From the older generation, author: Wang Jiyu.
I grew up in the "compound", studied in Tiesan Middle School when the "Cultural Revolution" broke out, and later mixed in Cuiwei Middle School.
Cuiwei Middle School is not a good school, but due to its geographical location, it has a large number of "compound" children.
The so-called "compound" is the area where the children of cadres live. At that time, there were many military compounds to the west of Gongzhufen, including the Air Force, the Navy, the Signal Corps, the General Logistics Department, the Artillery, the Armored Corps, the Engineering Corps, the Railway Corps, and the PLA Military and Political Academy.
Most of the children in the "compound" have undergone boarding education in nursery schools and primary schools, and they have a good relationship with each other.
In 1966, I was only 15 years old and in my second year of junior high school.
In the early days of the "Cultural Revolution", the main force that began to form the Red Guards was high school students, with the children of army cadres as the core. We junior high school students are basically the kind of people who run with high school students, follow the coaxing, and have no brains.
High school students have ideas and strategies. In the early days of the movement, the Red Guards also wanted to engage in "regularization", which was still a bit of a hypocrisy, and they were eager to measure themselves by the standards of joining the party.
In August 1966, it was known as the "Red August", and it was the time when the Red Guards beat people the most. Luckily, I wasn't in Beijing at the time, otherwise I would have been involved in the beating.
As soon as the Cultural Revolution began, the working group entered the Tiesan Middle School where I worked, and because of the influence of high school students, I felt that the behavior of the working group was to suppress the masses and try to tie up the mass movement in a cage in a formal way.
I began to write big-character posters to give advice to the school and criticize the working group for "shackling the masses". The working group approached my dad to talk to me and heard that I was suspected of being a counter-revolutionary, and my dad immediately panicked, because he was already a wild child, and he was suspected of counter-revolutionary. ”
In June 1966, I left Beijing and went to Inner Mongolia to serve as a soldier. I didn't have been a soldier for long, and in October my father had a problem, and he couldn't be a soldier. By November, my allowance had been suspended, and I was unable to go south with the troops to participate in the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Vietnam, so I had to stay at the station and continue to herd cattle.
At the beginning of 1967, probably before the Spring Festival, I returned to Beijing.
At that time, the Red Guard movement in Beijing was already a different scene, the "veterans" and "linkages" had been suppressed, the Red Guards in various schools were fighting for each other, and various mass organizations were surging. The factional struggle is becoming more and more serious, and the small revolutionary team will continue to cause trouble.
In the face of the chaotic situation at that time, I was very contemptuous, "what kind of revolutionary organization are they, they are simply bulls, ghosts, snakes, and gods."
For a fifteen or sixteen-year-old child like me, I don't go to school anymore, and I spend all day posting big-character posters, debating, or grabbing pigeons in the name of breaking the "four olds".
During this period, we continued to accumulate strength, and many of the "veterans" became closer and closer, and everyone teamed up against people from other factions, which eventually turned into martial arts.
Not only in Beijing, but also in other places to participate in martial arts. I remember that the Inner Mongolia Wudou proposed to call the "Beijing Linkage" to support, and the Red Guards in Inner Mongolia parked their cars near the Gongzhu's Tomb and asked everyone to get on the bus and pull them to Inner Mongolia to support the "revolution", in fact, to help people fight.
The Red Guards everywhere were divided into opposing factions, and in general, we were the "conservatives", that is, the local government organizations, and we were working against the rebels.
It is also easy to understand that the parents of our gang are both state cadres, and the rebels want to defeat our parents, so we naturally have to defend our parents.
Although the "veterans" do not exist on the surface, in reality we are still very powerful.
On May 19, 1967, the first anniversary of the founding of the Red Guards, we held a commemorative meeting in Beijing, and the Veterans Band and the Veterans Choir were also established. We just didn't get the approval and support of the Central Cultural Revolution like the rebels.
Fighting, raiding homes, and beating people were common phenomena at that time, and everyone participated. Time has passed, and many people are reluctant to say it again, not because they don't reflect, they are too lazy to say it. In other words, it is "now that I know the taste of sorrow, I want to say that I will rest, I want to say that I will rest, but I will say that the weather is cool and autumn", most of them have not done great evil, and most of them are just following the raid and coaxing.
