#头条创作挑战赛#
Sun Qifeng, a scholar of the Qing Dynasty, once profoundly explained: "The rise and fall of family fortunes are not controlled by God, nor are they controlled by the judgment of others, but are actually dominated by the inner cultivation of one's own family." ”
The prosperity and continuation of a family is rooted in the moral cultivation and educational wisdom of parents. When parents behave appropriately and uphold the right path, the family culture will be passed on to the pure and the well-being will be sustained. On the other hand, if parents act arbitrarily and indulge in their dealings with others and lose due measure and self-discipline, then the road of their children's growth will also be full of thorns.
"The son of a father and mother shall have a long-term plan for him."
As the years go by, we must focus on improving ourselves in three aspects, and nourish our families with profound cultivation, rather than unconsciously consuming the future well-being of our children.
The size of the parental pattern
Determine the height of children's lives
The writer Ma De once shared a profound story in his narrative: in the bustling market, there was a woman who walked leisurely, and whenever she passed by one food stall, she would always try a lot of food under the pretext of tasting food, and satisfy her appetite without spending a penny, and skillfully take advantage of it.
A grandfather and grandson, who were also in the market, caught the eye, and when the children witnessed the woman's actions, they also had the idea of emulating them, trying to do the same, and tasting the food along the way. However, just as he stretched out his immature little hand, he was sternly stopped by his grandfather, which made the child full of confusion and grievances.
The grandfather duly instructed the child: "If you imitate her behavior, you will develop an aura called 'poor qi,' and once you are trapped by this breath, it will be difficult for you to get up again." The "poverty" mentioned here actually refers to the bad habits that have been accumulated over time, which invisibly reduces the pattern and realm of people's behavior in the world.
Pattern is very important for a person, it not only determines our coping strategies and wisdom when facing problems, but also determines the spiritual level of our understanding and perception of the world. It is particularly worth mentioning that the pattern of parents will deeply affect the child's attitude towards learning and life in a silent way, and shape the height of the child's life to a large extent.
In real life, some parents whose family conditions are not well-off may prematurely instill in their children the theory that "reading is useless", thinking that it is better to make money as soon as possible by reading more. They are overly concerned about trivial matters, but they are often perfunctory and vague in major decisions, causing children to gradually lose the true meaning of life and lose the motivation to pursue goals.
The pattern of parents is narrow, and the children's vision will be correspondingly limited, and in a bits and pieces, the blessings that may have been quietly disappeared;
On the contrary, if parents can have a broad pattern, children are expected to stand at a higher starting point, and can see farther and walk more steadily on the road to the future.
The affectionate work "Thanking for Poverty" written by her has touched the hearts of countless netizens, and at the same time, it has also inspired many people to have a deep understanding of the nature of education. Although her family's financial situation was not well-off, no matter how difficult life was, her parents never wavered in her determination to let her and her younger brother pursue their studies.
When she was young, she was often ridiculed and ridiculed by her classmates because she was often dressed in old clothes, and once even deeply pierced her self-esteem, causing her to run home in tears. However, when her mother learned of the situation, she did not show the slightest complaint or blame, but comforted her with great patience and wisdom: "We don't need to care about the eyes of others, we just need to be firm in our hearts and do everything steadfastly." Since then, she has realized the true meaning of life: the path of life is not to please others, so why care too much about other people's judgment.
Despite their material hardship, their mother began teaching poetry and arithmetic when they were still young, repeatedly admonishing the siblings: "Reading with your heart is the only way to the wider world." This belief was deeply rooted in her heart, and she was determined to rewrite her destiny by relying on the power of knowledge.
The mother's lofty vision and mind are like a bright light, illuminating Wang Xinyi's life journey. With perseverance and unremitting efforts, she finally realized her dream and successfully secured her research at Peking University, the highest university in China.
As Yao Emei brilliantly pointed out in her work "Family Life": "A person's family environment shapes the form in which he grows up. ”
A child's early education, living environment, and parents' teachings will shape the trajectory of a child's future life.
