This article is a novel story, some of the plots are fictional, if there are similarities are purely coincidental, the picture comes from the Internet, invaded and deleted.
Text | Zero Seven Story Meeting
Edit | Zero Seven Story Meeting
I am Lu Zhejun, 50 years old this year, and I am the general manager of a listed company. On the outside, I have lived a very successful life, but deep down I have always hidden an unforgettable painful experience.
The picture comes from the Internet
In the summer of 1988, Xiaofang, my high school tablemate, and I were still a loving couple. We grew up together since childhood, and we had a very strong relationship, and before the college entrance examination, we agreed to be admitted to the same university together, so that we can grow old together in the future.
But fate played a cruel joke on us. My college entrance examination results were mediocre, and I couldn't even barely reach the admission line of ordinary colleges, but Xiaofang's side was successfully admitted to her favorite university as we wished.
The pain of separation weighed on young Xiaofang, and she began to waver in her feelings for me, thinking that I might not be able to move forward with her.
In the end, Xiaofang persuaded me to go to the army for a few years first, and then we would start again after she graduated from college. I was still young, innocent and blindly believing her words.
So in the autumn of 1988, with infinite expectations for Xiaofang, I happily left my hometown and went to an army unit in the northwest border to start a new journey in life.
In the first few months of my enlistment, I overcame many psychological and physical challenges to finally get acquainted with barracks life. Although the living environment is much more modest than when I was back home, I have no complaints.
Because I always kept Xiaofang's words in mind, she said that as long as I trained in the army for a few years, we could start again after she graduated from college.
With this expectation, I worked extremely hard in the army, gritting my teeth and holding on no matter how hard and tired I was. I hope that through my own efforts, I can keep pace with Xiaofang in the future and not drag her back.
The picture comes from the Internet
Shifts, training, socializing...... I have never slackened, and I have silently accumulated strength with practical actions. At the same time, I also seized every opportunity to write to Xiaofang.
Whenever I have a little time, I will hold the pen and can't wait to tell her what is in my heart. Sometimes I described to her the details of my life in the army, sometimes it was her affirmation and encouragement, and sometimes it was my hope and expectation for the future.
The letter is neither long nor short, about 700 words, but every word written down is from the heart. Has Xiaofang opened the letter and read it? At first, she would occasionally reply with a letter or two, and although the content was simple, I was already genuinely happy.
But just when I was hungry and thirsty for Xiaofang's news, her letters became fewer and fewer, and there were fewer and fewer of them, until finally the news was completely cut off.
I began to secretly wonder, is there something wrong with her? Or has she lost interest in me, the one who can only go on a lonely expedition? I really didn't have a clue. Sometimes I even ask my comrades-in-arms around me, what do you think is the reason why girls don't reply?
The comrades-in-arms speculated all kinds of things, some said that the letter might have been lost, and some people said that it might be too busy... I listened to their explanations, but I was still not very reassured, but there was nothing I could do. I had no choice but to continue to write, hoping to hear back from Xiaofang one day.
But... Month after month, season after season, Xiaofang's letters are always missing. In the midst of continuous disappointment and anxiety, my mood grew lower.
Occasionally, I wonder if the letter I wrote was too mediocre. Or am I not qualified at all in Xiaofang's eyes?
The picture comes from the Internet
I began to become more reticent and behaved more and more wooden, and I lost a lot of friends in the army as a result. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I would sit alone in the corner of the barracks and look through the letters that Xiao Fang had written to me before, hoping to find some clues.
But every time I read the words "I love you forever", I was overwhelmed by the surging pain, and I could hardly breathe. In this way, with Xiao Fang completely ignoring it, I survived the last two years of army life.
My mentality was getting worse and worse, and I started to drink too much to indulge myself, and I almost died of alcohol during a military exercise. Fortunately, he was finally found by his comrades and sent to the hospital for rescue.
In 1993, after my university life had ended, I finally left the army and returned to my hometown with trepidation. But on the first day of returning home, my father sadly told me that Xiaofang was married and happily married.
