Just recently
Ever since I began to observe myself in the bits and pieces of life, I have found that I, a middle-aged woman, have a really strange personality and temper. The money bag is bulging, and the life could have been free, but I have always avoided talking about the topic of children. I'm afraid, I'm afraid that I won't be able to give my child a stable home and a complete love. One of these oddities is this deep worry.
And my eccentricity is even more reflected in my relationship with my brother. He was a few years younger than me, but at home, I was always the only sister who was submissive. It may be hard for others to imagine why I am so afraid of my brother and why I am so eager to please him. Every time we meet, I always try to bring him a gift, just to make him smile. I spend more money on him than I can afford to spend on myself. This kind of me, in the eyes of others, may be extremely eccentric.
But this weirdness stems from my experience when I was a child. I was born into a patriarchal family and was instilled with the idea of taking good care of my younger brother from an early age. I remember that time, I was beaten by my parents for stealing my brother's toys, and I was asked to kneel and kowtow to my brother to apologize. At that moment, I looked at my brother's high smile, and the grievances and unwillingness in my heart welled up in my heart, but strangely, I actually laughed too. From that moment on, I seemed to understand that only by being good to my younger brother can I get the approval and love of my parents.
This cognition, like a heavy shackle, has bound me for so many years. Even when my brother grows up to be vexatious, I always obey him. Because deep down in my heart, I always think that only by doing this can I get that long-lost love.
However, am I really happy like this? Every time I see my brother making trouble unreasonably, who knows the helplessness and pain in my heart? But I also understand that this eccentric character has been deeply rooted in the bone marrow, and it is not easy to change it.
Perhaps, what I need is not only the baptism of time, but also the awakening of my heart. Only when I truly understand that my worth does not depend on the approval and love of others can I break free from this strange shackle and live a true self.
But anyway, it's part of my life, part of my character. I accept it and try to change it. Hopefully, one day, I can become a stronger, more confident woman who will no longer be bothered by this eccentricity.
In the world where I live, I am a middle-aged woman who is a little different from ordinary people. Not because I have abundant wealth and live a carefree life, but because my inner world always seems to be a little out of place with this world.
Wealth and a stable life don't seem to bring me much joy. When I talk about children, I am always afraid that I will not be able to give them a complete and beautiful world. This inexplicable worry may be one of the portrayals of my eccentric personality.
What is even more puzzling is the relationship between me and my brother. He may be a few years younger than me, but in my heart, he has unspeakable weight. I was always careful to please him, as if his joys and sorrows were all I had in life. I spent more money and thought on him than I could have done for him. This kind of almost blind dedication may seem incomprehensible to outsiders, but for me, it is an irresistible fate.
The origin of this fate can be traced back to my childhood. It was a patriarchal era, and everything in the family seemed to be centered around the younger brother. I was taught from a young age to accommodate him and take care of him, as if it was my innate. That time, because of a small toy, I was punished like never before. The scolding and corporal punishment of my parents made me understand the rules of the family - my younger brother is supreme.
Since then, I have learned to please and be submissive. Every time my brother laughs, it seems that I can offset the grievances and unwillingness in my heart. This distorted mentality, like an invisible shackle, binds me tightly. Even now that I am in middle age, I still can't shake off the shadow of my childhood.
However, life is always full of unknowns and uncertainties. I've tried to resist and struggle, but that weird personality that goes deep into my bones has always prevented me from taking that step. I know that only inner awakening and change can truly free me from this shackle.
But anyway, it's a part of my life. I am willing to accept it, face it, and try to find my own freedom and happiness. Maybe one day, when I really let go of the baggage in my heart, I can live a true and complete self.
In this complicated world, I, a middle-aged woman, have a different inner world. The accumulation of money did not bring me peace of mind, but made me hesitate and hesitate when faced with certain life choices.