Today, when we write the history of the early days of the Cultural Revolution, it seems that it is limited to the question of "persecutors and persecutors", and the truth is not so simple.
95% are persecutors and 5% are persecuted. But every 5% of people also want to become 95%, and every 95% of people can be reduced to 5%, which is a cyclical state.
At the beginning of the "Cultural Revolution", Yu Luoke wrote a "Theory of Origin", as the children of ordinary people, they psychologically hoped to integrate into the system, and the core of "Theory of Origin" is to say, "Everyone has the power of revolution". Actually, it's not.
Zheng Yi was a particularly outstanding student before the "Cultural Revolution", and was treated as a typical example of a child from a bad family background, and in the "Cultural Revolution", in order not to be abandoned by everyone, he was able to pin Chairman Mao's portrait to the meat, why? Just to show that I'm not the 5%.
But he came from a bad background, and everyone still didn't allow him to get out of the 5%. So is his loyalty to Chairman Mao real? It's definitely true. Everyone, whether 5% or 95%, is fighting in the feelings of loyalty to Chairman Mao. This is by no means a personal problem, but a social one.
Many people are reluctant to talk about the past, and indeed because it was a collective crime. Of course, personal sins cannot be concealed, such as when I killed a person, which cannot be concealed. This kind of apology can only be specific to individual circumstances, and it would be great if everyone could stand up, but it can't be, it can't be done.
When I first returned to Beijing from Inner Mongolia, I didn't dare to be ruthless, and then I became more and more fierce. I still remember that turning point, "that was the beginning of the collapse of the of the bottom line of human nature".
At the beginning of 1967, when the 43rd faction was preparing for the "Red Guard Congress" in the workers' gymnasium, we "veterans" went over to make trouble. Specifically, to hit them.
At that time, our school also received news that "the rebels were meeting in the workers' gymnasium", and the veterans came from all over and gathered in different corners of the workers' gymnasium.
A group of children wearing military coats, at first glance, came out of the army compound, with an unruly and unruly face.
The children of the big courtyard have good snacks, good nutrition, and good health, and have lived a collective life since childhood, are highly organized, and because of family reasons, almost all of them have received primary military training, and they are very fierce in fighting.
I mixed in and followed the fight, usually three or four people surrounded one beating, after being surrounded, I ran better, and after being beaten twice, it was miserable to resist, then it was purely beaten.
I found that everyone fought very neatly and happily, and it didn't matter if you knew martial arts or not, you knocked people over with crackling punches and kicks.
The kids in the Air Force compound all have those hard-tipped military flying boots, and they kick them with them after knocking people down. I saw the head of the man who had been kicked hit the concrete floor with a bang, and blood flowed freely.
I couldn't stand it anymore, so I jumped up and hugged the man's head and yelled "stop fighting, it's too cruel, I'm going to beat him to death."
Just as I was shouting, a high school student from an unknown military compound pulled me up and reprimanded: "What kind of class feelings are you, do you know who he is?" He is a scoundrel, he is the scum of our society, he is the enemy of the people! ”
When I heard this, my first reaction was to be ashamed, I simply felt that there was something wrong with my class feelings, why could I not stand on the side of the proletariat? As a result, as soon as I gritted my teeth, I threw myself into the ranks of beatings.
Five minutes later, I was fighting harder than my companions. And I actually tasted a kind of pleasure from the process of beating people, and I found that there is joy in sin. In this way, I walked down step by step, until finally I killed someone in the fight.
Actually, from the moment I felt that "hitting people is fun", my fate was sealed.
By the summer of 1967, the Red Guards had formed an independent system. In Beijing, the Red Guard organization of middle school students is generally divided into three factions – the "veteran faction", the "43 faction" and the "44 faction". Because of the different views of the various factions, there is a constant "struggle" between the factions. The children in the general compound think that the "old Red Guards" are good and the "four or three factions" are bad.
