In marriage, the most difficult relationship to deal with is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, two people who are not related by blood, because they love the same man, they become a family.
Perhaps it is the rejection of the same sex, since ancient times, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been a very difficult family relationship to deal with.
However, with the progress of society and the change of people's ideological concepts, there are still some mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law who get along very happily.
However, you need to recognize one thing, that is, no matter how good the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is, the mother-in-law will not care about these 3 things of the daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law will hate you if she does not thank her.
1. Don't worry about your daughter-in-law educating your children
In the past two days, my colleague Xiao Zhou complained to me about my mother-in-law, saying that every time I educate my children, my mother-in-law will come out to protect her shortcomings, which has led to the children developing a lot of bad habits.
And the mother-in-law always said in front of the child that Xiao Zhou was too ruthless to manage the child like the stepmother.
So, every time the child makes a mistake, he will run to his grandmother's side and seek refuge.
Because the mother-in-law always interferes in Xiao Zhou's education of the child, the child cannot distinguish right from wrong, and does not obey Xiao Zhou's discipline, and now the child is becoming more and more lawless and has no education.
Once, Xiao Zhou's son secretly took 5 yuan from her wallet and was discovered by Xiao Zhou.
Xiao Zhou asked his son what he was doing with the money, why didn't he tell his mother that he wanted to steal it.
But the son didn't think so, and said that anyway, you make money just to spend it for me.
Xiao Zhou was very angry and slapped his son in the ass a few times.
The mother-in-law who heard the movement came out, and hurriedly protected her grandson behind her and told Xiao Zhou, with me here, don't want to beat my grandson.
Xiao Zhou looked at her mother-in-law who was protecting her short, and then looked at her son who couldn't make it, she didn't know what to do, so she could only turn around and run away from home.
For Xiao Zhou's experience, I believe that many married women feel the same way.
As the saying goes, after the old people have grandchildren, they love them very much, for fear that they will be criticized a little.
As long as the children are well-behaved, the old people basically respond to their needs, and they send the moon in the sky to the children to pluck it off.
As a young parent, the discipline of the child is naturally strict and relaxed, for fear that the child will overindulge and become a bad child.
Young people are busy with work and have no choice but to leave their children in the care of the elderly, so that the children spend a long time with the elderly, which also leads to a deeper relationship between children and the elderly than with their parents.
However, for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, no matter how good your relationship is, you still have to be united in educating your children.
If your mother-in-law protects the child when you are educating your child, you don't want to make a big fuss with your mother-in-law, you can try these small methods.
1. Patiently do the ideological work of the mother-in-law.
The old people have a better temper than the younger ones, and they are more patient with their children, plus they love their children, which makes the old people neglect the education of their children.
At this time, you must communicate with the elderly in advance and tell them that children need to be disciplined if they do something wrong, otherwise it will lead them astray.
A child is like a small sapling, and if it is not pruned, it cannot grow into a towering tree.
The old people are old and slow to accept new ideas, so they must be patient, and I believe that they can gain the understanding of the elderly by communicating with them often to educate their children.
After a long time, the old people will understand the importance of education, and naturally they will not interfere anymore.
2. Share parenting videos
There are some elderly people who like to watch short videos, and as a daughter-in-law, they can do what they like and share the short parenting videos they think are good with their mother-in-law.
Mother-in-law may not listen to her daughter-in-law, but they must believe in the expert's words.
If another person tries to persuade and enlighten her mother-in-law's view of parenting, I believe the effect will be better.
3. Adhere to principles and keep the bottom line
In the face of mother-in-law's protection, if the child does something wrong is harmless, the discipline can be appropriately relaxed.
But if the child does something wrong is a matter of principle, at this time, no matter how much the mother-in-law intervenes to protect the shortcomings, she should insist on education.
Don't give up education because of your mother-in-law's interference, which will create a wrong concept for your child, so that you will mistakenly think that you will be fine if you do something wrong as long as you have grandma as a backer.
As a mother-in-law, you should also understand that no matter how much you love your children, you can't indulge your children, and if you can educate your daughter-in-law, you can't interfere without meddling, otherwise it will easily lead to the breakdown of the relationship between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and it is easy to teach bad children.
2. Don't care about how your daughter-in-law and son get along
There are many mothers-in-law who are nosy, especially the way their sons and daughters-in-law get along.
Sometimes young couples quarrel over trivial matters, and the quarrel will pass after a few words, but because of the intervention of the mother-in-law, the conflict will be aggravated, and in serious cases, it will lead to divorce.
Wang Min's mother-in-law is such a person, no matter what her son and daughter-in-law do, she always points fingers, which makes her daughter-in-law very angry.
After the daughter-in-law gave birth, due to work reasons, she could not take care of the child, so she could only take her mother-in-law to live together.
Wang Min was very grateful to her mother-in-law for her dedication, but after her mother-in-law came, the originally loving little couple quarreled every day.
Wang Min also returned to her parents' house angrily because of her mother-in-law's reconciliation many times.
