Traditionally, women are often expected to give selflessly and prioritize the needs of their families and others. However, modern society is increasingly emphasizing women's self-realization and personal well-being.
From years of emotional research, I firmly believe that women should learn to be selfish, not only for their own happiness, but also to build a healthy and equal marriage relationship.
In this article, I will explore why women should be selfish and how to achieve a balance between selfishness and selflessness in marriage, combining a psychological perspective.
1. Be selfish in order to learn to love yourself, which is the beginning of a lifelong romance
"If you bloom, butterflies will come." This wise phrase is like a bright light, profoundly illustrating a crucial truth: only when we truly know how to care for ourselves can we truly attract the sincere love that others give us.
In the context of marriage, many women often unconsciously put aside their needs and feelings for the sake of family happiness and the growth of children.
But in fact, such unreserved selfless dedication may not be able to bring them the happiness they expect.
On the contrary, when a woman repeatedly ignores her own needs, she may breed dissatisfaction and even a sense of depression in her heart, which will undoubtedly have a very negative impact on the stability of the marital relationship.
As the famous psychologist Sigmund Freud said: "Love is the projection of one's own love." ”
Indeed, when we love ourselves from the bottom of our hearts, we have the ability to care better for others.
Therefore, it is important for women to learn to focus on their own needs, take care of their emotions and take care of their bodies.
However, this is definitely not to ask women to go to the extreme of selfishness, but to make them understand that while caring for others, they must never forget to give themselves a warm love.
Women should know that they are also worthy of being valued and cared for, and only by putting themselves in a good state can they face all kinds of married life with a fuller attitude, and can they establish a healthier, harmonious and loving relationship with their partners.
Caring for yourself is not a selfish act, but to make your life more colorful and make the flower of marriage bloom more beautifully.
Second, be selfish, in order to have a bottom line of giving, in order to be respected
In the world of marriage, women often choose to pay without hesitation out of the pursuit of family harmony.
But it needs to be understood that excessive and unbridled giving does not necessarily bring happiness to them.
On the contrary, when a woman falls into a pattern of overgiving, the man may gradually take all her efforts for granted, and gradually lose the respect and gratitude that should be due to her.
"Bebb's Law" is like a wake-up call, clearly reminding us that continuous efforts over a long period of time often tend to make people accustomed to everything as a matter of course.
If a woman is always giving unconditionally, the man may be grateful at first.
However, as time slowly passed, he would see these as things that were within the woman's purview, and that she was supposed to do them.
And if you want to touch his emotions again at this time and move him, it means that the woman needs to further increase her efforts.
But you must know that human energy has its limits after all, and once people's desires are opened, it is like a bottomless abyss that can never be filled.
In the end, there is often such an ending, the other party's needs are far from being met, and the woman herself has already exhausted her mental strength in exhaustion.
Therefore, women must learn to pay with a bottom line in marriage. When a man's request crosses the bottom line set by herself, the woman must be brave enough to learn to refuse.
In this way, not only can men value women's efforts more, but also allow women to maintain a certain degree of independence and autonomy in marriage.
Only in this way can women not lose themselves in marriage, so that they can better manage their marriage and reap their own happiness.
3. Selfishness is the secret of a long-lasting marriage
Marriage is actually a union between two independent individuals, not two people's mutual dependence.
In marriage, women especially need to maintain their independence at all times, and must not lose their original self.
Because once a woman loses herself, she is very likely to gradually become overly dependent on men, and in this way, she will also lose effective control over her marriage.
As Shu Ting wrote in her classic poem "To the Oak Tree": "I must be a kapok near you, standing with you as the image of a tree." roots, clinging to the ground; Leaves, touching in the clouds. We greeted each other with every gust of wind, but no one understood our words. ”
This poem exquisitely conveys a concept of love that is independent and treats each other as equals.
In the context of marriage, a woman should be like the kapok, firmly maintain her independence, form a relationship with the man to support each other and achieve each other, and grow together on the road of marriage.
Women should not be vassals of men, but partners who stand side by side with men.
Only when a woman has an independent mind, an independent personality and an independent life can she shine her own light in marriage and create a harmonious, happy and vibrant married life with men.
Maintaining independence is not to oppose men, but to achieve mutual progress and development on the basis of mutual respect and understanding, and make marriage the best part of each other's lives.
To be a woman, you have to be selfish, no matter who you marry in the future. This is not to ask women to become selfish, but to care for others while not forgetting to care for themselves.
Only when women learn to love themselves, give with a bottom line and maintain independence, can they truly realize their self-worth and have a happy marriage. I hope that every woman can find her own happiness in marriage.