Small Town Writer: I've never been a city guy | Noon bookshelves

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2024-05-17 12:04Published on the official account of Beijing Jiemian News

Text | Xie Ailei

Editor's note: They come from rural areas and county towns, stand out from the college entrance examination, but are in a dilemma in college, suffering from deprivation, estrangement, division, confusion and loneliness, and this is only the first step in the long social ladder. What kind of psychological struggles and identity troubles do these students, who are known as "small-town problem-solvers", have? Over the past decade, scholar Xie Ailei has followed nearly 2,000 students from four Chinese universities, one-third of whom were from rural and small towns. He has compiled his research findings into a new book, The Small-Town Problemalist: Origins, Mentality, and the Ivory Tower. The following is an excerpt from Chapter 3 of the book, which focuses on the identity dilemma of rural students.

Evey: I'm afraid of exposing my other self

In his junior year, when discussing whether he felt like he was already a member of the city, Kinlin University's Eway pondered a little and muttered, "I feel like a rural person." But he added: "It's not a big deal, I like the feeling of being back in the village, and I'm adaptable and can handle both." ”

Some scholars have pointed out that individuals in the process of social mobility are likely to become cultural omnivores—those who are able to cope with the cultural norms and demands of the social class of their destination while maintaining the cultural practices of their original class. However, Yiwei's "can handle both sides" has a different flavor. In his cognitive schema, the two social spaces of urban and rural areas are very different and culturally different. Jinlin University is obviously a symbol of urban culture, and the abundant nature is also the mainstream urban culture, and his behavior and habits obviously do not meet the requirements of this space. "When I first came to my freshman year, I was very careful about talking to everyone, doing things, and so on, and consciously controlling my behavior. In his view, the demands of the cities are obviously "higher" than those of the countryside, so he is "afraid that he will say embarrassing things". In the new cultural world, Yi Wei is cautious, he said: "After two semesters, I was really careless. ”

Yiwei is from a small village in southern Hebei. When recalling the situation in his hometown, he remembered the plains, slow hills and sand dunes of his childhood, and said that his parents had been farming eight or nine acres (about 0.53-0.6 hectares) of land in his family, but later, when they saw that their neighbors were engaged in making and selling sheepskins, his parents also changed their careers to increase their income. Even though the family income was not ideal because of the simple processing of sheepskins, which were dried and sold, his parents supported him until college. Yiwei recalls the situation when I was in primary school: "At that time, there was a public primary school in the village, but the quality of teaching was not good, so my father tried to send me to a private primary school, but every year I paid my books and tuition fees last. Although the tuition fee is expensive, the teaching is better than the public one, and I think this is the motivation for my father to persevere. ”

Yi Wei recalled his junior high school year: "At the beginning, the test score allowed me to go to the best local high school, but when I signed up, I found that it was full. If you want to go again, you have to pay a registration deposit of more than 6,000 yuan, and my father only brought 2,000 yuan that day. Yiwei "had no choice but to choose to go to the second middle school". Fortunately, Yiwei is diligent and hardworking, and he was admitted to Jinlin University, which ranks high in the Yangtze River Delta in the college entrance examination. Going to college naturally means a heavier financial burden, and when it comes to this, Yiwei frowns slightly, saying that his mother can no longer work due to poor health, and the burden of the family falls on his father alone. But my father found that he could no longer "do it" and could not continue to do his old job, so he left his hometown and went out to work.

Financial tensions plagued his father, as well as Evie. During the interview, Yi Wei remembered a survey organized by his department last semester. The location of the investigation was in another city in the Yangtze River Delta, "round-trip transportation, food, and other consumption, spending more money", and when he returned to Jinlin, he found that he had "no money" and "asked for it from home". However, "I asked the family for money temporarily, and my father estimated that it would be difficult to get it for a while", so he "waited for a few days, but after waiting for a few days, he was hungry for a few days". "At that time, I didn't feel hungry either, and then I stood up, and the day passed," Yiwei said. ”

The continued economic tension naturally made Yiwei feel insecure. He wanted to become more financially independent through his own efforts, so he tried to do some part-time jobs in his junior year: "At first, I helped merchants stand on the platform and sell things at the computer distribution center 'Bainaohui' in the city, and later tried to distribute flyers, carry things, and do odd jobs for some merchants on campus. But Yiwei mentioned that it is "unrealistic" to achieve economic independence by relying only on these "low-tech" jobs. He said that he tried to save money as much as possible, "carefully calculating the expenses of the day", "It costs two or three yuan for breakfast, five or six yuan for lunch, and another three or four yuan in the afternoon." Try to buy as few things as possible and buy clothes occasionally".

