On the first weekend after May Day, when most families were immersed in the afterglow of the festival, Xiaoli's family seemed a little "deserted".
The originally planned family gathering became a little awkward because the children were reluctant to go to their grandmother's house.
Xiaoli looked at her baby son's little face, and her heart was mixed, has the child really become a "white-eyed wolf" and no longer likes to be close to his elders?
Are there many families in a similar situation?
In fact, children don't like to go to grandma's house, and they are really not white-eyed wolves.
Children's behaviors and preferences are often a direct reflection of their inner world.
As children grow older, their sense of independence and autonomy grows.
This natural process of growth makes children also show a certain degree of selectivity when facing family members.
Going back to Xiaoli's example, the reason why her children are reluctant to go to their grandmother's house may be due to the following reasons:
The comparison of "other people's children" makes children very disgusted
"Other people's children" is a topic that many adults feel familiar with.
In the adult world, this comparison may be expressed in the form of work, income, status, etc.
In the world of children, they may have a comparative psychology of "who is better" because of their grades in school, teachers' evaluations, and even small games among classmates.
When this kind of psychology is brought into the family, especially during the family reunion such as the holidays, the child may have a preference because he has received more attention and praise from his grandmother than his grandmother in a certain aspect.
This preference is not because children really don't like grandma, but because they are expressing their desire to be "recognized" in their own way.
The "who is better" comparison is often accompanied by pressure and expectations for the child.
Children may feel that they need to behave "better" in front of grandma and grandma to get more love and attention.
This psychological burden may make them feel tired and anxious during the holidays, making them more inclined to choose an environment where they feel relaxed.
Identification of family roles
Children may play different roles in different home settings.
At grandma's house, he may be a much-loved little baby; And at his grandmother's house, he may feel that his position has been challenged for various reasons.
This role conflict and uncertainty can lead to a child's reluctance to go to grandma's house.
Each family has its own unique habits and rules.
For Xiaoli's child, he may have fully adapted to the rhythm of life at his grandmother's house, including eating, sleeping, playing, etc.
When he arrives at his grandmother's house, he may need to re-adapt to a new environment, which can be a challenge or a burden for the child.
The child's sense of independence is enhanced, and the holiday will have its own arrangements
As children grow up, they will gradually form their own social circles.
At school, they may have developed strong friendships with their classmates.
And during the holidays, they may want to continue to play with these friends and share each other's holiday experiences.
The children's sense of independence is growing, and they are starting to have their own little plans and small goals.
During the holidays, they may want to be able to schedule their time as they wish and not be overly scheduled and intervened.
If the environment and atmosphere of Grandma's house make them feel constrained, they may choose to go to Grandma's house, where the environment may be more in line with their independent needs.
The transfer of emotional sustenance
As children grow up, they form complex emotional networks.
They may shift their emotional focus from one place to another because of an experience or the influence of a certain person.
This transfer may be short-lived or long-lasting.
For Xiaoli's children, he may be more dependent on the environment and atmosphere of his grandmother's house for a certain period of time.
Epilogue:
The child's growth path is like a meandering stream, sometimes flowing to the warm embrace of grandma's house, and sometimes being attracted to the familiar harbor of grandma's house.
This is not because the family affection in their hearts is biased, but the result of their continuous exploration, trial and choice in the journey of growth.
Therefore, when children choose to go to grandma's house instead of grandma's house during the holidays, we understand their choice with a tolerant heart, do not be hard-hitting, and communicate more with children, so that children will be more receptive.
Does your child like to go to grandma's house or grandma's house? Feel free to leave a message in the comment area!