After living with my aunt for 3 years, I became more and more inferior, not because she was bad, but because I finally lived as myself

I officially came to my aunt's house in May 1987, and I had a short life before that, but in 1990, I moved into the dormitory after joining the workforce and started my independent life journey.

During this period at my aunt's house, my aunt offered to let my mother give 50 yuan a month for living expenses, I went to a technical school in September 1987, and the technical school students at that time had living expenses every month, and there were three levels of living expenses: 36 yuan, 42 yuan, and 48 yuan, the level of living expenses was linked to academic performance, and the proportion was not the same, that is to say, the first class, only the students with the first grades in a class were eligible to take, and the second class also had a quota limit, I basically took 48 yuan and 42 yuan, plus my mother 50 yuan per month, There are more than 90 yuan of living expenses, and the clothes are all my cousin's old, or my mother buys them, and the socks are also bought by my mother, sometimes my mother can't remember, and my aunt will say to me: I have to write to you to buy you a pair of socks.

My dad is a teacher, my mom is a farmer at home, four children, my husband is an employee of a central enterprise, my aunt is a temporary worker in the unit, two children, my cousin and cousin were working and married at that time.

In 1987, the teacher's salary was not high, I remember that in 1990, when I first joined the work, there were only more than 110 yuan, my husband joined the work in January 1985, and by 1990, the monthly salary was only about 150 yuan, so I felt that my mother was not easy, my father's salary of one or two hundred yuan, I had to send me 50 every month, although my uncle's salary was high, my aunt was not obliged to support me, I can understand this, so, every month I got my living expenses at school, and all of them were given to my aunt, I remember that when I was about to pay my living expenses, my aunt would always say: how much is a pound of eggs, how much is a pound of vegetables, how much is meat, and so on, I know that my aunt is also living a hard life, she likes to nag, I understand, I remember another time, I sent 48 yuan for living expenses, I kept 6 yuan for myself, and I didn't tell her, because I was afraid that she would nag, maybe she learned from my classmates how much money I took! The next morning after giving her living expenses, it was a weekend, I hadn't gotten up yet, she ran to my bedroom early in the morning, rummaged through my pants and clothes pockets, I had to close my eyes and pretend to sleep, I thought that she must be looking for money, and I also knew that she would look for me next, would scold me, and then wouldn't give me a good face for a week, I don't blame her, but I am aggrieved that I keep the six yuan, not my own mouth, my cousin's child (aunt's grandson) is my aunt is bringing, I want to keep some money, usually take the child to play at the door, there is a department store at the door, It is convenient to buy something to eat for the child, of course, I have never taken the money sent by my mother, only once, it happened to be the weekend, my cousin took the receipt, let me go to the post office with her to pick it up, after taking it she took me to the market to buy her a coat, forced me to buy one, I don't want to live or die, I am still afraid of my aunt's scolding, and then look at the face of the week, trembling, cousin, how can she know my situation, buy back, really I wash the dishes, my aunt scolded me loudly, do you want to do it? Then he scolded me for being more and more capable, daring to take the money to buy clothes, anyway, I was always silent, because there was no point in explaining, my aunt was a bitter person, besides, I was not her child, I understood her.

There are two more times, I don't know if my aunt is in a bad mood or what, once I made noodles and fried green peppers, she came back, I brought the meal to the table, I thought she would be satisfied, I didn't expect her to be an uncle's noodles kept counting me, saying how expensive green peppers are, doing so much, you are gluttonous, delicious, the number falls to the best, I heard it, I was not satisfied with my cleaning yard (the bungalow I lived in at the time), I felt insulted me, maybe I was too depressed at ordinary times, anyway, I also made up my mind to leave, so I threw the chopsticks, I ran out with tears in my eyes, and during this period, my uncle-in-law was also preventing my aunt from falling behind, he said that the green peppers in summer are not expensive, and if you like to eat more, it is nothing. Another time is more excessive, that year has been living in the building, I saw the normal time after work, fried vegetables, the water below is boiling, lying on the kitchen balcony window to see if she is back, so that when she arrives home, my noodles will be pulled, she can eat, I didn't expect to get off work for a while, she hasn't come back, I estimate that it's almost done, and I started to ramen, and I put it for a few minutes, she entered the door, I quickly took her to the front, she looked at it, and said: Are you rice? It's just, and in an instant I was speechless and overwhelmed.

