Liang Yi, a Jiangxi girl who works in Chengdu, Sichuan, is looking forward to completing her "life events" this year. But because of the bride price of 200,000 yuan, she and her boyfriend Zhang Weiwei, who have been in love for more than two years, have not been able to determine the marriage date.
"I don't have any idea about bride price, but my mom takes it very seriously." For the bride price, Liang Yi was a little anxious. Her mother believes that the low bride price means "raising her daughter for more than 20 years".
Boyfriend Zhang Weiwei is a native of Sichuan, and most of the bride prices of his friends around him are only symbolic tens of thousands of yuan, and many people hold "zero bride price" weddings, Zhang Weiwei's parents can't accept such a high bride price.
How to cross the threshold of 200,000 yuan bride price is not just an exam question for these two young people.
The marriage was stopped by a bride price of 200,000 yuan
"If I can't give a bride price of 200,000 yuan, it doesn't mean that I don't love Liang Yi." Zhang Weiwei said firmly.
During the Spring Festival this year, Liang Yi took Zhang Weiwei to meet his parents, "My parents are quite satisfied with him in all aspects." Zhang Weiwei works in an Internet company, has a stable income, can do housework, is very considerate, and when he goes out to play, "he will arrange the itinerary properly".
Zhang Weiwei, who had just graduated, did not save much savings, and what distressed him was that "the marriage must rely on the help of my parents, but my parents can't accept such a high bride price."
And Liang Yi's mother is "very insistent" on the bride price, "My mother not only communicates with relatives and friends about the bride price, but also goes to the marriage agency to consult the matchmaker, and learns that most of the bride price in her hometown is 180,000-380,000 yuan." ”
"So many relatives and friends have taken a bride price of two or three hundred thousand yuan, if you don't want a bride price and marry it, I have no face, like giving someone else a daughter for nothing." In Liang Yi's mother's view, the bride price is not only a reflection of the man's economic strength, but also a guarantee for her daughter's happy life in her in-law's family.
"I'm an only child, and my mother doesn't need to use the bride price money to buy a house and a car, so why won't she give in?" Liang Yi didn't understand her mother's insistence, and the mother and daughter argued endlessly over the bride price.
Liang Yi believes that now is no longer the concept of "marriage" in the past, and there is no need to emphasize the difference between "in-law's family" and "mother's family", "The two of us formed a new family through marriage, and we should both work hard for this 'small family'."
Innovate the "face" culture and the concept of comparison
"At present, many young people's concept of marriage has been updated, but some of the older generation are still stuck in the old concept of marriage, and it is inevitable that they will collide with young people." Yang Yifan, a professor at Southwest Jiaotong University, found in his research that the true wishes of young people are often ignored by parents and other elders.
In April 2021, the Ministry of Civil Affairs identified 15 places as national experimental areas for marriage customs reform, and Wuhou District of Chengdu City was among them. The Wuhou District Civil Affairs Bureau has built a number of community marriage and family counseling stations throughout the district, and has joined forces with the district courts, district procuratorates and other departments to provide residents with premarital education, emotional counseling, dispute mediation and other services.
Li Bin, deputy secretary of the Yulin North Road Community Party Committee in Wuhou District, has been engaged in this work for 12 years, and he deeply feels that outdated ideas have a deep impact on young people's marriages.
Yang Meimei, a marriage and family counselor stationed in the Yulin North Road community, was deeply impressed by Tang Ling (not her real name), a young woman who came to seek marriage counseling.
In her first marriage, Tang Ling was influenced by her parents' concepts, and took economic conditions as the primary consideration when choosing a mate, she believed that "without a good material foundation, it is useless to talk about feelings."
Her husband is financially powerful, but his married life is not as he would like. "As long as I'm angry, he gives me money and lets me buy things." Tang Ling never felt love, and the two eventually divorced.
Last year, Tang Ling walked into the Yulin North Road Community Marriage and Family Counseling Station, "I still have expectations for marriage, but I don't know what went wrong." She said.
Yang Meimei found that the deviation of the concept of love made Tang Ling hit a wall in her marriage, "After the failure of her first marriage, she kissed many times, but she still only looked at the economic conditions, and did not pay attention to character, and the blind dates ended in failure."
"It's hard to find true love like this." Tang Ling's parents were also invited to the marriage and family counseling station, and through counseling, they jointly recognized the deviation of marital values. More pragmatic and more focused on emotional communication, at present, Tang Ling has started a new marriage.