Living on a budget also means excluding certain expenses and social activities that require "money" when planning your university life. To achieve what Glenfield called "camouflage" and "imitation" of the consumption and clothing of upper-middle-class students, it is naturally unrealistic. Yiwei said that he never went to parties and didn't want his classmates to meet his "embarrassment". But it is precisely because of this that his "social circle is particularly small". During the interview, he repeatedly mentioned that he "has less communication with everyone, and is more familiar with the dormitory and the dormitory next door, and it is mainly male students...... The social circle hardly leaves the academy", and the free time outside of study is "mainly left alone in the dormitory to read novels and anime".

Yiwei has two selves in his heart, one is from the countryside, and the other is in the city where Jinlin University is located. Identity is an important basis for individuals to organize language and social actions, and it is the most important psychological cognition of individuals in social life, including not only the individual's confirmation of self-identity, but also the cognition of the group to which he belongs, and an important basis for individuals to have certain emotions or take certain behaviors.

Yi Wei obviously thinks that this self at Jinlin University is better not mixed with the self from a small village in the plains. He carefully perceives the differences between the two worlds, and consciously controls his accustomed lifestyles and behaviors, for fear of exposing another self and interspersing another identity in this new social space:

Eat here, there is rice and vegetables, and the hometown is one, add a big bowl of dishes, and eat a big bowl of rice. In addition, personal hygiene at home is not very particular, so you should take a shower every day, or at least once every few days. Life at home is very casual, and you don't have to pay so much attention to what you wear.

Evie had always been "careful", and in his freshman year of college, this caution often led to anxiety, and it was not until his junior year that he felt a little "lighter". But "when there are a lot of people, you still get nervous when you see people" and you still have to control your words and actions, which is true in all social spaces where there are others—classrooms, libraries, cafeterias."

He was "afraid that he would say something embarrassing." When discussing what "shameful words" are, he gives an example: "For example, the words of the old-fashioned hometown. In Evie's dichotomy of identity, one end of the city is naturally more mainstream and glamorous, while the other end is more non-mainstream and old-fashioned, and needs to be covered up, and his most effective cover is to "say as little as possible" on all occasions.

Shahan: "They love to go to the cinema and watch movies!" ”

In an interview in his third year of college, Sha Han of Jinlin University, like Yiwei, suddenly lamented that he "has always been a rural person, and has never become a city person." He said that after going to university, he deeply realized: "It turns out that there is such a difference between rural and urban areas!" ”

Although he is already in his third year, Shahan said that he is still "used to self-study" like he was in his freshman and sophomore year. Although his grades have always been in the top three in his major, he still said that he always felt a little lacking. By "shortcomings" he refers mainly to the lack of social activities in college, which prevents him from "becoming a more complete version of himself". Shahan said that most of his time in Jinlin was spent "doing homework" and "part-time work." There are two types of jobs he does, one is a "work-study" position on campus, and the other is a "tutor" outside the school. Sha Han recalls that in his freshman and sophomore years, he "did a lot of work-study work", and "in his junior year, he continued to do some things, mainly sorting books in the library, helping to organize instruments and cleaning in the school's computer center." "Tutoring outside mainly starts in the third year," but "the history of tutoring is very short, probably at the beginning of the third grade, and then very quickly." He recalls that summer: "My client asked to go to her child from 7 to 10 p.m. to tutor her child. Although the place where I did my homework was very close to the school, I always felt that it was late and dangerous, so I didn't dare to go after doing it for a while. ”

During the interview, he said that he "doesn't want to work anymore, I find it boring", and wants a "community" life and another "sense of existence". And the presence that comes with a part-time job is not so real. In The Tiny Sum: The Consumption Choices of the New Elite, Elizabeth Corid-Holkitt argues that humans are fundamentally social animals, and that we seek to connect with others, and that the elements of connection are a set of norms and shared identities. It is manifested in the fact that we "want people to share ideas, cultures, and stories, and to have people around us who read the same books and watch the same movies as we do."

But for Sha Han, until his junior year, it was only a club in Jinlin that gave him a "community experience". He had little idea of participating in club activities, and he "missed most of the club recruitment", and the only club he had been participating in was the self-improvement club set up by Jinlin University for rural students with "good grades and poor family economic conditions". Sha Han said: "There are more than 30 people in it, all of whom are in the same grade. When I joined, it was the first year it was created, and we were involved for the first year. It's small, but once there's a little bit of activity, everyone has to participate. He laughs and says that he "goes to every event, which makes me feel like I'm in a group."

