Text | Mi Li's mother
Not long ago, Jin Jing officially announced the news of her pregnancy, and Mi Li's mother, who swiped that video, really showed her aunt's smile. Because her sober speech makes the mammary glands clear and very healing.
Until she generously announced the news of her pregnancy, the whole network didn't react, and thought she was joking.
There is no official announcement of romance, no official announcement of marriage, and directly entering the official announcement of pregnancy, it can be said that it skips red tape and goes straight to the point, which is clean and comfortable.
Here's what she explains:
"Regarding romance, marriage, or something, if I can not make an official announcement, I will not make an official announcement. Sometimes they break up, get married or divorce, and everyone feels that they have encroached on this public resource. But I think I'm very happy to share this with you, because he will always be my child, and there will be no variables. ”
This passage is so reasonable, many people will intuitively think that her statement may be because she is not optimistic about her emotional status.
But in fact, she is wrong, her relationship with her husband is very stable, and her husband pays great attention to her pregnancy, and her sense of responsibility is also online.
Sober people, whether they have a stable relationship or not, will have a scientific and objective understanding of the nature of feelings, she understands that feelings are very variable, and her speech also let Mi Li's mother see that more and more girls are beginning to pursue controllable things, and the mirror flowers and water are too uncontrollable, can be omitted.
There's no one I can't pick up
In Mi Li's mother's impression, Jin Jing has always given me a feeling of good netting. She was born with humor cells and traffic passwords, and she has no idol baggage but exudes a sense of variety show.
Her funny temperament is deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, until I saw the TV series she acted in some time ago: "I'm Good in Another Country", her performance in it was so mature and sophisticated, I became a fan of her immediately.
Jin Jing plays a girl named Hu Jingjing in it, Hu Jingjing is usually a warm and cheerful, kind and optimistic girl, but under the pressure of work, the slander of the leader, and the depression she already had, she chose to end her life by jumping off the bridge on her birthday.
Jin Jing really put that kind of emotional progressive performance, and after watching her performance, she couldn't get out for a long time, it was too substitutional.
From then on, I realized what this girl was really like.
She is enthusiastic and proactive, and she has always been the one who takes the initiative to tease others in variety shows. She also has her own sense of absolute control over what CP to fry, and she is not twisting. In her words, "There's nothing I can't do, there's no person I can't get." ”
For example, when cooperating with Li Jiaqi in a live broadcast, CP was hot. At that time, Li Jiaqi was not confused, and the two of them matched each other.
Even Sa Beining hinted at "urging marriage" in the live broadcast room. And in daily life, their relationship is also in a state of "you are making trouble, I am laughing".
Li Jiaqi, the first brother who can usually speak well, was powerless to parry in the face of Jin Jing's serial artillery complaints, so he could only hold back a smile on the side. It can be seen that Jin Jing's brain reacts quickly.
In variety shows, she flirted with Cai Xu Kun in various ways.
Cai Xukun didn't answer a question, and Jin Jing said next to him: "Can you put your mind on the game, I'm the one who controls you again, right?" ”
In the following game ring, Jin Jing has been answering correctly in a row, and she directly turned the topic to Cai Xukun:
"You are my key, the lock of my heart."
In the variety show "Bizarre Script Shark", Jin Jing and Wang Yuan played a couple in the script, and she even flew up.
When they read the script together, Jin Jing directly coquettishly said: "I'm blushing with shame", and forcefully reminded Wang Yuan to act more seriously. Wang Yuan said in fear: "It's not necessary."
Later, when asked what the relationship was, Jin Jing replied directly: "This is my fiancé."
Jin Jing is very smart, she plays the CP of entertainment in variety shows so that it is difficult to distinguish between real and false, so that the entertainment attributes are full, and everyone's tolerance for her is higher.
But from beginning to end, she didn't deliberately dodge anything. was asked by Zhang Yixing in "Longing for Life" "How long have you not been in love", and she generously admitted that she was in love: "I am very happy." ”
Her boyfriend is Shu Yicheng, who has starred in many dramas, and he directed the cartoon "Painting the Bad People of the Rivers and Lakes", which is quite famous in the animation industry.
But despite the stable relationship, Shu Yicheng has also been promoted from boyfriend to husband, but it has never been officially announced.
What it's like to be sober
The more you try to get hold of something, the more you won't get it.
Jin Jing's lack of attachment to relationships enables her to be highly consistent and comfortable in relationships.
Those who can truly achieve emotional stability actually have one ability, and that is the ability to accept change.
The person you love today may leave tomorrow, and the seemingly solid relationship may fall apart inadvertently.
