This is the heartfelt words of a cheating middle-aged man.
Morally, infidelity to marriage deserves contempt and crusade.
But judging from the way husband and wife get along, his fault is not his own pot.
If there is a problem in a relationship, it must be that both husband and wife have problems, not just that one person is not doing well enough.
This man's story deserves to be heard, examined, and examined by every woman in marriage.
One
When I proposed to mortgage a house to start my own business, my wife stood on the opposite side of the story.
But she did not explicitly object, but put one condition:
Unless your mom agrees and your kids agree, the house won't be mortgaged to you.
Hearing this, I am even more irritable, if you oppose it, you will oppose it, why use children and the elderly as shields? Can you play this game of borrowing a knife to kill people a little better?
In this family, I have always been isolated, my wife, my mother and two children, they are always on the same line.
In other words, although I also earn money to support my family, I am a machine that takes money home on time, and other than that, I no longer have a sense of existence and value, and they don't see or approve of anything I do.
As a man, who doesn't want their wives to worship them and their children to worship them? Being worthless in front of his wife and children is the most unbearable humiliation for men.
It's a pity that I became the man who endured humiliation.
Two
I am an only child, and before I got married, my mother did do a lot of chores at home, and I was somewhat imbecile in housework.
I don't deny this, but everyone needs time and space to grow, no one is born to do something, as long as I am given time and space, I believe I can do well.
However, no one wants to give me the opportunity to grow.
Soon after we got married, my wife got pregnant, and then my mom lived with us.
At that time, my mother had retired, and she and my father had been quarrelling for most of the life, and the relationship had not been good, in her eyes, me and my small family were her spiritual support, and she could give everything for me.
I am grateful for my mom's efforts and admit that I was relieved when my mom came to help take care of my wife. After all, I rarely do household chores, and I don't have much confidence in taking care of a pregnant woman.
But after my mom came, I was completely marginalized.
First my mom helped take care of my wife, then my mom and my wife took care of the children together, and occasionally I wanted to help, but they always disliked me because of my clumsiness. In addition, I was also busy with work, and slowly, I found that our family formed two big camps, one camp was me, and the other camp was my mother, my wife and my children.
Not only did I not find a sense of presence and value at home, but I also couldn't find a sense of worship and respect.
Three
During this period, I also worked hard, my job income was average, and I worked with a few friends on projects before and after.
I want to earn more money, improve my family's finances, and improve my family's status.
However, due to lack of experience and bad luck, these projects ended up closing and did not make any money.
And in this process, my wife's income has risen year by year, and her momentum in front of me has become more sufficient, and many times when she talks to me, she has a feeling of being on top.
Where's my mom? I also think I'm unproductive, and sometimes even compares me to my father, thinking that both our father and son are useless.
Living in this sense of worthlessness and presence every day made me feel suffocated until the woman I met.
In all fairness, this woman is inferior to my wife in terms of ability and knowledge, but she has a gentle and obedient temperament and relies on me, which makes me feel the manhood that I have not seen for a long time.
I also hesitated, and I also wanted to prove myself with the last business startup, so that my wife would be impressed with me.
But as soon as I said a word about getting a mortgage, my wife already had 10,000 reasons to refuse, and as always, she didn't believe in my efforts at all.
Out of a psychology of compensation, but also in a kind of revenge, I cheated.
There is a saying that says:
Behind children's bad habits, they are all calling for love.
In fact, this sentence is also applicable to adults.
In a family relationship, the relationship between husband and wife should come first, and then the other relationships.
When a person feels that he has no place in the family, he must be eager to make some achievements to prove his worth to the family.
And when a person wants to prove himself too much, he will be extreme, extreme, and irrational.
This is where fair and honest communication becomes extremely important.
Remember a quote from the book "Seeing Emotional Value":
Emotions are worth tens of thousands of dollars. Only by catching each other's emotions can we hold each other's hearts.