In a small village in Shangrao, Jiangxi Province, Aunt Wang, a 53-year-old mother, gave birth to three sons and a daughter. Married early under the arrangement of her parents, she had four children, and the family had both children, which once made the villagers very envious. However, as the children grew up, Aunt Wang found that they were all over 30 years old, but none of them were married.
The eldest son is 36 years old, the daughter is also 35 years old, and the other two sons are also over 30 years old, but none of them entered the palace of marriage. The villagers began to point fingers at her, believing that she did not care about the marriage of her children. Faced with this problem, Aunt Wang and her husband urged her to marry many times, but the children always refused on the grounds of "involuntarily", which finally made her have to let go of her anxiety.
Mother's attitude: Turn grief into strength
Aunt Wang quickly adjusted her mentality and chose to turn her grief into strength. She calmly faced the reality that her children were older and unmarried, thinking that "twisted melons are not sweet", and her children have their own ideas. She works hard at home every day, maintains an optimistic and positive attitude towards life, and is not bothered by the discussions of the villagers.
"I should eat and drink every day, and I don't have to worry about my children's affairs. Marriage is not a necessity in life, they just need to stay happy," she said with a laugh. Although some villagers felt that she was too big-hearted, she always insisted on her opinion. "You just have to be happy all your life," she firmly believes.
The phenomenon of marriage and love in rural areas: the phenomenon of unmarried people at an older age is common
In fact, Aunt Wang's children are not alone. Many of the young people in the village have become older leftover men and women. Material conditions such as high bride price, house and car have become a heavy burden for men to get married, and many families have poured out their savings or even borrowed money for their children's marriages, and the trend of comparison has distorted the nature of marriage.
At the same time, the instability of marital relationships also makes many young people shy away from marriage. Factors such as differences in personal values and increased stress in life affect the stability of marriage, leading to an increased risk of marital breakdown. As a result, young people are becoming more cautious about their choice of marriage, and it has become a general consensus that "the cost of marriage is high, and the risk of marriage is high".
Optimism and Reality: A Mother's Calm Attitude
Despite this, Aunt Wang always has a positive attitude towards life. She believes that marriage is the choice of her children and that she does not have to worry too much about it. In the face of the villagers' doubts, she smiled calmly and continued to maintain the life attitude of "dry rice with big fish and meat at home every day". She felt that the most important thing was to stay happy, and the talk of the people in the village was just passing away.
"You don't have to force it," she insisted. In her opinion, marriage is not the only thing in life, as long as the children can live their own lives. Although the villagers thought that she was estranged from her children, she always believed that they had their own plans and that they did not have to interfere too much.
Changes in the concept of marriage and love: young people are more independent
In modern society, the concept of marriage and love has changed dramatically. The younger generation attaches more importance to personal independence and freedom, and is unwilling to give up their ideals and lifestyle because of marriage. In addition, the increase in socio-economic pressures has also made young people cautious about marriage.
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High bride price and RV pressure
The cost of marriage remains high, especially the bride price and a house and car have become necessary conditions for men to get married, which has discouraged many families. The increased financial burden has led many people to choose to postpone marriage.
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Marital instability
The instability of the marital relationship makes many people doubt marriage. Factors such as differences in personal values and increased stress in life increase the risk of marital breakdown, so young people are more cautious.
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Self-realization and value pursuit
The younger generation is more in pursuit of self-fulfillment, career and personal growth. They are not willing to sacrifice their development opportunities for the sake of marriage.
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Emotional freedom
Modern society advocates emotional freedom, and young people are more inclined to love freely and do not want to be bound by traditional concepts of marriage.
The conflict between the social environment and traditional ideas
Aunt Wang's story is representative of the marriage and love dilemmas of young people in rural areas. With the rapid development of the economy and profound changes in society, young people in rural areas are facing the conflict between traditional concepts of marriage and love and modern lifestyles. In some places, the older generation still thinks that "when the children are older, they should start a family", but in reality, more and more young people are choosing to postpone marriage or even remain single.