But if you always know what you want clearly, and be prepared for anyone to leave, it's really hard to be emotionally unstable.
When asked about her husband, Jin Jing's evaluation was:
"At present, it is OK, it is a very gentle person, who can accept some of my inexplicable theories and bold speeches."
She has requirements for her partner, she has never been very subjective to love, but pays more attention to whether this person can exist as her competent partner and the competent father of her children under objective conditions.
To be able to do this, first of all, you must love yourself enough, know your feelings well enough, respect your own feelings, so that you can not take other people's goals as the starting point of your own behavior, and then you will naturally live without screwing.
She said that she never believed in the words "leave everything to me" and "you can rest assured", she thought it was too unpragmatic and too empty.
She will give her husband a lot of specific requirements during pregnancy, and declare:
"If you don't do anything well, I'll call my children Uncle you."
Yes, I would say that this kind of deterrence by force really works! In the traditional concept, the mother exists as the "other", and is the tool for the continuation of the man's family and surname.
But Jin Jing's brain circuit completely subverts this prejudice, if you are good to your child, you are worthy of being his father, if you are not good to us, then you are an uncle.
I'm a mom, it's constant, what your identity is, depends on your performance.
Under such conditions, it is difficult for teammates to completely leave it alone, after all, the identity of the father depends on practical actions to fight. Widowed parenting will also be effectively eradicated after men break away from the traditional concept of sitting back and enjoying their achievements with peace of mind.
Jin Jing also said:
"Even if I have to usher in a new identity, I still put myself first and hope that I can become a new kind of mother."
Not to lose yourself in parenting is what she asks of herself. Don't regard your husband and children as absolute spiritual sustenance, but put your own needs first, and when your energy is full enough, you can free up your hands to love others.
With this concept as a foundation, she must be able to get along well with her children. Because true love is all relaxed, but it is the parents who put all their life sustenance on their children under the banner of love, and they are the ones who mentally kidnap their children.
Focus only on what is controllable
Everyone's energy is actually limited, and Jin Jing's cleverness lies in the fact that she will use all her limited energy on controllable things, and in terms of priorities, those things with big variables will not be put on the agenda.
Those who are unhappy usually pay too much attention to uncontrollable things, but do not pay much attention to things that can be seen and touched, and it is easy to end up empty.
Giving birth to a child is controllable, the child is born by oneself, whether it is officially announced or not, there will be no variables.
And after all, the relationship is a mirror, and the love between men and women does exist, but as Wong Kar-wai said, it is like canned pineapple, which has a shelf life and will expire.
Just like many middle-aged women, they are slumped after encountering marital changes. They don't understand why they are so focused on their family that there are still problems.
As everyone knows, when a person keeps asking for the outside, she is pinning her hopes on uncontrollable things, and the source of security is the outside world.
And the way to really focus on the things that can be controlled is actually very simple, that is: only focus on the things related to your own needs, and everything related to others is uncontrollable.
Mi Li's mother likes a sentence more and more:
"I'm only focused on three things right now: my money, my health, and my peace of mind."
When the requirements of life are simplified, it is really just the pursuit of these few things. This is the greatest sense of security for us.
Our own clothing, body management, health, knowledge, resources...... You can improve and improve through hard work and time and energy, and this sense of control is great.
But whether others like you or not, whether they have loved you, whether they will be good to you, whether their resources, materials, and attention can be put on you are not a problem that we can solve at all, because it is uncontrollable.
If I had a daughter, I would have told her early on that it was okay to think more about myself and less about others.
When the requirements of life are coarse and refined, condensed into the satisfaction of each of their own small goals and the achievement of every small wish, people along the way will come and go, and the whole life will become extremely clear and light.
When I was young, I always wanted to pursue a kind of companionship, rely on others, and use this as a source of my sense of security.
Later, I realized that the original sense of control over life was the most reassuring for me.
Although Jin Jing said that life is full of variables, marriage and divorce are all very variable. But that doesn't stop her from actively pursuing happiness.
When you see everything as a normal phenomenon, you can actually be happier in the relationship and cherish the present moment with gratitude.
Because it is a person, the travel companions and scenery along the way have become a beautiful gift.
Personal profile: @米粒妈频道 (welcome to follow), Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent, the author of "Parent-Child English Books That Affect Children's Lives" ranked first on the Dangdang New Book List. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience sharing, education and further education for children aged 5-12, English, mathematics, science enlightenment, and new and good things from all over the world, welcome to pay attention! (0~5 years old, please pay attention: @米粒妈爱分享)