In July 1987, my cousin came back, his diary was placed on the cabinet, I was curious when I cleaned the cabinet, and when I opened it, he wrote about me like this: My cousin is like a dumpling in a noodle pot, poking and moving, fat like a pig. That must have been what my aunt told him behind his back, because I had only been at his house for two months, and he had been out all the time, so how did I know the situation when I just came back? Besides, am I what he wrote? Housework, hygiene, washing sheets, quilt covers, etc., what did I not take the initiative to do? But they don't do it themselves, saying that I am as fat as a pig, may I ask if I am 167 tall and weigh more than 80 pounds, is it fat? I understand that no matter how good you are, no matter how good you are, you are useless in the eyes of others. I sometimes hate myself and don't have the courage to retreat, because I'm afraid that my aunt will scold my mother for educating a child like me. In this way, she wrote to scold my mother, and the letter was seen by my uncle's daughter, and it was torn up in a few clicks, and she couldn't read it anymore.

In the unit, I met my current husband, although he had a bad temper at that time, but he had a good heart, he said that he wanted to meet my aunt, I was afraid that my aunt would scold him, he said he was not afraid, and as a result, my aunt scolded me when he entered the door: scolded me for being a female hooligan, what kind of person to find, and so on. I kept scolding and scolding, my uncle may feel like this, I am ashamed in front of my husband, and I have been stopping my aunt's behavior, but it didn't work, I hid in the room and shed tears, my cousin's daughter is only a few years old, she wiped my tears and said Auntie don't cry, don't talk to grandma. Later, my husband was so angry that he said: Hey! I didn't expect her to be such a person, I can imagine what kind of life you live, if it weren't for your face, I would have to fight with her. My aunt is not bad-hearted, but her temper and mouth are particularly bad, but this is limited to her son-in-law, daughter-in-law and relatives, she is still very polite to her children, grandchildren and outsiders, and she gives outsiders the impression that she is cultured and educated.

In 1989, I was an intern in the unit, and my aunt wanted to go back to my cousin's house in Jiangsu to take her grandson, but she and her uncle-in-law left and didn't tell me, that day I came home from work, the house was like being ransacked, all the furniture was sold, at that time it was a wooden cabinet made by myself, one was sold for five or six yuan, at most ten yuan, my clothes were not much, my aunt was thrown into two cardboard boxes, and I was left with a rickety single bed that I slept on. Because I didn't want to be here anymore, then my grandfather asked my aunt, and my aunt said that she didn't do this, and my grandfather asked my mother if I was talking nonsense? Actually, my grandfather knew my aunt's temperament, but he didn't want it to be like this.

Before my aunt and my husband went to Jiangsu, I asked my cousin to move in, because my cousin is a municipal unit, and the water, electricity and plumbing are all at my own expense, and my uncle's residence, these expenses are all from the unit, and my cousin-in-law is also a foreigner, he is very good to me, because we have the same experience in this family, he does not agree to move in, because he knows, this is equivalent to driving me out, my cousin is going to move in, I directly said that you can't move in, I have to go to the unit dormitory, you decide for yourself!

My cousin eventually moved into my aunt's house, and I moved into the dormitory.

Later, my aunt and they came back, I got the certificate, my husband is also a foreigner, and I rely entirely on myself to buy household belongings, here I only have one relative, she only gave me a porcelain basin and a plastic basin, which were issued by my uncle's unit, my cousin is here, and I didn't give me anything, my aunt told me, let me buy a good refrigerator, washing machine, TV set to her house, and then let me find a car to pull to my small home, I didn't say I didn't agree, I didn't say yes, anyway, I don't say anything, I know she wants face, I'm afraid of what the people around me will say, but I think it's too troublesome, carry things up to the third floor of her house, and then find a car to find someone to carry down, they didn't give me anything, and I don't have to valet anymore, so we will take it home and take it on a tour, so it's considered a marriage.

From 1987 to 1990, to be exact to 1989, I lived in the dormitory of the unit, during which a lot of things happened, these are just part of it, aunt is very smart, so that you can't tell the kind of person you have a mouth, outsiders think you are the kind of person in her mouth, she will always be a good person, to say that her heart is not bad, but her temper and mouth are too bad, too good at scheming.

My aunt and I didn't cut off contact until 2021, the problem is not with me first, I can accept anything from her, because she is kind to me, but I can't accept that she despises my daughter and treats the child's upbringing as air, although she has a promising son and can demean me, but she is not qualified to demean my daughter, so what she did and said to me, I no longer care whether others have face, or is it right to do so? Silence is the best answer, and perhaps silence can make each other reflect better.

There are many more stories about my aunt and me, but I still don't hold a grudge against her, and I still understand and appreciate her, but my ability really can't give her as much as she wants, so I can't control what she thinks or says in front of her relatives.

There are too many helplessness and sorrow in life, which cannot be solved by one person.

After living with my aunt for 3 years, I have more and more low self-esteem, and I like solitude and silence more and more, not that she is bad, but that I have finally lived as myself, but I have never regretted it, because what I want is dignity. #以书之名#