The so-called smart parents are nothing more than duplicity, hypocrisy and wrongdoing, telling the opposite, lying and not blushing

Boy Pie

2024-05-12 22:24Posted in Anhui parenting field creators

Being a parent requires some wisdom to "come the other way around".

What you look at your child will become.

Author | Maple

When I camped with my girlfriend and my baby, I exuded ugly jealousy.

Without him, just because she raised a treasure boy.

During this period, her son was busy again, cleaning things and helping with barbecue; He is also considerate and careful, taking care of his younger siblings and planning the route.

On the other hand, my son, who only cares about himself and only knows how to play, said two words to him, and he exploded, not only yelling at me, but also throwing things.

When I couldn't help but complain to my girlfriend, she said that the children are all the same, and she understands my feelings.

I gave her a blank look and said she was in Versailles, and she secretly told me a trick to get the other out of the question: to tell the truth.

That is, the more you want to educate, blame, and control your children, the more duplicitous, false and wrong-willed.

She said that she had a lot of conflicts with her children because of education before, but after learning this method in books, she found that the children were obedient.

And this is because children are "donkeys", when we put the words against the ear, "reverse" to the words, the child will be as you wish.

Especially the following 10 kinds of education, parents "reverse" it, often have a surprising effect.

Fear turns into believing

Writer Luo Yijun once told her daughter because she was worried that her daughter watched too much TV and ate too many snacks:

"It's time to turn off the TV and don't eat too much sugar......"

The result was not only ineffective, but also caused dissatisfaction among her daughter.

Later, she set up a "consent day", that is, on this day, no matter what her daughter asked, she would unconditionally agree.

She thought that her daughter would take this opportunity to watch TV and eat candy unscrupulously, but her daughter behaved very self-disciplined and told her:

"Why don't you believe me? I will control myself and will not watch and eat all the time. ”

As parents, we often worry about expressing love.

But I don't know that what the child receives is not warmth, but distrust.

Children who are not trusted are prone to boredom, disappointment, and other emotions and become rebellious.

Put away your worries and turn them into belief, and your child will believe that he can do it because of your trust, so that he can do better and better.

As Lu Qin said, trust can make people have a strong sense of responsibility, fully tap their potential, and release energy.

Urging comes in reverse, and becomes letting go

Friction is a "little problem" that almost every child will have.

Urging is a common method used by many parents.

But the more parents urge, the more children grind, which is also a common result.

However, under the effect of the overrun effect, your urging will only exacerbate the child's rebellious psychology.

As the saying goes, people teach people, they can't teach people, and things teach people, once is enough.

Instead of urging parents, it is better to let go and let their children learn a lesson.

There is a girl in Shandong who has to be urged by her father to go to school every day to get to school.

In the end, Dad couldn't stand it and just left it alone.

The daughter who got up late ran all the way to school, but she was still late, and she was so anxious at the school gate that she shed tears.

The next day, before dawn, my daughter got up consciously.

In the growth of children, only by learning to take responsibility and consequences, can they learn to be self-disciplined.

Therefore, keep your mouth shut, let go of your hands, and replace urging with natural consequences, so that children can learn to be self-responsible and self-growing.

Pickiness comes on the contrary and becomes appreciation

For a long time, "finding faults" has been the most direct way for many parents to make their children better.

It seems that as long as the child is not doing the right and bad things, the child will get better and better.

As everyone knows, parents who are full of problems will only gain a child with many problems.

Because children see themselves through the eyes of their parents, if parents pay close attention to their deficiencies, their deficiencies will continue to be magnified and solidified.

On the contrary, if parents look at their children's highlights with an appreciative eye, there will be more and more bright spots, and the lack of coverage will be insufficient.

is like educator Zhou Hong, whose daughter has been deaf in both ears since she was a child, although she only learned to say the first word at the age of three, he always raised her daughter with appreciation:

My daughter got only 1 out of 10 questions right, and he put a big tick in the right place.

If his daughter's composition is not good, he carefully circles good sentences and applauds his daughter.

With his sincere appreciation, his daughter became the first deaf teenager college student in China.

So you see, the child will not be what you expect, it will only be what you say it is.

Only when you appreciate it from the bottom of your heart can your child "live up to expectations".

Criticism is reversed, and empathy becomes empathy

Educator Jia Rongtao shared his personal experience.

His son once hit a child on his bicycle, and although it was only a skin injury, it cost thousands of yuan in examination fees and medical expenses.

At that time, my son was too scared to go home.

Jia Rongtao did not criticize and accuse, but empathized:

"I understand your mood right now, you don't have to blame yourself too much, who can not make a little mistake? I know you didn't mean to, who would cause trouble at home for no reason? ”

Seeing that he was so reasonable, his son took the initiative to reflect:

"If I had ridden slower to get around the kids, I would have avoided this accident."

An educator once said that if criticism is used as a feedback after making a mistake, then the child will also think that the "criticism" can offset his "crime", and he will feel comfortable repeating the mistake.

Criticism can not let children learn lessons and empathize, so as to inspire children to introspect.

With less high-minded accusations and more empathy, children will get better and better.

The preaching is reversed, and it becomes silence

I read a story and was impressed:

Mom's throat was inflamed and she couldn't speak for a while.

