What is the state of a man when he meets true love?
It is said as if there is a unified standard for the state of a man meeting true love, and what meets this standard is true love, and what does not meet this standard is not true love?
怎么可能......
True love is not so mysterious, it is nothing more than "falling in love with each other sincerely".
Most men of sound mind are quite sincere in the early stages of their relationship, and the reason why they slowly become careless or even hypocritical is mainly because they have not successfully passed the disenchantment period of intimacy.
The disenchantment period is the hardest and most awkward time in intimate relationships, when the idealized filter of each other is gradually shattered under the siege of real life, and new and more adaptive interaction patterns have not yet been established. While doubting life, it will naturally be connected, and whether it is true love for a man begins to doubt.
Essentially, when you start to wonder about "what is the state of a man meeting true love", the answer you really want to pursue is not a unified standard of true love for men, but a test:
My man looks like this to me, is it true love?
In other words, you want to serve the positive development of your own emotions by contemplating the "state of men meeting true love".
So, the following I want to share about how to break the ideal definition of true love and develop your own true love relationship in reality is quite important for you.
01 In the idealized conception, the state of men meeting true love: the unity of sensibility and reason
In real life, men express their deep feelings through different ways of expression, and the way of expression is even different.
For example, some rationally dominated men, when faced with true love, like to hand over financial power and invest in the economy;
Men who are sensual are good at providing emotional value for true love, and these habitual ways of expressing love actually exist on two sides of the same coin.
Whether it is giving everything willingly, or caring and caring at all times, and more importantly, when true love collides with reality, men will choose how to face true love, deal with emotional problems and develop emotional relationships.
No matter what kind of personality dominates the male group, when facing the love of the heart, he will not be stingy with his rational and emotional giving, but he is afraid that the giving will not be comprehensive enough.
In the final analysis, men who have true love in an ideal state will spontaneously be willing to try to change themselves for true love, let go of excessive self-esteem, balance the two states of emotion and rationality, and protect the true love in their hearts.
This kind of change is that when faced with true love, they often willingly and actively learn or express the part of love that they are not good at:
For example, men who have always been rational learn to express care and care, and men who have always been emotional learn to bear the pressure of economic reality, which is a balance between their sensibility and ideals.
The sensual state in the face of true love: the unity of the intertwined emotions
No matter how rational and realistic a man is, when facing true love, he will inevitably mobilize his emotional psychology, and to a certain extent, he will also show a complex and profound sense of tolerance, release, restraint, inferiority complex and desire to protect.
When it comes to sensibility, many stereotypes will think that an infatuated and affectionate man will definitely show emotional instability such as heartbreaking, heartbreaking, persistent and unwilling in the face of true love.
In fact, unlike self-interested thinking such as taking, possessing, controlling, and weighing, when men truly fall into true love, what is contained is the ultimate tenderness and love, which will control their own sensual convergence and release.
Gentleness is not exclusive to women, corresponding to the "warm motherhood" hidden in love, that is, when men face true love, they show the hidden steady, solid, and reliable "deep fatherhood", the emotional level is strong and willing to tolerate, and the rational level is willing to do everything.
In other words, why can some men show the affection of "going to the soup and doing whatever it takes" for the sake of true love?
This is because when true love appears, men fully mobilize their emotional expressions, hoping that what they can present in the face of true love is a "powerful, reliable, and even omnipotent idealized perfect self".
In the face of true love, men often present the simplest and purest state of their own interests and personal desires.
01 Extreme patience and tolerance
It's not true that men are incapable of empathy.
In most cases, they often feel that "emotional empathy" is troublesome or not good at it, so in the field of love, looking at the original intention, men will show subjective and voluntary patience and tolerance in the face of true love.
When faced with true love, men often learn to empathize, have a stable ability to tolerate, and will not show resistance to communication, so they want to know more about the past experience of true love, personality characteristics, favorite ways to get along, and so on.
When the other party makes mistakes and is emotionally depressed, men will also empathize, and will not be indifferent to the problems to be solved by true love, but will treat the other party's affairs as their own business, showing pity and distress.
02 Lasting and stable emotional performance
From the perspective of human nature, physiological factors determine that when men face true love, they will be difficult to release their care and love uncontrollably.
No matter whether the behavior of concern is subtle or obvious, no matter how careless a man is, when facing true love, he will show his worry and care in the clues, and release his kindness and care.
For example, understanding the other person's lifestyle, paying attention to the other party's habits, worrying about the other party's life and situation, worrying about whether the other party can take care of themselves, and other details, so the process of expressing and releasing love is stable and long-lasting.
03 Restraint after understanding respect
In the eyes of the public, the view of love and marriage is often a stereotype of the male protagonist and the female protagonist, but when men face true love, they will never put their image and status above each other.
Worried that the other party will feel bored and troublesome, be careful about your words and deeds, just for a long and stable companionship.
Respect each other's ideas and ideas, listen to each other's opinions, discuss and ask, rather than coerce and exert pressure to achieve their own goals, and will not show unmatched and extremely controlling machismo.
04 Protective desire and inferiority complex
Men are limited by social expectations and often carry more latent responsibilities.
Therefore, when facing true love, it is hoped that there is enough strength to protect the other party from harm, but at the same time, there will be contradictions and tangled thoughts.
Because they think that true love is precious enough, they will think that the other person deserves the best.
It is in the process of striving for it that you will worry about your own shortcomings and disadvantages, social status, real economy and other conditions, and you will fall into a slight inferiority complex.
But men's inferiority complex in the face of true love will never evolve into control and deliberate suppression, but will see the advantages of true love, and will not try to destroy it, taking it as the end of yearning.