I have never been able to muster the courage to welcome the arrival of a new life, and the fear of the unknown and the fear of responsibility have always been with me. And the relationship between me and my brother is even more puzzling. Although he is younger than me, he occupies a pivotal place in my heart. I often try my best to please him, as if I can find a trace of value in his recognition and laughter.
This almost distorted relationship actually stems from my childhood experience. In that patriarchal family, I was indoctrinated with the idea that my younger brother was the center of the family and that all my actions should be guided by his needs. Those childhood memories were like heavy shackles that bound me and made it impossible for me to break free.
I've had countless nights of reflection trying to find a way out of this eccentric personality. But whenever I faced my brother, the shadows of the past would always come to my heart, and I couldn't make any changes. I know that only when I truly accept myself and understand my past can I find my way to the future.
However, life is always full of unknowns and possibilities. I believe that one day in the future, I will find the courage and strength of my own to face the fears and insecurities in my heart. I will strive to break free from the shackles of the past and live a true, free and independent self.
This is me, a quirky but real middle-aged woman. I accept my imperfections and look forward to the future. I believe that as long as you have love, courage and faith in your heart, you will be able to find your own happiness and satisfaction.
In the long river of years, I, a middle-aged woman, have a different inner world. The accumulation of money did not bring me peace of mind, but made me hesitate and hesitate at the crossroads of my life.
I have always had an inexplicable fear and anxiety about the issue of childbirth. I was afraid that I would not be able to give my child a complete and beautiful world, and this fear hung over me like a shadow and prevented me from taking that step.
And my relationship with my brother is full of complexity and subtlety. Although he is younger than me, he occupies a pivotal place in my heart. I often try to meet his needs, hoping to find some comfort and fulfillment in his approval. This kind of almost blind dedication has put me in a situation from which I cannot extricate myself.
Tracing back to the source of this eccentric character, I found it deeply rooted in my childhood memories. In that patriarchal family environment, I was indoctrinated with the notion that my younger brother was the center of the family and that I seemed to exist only to cater to his needs. This twisted state of mind is like an invisible cage that binds me tightly.
However, life is always full of uncertainties. I know that only by breaking out of this cage can I find my true self. I try to accept my imperfections, to understand my past, and to find my way to the future.
I believe that one day in the future, I will break free from the shackles of the past and live a true, free and independent self. I will use my inner strength to face the challenges of life and pursue my own happiness and satisfaction.
This is me, a quirky but real middle-aged woman. I accept my imperfections and look forward to the future. I believe that as long as I have love, courage and faith in my heart, I will be able to write my own wonderful chapter.
In the long river of years, I am a middle-aged woman, and there is a different world hidden in my heart. The abundance of money did not allow me to enjoy inner peace, but made me full of inexplicable confusion and anxiety about the future.
I have always been in awe and worried about the continuation of life. I was afraid that I would not be able to provide a stable, loving environment for my children to grow up in, and this fear filled my heart like a thick fog, and I was always shy away from having children.
And my brother, he plays a special role in my life. Even though he was younger than me, I always seemed so careful in front of him, trying to cater to his every need. This near-humble accommodation often leads me into a whirlpool of self-doubt and questioning my own worth.
Tracing the roots of this character, I find that it is deeply rooted in my childhood. In that patriarchal family, I was taught to obey my brother unconditionally and meet all his demands. This distorted concept of family, like an invisible shackle, bound my soul and made it impossible for me to break free.
However, life is always full of hope and turnaround. I have come to realize that only by being brave enough to face my past and accept my imperfections can I find my way to the future. I began to try to get rid of that heavy psychological burden and look at my relationship with my brother and the challenges of life from a new perspective.
I believe that one day in the future, I will break free from the shadow of the past and live a true, confident, and independent self. I will use my inner strength to create my own happiness and satisfaction, so that life blooms brilliantly.
This is me, a quirky but powerful middle-aged woman. I accept my imperfections and believe in the bright future. I believe that as long as I have love, courage and faith in my heart, I will be able to write my own wonderful life.
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