The pattern and vision of parents undoubtedly determine everything that children encounter on the road ahead, as well as the depth and breadth of cognition obtained from it.
The height at which a person stands determines the scenery he can appreciate.
Words on the lips of parents
It is the future path of children
In the field of psychology, there is a well-known effect, the Rosenthal effect, which has far-reaching and thought-provoking effects.
At the beginning of the experiment, psychologists walked into an elementary school, randomly selected a group of students from each class, and carefully recorded their names on a list.
The list was then secretly passed on to the teaching team, who were informed that the children on the list were future stars with high potential for development, but this information was to be kept strictly confidential in order to ensure the effectiveness of the experiment.
Influenced by the potential implications of this list, teachers give more recognition and praise to these students in their daily teaching, and less unnecessary blame.
This positive psychological cue makes these children more confident and cheerful, and they are better at growing up.
In fact, the students on the list were selected at random, but it was this invisible power of suggestion and the creation of an atmosphere of praise that propelled them to a better life.
Similarly, in the family environment, the power of language plays a crucial role in shaping the growth and shaping of the individual. The words in the mouths of parents are like invisible carving knives, shaping the mental world of children, and then influencing what kind of people they become.
The way parents express themselves is undoubtedly a key element in the process of forming a child's character. If parents habitually express negative remarks, then the sunshine and well-being in their children's lives may quietly fade, adding a lingering haze to the picture of life.
CCTV's "Psychological Interview" column once revealed a vivid and real case:
33-year-old Fan Chengjin, who has been living at home with her parents for ten years after graduation, said with grief in the face of the outside world's doubts about her "gnawing at the old": "My current state is rooted in the education method of my parents. ”
In her recollections, her parents rarely gave her positive encouragement and support, instead of endless denial and criticism. This case profoundly reveals the importance of positive motivation in family education.
In her youth, no matter how much her academic performance improved significantly, no matter how hard she put in, her parents' response was always cold and harsh: "It's not good enough, you need to work harder." ”
In the year after graduating, she had the courage to share her ideas with her parents with the dream of starting a business, but in exchange for a cold comment: "It's just a fantasy, it has no practical value." ”
She tried to earn her living by raising ornamental fish, and whenever she took care of these little creatures, her mother would always criticize them critically: "If you are fiddling with those things again, you know how to have fun." ”
When the meal was shared with his parents, his mother bluntly commented, "It's hard to swallow." ”
Even when talking about their future life blueprints, the parents' response is full of irony: "If you can succeed, even a dog can succeed!" ”
In such an environment of long-term denial, suppression and accusation, Fan Chengjin's heart was full of fear and depression, which led to her gradually falling into difficulties in social aspects and stepping towards the trough of her life.
Looking back on my upbringing, she lamented fondly: "They cut my wings, but they blamed me for not being able to fly." ”
The famous writer Bi Shumin once profoundly pointed out: "Those children who grow up in a chaotic and ugly environment are like the painful products of an unhappy family." Their initial perceptions and habits are based on the rupture and imbalance and brutality of the family. ”
The words and deeds of parents invisibly shape the path forward for their children. When parents are full of complaints and dissatisfaction in life, their children's inner world will also be difficult to bask in the sun, and the way to solve problems will naturally tend to be negative, and the picture of life will become more and more bleak.
If parents are left with only accusations and harsh reproaches in the process of educating their children, then their children's lives will gradually lose their brilliance and enthusiasm, and they will be immersed in the whirlpool of negative energy every day, and the trajectory of life will only carve wounds that cannot be healed.
In a family, parents communicate with rational words and positive attitudes to convey positive energy, which is undoubtedly the most precious gift to their children.
Let us firmly believe that positive and optimistic expression, kind and kind tone, and harmonious and effective communication methods can not only make the family atmosphere more harmonious and warm, but also make the children's well-being like a spring of water.