Once, when Wang Min and her husband came home from work, Wang Min told her husband that she was too tired today and didn't want to cook, so she asked her husband to watch and cook something.
The husband saw that Wang Min was very tired, so he washed his hands and went to the kitchen to start dinner.
Halfway through the preparation, the mother-in-law came back from playing outside with the child.
The mother-in-law was very angry when she saw her daughter-in-law sleeping on the sofa while her son was busy in the kitchen.
So the mother-in-law went to the sofa and woke up her daughter-in-law and asked her to cook.
The daughter-in-law was busy all day, and finally fell asleep, and was woken up by her mother-in-law, and she was in a very bad mood, but she did not have a seizure on the spot, and silently went to the kitchen to help.
Later, after dinner, Wang Min went back to the house to sleep, and her husband took the initiative to clean up the dining table and kitchen.
The mother-in-law saw her son cooking and cleaning up the restaurant, and she felt very sorry for her son, so she couldn't help but complain a few words in the living room.
"If you're tired from work all day, my son won't be tired."
These words made Wang Min, who was already angry, explode all of a sudden, and she rushed out of the bedroom and accused her mother-in-law:
"Cooking is not my job alone, why can't your son cook? I should serve him, can't he serve me? ”
The reason why Wang Min's mother-in-law interfered in the life of her son and daughter-in-law was nothing more than being too partial to her son, for fear that her son would be wronged and ignore her daughter-in-law's feelings.
For the intervention of the mother-in-law, as a daughter-in-law, you should avoid head-on conflict with the mother-in-law, and if you are dissatisfied, you can let the husband report the problem to the mother-in-law.
In addition, the mother-in-law should also respect her daughter-in-law, love her daughter-in-law, and don't forget her daughter-in-law's usual good when she sees a little bad about her daughter-in-law.
Mother-in-law also needs to remember to maintain a sense of boundaries with the family of her son and daughter-in-law, who have formed a new family, have their own way of life, be elders, and stay out of things as much as possible in order to maintain a friendly relationship with mother-in-law.
3. Don't care about your daughter-in-law's spending
Zhang Feng graduated from a prestigious university, and after graduation, she worked in a private company, with a good salary every month, plus bonuses, sometimes she could get nearly 20,000 yuan a month.
Zhang Feng's husband is her colleague, and the two have similar incomes.
Zhang Feng has a good family background since he was a child, his father is a high school teacher, his mother is a civil servant, and when he got married, his parents married more than 300,000 yuan.
And Zhang Feng's husband was born in the countryside, and he has today's achievements, all of which are obtained by studying hard and crawling hard.
When they got married, Zhang Feng's father-in-law borrowed a lot of money from relatives, so they bought a new house for the two.
Due to different family backgrounds, Zhang Feng's consumption concept is different from that of her in-laws.
Zhang Feng buys what he likes when he sees it, never asks about the price, and doesn't care whether it's useful or not.
And my mother-in-law is used to living a hard life, so she often saves as much as she can, saves the extra money, and keeps it for later use.
After getting married, Zhang Feng's mother-in-law moved in to live with the young couple because she had to take care of her grandson.
Mother-in-law thinks that Zhang Feng is good at everything, just a little, spending money lavishly, and always wants to talk about her.
Once, Zhang Feng took her children and mother-in-law to buy daily necessities.
While shopping, Zhang Feng saw a coat, she liked it very much, so she asked the waiter to wrap it.
When the mother-in-law asked the price, the coat cost 2,500, and she felt that it was too expensive, and she didn't want Zhang Feng to buy it.
Zhang Fengcai didn't listen, and said, I earn my own money and spend it myself, and I didn't spend your son's money, so you can't care about it.
The mother-in-law was counted down by her daughter-in-law, and she was very unhappy, so she told her son, I am thinking about your future, Zhang Feng didn't thank me, and said that I was angry with me!
Zhang Feng's husband looked at his angry mother, and then looked at his wife, but he didn't know who to help, so he could only hide in the house and not come out.
No matter how good the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is, as a mother-in-law, she can't care about her daughter-in-law's spending.
Some mothers-in-law think that their daughters-in-law do not make money and spend their son's money, and they feel sorry for their son's hard work.
There is also a mother-in-law who thinks that her daughter-in-law spends money lavishly and does not save money, and where she will have money in the future, she will not be able to take out the money, and she will suffer a loss when the time comes.
Although the mother-in-law's heart is good, you also have to understand that the son and daughter-in-law are already adults, and they have their own consumption concepts, and they should not impose their own consumption concepts on their daughters-in-law.
At the same time, daughters-in-law should also be considerate of their mother-in-law, their generation has survived hard life and is more economical.
In addition, mothers-in-law think long-term and are always worried about accidents in the future, so that you can save some money, but also for emergencies.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, not because you are natural enemies, but because you don't think about each other.
When encountering things, think more from the other person's point of view, maybe you will better understand her behavior.
The way of getting along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not difficult, remember, no matter how good the relationship is, as a mother-in-law, do not interfere with these 3 things of daughter-in-law.
Finally, I also hope that every family can get along more and more happily with Meimei, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.