Author: The main creative group Fireworks March
The collapse of the middle-aged mother was only in a moment
It is said that the life of middle-aged people is not as good as that of dogs, and I think the life of middle-aged mothers is even worse than that of pigs and dogs.
On that day, I was busy in the office as usual, with reports and emails on my computer screen seemingly endless.
Suddenly, I received a call from my son's homeroom teacher, and the teacher listed some of my son's crimes.
Recently, my son's learning attitude is not correct at all, not only does he not have a sense of urgency, he remembers the sloppy notes in class, and often exchanges his head and ears, passes notes to his classmates during the mock test, the teacher criticizes and educates him, and he is also vigorous and unrepentant.
Listening to the teacher's words, I was embarrassed, so I could only apologize to the teacher and ask the teacher not to be angry, and to cooperate with the teacher to discipline the child well.
The old saying that "disaster does not go alone" is not true at all, and I have not yet recovered from my son's affairs when my mobile phone rings again.
It was my mother calling, and her voice sounded very anxious, with a crying tone:
"Girl, come to the hospital to take a look, your father fainted directly after high blood pressure again, thanks to your neighbor Aunt Zhang, who helped contact the ambulance. Now your dad is in the emergency room, I'm really afraid he won't be able to survive. ”
My head banged, and I hurriedly asked the supervisor for leave and rushed to the hospital.
Fortunately, when I rushed to the hospital, my father was out of danger but still needed to be hospitalized for observation.
Seeing my father lying on the hospital bed and my mother wiping tears from her eyes, I had mixed feelings in my heart.
Dad has always followed the doctor's instructions and taken medicine on time, why is the condition menacing this time.
It turned out that he was reluctant to throw away a few salted fish, so he asked his mother to soak them in water and eat them, and after eating them for a few days, his blood pressure soared without drug control.
How many salted fish and one human life, which is more important?
I listened to my mother's story, and I couldn't get angry.
After settling in my parents, I felt like I was going to suffocate, and I couldn't stay in the oppressive environment in the hospital any longer.
Dragging two lead-infused legs, I stepped into the car to rest for a while.
Before I could sit down, Xiao Li from the unit called again, saying that the supervisor asked me when I would go back, and if I didn't go back today, my performance would be affected this month.
I replied weakly, my father is hospitalized, and I definitely can't go back to work today, so I can deduct it.
hung up the phone, and a sense of grievance and powerlessness instantly swept through the body.
What kind of life am I living?
When the son and son are not angry, the parents don't let me worry, and there are still a lot of bad things at work.
I slapped the steering wheel, broke down and cried, and I couldn't calm down.
It's so hard for middle-aged moms!
Work hard in the unit to earn the opportunity for promotion and salary increase; To be a good daughter, you can be worthy of the nurturing grace of your parents; It is a responsible mother who can help children grow up healthily; If you have a good wife, you can run the family thriving.
All of this is pressed on the middle-aged mother alone, and looking around, there are people who need themselves.
But a middle-aged mother is also a person first and foremost, and with someone's normal emotions, those difficult moments are enough to break the middle-aged mother.
The standard for middle-aged mothers can only be
"Quit your emotions and grit your teeth"?
When I couldn't calm down for a long time, my husband's phone calls came over and over again, but I didn't answer.
When I picked up my phone again, I saw my husband send a WeChat message:
"Wife, there is nothing to eat at home, you can go to the supermarket to buy some vegetables and meat when you come back."
I can imagine him slumped on the couch after work, playing games with his legs crossed.
I really want to be alone! The kind that is not remembered or remembered by anyone.
I'm no one's mother, anyone's wife, anyone's daughter, I just want to be myself, even if it's just one night.
After calming down, I called my husband and told him that my father was hospitalized and that he was out of danger and that he didn't need to come to visit. He just needs to take care of himself and his son's diet, daily life and study.
I went to visit my dad in the ward again, and he had regained consciousness.
I wanted to stay with me for the night, but my mother didn't let me stay in the hospital when she saw that I was tired, saying that she would accompany me tonight and I would come back tomorrow.
In the end, I followed my mother's advice.
After this thrilling day, I seem to understand many things that I have not seen clearly.
So when I got out of the hospital, I didn't go home, but went to find my best friend Li Ke.
Li Ke is a practitioner of celibacy, working, exercising, raising flowers, walking the dog, she lives freely.
Since I got married and had children, we have had very little contact.
In her words, I am as busy as a spinning top, and my children, husband, and parents can't do without me.
That night, I followed my girlfriend to do yoga to relax, put on a mask, take a hot bath, and talked a lot.