The rational state in the face of true love: paving the way and considering at the practical level
There is no shortage of voices on the Internet that have turned men's attitude towards true love into pious fanaticism, believing that when men face true love, they are leaving everything behind, impulsive, persistent, and desperate.
But when you really return to reality, you will find that men often know how to work hard and stand on the world in social expectations, so when men face true love, they are often unwilling to let the other party take the slightest risk.
When an emotional relationship develops to a certain stage, men tend to be more rational. Thinking about the current and future development, treating the realistic resources at your disposal, not being stingy and concealing, not minding to pay economic, material and practical value for true love, and enough to support each other's ideals and aspirations, will not imprison and imprison the wings of true love.
Rather than suppressing and controlling, it is often to use one's own resources and abilities to help true love mature or succeed, teach the other party to have a way of self-independence, and consider the future and development of the other party.
Therefore, the starting point of this rational state is not to weigh the pros and cons, calculate, calculate and balance, but to stand on the other party's life standpoint, hope that the other party will live the life they like, and provide firm support for them.
The above is the idealized true love performance that best meets the expectations of the public.
It is necessary to maintain the most perfect balance between sensibility and reason, no matter what men give for true love, how much they invest, they are happy to do it, without any demands and demands, so that "meeting the needs of the other party" becomes a direct driving force to mobilize feelings.
True love in an ideal state has all the qualities of beauty and purity.
But if you really peel back the cocoon and unfold it one by one, you may find that care and care, patience and tolerance, planning and assistance will exist more or less in any relationship.
In fact, everyone who enters an emotional relationship can feel the bias of love, everyone has the right to create true love, develop true love, choose each other to spend the rest of their lives together, and truly return to the real world, this recognition is also a manifestation of true love.
Therefore, the above ideal emotional expression and rational development are only sufficient conditions for men to treat true love.
The anxiety of wanting to determine an answer and standard for oneself through the comparison of the above behaviors, or doubting whether oneself can be a true choice for a partner, can neither fully determine a man who truly loves him, nor does it do much to develop a true love relationship.
Frankly speaking, true love is not a standard, no man will release love according to a model and rules, and men can develop in the process of getting along when they enter the state of true love.
02Break the ideal definition of true love and develop an exclusive true love relationship
When we look at the way men treat true love in an ideal state, we will find that men's mobilization of sensibility and reason is pure and simple, and perfectly radiant as salvation.
The above-mentioned state of male true love, whether it is emotional or rational, is a form of expression that is inferred from the idealized conception of true love above, but there are differences in each person's personality characteristics, way of getting along, and expression habits.
The more mature people are, the more they will realize the entanglements and imperfections in their relationships, and the true love fantasy full of filters is beautiful and pure, but the true love relationship will not appear out of thin air.
The real idealized true love is not to blindly let people pursue perfection, let alone to examine the male group layer by layer according to the standard of true love, and strictly check it, real life is not perfect, and the true true love that falls into reality is ups and downs.
This is also what we need to explore in depth next, the state of men in the face of true love is actually dynamic, true love is not the ideal concept definition, the final word, but another kind of true love relationship that is really rooted in reality, establishing, getting along, and maintaining an important essence.
The variability of true love means that even if the same man gets along with both parties over time, the state of true love cannot remain the same.
Therefore, compared to those stereotypes of rules and regulations, what really matters is how to let yourself grasp true love, and how to establish and cultivate an exclusive true love relationship.
When you see a man's performance of true love, will you question the authenticity and shelf life of this love?
After the state of true love enters the period of ups and downs, whether it is impossible to accept the flow of love, whether it will think that true love does not exist, at this time, no matter what kind of state men present, they are lacking, because the wavering of doubt and security has hindered the emergence of true love.
True love is not defined by certain standards, and everyone feels love in different ways, only when they love themselves enough and can feel loved positively, can the state of true love be truly established.
When you choose a man who truly loves you according to the criteria, can you really be happy for a long time?
True love is precious, but true love is not a one-sided care and dedication, for men, true love can be instantaneous, can also be long-term maintenance, often people think that men's true love is fleeting, but in fact ignore the process of development.
True love in any relationship and in any state is not for people to lie down and enjoy, nor is it a pie from heaven once and for all, and there are also big and small problems and contradictions in true love relationships.
When both parties are willing to face positively, solve positively, and communicate well, the development of men's true love can be long-lasting.
When you feel the nourishment and care of true love by men, how will you extend this deep true love?
Whether it is sincere and pure care, or admiration and respect, when men face true love, they often show a frank, sincere, and warm state, and correspondingly, whether they have enough energy in their hearts to undertake.
The emotional entanglement under lust is dispute, trade-off, game, and competition, and both men and women need to spontaneously and truly yearn and change when facing true love, and do their best to treat each other well.
The unconditional nature of true love is the kindness and feedback revealed in the process of making oneself move upward, and the willingness to develop towards positive idealization in the face of true love, and the heart must be peaceful, gentle and compassionate.
In this way, it can not only give warmth from the emotional level, give true love a sense of belonging, but also be able to bear the real pressure and external risks at the rational level, give true love a sense of security, and will not rack their brains to consume and ask for each other, but show deep and true feelings in understanding, respect and tolerance.
Obsessing over the concept of true love actually has the negative effect of putting the cart before the horse.
In the face of true love, men do not exist in the ideal and perfect performance, return to their hearts, and even the fundamental meaning of true love relationships is only to pave the way for the extension, depth, resonance, and integration of emotional relationships.
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This article was first published on the Zhihu platform: Chen Man, Wang Xiao, Zhang Yan
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