefore, the first step for me to change is to put myself in the shoes of children and cultivate a growth mindset.

It's not terrible to be behind in grades for a while, but it's terrible that parents are backward in thinking and think that their children are like this, and they often beat, scold, criticize, and label.

Let the children who are already lagging behind, before they experience success, imprint the belief of "I can't do it" in their minds.

The doctor who treated my son with learning difficulties once stressed to me:

Children in the lower grades of elementary school can concentrate for about 20 minutes.

In addition, it is normal for boys to have relatively slow brain development, poor comprehension skills, weak language skills, and backward reading and writing skills.

Children are as slow as snails, which is a fact that cannot be changed, but how to look at this fact is an attitude that can be changed.

Parents feel that when the child is finished, the child is finished; Parents believe that their children can catch up and win at the finish line.

Therefore, when I tutored my son in his studies, I began to deliberately implant the concept of "not yet obtained" in him, that is, to let the child firmly believe:

It's not that I can't do it, it's just that I haven't acquired it for the time being, but if I find a way to learn the relevant knowledge or skills, I can get it.

For example, if I talk about a topic three or five times, and my son still can't do it, I tell him:

"This question is indeed a bit difficult, it doesn't matter if you can't learn it today, you can put it first, or you can think about it yourself, tomorrow my mother will tell you about this problem, as long as you think more and practice more, we will definitely be able to win him."

When children know that they can catch up with backwardness and their abilities can be improved, they can always maintain a confidence and strength and keep moving forward.

Many slow children find it difficult to gain a sense of value because of their backward learning, which also leads to their low interest in the subject and it is not easy to immerse themselves in it.

Subsequently, the child will be afraid of difficulties, but the more afraid of difficulties, the easier it is for children to wander and rub.

So, the second step I took to change was to follow the child's pace and lower expectations.

How and how low?

My advice is to lower the expectation to the point where the child can get there on tiptoe.

In the past, because most of the children in the class could take the double hundred test every time, I have always had high requirements for my son.

But he could only achieve sixty or seventy points each time, and when the two were compared, I couldn't help but lose balance in my heart, and I blurted out accusations and hurtful words.

Later, after I set my goal of 80 points in the exam, I was obviously less anxious, and I could often see my child's efforts and progress.

My son made a difficult problem alone, and I was happy from the bottom of my heart: Wow, you can do such a difficult question!

My son scored 78 points in the in-class test, and I will encourage him: you are only two points short, and you will definitely get 80 points next time!

And because my son has no emotional pressure, his goal can be reached hard, and the energy to learn has been raised.

Even if he only misses one question now, he will show it to me: Mom, you see I made one less mistake than last time!

Letting children experience a sense of accomplishment and value is the fire that awakens children's interest in learning.

Before, there was a father who made a speech at the parent-teacher meeting, which people couldn't help but praise.

His son has always been a "scumbag" in his studies, often dragging the class back.

But he did not hit or deny his son, but saw the advantages and affirmed his son's shortcomings:

"My son is psychologically strong and has a high emotional intelligence, which is even better than me as a counselor.

After going into society in the future, a person's psychological tolerance and emotional intelligence are very important factors for success, so I believe that my son will have a bright future. ”

Yes, not every child is a rabbit, but even if a child is as slow as a snail, he has his own shining point.

The third step for me to change is to give up the single evaluation criterion and try to look at the child from multiple perspectives.

As it turns out, when I stopped paying attention to my results, my son was full of surprises.

For example, although my son has always been clumsy in his studies, his performance in painting is surprising.

In just a few lessons, he was able to capture subtle color changes and create works full of life.

He also showed a high level of self-discipline and enthusiasm, and he didn't need to be reminded at all, and every time he didn't even reach the point, he urged me: "Mom, the painting class is about to start, let's leave early." ”

As the saying goes, "God has prepared a low branch for every stupid bird." "

As parents, we should not judge the value of a snail by the speed of crawling.

Instead, we should learn to adjust the focus, to see, to appreciate, to believe in the child, and to inject hope and strength into the child.

A child with light in his eyes and confidence in his heart has strength under his feet.

Finally, share a healing word:

"Some flowers bloom brilliantly at the beginning; Some flowers require a long wait.

Don't watch others bloom, your own one hasn't moved yet, so you are in a hurry to stomp your feet.

Believe in the child and wait for the flowers to bloom.

If your seed will never bloom, then maybe he is a towering tree that shelters you from the wind and rain. ”

Raising children is like raising flowers, enough patience, encouragement and love are the best nourishment.

Therefore, if you also have a slow child, do not rush him, but firmly believe that although the pace is slow, the action will go far.

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