What brought Shahan this "experience of community" to Shahan may have been a similar collective fate – "basically a bad family (condition)" with "some common qualities". Everyone in the club "is not very good at expressing themselves, or they don't like to be active", and "sometimes they organize group activities and ask everyone to come out and perform, sing a song, dance, tell a joke, etc., and liven up the atmosphere, but no one comes out."

This gave Shahan some clues about who he was. He called these clues a "class atmosphere" that was "hard to dissipate" in himself. Sha Han said: "There is a gap between [me] and my classmates with good urban family backgrounds, and they are objective...... Some hobbies, such as musical instruments and dance, are the result of intentional cultivation by the family. What kind of Latin dance can be danced, or can dance a folk dance, or learn the violin. And these breaths frame Shahan's social circle. He mentioned that in addition to a few classmates with similar backgrounds in the club, his circle of friends was limited to "a few classmates in the freshman class, and the other is roommates."

When asked if he thought he was now a member of the countryside or the city, Shahan replied decisively: "Rural people, I have never been a city person!" I just go to school in the city! He said that he "never thought about this issue" before he went to junior high school or high school, and that "it was only when I went to university that I realized that there was such a big difference between rural and urban areas."

Lifestyle and consumption outlook also inevitably delineate the boundaries of Shahan's identity and social interaction. From time to time, he compares himself with his classmates in the city, mentioning that his classmates in the city "love to drink lemonade". He said that when he observed this, he was very surprised, and even asked his classmates curiously, "When did you start drinking?" "I asked two people, one said he had been drinking it since he was a child, and the other said he had only recently drunk it after he went to college." And he was clearly different, and when he first tried it, he "couldn't stand the sour taste of lemonade".

The orientation of food taste is a sign of class boundaries, which allows Shahan to emotionally experience who is "you" and who is "we". In terms of consumption, he said that his consumption concept is "actually still different" from his urban classmates, "I think the biggest difference between the middle-class children in the university town and the children in the countryside is that they talk about the brand, but I never care about the brand." He feels that this identity boundary between him and his classmates "can't be lost in a day or two". This boundary also extends from material consumption to cultural consumption, and Sha Han mentioned with some surprise in the interview: "They love to go to the cinema to watch movies!" "Yes, social stratification not only determines the cultural goods available to individuals, but also shapes the way in which they are consumed, which largely shapes individuals' social networks.

There is another example that particularly impresses Sha Han: "Jay Chou came to Nanjing for a concert, and the conditions of our class were relatively good, and it seemed that we all went, basically our class went in groups." "They said that they loved listening to Jay Chou's songs since I was a child, but I didn't have such a strong feeling, so I didn't go, maybe I personally don't like to listen to them, but they really feel like Jay Chou grew up with."

The shared memories of growing up build a community and an identity, but Sha Han is outside of this shared memory. In the interview, he said: "I think their backgrounds are basically the same level. Therefore, the hobbies, including the love of music, will actually be a little similar. Sha Han is obviously different, he does not have these interests and shared memories, and naturally he is outside of this identity. Although he excelled academically, he always said that he didn't have a social circle - "best friends, all from the countryside". From time to time, he commented on himself: "It's too closed, it's really too closed, it's better to be more extroverted, I don't think it's a bad thing, we should make changes." ”

Yu Xin: "There is a feeling of being disconnected from home"

For Bai Youxin of Haiyi University, the transition from one identity to another inevitably implies value judgments. When asked if she felt like she belonged in the city or the countryside, her junior told me with certainty that she was in the middle – sliding from one end to the other, but that since the journey of upward mobility meant a new and better identity, the identity of the past inevitably took on a negative connotation. This is what bothers and Xin, she said that she has gradually become very similar to her city classmates in many ways, but often feels "low".

She Xin entered Haiyi University through the National Special Enrollment Program for Poverty-stricken Areas, and because of major restrictions, she did not have many choices. After entering Haiyi, she has never liked her major very much. It is precisely because of "little interest" and "unfamiliar with the university environment" that she did not invest much in her studies at first: "I just came here in the first grade, and suddenly I was on my own for an afternoon, and I felt that I didn't know what I was going to do, and my studies were quite wasted. She Xin said with a smile that it was the short academic pain that gave her the opportunity to rethink the meaning of her studies.

