-01
"Losing love" is not terrible
When you experience an unforgettable relationship, and then you lose that love, that feeling of falling out of love will be accompanied by "real heartache".
A breakup goes through 5 stages.
Denial stage - anger stage - humbleness retention stage - pain stage - acceptance stage.
In the fourth stage, the feeling of heartache peaks, followed by calming down.
This heartache is related to your subconscious thoughts.
Like what:
When you think that after a breakup, the other person will start a new relationship and fall in love with another person, you feel pain.
Every day you fantasize about meeting someone somewhere;
You are always stuck in the contradiction of "if you had gotten along in a different way, you wouldn't have broken up now";
You always fantasize about how nice it would be if the other person was still by your side, especially if you walked a familiar road and went to a familiar restaurant.
But when you think about it, is this "pain" really related to love?
It's not all love.
Rather, you magnify the pain of falling out of love with the other person, and magnify the loss and trauma caused to you by losing love.
You have to understand one thing:
In this world, there will always be someone who loves you as much as you love your ex;
The other party loses you, it is the other party's loss, not your fault.
You have to believe that many things in this world are "conserved";
Losing someone you loved will surely usher in someone who loves you more.
It's not scary to lose love, it's scary to be that you keep yourself in a cage and pretend to be asleep all the time.
-02
What most people can't let go of is not love, it's obsession
Rationally: the so-called "obsession" is the "sunk cost".
Just imagine:
Wouldn't it be painful if The Little Prince lost his rose?
Could it be that the root of his pain was the rose itself?
Not.
His pain and unwillingness were to pour all his heart and soul into Rose, including feelings, energy and time.
There are countless similar roses in this world, and it is precisely because of his preference for that one rose that it is different, and once lost, it will inevitably fall into the dilemma of "sunk cost".
On the other hand:
The reason why you can't forget your ex and can't let go of it is because your love for your ex is mixed with your subconscious "projection".
You are reluctant to break up, in fact, because you lack love in your bones and can't stand loneliness;
You can't accept peace and distance because you can't accept being alone;
You can't let go because you can't forget the feeling of being with the other person, the relaxation and satisfaction of being loved, tolerated, and appreciated.
What your subconscious lacks happens to be satisfied by your ex;
Breaking up with your ex means that you are going back to that state of "missing part of your subconscious".
And that's something you can't accept.
Before the new person appears, you are always stuck in obsession and can't extricate yourself.
-03
You have to love yourself from the bottom of your heart, not live up to the other person's standards
"Women are the ones who please themselves" is a performance of liking a person and wanting to show their good side.
But "for the sake of pleasing yourself" should not become "I want to dress up as you like".
What you like is the most important, and what I like is secondary;
Your will is important, my will is not;
Your evaluation of me is the only criterion for me to do things.
This completely changes its nature.
You shouldn't change the core of "loving yourself" to "the other person asks you to love yourself" and love yourself.
You should love yourself from the bottom of your heart and follow your inner feelings.
What you want to do when you're happy, what you want to do when you're sad;
What color of clothes, what flavor of food, what music to listen to, what books to read.
It's up to you to decide what you're really passionate about.
For example:
The other party doesn't like you to wear a skirt, but you like to wear a skirt;
To cater to each other, you don't wear a skirt anymore.
Is this called love? Of course not.
This is a mastery of love that is bonding, intruding on your borders, and hindering your freedom.
Whether you are a man or a woman, when the other party gives you many standards and asks you to live as they see in their eyes;
This shows that the other party does not really love you, but loves you in imagination and wants to shape you and transform your image.
Not being loved is not necessarily your fault.
When you truly accept yourself and learn to love yourself in a relaxed way, you can understand the true meaning of love.
A good relationship is always relaxed and not screwed.
-04
The more relaxed, the more you have; The tighter it is, the more it loses
Some things, some relationships, the more you want to grasp it, the easier it is to lose;
If you are too eager to get it, you will push too hard, which is a pressure on the other party and a drain on you.
When you give everything to this relationship, and even lose your original self, you become a "love brain";
When the relationship doesn't develop as you expect it to happen and breaks down, your pain will be doubled.
On the flip side:
If you are calm and relaxed, then you will be better able to manage the relationship.
You have to understand that good things, people or feelings that belong to you, never need to be forced by you;
It's yours, and you can't lose it; It's not yours, and even if you hold it in your hand, it will slip away.
If the person you love doesn't love you, don't blame yourself for all the faults.
The road is still long, there are still many scenery on the road, and you deserve to be cherished by better people.
Topic:
After falling out of love, do you fall into a state of "screwing"?
Author He Suohuan:
Focus on the analysis of gender emotion, marriage and family, character growth, social relationships, etc., follow me to bring you more knowledge.