Liang Shiqiu once said:
"The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, because it is light, so it can not be greasy and lasting."
Between people, no matter how deep the feelings are, don't get too close, too close will suffocate.
Some people talk too much and will verbally offend others.
Some people are too lenient and oppressive.
Whether you are a person or doing things, you must pay attention to proportions and do not cross the line.
Talk and do things, point to point, and get along comfortably.
01
Don't ask, understand each other
Shen Congwen said:
"Don't get to the bottom of someone else's past, it may be a memory that you will never want to touch."
People have some secrets hidden deep in their hearts, and they don't want others to know about them, let alone ask about them.
In the book "The Sea of Life", my father only made one confidant friend to the colonel throughout his life.
My father and the colonel were born in the same year and month, and they played together since childhood, catching birds, picking birds' eggs, touching snails, and raising crickets......
At the age of thirteen, the two of them studied carpentry as a teacher at the same time and learned carpentry.
Serving rice in a pot and sleeping in the same bed, the relationship is like siblings.
Later, due to an accident, the colonel was arrested and enlisted as a soldier.
When he returned to the village, he became an eccentric colonel full of mysteries, and was regarded as an outlier by everyone.
The people in the village regarded the colonel as a talking point and called him a eunuch behind his back, because of this nickname, everyone wanted to spy on the secrets of his body.
The Colonel didn't care about rumors from the outside world, but when someone wanted to find out the secret in his pants, he was very concerned and guarded against it.
Because keeping a secret is his last dignity, and it is also the dignity that he has to maintain with his life.
Even his father, who had a good relationship with the Colonel, did not know his secrets, and his father respected the Colonel's personal privacy and never asked or mentioned it.
There is a sentence in "The Wind":
"Some people spend their whole lives trying to forget something, and it's immoral for you to ask about it."
In order to satisfy one's own curiosity, to inquire about other people's privacy and pain is like pouring salt on people's wounds.
Those who don't get to the bottom of it, they understand the pain of others and know how to protect the self-esteem of others.
Many times, this kind of quiet kindness is often the most heartwarming.
No matter how good the relationship between people is, don't snoop on each other's privacy and ask what others don't want to say.
It is said that distance produces beauty, and only by respecting each other and giving each other some space can we retain each other's beauty, and the relationship will last for a long time.
02
Don't cross the line, feel comfortable with each other
The ancients:
"Everything is lost, and you need to be measured."
Getting along with others, talking and doing things, if there is no measure, it will only make the relationship become estranged.
Netizen @小峰 shared a story.
Once, he met up with an old classmate for dinner.
The old classmate is in the system, working from 9 to 5, relaxed, and he constantly persuades Xiaofeng, who is outside the system, to take the civil service exam.
Xiaofeng told him that he liked the competitive work in the company and did not want to take the civil service exam.
However, the old classmate did not give up, and also listed the disadvantages of private enterprises and belittled Xiaofeng's work.
Other displays:
"People like you have been outside the system for a long time, and your horizons are too narrow."
Enterprises often work overtime, and they don't even have a provident fund, and they are at risk of being fired at any time.
Xiao Feng could only repeatedly emphasize to him that although the system was good, it was not his own pursuit.
谁知老同学嘲讽道:
"You don't go to work to pursue stability and high welfare, do you want to be a good person and do good deeds?"
After more than half a sentence, Xiao Feng was helpless, and he didn't explain anymore, and parted ways with the other party after eating in a hurry.
In the book "Man and Eternity" it is written:
"There are boundaries that cannot be crossed in all interactions, and all troubles and conflicts arise from an unconscious desire to break through those boundaries."
In reality, there are often some people who are accustomed to standing on their own feet and pointing fingers at other people's lives.
As everyone knows, the more self-righteous people are, the more people who don't care about the feelings of others, the more they want to keep people away.
A good relationship will know how to consider each other and not easily interfere with other people's choices.
Everyone is an individual and has their own boundaries.
Fellowship with people and grasp the balance well, and the relationship will be harmonious.
Talk and do things, point to point, and get along comfortably.
03
Don't force each other, be free with each other
Writer Da Bing once said:
"The edge is deep and shallow, the edge is gathered and scattered, and the fate is not climbed."
A comfortable relationship is one who does not embarrass oneself or force others.
People come and go, intimacy and sparseness are casual, and gathering and scattering are casual.
Jiahui and Xiaoxia work at the same Internet company.
The two are not only colleagues, but also good friends in life.
Jiahui is introverted and does not like to socialize.
Xiaoxia is outgoing, eloquent, and good at socializing.
In addition to supporting each other at work, the two often sing, go shopping, and travel together in private.
Later, Xiaoxia was sent to work in another city by the company because of her excellent business ability.
In the six months since they left, Xiaoxia and Jiahui have kept in touch, often sending each other WeChat, making phone calls, greeting each other's recent situation, complaining about their troubles at work, and sharing bits and pieces of life.
But gradually, Jiahui found that every time she sent Xiaoxia's WeChat, she rarely replied.
At first, Jiahui thought she was busy with work and didn't have time to reply to messages.
It wasn't until she saw the photos posted by Xiaoxia of having dinner with new friends and playing happily in the circle of friends that she suddenly realized.
It turned out that their friendship, because of the changes in the environment and the restrictions of face-to-face communication, finally couldn't withstand the gradual drift away.
So, after Jiahui sent Xiaoxia the last blessing message, she no longer took the initiative to contact.
Xiaoxia lives a colorful life in the new city, and Jiahui lives her own small life in her hometown, enjoying the quiet years.
I've heard a saying:
"The best state of friendship is that when you are together, you are naturally happy, and when you are not together, you are okay."
In this life, you have your pursuit, he has his choice, and everyone wants to chase the life they want.
If the fate is deep, then go hand in hand and rely on each other.
If the fate is shallow, then smile and bless each other and be a passerby.
In a relationship, you will live more freely and happily only when you no longer force it.
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Bai Juyi said:
"It's hard to walk, it's not in the water, it's not in the mountains, it's only in the back-and-forth of human feelings."
It is not easy for adults to maintain a good relationship with each other.
Sometimes, a small gesture can make people feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes, a heartwarming word makes people feel happy.
And the most comfortable relationship between people is to talk and do things, and to the point.
If you don't ask about other people's privacy, you won't get tired of getting along.
If you don't interfere in other people's choices, you can get along comfortably.
Don't force other people's ideas, get along freely.
For the rest of my life, I hope you and I can be in a comfortable relationship, smile brightly, and live comfortably.
Source: There are books