introduction
Netizens hotly discussed: A mother posted on the Internet for help because her two-year-old baby accidentally ate a steamed egg at 50 degrees, but was ruthlessly criticized. This sparked a heated discussion: Is this subtle care for the child an excessive anxiety, or is it the deep love of the mother?
As the Russian writer Fyodor Dostoevsky said, "Mother's love is an irrational and often blind love for one's children." "In this seemingly simple incident, we see the tension between the mother's extreme concern for the safety of her child and the strict expectations of society for maternal love. So who does this kind of maternal love touch? Are we ignoring the emotional struggles and psychological pressures of our parents' parenting?
1. Who has this kind of maternal love touched?
Today's young parents are under unprecedented parenting pressure. Due to the fierce competition in society and the matching competition of educational resources, many parents have begun to adopt an overly detailed and intense parenting model. This kind of parenting anxiety is not only reflected in the attention to the child's academics, but also penetrates into the bits and pieces of daily life, including the child's dietary temperature.
For example, the mother's dietary temperature requirements for her two-year-old baby reached an almost extreme level. She insists on using a thermometer to test every bite of food, making sure that the temperature of all food is maintained at 36-37 degrees. Due to the mother-in-law's "operation error", the baby was fed steamed eggs at 50 degrees. A seemingly ordinary 50-degree steamed egg almost sparked a family crisis.
When she discovers that the temperature of the steamed eggs is exceeded, her emotions are out of control, and anxiety and anger fill her heart, and this temperature war lasts almost the whole night. This not only made her miserable, but also suffocated the onlookers.
Some people believe that behind this phenomenon is the extreme pursuit of "perfect parenting" in modern society. The ubiquity of social media and educational counseling paints an ideal picture of parenting for parents. Parents are worried that their children will fall behind in the fierce competition, so they are constantly raising their own parenting standards.
Hoping to ensure every "optimal" environment for a child's growth by controlling all the details, this excessive control of the details may actually lead to more life pressure and psychological burden on the child.
2. How should young parents raise their children?
The well-known education scripture: the family is the child's first school, and the parents are the child's first teacher.
In this small society, parents' emotions and behavior patterns will undoubtedly profoundly affect children's psychological growth and character formation. An anxious home environment can have a long-term impact on a child's mental health and social skills.
Let's illustrate this with a typical example: in a typical anxious family, parents may be overly concerned about their children's safety and academic performance, expressing uncertainty and fear about the future from time to time. For example, a mother is worried about the safety of her child's diet, so she often over-checks the temperature and composition of food in front of her child.
Although this behavior is well-intentioned, over time, children may subtly learn to use the same anxious perspective to see the world, and even show excessive nervousness and insecurity when faced with life's small challenges.
Some psychology experts have pointed out that children growing up in such an environment may develop a dependent or overly sensitive personality. In social situations, these children may become introverted or overly cautious for fear of making mistakes or being judged, which can limit their ability to explore the world and build healthy relationships. Long-term family stress can also affect a child's ability to regulate their emotions, making them more likely to feel depressed or anxious when facing setbacks and stress.
To alleviate this psychological stress, parents can effectively reduce their anxiety levels by learning and practicing stress management techniques such as deep breathing. Establishing an open family communication atmosphere and encouraging children to express their feelings and concerns will not only strengthen the emotional connection between family members, but also help children learn to express and manage their emotions effectively.
In order to fundamentally change the anxious parenting style, parents can try to let go appropriately, so that children can explore freely in a safe environment, and learn and grow from small attempts and mistakes. This approach to education helps children build self-confidence and learn how to self-regulate and cope with challenges in their future lives.
3. Relax the transformation of parenting
Tension and relaxation are an eternal pair of rivals. Many parents unconsciously choose a nervous and controlling approach when faced with the tremendous pressure of education and parenting. A healthy home environment is more about relaxation and trust. Shifting from a stressful parenting style to a more relaxed one not only reduces stress for parents, but more importantly has a profound positive impact on the development of a child's self-confidence and autonomy.
Relaxed parenting encourages children to explore and make mistakes in a safe environment. For example, allowing children to try to use utensils on their own at the table, although this may result in spilled food or inefficient eating. This practice, while seemingly inefficient, is actually helping children build problem-solving skills and enhance self-service skills. Through these small trials and errors, children learn self-control and self-encouragement, which is essential for building their self-confidence and independence.
In the process of transforming parenting, practical strategies and advice are particularly important. Parents can organize regular family activities, such as outdoor games or family reading time, which can enhance the emotional connection between family members and create a relaxed and enjoyable learning environment.
Developing effective parent-child communication skills is also key. This means that parents need to learn to listen to their children's opinions and feelings, rather than just instructing and commanding. For example, when a child completes a small project or makes a decision, parents should encourage the child to share their thought process instead of immediately judging the outcome as right or wrong. This type of dialogue not only enhances children's ability to express themselves, but also allows them to feel that their voices are valued, which enhances their sense of self-efficacy.
4. The influence and reflection of society on modern parenting anxiety
In the current social environment, the parenting anxiety faced by parents is largely driven and exacerbated by external factors. The fierce competition in the education system and the media's constant exaggeration of the image of "perfect parenting" have combined to act on the psychology of every parent, forming an irresistible social pressure. This pressure makes parents feel anxious, and they constantly pursue excessively high standards in their parenting, hoping to get a "excellent" label in the society's evaluation system.
The education system, in particular, has exerted a tremendous influence in this regard. The pressure of going to school from primary school to university has caused many parents to pay attention to their children's academic performance from a very young age, and even to interfere excessively in their children's daily learning and activity schedules. Media reports on success stories often focus only on the results, ignoring the psychological pressure and physical and mental costs behind them, and this one-sided reporting makes parents think that only by constantly pushing their children is a sign of love.
In the face of such a social reality, what is needed is not only the awakening of individual parents, but also the support and reform of the social level. At the policy level, the pressure of academic competition can be reduced by formulating more humane education policies, such as reforming the examination system and promoting quality education, so that children can grow up in a diversified environment, rather than a single test-oriented education model.
epilogue
Every level of society should reflect on how to work together to build a supportive nurturing environment where parents feel supported and understood from a social perspective, rather than stressed and anxious. Through such changes, we can hope that the future family will no longer be a hotbed of anxiety, but a paradise for children to grow up and a harbor for parents' souls.
It is undeniable that parents' love for their children is selfless, and I hope that every parent has a way to succeed in educating their children!
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