I was helpless, and the pain was beyond words......
The moment I learned that Xiaofang was married, my world seemed to fall into the abyss. It was dark in front of my eyes, and all I could hear was the sound of a pounding heartbeat. I was almost suffocating, the pain like a big invisible hand holding my throat.
Why did Xiaofang do this to me? When the hell did she start betraying me? And for what reason? Ten thousand questions flashed through my mind, but I couldn't find the answers anyway.
I began to doubt my life and question what I had done wrong to be hurt like this. Tears rolled in my eyes, and I gritted my teeth and barely let them fall.
The picture comes from the Internet
As a veteran of the army for many years, I never want to show my weakness in front of my family. But my heart has long been full of holes, and I am more like a helpless poor worm who has been severely hurt by everything in the world.
At my father's persuasion, I fled from my hometown and wandered alone for a few months. I drank unbridledly, sang night after night, and so on day after day......
Sometimes when I wake up, Xiaofang's face will come back to my mind, which makes me even more embarrassed. I hate my own incompetence, I hate Xiaofang's ruthlessness, and I hate this world so cruelly.
Just when my will was already falling, a letter from my father saved me. It was my father's dying will, and he said in the letter, "Son, live well, and there is no point in obsessing with it."
Looking at my father's dignified and crisp handwriting, my heart was suddenly warmed by a warm current. I began to reflect on my life, and the reason why I was so hurt by Xiao Fang's things was not because of how hateful Xiao Fang was.
It's because I'm too blind to yearning for and pursuing an ethereal thing. I put all my youth on a girl, and once she betrayed me, I lost the courage and direction to survive.
But after all, I was still too young and naïve. No one can control a relationship 100 percent, just as no one can control their life 100 percent. Feelings will change, people will also change, and change is a natural law.
The picture comes from the Internet
The more I thought about it, the more I felt that what I was doing wrong was because of my excessive attachment and dependence on feelings. The girl comes and goes, and life goes on. So, I slowly let go of the obsession in my heart and began to reshape the value and meaning of my life with actions.
I made new friends and started planning for the future. With the support and help of my family and friends, I quickly entered the mall and worked hard to create a new world in society. Gradually, the wounds in my heart slowly healed, and I also walked out of the haze left by Xiaofang.
Years later, I am a successful entrepreneur with a career, family, status and wealth. For the former Xiaofang, I have also been relieved.
Even if I occasionally learn about her living situation through the channels of acquaintances, it is more like an attachment caused by an old friendship than an attachment.
Life is long, and the road is under your feet. Perhaps it was because of that heart-wrenching experience that I knew how to cherish everything in front of me.
Even if fate plays tricks on people, even if the past makes people reminisce about it again and again, we must live freely and stride forward. That's what I want to say.
In this way, I told my sad past. Now that I think about it, although that experience made me suffer a lot, it also made me who I am today.
If I hadn't suffered that blow, I would probably never have stepped out of my inner circle to see the vastness of the outside world.
The picture comes from the Internet
Later, someone asked me, if you could do it all over again, would you still be willing to go through that painful time again? I thought about it and thought about it, but I would still choose to face it bravely.
Because everyone will inevitably experience some ups and downs in their lives, this is the test of fate for us. And whether you can survive it depends on your own determination.
I now live a prosperous life, but I have never forgotten the hard years of my youth. In the dead of night, I would still take out the letters that Xiaofang gave me back then and revisit them carefully.
Although the handwriting on it has long been blurred, the drunkenness has never diminished. For Xiaofang, there is no resentment in my heart, only a faint longing.
Let that past be sealed forever in the dust of time, I only hope that she is happier and healthier than I am now. Sometimes I will secretly solve her problems through the channels of acquaintances. After all, the friendship of the past is always hard to let go.
Life is like this, there are bumps in the road, but as long as you face it bravely, you will be able to get through it. I'm glad I chose to move on in the end, otherwise I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.
It is precisely because of the painful experience of the past that I cherish everything now. This is what I want to tell you about my life.
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