When my son came home from school, he shouted, "Today the teacher criticized me, and I don't want to go to school anymore." ”

The mother wanted to say a few words to her son, but because she couldn't speak, she had to stare dryly.

The son went on to say:

"The teacher said that my homework was copied from the same table, but in fact, I really didn't, I wrote it myself, why can't the teacher see my hard work......"

The son cried aggrievedly, and the mother had no choice but to hug her son silently.

After crying, his son suddenly thanked: "Thank you for listening to me say so much today, I will definitely continue to work hard." ”

Usually, the mother doesn't say much, but the son never appreciates it. Today, the mother didn't say a word, but she reaped her son's gratitude.

This is because what children lack is never a big truth, but understanding.

When parents keep their mouths shut, children have a chance to speak.

Parents listen more to enable effective communication between parents and children.

Control comes the other way around, and it becomes respect

Recently been educated by my 8-year-old daughter.

When I was washing my face, she suddenly asked me, "Did you grab the water in the basin with your hand?" ”

"Can't catch it."

"Then you turn it over and hold the water with your hands."

"Then there's water in your hand."

"Do you know what that means?"

Puzzled, I said:

"This means that you treat me the same, if you give me more space and freedom, you can control me. But if you manage it too tightly, I'll slip away. ”

Yes, as parents, we often interfere and control our children in the name of being good for our children.

As a result, the parent-child relationship becomes worse and worse in the confrontation between "control" and "escape".

Growing up requires a sense of autonomy.

Parents respect their children's privacy more and give their children more decision-making and the right to speak, so that children do not need to use means such as resistance and escape to protect their boundaries and fight for their rights.

Letting children become the kings of their own land is the best love for children.

Anxiety comes the other way and becomes relaxed

A blogger once said that he once failed in the exam and only scored more than 70 points.

When he told his mother about his results, his mother rewarded him with a chicken leg.

He was puzzled, but his mother said:

"This is the first time you have scored more than 70 points in the test, unlocking a new experience in life!"

Because of his mother's relaxed education, the blogger did not roll in, did not have internal friction, and was not anxious, and slowly made steady progress at his own pace, and was finally admitted to 985 University.

On the other hand, many parents can't help but put pressure on their children and drag their children forward because they are afraid that their children will lose at the starting line and that their children will not have a good way out in the future.

Anxious parents, coupled with an involuted environment, result in children with "psychological disabilities".

Just like Xu Kaiwen, a psychologist at Peking University, said, the babies raised by his parents with anxiety were finally sent to him.

Education, in fact, is a long process.

The more parents want their children to win, the more they should overcome their anxiety and maintain a relaxed and stable mind.

Only when parents can stabilize their hearts can their children stabilize their lives.

Depreciation is reversed, and encouragement is turned into

In psychology, there is a phenomenon of "self-fulfilling prophecy".

That is, the child will believe what his parents say about him and turn it into his own perception.

Parents always belittle their children, and the children's brains will develop the idea of "I'm bad, I'm not good", and use various behaviors to "prove" the parents' words.

Not only will the brain become "dumb", but the whole life may fall into a vicious circle.

In the words of parents, hiding the future of their children and giving them positive encouragement is the key to opening the door to their children's growth.

Just like Wei Shusheng, a 100-point paper, the student only scored 8 points, he did not judge or belittle, but encouraged him:

You see, if you don't listen to classes, don't write homework, and don't read, you can still score 8 points, doesn't that mean that you still have some talent?

His encouragement allowed the boy to regain his self-confidence and finally succeed in counterattacking.

So, what you want your child to look like, encourage him in that direction.

Good parents are always the best evaluators for their children.

Rather than the opposite, it becomes acceptance

There is a survey on "the top 10 things that children can't stand their parents the most", and the first ones are:

I hate my parents for comparing me to others.

But many children have been living in the shadow of "other people's children".

No matter how hard they try, what parents see is always the excellence of other people's children.

As everyone knows, every child is a different flower, and the flowering period is also different, and there is no comparison at all.

Judging a fish's talent by its ability to climb trees will only dismiss it as dull.

Judging the value of a snail by the speed of running will only consider it clumsy and incompetent.

Let the tree become a tree, let the flower become a flower, and let the child grow along their own trajectory, which is the best fulfillment for parents to their children.

A child can only bloom his own brilliance when he is accepted and seen.

Complaining is the opposite, turning into optimism

In psychology, there is a famous "Festinger's Law", which says:

10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and the other 90% is determined by how you react to what happens.

In other words, there may be nine times out of ten that life is not satisfactory, but the key lies in how we face and deal with these problems.

Parents are sad and complaining all day long, which will only make the home an emotional trash can, and let the child fall into the quagmire of negative energy and lose hope and enthusiasm.

Parents can change their mentality and be positive and optimistic, and they can turn the sour lemons of life into delicious lemonade, bringing strength and happiness to their children.

The emotions of parents reflect the world of their children.

So please remind yourself from time to time to raise the corners of your mouth and stay optimistic so that the sun can shine into your child's world.

The poet Angelo once said:

"Words are like small energy bullets that shoot into the realm of life that is invisible to the naked eye.

We can't see them, but they become an energy that fills our rooms, our homes, our environment, and our hearts. ”

What parents say will bring their children what kind of energy.

Click "like", I hope we can all put negative energy words, on the contrary, plant love and sunshine into the hearts of children, and accompany children to grow up happily.

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