Today is the 3866th day of your lifelong growth
The Intensive Reading Jun General Knowledge Dictionary has 2082 entries online
01
I saw a post a few days ago, which was quite regrettable.
One girl said that she was divorced by her fiancé who had been with her for more than a year after an engagement party because of social fear......
The two met on a blind date during the Spring Festival last year, and the two sides chatted very well, and the relationship developed naturally and very smoothly.
During the relationship, the relationship between the two has always been very good, because both families are urging the Spring Festival engagement this year, even if the girl feels that it is a little too fast, but it is still hindered by the parents' wishes, so she agreed.
On the sixth day of the first lunar month, they got engaged, and the two families have already negotiated the bride price and three gold.
The girl didn't know that the engagement was so grand now, she just wanted the two families to have a simple meal.
She told her family and boyfriend that she was an introverted social phobia, and her boyfriend had a lot of relatives at home, so she didn't want any rituals, she felt that it was boring to go through the process, and she wanted to have a meal.
So on the day of the engagement, she only bought the clothes for daily wear, and she didn't dress up, just put on makeup by herself.
On that day, the relatives went to the girl's house first, and then the girl's family went to her boyfriend's house together, and until this time, the girl thought it was just a simple meal.
Until she saw her boyfriend's aunt, she told the girl that she would propose marriage, sign the marriage letter and cut the cake.
The girl was a little surprised, but she didn't get angry, she just felt a little embarrassed, because she was not dressed up, she thought it would be ugly to take pictures, and she didn't want to be photographed while doing those rituals.
But her boyfriend didn't notice her dissatisfaction, and asked her to go to the yard to greet her grandfather who had just arrived.
At this time, the girl was in the room, her grandfather was in the yard, and there were many relatives of her boyfriend's family, and the girl felt that there were too many people outside, and she didn't want to go out, so she refused her boyfriend.
The boyfriend didn't say much and went by himself, and when he came back, he ignored the girl.
Seeing her boyfriend's attitude, the girl was also angry, and she was not very happy during the ceremony.
Then went to the restaurant for dinner, during which the two did not talk much.
In her cognition, only to toast when getting married, I don't know that I have to toast when I get engaged, and I feel that this is a bit of a marriage urge (afterwards she thinks that she thinks too much), so she is a little resistant.
But she still went to toast, but she didn't speak or smile the whole time.
After the engagement banquet, her parents told her that the other party's family ceremony valued her, and they were quite satisfied.
Hearing her parents say this, the girl was not angry, and then she felt that she was not good enough to give her boyfriend face.
In the evening, she took the initiative to find her boyfriend and wanted to explain, but her boyfriend refused to communicate because he wanted to rest.
At the time, she didn't expect things to develop to the point where she was caught off guard.
02
In the afternoon of the next day, her boyfriend called directly to withdraw from the marriage, and the divorce was also the consensus of the boy's family.
The boyfriend told the girl that their family had paid a lot for the engagement feast, but the girl was so unhappy that they couldn't accept it.
The girl explained that the incident happened suddenly, her boyfriend did not communicate with her in advance, and her boyfriend looked angry at the scene, she wanted to explain last night, but her boyfriend ignored people.
The boyfriend said that he, including his family, could not see how much the girl liked him, after all, she had such an attitude towards his family.
The reason why he was angry was because he told her in advance to say hello to her grandfather, but the girl still had that attitude.
The girl explained that there were too many people outside the yard at that time. The boyfriend said, "Can you understand? This is the basic cultivation. My family can't afford to be wronged. ”
The girl said that she also knew that she had behaved badly yesterday, but she was trying her best to cooperate.
The boyfriend thinks that he has already told the girl about their family atmosphere, and the relatives are more affectionate, but the girl's style seems incompatible with his family.
The girl apologized, but it didn't help, her boyfriend had already made a decision, he looked at the girl's unhappiness, didn't have a good face for his family, felt that the girl didn't like him, and he couldn't accept such a other half.
The girl guessed that his relatives had said something bad that led to his family's decision to withdraw from the marriage.
After the girl's parents found out, they scolded the girl for being too willful and asked the girl to explain and apologize, but it was useless.
The girl thinks it's just a matter of communication, not to the point of getting out of the marriage, but her boyfriend's family thinks that she has no tutor, doesn't care about the overall situation, and wants to control their family, and her boyfriend says that she can't do it without the blessing of her family.
The girl also reflected, because she is an only child, and she is usually not familiar with her relatives, so she has not been able to handle the world well, and she is also regretting and self-doubt.
It's been more than two months since the divorce, the girl hasn't let go, her boyfriend has always been very good to her, she is generous, and the relationship between the two is good, but after the divorce, the man immediately introduced the blind date to her boyfriend.
Now that she has come to this point, she also feels that her boyfriend doesn't seem to like her so much, she has no opinions and no responsibility, the two are fated, and now they have deleted each other's contact information.
The girl attributed this time to her own social fear, but many netizens didn't think so.
Many people feel that this girl's narrative may hide many plots that are unfavorable to her, and if she hadn't behaved too much at the engagement banquet, the other party's family should not have reached the point of withdrawing from the marriage, after all, they are already engaged.
Some netizens with social fear came forward to say that people with real social fear will not make people feel uncomfortable, and everyone can see whether the other party is rude or really shy and introverted.
Yes, when all the relatives are present, one of the protagonists doesn't speak or smile, which is also a very embarrassing thing for the man.
Even if the girl feels that the man's arrangement catches her off guard, there should be basic etiquette, if she doesn't want to mess up the marriage between the two.
Social fear does not mean that you can be uneducated, and on an occasion like an engagement, greeting the other party's elders should be basic courtesy.
It is not enough to convince people to attribute all impolite behavior to social fear, and social fear should not be an excuse regardless of the occasion.
03
Some people also said that it was rude for the man's family not to communicate with her in advance, and she was also expressing her dissatisfaction with being disrespected.
This reminds me of a little story about Huang Bo.
Once, he was recognized as Wang Baoqiang at the airport, and that person first patted him on the shoulder, and then kept pulling him and said that he liked his "No Thieves in the World" very much.
As soon as he heard it, he immediately understood that the other party recognized the wrong person and regarded him as Wang Baoqiang.
But he didn't have any displeasure, but he kept cooperating with each other and chatting about "No Thieves in the World".
In the end, the other party wanted to take a group photo and sign it, Huang Bo thought to himself, let's not embarrass people, don't embarrass ourselves, and signed three words - Wang Baoqiang.
Before leaving, the other party thanked him and wished him all the best, and he happily imitated Wang Baoqiang's tone and said: "It's okay, as long as you are happy, I can do anything." ”
Someone asked him afterwards, how do you feel about being mistaken for Wang Baoqiang?
Huang Bo said: "I am extremely proud of Baoqiang. ”
Later he spoke about it in a speech in which he concluded:
"Humor is one way to deal with embarrassment, but the smartest way is to not be embarrassed."
I think this is the so-called upbringing, even if the other party offends you a little, but you still have a peaceful mind to resolve some conflicts, make others comfortable, and make yourself more comfortable.
Just like that girl, even if she is not satisfied with the other party's family not communicating well in advance, she can handle this conflict in a more decent way.
For example, expressing dissatisfaction with your boyfriend afterwards, etc., instead of making both parties uncomfortable on the table, resulting in the current situation.
Truly educated people will not be chaotic when they encounter injustice, disrespect, and injustice, and they will turn chaos into order, embarrassment into harmony, and embarrassment into fun......
Social fear does not mean that there is no education, and education is not a compromise, but in gentleness and peace, and the crisis is resolved without hurry.
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