She said:
"No one forces you to be the best wife, the best mother, the best daughter, it's all a trap you set for yourself.
This sleeve traps you and traps them. ”
These words from my best friend made me feel empowered.
Yes, who said that the standard for middle-aged mothers can only be to "quit emotions and grit your teeth"?
Middle-aged mothers moderately loosen their ties for themselves, let go when they should let go, and be good for themselves and their families.
On the first night, I stayed at my girlfriend's house, the second night I was in the hospital, and I went home on the third night.
To be honest, I was still a little apprehensive before I went home, I don't know what the two of them made their home look like?
The takeaway box is full of garbage bags, stinky socks and dirty clothes are thrown on the sofa, and my son plays games every day without doing his homework......
However, none of this happened, but in response to the sentence "Shibei three days, you should be impressed".
The husband shouldered the responsibility of his father, matched meat and vegetables for dinner, balanced nutrition, washed the changed clothes in time, and urged his son to complete his homework with quality and quantity.
As for the son, he also washes dishes, mops the floor, and shares housework after schoolwork, and listens well these days, and does not let the teacher find his parents.
I was so moved that my eyes reddened and I asked them why they were acting like I was at home.
My husband said that I used to do too much, which made him have a strong sense of dependence, and he felt like an adult when I was not at home these days.
The son said that in fact, he would do a lot, but he didn't feel needed before, and just wanted to mess up.
After hearing this, I was really relieved and determined to change myself.
It turned out that after I "abandoned my husband and children", not only did my life not get worse, but allowed my husband and son to realize their potential.
It turns out that middle-aged mothers are really nervous when they don't have to, and they force themselves to be perfect and extreme in everything.
Moderately rotten, more relaxed,
It is the most self-consistent living state of middle-aged mothers
I saw several characteristics of "good people" on the Internet before, and I thought it made sense.
A little lazy, with peace of mind when resting;
will use money to buy time, and if you can spend money and save effort, you will spend it appropriately;
Know that "mood is the primary productive force", pay attention to happiness, give up the things that make you uncomfortable, and stay away from people who let themselves have internal friction;
Don't be very demanding of others, accept that everyone has flaws, and those around you will appreciate if they do a little better.
It is also very suitable for mothers, and sad middle-aged mothers can also become "good mothers".
1. Be lazy and relax
I saw a message from a mother.
Last year, with the transfer of work, although home was closer, the busy work rhythm made her feel pressured, and overtime became commonplace.
In this case, she began to gradually understand and accept the "moderate swing" attitude to life.
So, when she doesn't want to cook, she chooses to order takeout, which is convenient and fast, and also allows her time to rest and relax;
When she doesn't want to go home right away, she spends a little more time in the office and enjoys a moment of peace and solitude;
When she doesn't want to clean up, let herself relax first, because sometimes, it's more important to be comfortable than to strive for perfection.
"Putting it in moderation doesn't mean giving up responsibilities or neglecting your family, it's about giving yourself a respite and allowing yourself to find balance between busyness and stress," she said. ”
Indeed, middle-aged mothers really don't have to be too themselves, moderate their messing, and make themselves more comfortable, so that they can have a better mood to accompany their families.
2. Be less demanding and let go more
My cousin used to be an "all-round mother", who not only had to cope with the heavy work every day, but also took care of the children's diet, daily life, tutoring and learning, and sending the children to various interest classes and extracurricular activities.
The brother-in-law played more of a "bystander" role.
It's not that my brother-in-law can't afford to be a father, it's that my cousin dislikes him for being careless and not educating his children well.
However, the long-term fatigue and nervousness finally made the cousin's body warn.
After returning home from a series of overtime and activities with her children, she suddenly felt dizzy and was taken to the hospital in shock.
This narrowly escaped death experience made her reflect on her lifestyle and parenting style.
She decided to try to let go and get her dad more involved in her child's education.
At the beginning, my brother-in-law was a little scrambling, and sometimes he messed things up, but my cousin no longer looked down on it, but patiently guided and taught experience and methods.
Gradually, the brother-in-law became more and more comfortable in handling the children's study and life matters, and the smiles on the faces of the whole family became brighter and brighter.
Many middle-aged mothers haven't tried it, in fact, after working hard and moderately, life is really refreshing all of a sudden.
Moderate sloppiness is not that the mother is self-defeating, but that she has lower requirements for her family and herself, let them take on their own responsibilities more, and give yourself a sense of relaxation.
In this way, middle-aged mothers find the most consistent living state, and when the mother is well, the whole family will be smooth.