"Maybe the man's income is not so high, but the 'three views' of the two are very consistent, and they have recently had a cute baby." Yang Meimei said that Tang Ling has kept in touch with her so far and is very grateful for her help.
Since 2021, the Wuhou District Civil Affairs Bureau has carried out normalized marriage counseling services and marriage customs reform publicity in the Yulin North Road community, conducted a neighborhood survey on marriage customs and culture, and held publicity activities such as marriage customs culture lectures and rule of law lecture halls, focusing on disseminating the concept of good marriage customs and guiding the abandonment of bad customs such as sky-high bride price, extravagance and waste, and comparison with gifts.
In Yang Yifan's view, advocating the change of customs in the field of marriage customs is an innovation of the "face" culture and the concept of comparison, "In modern civilized society, the freedom of marriage not only means that individuals have the right to choose their own partners, but also include the choice of marriage forms and marriage lifestyles that are jointly recognized with their partners."
Let the newlywed customs take root and sprout in the life scene
Nowadays in Chengdu, more and more young people take "low bride price" and "zero bride price" as the new fashion. Relevant departments have actively acted to create various themed scenes to lead the newlywed customs.
On May 1, the marriage and love-themed cultural block of the Yulin North Road community was unveiled, and the bright pink color added a romantic atmosphere to the street: the 120-meter-long street was newly painted, with pink declarations of love on the pavement, pink interactive installations on the roadside, and a patchwork of pink lanterns overhead......
May 11, Chengdu, Sichuan. In the Yulin North Road community, young people take photos and check in in the characteristic cultural block. Liu Yinheng/photo
During the "May Day" holiday, this street has become a "check-in place", and many young people come here to feel the sweet atmosphere.
In the interview, many interviewees expressed their attitude towards the bride price: "The bride price is just a heart, and my parents are more concerned about whether I like this person or not. "The elders in the family don't have any requirements for the bride price, and both of us should contribute to the marriage." "It's good to have a minimalist wedding, we don't like to do a lot of things."
"My parents and I finally reached an agreement to get married with 'zero bride price'!" At the beginning of May, Liang Yi happily told a reporter from China Youth Daily and China Youth Network that the parents of both sides would combine the money originally used as a bride price and dowry into a "marriage money" and "let us make our own decisions".
Duan Zhuqing, an assistant professor at the School of Marxism at Xi'an Jiaotong University, observed that at present, some local policies are only blocked, and some measures can ostensibly eliminate the phenomenon of sky-high bride price, but there is no cure. She believes that the differences between different families and different regions should be respected, and "one size fits all" should be avoided.
She suggested that local governments should fully integrate local conditions when promoting the work of changing customs and customs, including the gender ratio structure and the outflow of local population, pay attention to the difficulties of young people in choosing a mate, specifically analyze the issues of mate selection resources, employment security and education level improvement, and diversify and innovate governance measures, so as to "cure the disease" by giving "medicine" to the "symptoms".
In Duan Zhuqing's view, love and marriage should be based on gender equality, mutual respect, mutual communication, and doing what they can, which is a rational and active choice.
"It takes time to reshape the culture of society." Yang Yifan believes that the government and social institutions can hold relevant theme activities, such as pre-marital education courses and family relationship talks, to enhance the public's correct understanding of the bride price.
According to reports, like the Yulin North Road community, there are 72 community new era civilization practice stations that take the reform of marriage customs as an important starting point for changing customs and customs. The Wuhou District Civilization Office actively promotes grassroots positions such as civil affairs, trade unions, youth league committees, women's federations and other resources to sink into practice institutes and stations, focusing on inheriting excellent marriage customs and promoting the new style of civilized marriage customs, and extensively carrying out civilized practice activities such as the "Corner Meet Love" marriage customs reform preaching, the interpretation of marriage and family popularization of the Civil Code, and the folk culture experience of "Our Festival, Qixi Festival", so as to guide the masses to establish a correct view of marriage and family, and continuously improve the civilized quality of citizens and the degree of urban civilization.
Li Bin hopes to build the community marriage and love theme cultural block into a life scene that integrates the origin of love and the palace of love, "We will successively introduce scenes such as 'outdoor certificate issuance' and 'love market' in the future, so that love can be born here and good marriage customs can be carried forward here."
Source: China Youth Daily