The good or bad of the parents' virtues
Hiding the truest blessings of a family
During the Eastern Jin Dynasty, a generation of famous Xie An's family attracted the attention of the world because of its talented children, and its outstanding achievements made the neighbors and even the villagers near and far feel envious.
In the face of everyone's inquiry and yearning, some people asked Xie An for advice on how to cultivate their children into talents as fragrant as Zhilan and as tall as jade trees. Xie An pondered for a moment and gave a meaningful answer: "The best way to educate is not deliberately carved, but a model for parents' own behavior. ”
Regarding the doubts of the outside world that he does not seem to have directly taught his children, Xie An calmly responded: "I always firmly believe that my words and deeds are the most vivid and far-reaching education for children. ”
He further elaborated on the core concept of family education: the moral character of parents determines the mellow or not of the family atmosphere, and whether the parents' world view and values are correct directly affects the stability of the family cornerstone. The way parents treat others is like a mirror, reflecting the behavior pattern of their children in society in the future; The quality of parents' character and ethics is like the cornerstone of children's life journey, laying the direction for their personality growth.
Children conceived in an environment with a simple family style and profound heritage are naturally bathed in the influence of noble character and gradually grow into individuals with outstanding character.
On the other hand, if parents behave treacherously, act mercenarily, and act arrogantly and selfishly, then children are very likely to lose their way and go astray in such a life education, and even ruin their own bright future.
This profound truth has been vividly demonstrated in the recent hit drama "Hurricane", in which the Li father and son are an example. The trajectory of the father's perverse behavior and the son's arrogance is undoubtedly a powerful warning of the importance of family education.
His father, Li Youtian, was calculating and greedy in interpersonal communication and handling affairs, with an almost bottomless thirst for profit, and would do whatever it took to achieve his goals, even sowing discord among various forces, and frequently setting obstacles to others.
Out of revenge, he planned and instigated his sons Li Hongwei and Li Qing to kidnap Gao Qiqiang's children in order to achieve his ulterior motives. In order to accumulate more wealth, he repeatedly connived and instructed Li Hongwei to constantly create incidents and oppress innocents.
As the son of the village chief, Li Hongwei is tyrannical on weekdays, disregarding the dignity of life, acting recklessly, and unfortunately, he is still deeply addicted to drugs and cannot extricate himself. His behavior and demeanor all reflect Li Youtian's selfish and cunning character.
Seeing that his son was going astray step by step, Li Youtian did not guide and correct it in time, but secretly rejoiced, thinking that his son's "evil" performance was just right.
The story ends in tragedy, Li Hongwei falls in the "frozen fish incident", and Li Youtian also suffers the consequences in a car accident.
As a warning from "The First Lesson of Life" says:
"Although the family style is intangible, not as clear as a textbook, not as intuitive as classroom education or strict admonition from parents, and not as tangible as a stick of punishment, it is like air, silently permeating, and its influence often transcends many tangible forms of education."
A good family style, like a fertile soil for reproduction, is the foundation of the prosperity of the family from generation to generation, and it is the most valuable wealth left to future generations.
In a person's life, there is a cycle of cause and effect when he or she accumulates virtue or does evil. In the process of growing up in a family, if parents can uphold kindness, they will accumulate profound well-being for their children.
Education expert Zhang Yijun profoundly pointed out: "As a parent, the most important mission in life is not only to provide a comfortable and prosperous living environment for children, but to inspire endless strength and warmth from the bottom of their hearts when their children recall their parents, so as to inspire the courage to face difficulties and the ability to solve problems, so as to experience the true meaning of life and find inner freedom and happiness." ”
As a parent, it is more important to improve oneself than to give one's children a mountain of gold and silver wealth, and to shape their children's spiritual pillars with their own tenacity and wisdom.
Whether we are guiding our children's growth path or in the process of self-reflection, we should always keep in mind this principle: a broad mind shapes the height of destiny, kind words can inspire people's hearts, and profound morality can carry the value of all things.
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