At noon on August 5, the sky was chaotic. Chang Mou, a classmate from the High School Affiliated to Beijing Normal University (the High School Affiliated to Beijing Normal University), who lived with me in the Air Force compound, rushed to my house: "The grain school (Beijing Grain School), the dogs of the '43 faction' are engaged in class revenge. Now they are calling the 'veterans' of the major courtyards to settle accounts with them. ”
I responded positively and recruited five or six students from our college to ride to Cuiwei Middle School, and after meeting with 28 students at the school gate, a group of people rode to the high school attached to the school. This is the main force of the "grain school martial arts".
When we arrived at the middle school attached to the teacher's college, several high school students were still arguing and repeatedly telling the junior high school students to calm down.
About an hour later, Zhang, a classmate from the Air Force compound, came to us and said, "What a class revenge." Li Hongxing was intercepted at the gate of the grain school, because there were classmates from the '43 faction' of Yuying Middle School, Li Hongxing didn't take it seriously. After being arrested at the grain school, several men in work clothes escorted him to the basement and stabbed him on the stairs. Li Hongxing kicked wildly, rushed out of the school gate, jumped over the fence, and swam across the canal. Because he was stabbed three times, he bled too much, and he swam to the shore and fainted. If it weren't for the fact that everyone took a detour along the canal to come to the middle school attached to the Normal School, and found Li Hongxing in the middle of the road, they would have been sent to the Air Force General Hospital as soon as possible, and Li Hongxing would have been finished! ”
When I heard this, I was furious and shouted, "Fight with them!" Ignoring the dissuasion of high school students, more than 20 "crazy guys" smashed the school's sports equipment and tool store, turned out gymnastics sticks and pickaxes and other things that could hit people, and rushed out of the school gate with one piece each.
We came to reinforce from a foreign school, and we became the protagonists in the uncalm. At first, the two sides had no practical meaning, and they were both tentative.
The other party rushed out of the school gate and shook a few times, waiting for us with flying stones and slingshots with nuts and caps. We had to rely on the trees as shelter and pick up rocks to fight back.
An hour later, a truck full of people appeared behind us. A low roar: "Down with the linkage? Someone whispered, "We are surrounded!" ”
As the truck stopped, the people on the bus jumped out of the car, forming a powerful impact force with the opposing students who rushed out of the school, and two or three hundred people rushed towards us.
Because the road is not wide, it just happens to be a combat surface that can be played with "cold weapons". More than 20 people, two rows in front and back, can be crossed and interacted with.
To retreat is to rout. In desperation, I didn't know which tendon to move, and shouted: "Don't retreat, tell them to chase until when!" The people behind intercept them, and we will fight back! ”
Driven by this inexplicable hatred, we turned red-eyed when a brick struck me in the arm, and I clutched the stick for a moment, and my eyes swept to see the man in blue overalls who had hit me with a brick.
I jumped up frantically and shouted, "Kill them!" "Afterwards, according to other classmates, I jumped more than half my body in the crowd.
I stared at my classmates who had smashed my rocks and chased after them. He doesn't seem to be sensitive, and he runs quite steadily. On the east side of the road, I struck him in the back of the head with a stick while he was unsuspected.
Like a bag flying out, he fell down the slope by the side of the road and rolled down, and then got up slowly. At that time, I yelled in crazy excitement: "You can't run!" Another blow hit him in the forehead, and blood splattered onto the stick.
In fact, I collapsed, and I didn't stop chasing until I squatted on the ground with a brick in my abdomen.
"We" classmate Chen came running from behind and said, "We killed one, the one you knocked down." I was stunned, and my first reaction was, "I didn't do it!" ”
In the school infirmary, the man was lying flat and had been bandaged, but his carotid artery was still spraying blood blisters, his eyes were slightly open, he only breathed out, not intake, and his face was pale. I will never forget this scene, it is terrible.
At this time, I learned that his name was "Wang Yanhong". I asked the school doctor about the situation, and I was told that there was no help, like five thunderbolts, I wanted to say "I didn't mean to", but the facts can never be changed - I killed someone!
I've been waiting at home for the police since I was killed. I called the police, but they didn't care.
In order to wash myself, I planned to participate in the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Vietnam and go to Vietnam for the "revolution". It took me nearly half a month to travel from Beijing to Hainan in an attempt to persuade the Vietnamese Navy, which was hiding in the port of Xiu Anh on Hainan Island, to take me into battle.
