Text\Hu Shilan
There is a sentence in "Human Disqualification" that says:
"No matter who you are too enthusiastic about, it increases the probability of not being cherished."
It's the same with marriage.
Pay attention to the women around you who unreservedly pay for men and easily sacrifice themselves when they encounter a dilemma, and it is often difficult to be cherished and loved by men.
And those women who are truly loved, you will find that they never please men, and are even very good at "tossing".
Judging from the way they get along with men, they usually have the following three commonalities.
01. Care is moderate, do not cross the line
During the May Day holiday, I happily went shopping with my friend Mei, whom I hadn't seen for a long time.
Although we haven't seen each other for a while, Mei's complexion is still radiant, as it was back then.
While Mei's husband lives in the city next door for work, she stays behind and takes care of her children's studies and daily life, and the family is only reunited on weekends.
Although the two live apart, Mei's husband keeps in close contact with her every day through video calls, sharing details of work and life.
The relationship between the two has not been diluted by the distance, but has become deeper.
Mei shared her way of getting along: treat her husband as a friend.
Because she has to pick up and drop off her children from school, do housework, practice yoga, and volunteer when she has time, she is basically very busy during the day.
And when her husband calls back when he is free, she listens intently, shares and cares about each other's lives.
But Mei never takes the initiative to call to ask about her husband's daily itinerary.
In May's words: When a man is willing to share, nature will tell you; If he chooses to remain silent, too many questions will only add to his troubles.
Instead of this, it is better to give each other some space to focus on your own interests and life, which can reduce unnecessary internal friction and make the relationship more harmonious.
I appreciate May's approach.
However, many women in life are prone to fall into the mistake of paying too much attention, trying to stick to each other at all times and find out each other's news.
As everyone knows:
Enthusiasm is like fire, easy to hurt one's body; Moderate as water, moisturizing things silently.
When two people get along, excessive enthusiasm often makes people feel pressured, but it is not easy to be cherished.
Only a moderate amount of care can make each other feel at ease in love and enjoy each other's company.
02. Appropriate help for help, not arranged
It is said that loving someone should be single-minded, pay more and care less, but sometimes giving too much is often counterproductive.
I once saw a netizen share his story that the two were getting divorced.
The reason is that I have been married for 15 years, and I have never asked my husband to wash a pair of socks, and the children are brought by themselves, and the housework is also done by themselves.
My husband is in business and has insufficient funds, so I also help borrow money everywhere and try my best to support my husband's career.
But in the end, my husband not only didn't understand his hard work, didn't share the housework together, and held his mobile phone whenever he was free, squatting in the live broadcast room to give female anchors a list and give gifts, spending 5-60,000 yuan.
And she never received any gifts from her husband.
Think about it, I feel that I have not been worth it for so many years.
The situation of netizens like this is not an isolated case.
When a woman truly loves someone, she will always uncontrollably want to care for him, take care of him, and be good to him unreservedly.
In fact, the more pleasing a woman is, the less a man will care about you.
As Yishu said:
"Man always desires what he does not have and neglects what he has."
When a woman always gives without a bottom line, the man may gradually get used to this kind of giving, take it for granted, and stop cherishing and grateful.
However, those women who are doing well in their marriages know how to turn to men for help.
It's like one of my neighbors, who is so beautiful that I want to protect her.
Once, the two of us went to the property to apply for a card together, and we chatted for a while on the way.
Coincidentally, her husband called.
I only heard her answer the phone and said: Husband, I have to chat with my neighbor to apply for a card at the property, please make dinner, okay? I want to eat your cooking.
Looking at her delicate appearance, I couldn't help but ask if your husband often does housework?
She said that when her husband is at home, she will ask her husband to help mop the floor and cook together, and her husband will solve the things that need to be moved at home, and her husband will lead the children to clean up together on weekends.
I praised her husband for being so diligent.
She said: I can't do anything, so I have to ask my husband for help.
That's right, if you can't do something, ask your husband for help.
If you wash your own clothes, move your own family, carry your own rice, and cook for the whole family when you are sick, what else do you need your husband to do?
In fact, if a woman always takes care of everything, it is equivalent to giving a man the opportunity not to take responsibility, and the man will be happy to be a "hands-off shopkeeper".
If women know how to show weakness and ask men for help appropriately, it is equivalent to giving men the opportunity to be needed, which will stimulate their desire to protect.
Only by inviting him to participate in the trivialities of life can you cultivate his sense of responsibility and make him feel that you can't leave him at all.
03. Each performs its own duties and does not rely on
Guo Jingjing and Huo Qigang's marriage has never been favored by the outside world.
In the eyes of the public, the two of them are people from different worlds.
When everyone thought that Guo Jingjing married into a wealthy family, she only used her husband and children to enjoy the glory and wealth.
Not only did she set up her own company and was actively involved in public welfare, but she also served as a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador.
At the 19th Hangzhou Asian Games, Guo Jingjing appeared in multiple capacities, she was not only a torchbearer, but also a public welfare dream ambassador, a promotion ambassador, and served as a judge for the diving competition.
did not sit back and enjoy it at all because she was a wealthy wife with a net worth of tens of billions.
Her independence and self-improvement were praised by her husband, and Huo Qigang said that his wife was very supportive and proud of his wife as the torchbearer of the Asian Games.
Fok Qigang also served as the head of the Hong Kong, China delegation, leading 940 "team members", including 660 athletes, to participate in the competition.
I was really given the dog food by their "women and husbands".
As we all know, Fok Qigang is not only the vice president of Fok Ying Tung Group, but also a deputy to the Hong Kong People's Congress and an "honorary university academician" of Hong Kong Baptist University.
Wearing many hats, it must be very busy.
But whether it is sports, life, or public welfare, you can always see the husband and wife walking hand in hand.
For example, the couple took their children to plant seedlings, wash cars, eat civilian hot pot, and participate in variety shows.
During the interview, Huo Qigang said that Jingjing was like a treasure, and she could always find something fresh from her.
After 8 years of hard pursuit and 11 years of marriage, Huo Qigang has always been his wife's little fan brother.
This is probably the best look in marriage: each performs its own duties, achieves each other, you are good, and I am not bad.
04. Mei Niang said
I can't help but think of the Internet celebrity Tang Wenli, who couldn't stand her boyfriend PUA and jumped from the 3rd floor.
Every time she was abused and ridiculed by her boyfriend, she always responded carefully.
Because of the fear of losing, so grovel;
Because of the fear of losing, he offers his body;
Because I am afraid of losing, I will die if you let me die, as long as you are satisfied.
However, her beautiful life is forever fixed at the age of 17 because of the scumbag, and the only thing left for those who care about her is endless sadness and sadness.
Her story is also a wake-up call for all of us women:
Excessive giving and pleasing are often difficult to be exchanged for equal cherishment, because the love that is easily received is often not taken to heart.
I like Bi Shumin's sentence very much:
"Our lives don't exist to cater to the preferences of others."
Yes, when we focus too much on the gaze and expectations of others, it is easy to lose ourselves and ignore our inner voice.
If we are accustomed to taking on too much responsibility, then we should no longer complain that others are not working as hard as we would like.
Because true love is never obtained by pleasing and pleasing people.
True love comes from mutual respect and understanding, not one-sided giving.
May we all stick to ourselves, cherish our own values, and live our own wonderful lives.