According to a 2019 national census, the total number of unmarried people in the country has exceeded 200 million, and there are 30 million more unmarried men of marriageable age than unmarried women. This huge disparity is mainly concentrated in rural areas, and the phenomenon of "singles' villages" is becoming more and more obvious. Some young people in rural areas find it difficult to find suitable marriage partners due to poor family economic conditions, high marriage costs, and narrow social circles.
Imbalance in the marriage market: It is more difficult for men to choose a mate
Traditional gender attitudes exacerbate the imbalance in the marriage market. The high bride price and the pressure of the garage make it more difficult for rural men to choose a mate. In order to help their sons get married, many rural families have to bankrupt their families or even borrow money to raise bride prices and buy wedding houses.
According to the data of the China Family Marriage Survey Report (2018), the average bride price in some rural areas has exceeded 100,000 yuan, and the bride price in some economically underdeveloped areas is as high as hundreds of thousands of yuan. This kind of pressure has discouraged some rural youths and fallen into the predicament of "not being able to get married".
Psychological and social impacts: stress experienced by single youth
Marriage and love problems are not only financially burdensome, but also psychologically and socially stressful. The traditional view is that single young people are "abnormal" and constantly put pressure on marriage. In order to avoid becoming the "laughing stock" of the village, some single men in rural areas prefer to go out to work, escaping the nagging of their parents and the fingers of the villagers.
When it comes to mental health, anxiety and depression among single youth are becoming increasingly prominent. Some social surveys show that more than 60% of single young people in rural areas feel pressured to get married, and nearly 40% of them have anxiety and depression tendencies. Although they want to have a family, multiple economic, psychological and social pressures make it difficult for them to find a suitable marriage partner.
Women's Marriage and Love Choices: From Passive to Proactive
Women's choices about marriage and love are also changing. Different from traditional concepts, modern women are more willing to pursue an independent and autonomous view of marriage and love, and refuse to regard marriage as an inevitable choice in life. They want to be successful in their careers and have a more free and autonomous life.
According to the Programme for the Development of Chinese Women (2011-2020), women's education level has increased significantly, and the proportion of women with a bachelor's degree or above has surpassed that of men. They are more willing to realize their personal value by upgrading their education and career development, rather than relying solely on marital relationships.
Differences between urban and rural marriages: a clash of values
The difference between urban and rural areas on the issue of marriage and love is also very obvious. The concept of marriage and love in cities is more open and inclusive, and young people pay more attention to the emotional fit and common values of both parties when choosing a mate. In rural areas, due to the influence of traditional concepts, marriage and love are still relatively conservative, and the man must have a certain economic strength to meet the requirements of the woman's family.
However, in the conflict between material conditions and spiritual pursuits, many rural youth are caught in a dilemma. They want to meet their parents' expectations and start a family as soon as possible. and longs to find a true emotional belonging in marriage, and is unwilling to get married hastily. This psychological contradiction exacerbates their marriage and love dilemma.
Lack of social support: the lag of the concept of marriage and love in rural areas
The plight of marriage and love in rural areas also reflects the lack of social support. There are few matchmaking services in rural areas, and young people lack formal dating and social channels, so they can only rely on the introduction of relatives and friends. Due to the lack of marriage guidance and psychological support, they are prone to fall into blindness and passivity in mate selection and marriage decision-making.
At the same time, the social security system in rural areas is relatively weak, and parents often hope to ensure the security of their children's future through marriage, which has also become another invisible pressure for young people. The elderly's demand for old-age care has exacerbated their children's anxiety about marriage and love, making them have to consider more family and economic factors when choosing a mate.
The contradiction between individual choices and social expectations
On the issue of marriage and love in rural areas, the contradiction between individual choice and social expectation always exists. On the one hand, young people want to pursue personal values and achieve independence and freedom. On the other hand, the expectations of society and families put them under great pressure.