At that time, the Vietnamese Navy openly hung the Chinese military flag and national flag, and wore Chinese military uniforms to rest on Hainan Island. It's a pity that the Vietnamese don't look down on me and ignore me at all. I had no choice but to stay in Hainan.
On Hainan Island, it caught up with the martial arts again. I didn't want to get involved in martial arts, but I happened to catch up.
The martial arts in Hainan is much higher than the level of "group fights" between students in Beijing. Rebels, with machine guns shooting at us.
We are also not weak, and the homemade "grenades" are also very powerful. The so-called "grenade" is to take a canned box, mix it with gunpowder and iron slag, there is a twist, light it with fire, and throw it into the water after it is lit and it can be detonated, the power is really powerful, the effective killing range can be more than 20 meters, and the person will be blown up to cry dad and mother.
At that time, the "rebels" were shooting at the building we occupied with submachine guns, shouting "Surrender you".
We don't have guns, only grenades. In fact, they didn't dare to come up, and before we threw the "grenades", we also shouted, "Come up, give you our 'iron watermelon' to eat, it tastes good!" ”
When they heard such fluent Mandarin, they knew that it was "Beijing linkage", and they knew that this building was not easy to attack. Then we threw a couple of "iron watermelons" and they withdrew.
After two or three months in Hainan, on December 4, 1967, I was arrested by the Beijing police as a political prisoner. The crime is political fighting.
Killing people in armed fighting is not a criminal offense, first, it is not killing for money, second, it is not intentional killing, and third, it is not class revenge. Killing people in the armed struggle of the "Cultural Revolution" is considered a political prisoner.
In January 1968, I was imprisoned in Banbuqiao Prison.
At that time, the prison was very crowded, and there were 20 people in a room of 12 people, and we had more rooms, a total of 22 people.
But I'm happy in prison! Well, children, there is no sorrow, and the inmates are basically political prisoners. In prison I don't think about anything, my mind is empty.
However, I came into contact with some people in prison. Some old political prisoners are quite wise in their thinking, and in this ideological atmosphere I have received a kind of spiritual indoctrination, and I find that I have read too few books and have nothing to say, so I want to read.
On September 27, 1968, I came out of prison and began to read and think, and entered the third phase of the Central Study Class.
By February 1969, I had been declared "educationally free": no hats, no files, no political power, and organizationally responsible for secrecy.
Like many other people, I went to the countryside, served as a soldier, and worked as a worker.
Our generation has been through a similar experience, and many people have reflected, but very few people have talked about it publicly.
My reflection is a very natural process, so to speak, all of a sudden. I myself attribute it to physiological reasons, which are the natural outpouring of reaching a certain age.
When I lived to be in my 50s, I felt very unlucky, very unhappy, and strange. Once, I met a horse breeder. He said I must have done great evil, more than once.
Another time, I went to see my aunt, who had an old man in her building who could tell fortunes. I asked him to tell my fortune, and he opened his mouth and asked, "Have you ever killed anyone?" "I said no.
When I went to the countryside in Inner Mongolia, there was also a fortune teller who said, "You have a big life, you have experienced many great things, and in the end they are all gone." ”
I said, "What about me killing someone?" He said, "That's not over."
There are many more absolutes. I got into a fight with someone in Hangzhou and stabbed someone, I went to turn myself in, and an hour later I became a hero. Because the person I stabbed happened to be a wanted criminal.
When people are young, there are some things that they don't care about at all, or they can find all kinds of excuses for themselves, and only after they are in their 50s, they find that it is a matter and they can't sleep at night. It's not that I have nightmares, it's just that I feel sorry for others in my conscience and feel uncomfortable.
As I said earlier, our generation has a lot of common experiences, but in fact, each generation has some kind of common experience, or common memory.
We are all at the end of our age, and many of us are living in a state of confusion at this age. Only among peers will there be a real collision, to reflect.
You say that they are the "silent majority", but in fact it is not true, more than 40 years have passed, everyone's experiences are worlds apart, some people are rich and rich, some people are unknown, new hatreds and old hatreds are intertwined, and they can't be explained, so they don't want to say it.