In her freshman and sophomore years, she was active in student activities with Hin – for example, she signed up for student government. She recalls that because of the "gender imbalance and the lack of female students" in her major, she was accepted because she was "given preferential attention during the interview." However, she added that the more important reason for being accepted should be "my own passion". After being admitted, she has been actively involved in the work of the student union, and after a year as a department officer of the student union, she decided to actively run for the minister, "the minister will run for the presidium again", and when she was interviewed in her junior year, she was already the vice president.

Smoothly integrating into a new circle, and then integrating into a new group, gaining a sense of play, and learning new abilities, gradually gave Yu Xin more courage, established a new survival mentality and established a new identity in the field of social life. For her, the starting point of a new identity is to try to get in touch with new cultural symbols and consumption patterns. She mentioned that she "opened a Weibo account":

At first I found out that I was an idiot and didn't understand anything, and then they would say what they saw on Weibo, and then I opened one myself.

She said that she also went out to spend like other classmates - "go out shopping, take the subway", and said that she is good at learning things from others - "For example, I have two girlfriends in Shanghai, and I will learn from them about their usual attitude towards life and views on life, and I also discuss things together, such as what they recommend, I also try to buy some." Sharing new cultural symbols, embracing new attitudes and perspectives on life, and accepting new consumption patterns are all signs of identity transition. She mentioned that she "will go to the library to work part-time to make money", but no longer "to save money like in the past", but "buy one or two clothes to dress up like her classmates, and then live a slightly better quality of life", and Xin also really felt that "in this way, the distance between myself and my classmates is a little closer".

In the dichotomy of social competence such as "extroversion and introversion", "comprehensiveness and limitations", and "richness and monotony" constructed by the basic cultural tones of urban and rural areas, He Xin felt for the first time that he was actually "not so introverted" and "even felt that he had become an extrovert". Moving from one end of the social competence dichotomy naturally means moving from one end of the identity to the other. The "we" in her mouth has gradually become another group that is not what she used to be: "There is a boy in our class, the family is more difficult, more introverted, not very talkative, his grades are not very good, and the relationship with us is not very good, I think he needs to change!" Scott Roberts et al. point out that social recategorization is an important identity management strategy that allows individuals to escape their past identity and the stigma attached to it by placing themselves in a more mainstream group.

In an interview in the third year of college, He Xin mentioned: "I think I am still a little rougher, that is, my life is relatively rough, and I can't talk enough, for example, I can't say adjectives when I speak." "I feel like I'm poor! Dressed very low! Talking and dressing belong to what Bourdieu calls "embodiment" of cultural capital. In Hsin here, crossing social classes means not only stepping from one end of the socioeconomic status continuum to the other, but also leaving one status culture and entering another. However, due to the metaphor of the social structure itself, differences in cultural norms and practices are often given a hierarchical relationship, so the amount of cultural capital naturally has a more or less vertical moral significance, and He Xin is destined to bear this meaning.

Another type of "invisible harm" that Lyman claims to be faced by socially mobile individuals when they transform themselves is that by denying the past, they need to reduce their connection with the past. The same can be said for Hsin Yo, who says she even "has a little bit of a disconnect from home" and mentions that she "has very little communication with her peers" when she comes home from vacation.

In his book "Return to the Roots", Didier Eripon mentions that the treatment of old and new social relations is a sign of identity change; Embracing the new and alienating the old, even if it is highly nostalgic, is an important consequence of identity shifts. During the interview, He Xin also mentioned:

I have a very good friend in my heart, a friend I have played with since I was a child, we were together in elementary school, junior high school and high school, but we don't have much contact now. She has always been a good friend in my heart. There is also one at the university, and the relationship between the two of us is very good, so I'll tell her if I have anything in my heart, and she will tell me about it. This may be my current best friend, and the one in the family, although he has a very strong relationship, is not particularly close now.

Richard S. L. O'Herberg and William Cuomo explain that when we are in the midst of social mobility, family and friends from the past may be proud of what we have accomplished, but they may not necessarily be able to understand and appreciate what is valued in the new world we are into...... Are we being too frivolous? Too forgetful? Too selfish? Too unrealistic? All of this can lead to the inevitable feeling of being marginalized by everything we have done in the past. Our connection to the past may only be emotional, but the end result can only be to be reconciled. Elizabeth S. Behind it, M. Lee and Rory Kramer say there is a fractured existential mentality that represents two divided worlds.

"Small Town Problem-solver", Xie Ailei, Shanghai Joint Publishing Co., Ltd., Beijing Beibet, 2024-5, ISBN: 9787542684738

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The author, Xie Ailei, is a scholar of educational sociology and a professor at the School of Education Science of South China Normal University.

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