Hi everyone, I'm Wanqiu~
Because they love and support their children, many elders take the initiative to help their sons and daughters-in-law take care of their grandchildren, and they also take care of the chores at home, focusing on a way for children to engage in their careers with peace of mind and contribute to society.
However, the elderly have paid a lot for this, but they may not necessarily get the gratitude of their children and a harmonious family atmosphere, but they may be thankless, causing family conflicts, unhappy for both parties, and even to the point of inextricable trouble.
A few days ago, a girl couldn't stand her mother-in-law taking the baby at home, so she resigned in a fit of anger and went home to take it herself, so that her mother-in-law went back to her hometown.
She brought the baby by herself, and although she was tired, she felt much more comfortable.
Last year, my sister-in-law took maternity leave, and my mother-in-law came from her hometown to help take care of the baby. In the mother-in-law's opinion, the daughter-in-law lives a very happy life: she packs up in the morning and goes to work to make money, goes home from work to eat ready-made meals, and plays with the baby at night and takes the baby to sleep, and the life is very comfortable!
But in the girl's opinion: my mother-in-law is very good and diligent, but I feel depressed in many places where I live together. Moreover, when the mother-in-law came, the husband became the shopkeeper, and he didn't want to do anything, so he lay down on the sofa after eating and started playing games. You can't let him do things yet, as soon as the words came out, the mother-in-law hurriedly ran over: "He's tired from a day's work, let him rest for a while." This made the girl speechless and congested~
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law come out of different families and live under the same roof, it is inevitable that there will be friction because they are not used to it.
Especially the first mother-in-law and the first daughter-in-law collided together, and they didn't know each other and were not familiar with each other, so they really didn't adapt to many things.
The mother-in-law is older, has been married for many years, and has experienced more family chores and is more inclusive. And the daughters-in-law are establishing a family for the first time, and they have not yet run in with their husbands, and there are two more in-laws, which will naturally be even more uncomfortable.
I know all too well what it's like to live with my mother-in-law and what conflicts it can have, because I've experienced them all.
As soon as I got married, I lived with my mother-in-law, and I didn't move out until my children were more than two years old.
After more than ten years of separation, we lived together again for the first two years, and now we get along very harmoniously.
As a senior daughter-in-law, I can now say that I understand both the feelings of being a daughter-in-law and the psychology of the elderly.
Therefore, persuade the elderly: to help his son and daughter-in-law take care of the children, they must be "lazy" in 3 things, otherwise their efforts will be thankless.
01. Be "lazy" in time with children
The grandson is born to the son and daughter-in-law, and it is their responsibility and obligation to accompany and educate, so as long as the son and daughter-in-law have time, the child must let them take it.
The in-laws come to take care of the children so that the children can go to work with peace of mind, as long as they take care of the children during working hours, it is a great help, and there is no need to come to take the grandchildren day and night.
The younger the child, the more contact with parents is needed in order to have an emotional connection, establish a good parent-child relationship, and have a better psychological development for the child.
No matter how much grandma loves her grandson, she can't rob her daughter-in-law.
Best friend's mother-in-law snatched her granddaughter with her.
Girlfriends go to work during the day, and mother-in-law takes care of the children. After the girlfriend came home at night, she wanted the child to sleep in her room, but the mother-in-law tried every possible way to stop it, saying "don't disturb the mother's rest", which seemed to be sympathetic to the daughter-in-law's tiredness at work, but in fact, she hoped that her granddaughter would be more attached to herself than to her mother.
This is not only detrimental to the growth of the granddaughter, but also offends the daughter-in-law and causes unnecessary family conflicts.
In fact, children are naturally close to their mothers, and grandma can't grab them, and they may rely on their grandmothers to take care of themselves when they are young, but they are still more willing to be close to their mothers when they grow up.
02. Be "lazy" in housework
Some elders take care of their children at their children's homes, feel sorry for their sons and daughters-in-law, and can't help but want to do more housework: cooking, mopping the floor, and doing laundry.
However, if you do too much, sometimes it will cause the children to complain. Why? It is mainly because of the difference in living habits and hygiene habits.
For example, if you wash your outer clothes in a washing machine that washes your underwear, and you brush your children's shoes in a basin that washes your buttocks, your daughter-in-law will be unhappy if she pays attention to these things.
Some elderly people go to their bedrooms to remove the sheets and change the covers when their sons and daughters-in-law are at work, which is a bit out of bounds, which is really thankless!
"The elderly do all the housework at home for a long time" There is also a disadvantage: if you meet children who don't know how to be grateful and rely on you to do everything, they will become more and more lazy and grow up like giant babies.
Sometimes, it's good to be "lazy" at your children's house, to give your children freedom and save yourself effort.
03. Be "lazy" in the concept of education
Although the elderly have given birth to children before and have experience in raising children, some concepts have become outdated after decades of rapid social development.
For example, I am not allowed to wear diapers and like to pee; Do not let children eat independently, like to chase after feeding; Don't let your child eat his hands, feel too dirty, etc.
The development of economy and science has made the environment in which children grow up today is very different from before, so the elderly should also accept the concept of bringing babies to the younger generation.
Moreover, in a family, it is best to unify the concept of parenting, not one set of parents and one set of grandparents, which is not conducive to the growth and development of children.
In principle, how to educate children should still be formulated by parents, and the elderly just need to cooperate, otherwise they will be left complaining.
There was once a mother-in-law in Shanghai who asked netizens for advice on the Internet, and was called "the most sober mother-in-law in the world":
"I am a mother-in-law, and I am willing to take children in the future, but there are conditions:
1. If you want to hire a nanny, the young couple will pay for it, and I will watch the nanny on the side, mainly playing a supervisory role;
2. The daughter-in-law can't talk too much, thinking that I can't bring it well;
3. I also need to rest, I have to go back to my own house on weekends and evenings, and the young couple will bring it by themselves;
4. I want to travel once a quarter, 1-2 weeks each time, during which the woman's parents are asked to rotate. ”
This mother-in-law seems to be "too lazy to do", but she is actually a mother-in-law with a sense of boundaries and a mother-in-law that young people like.
Therefore, sometimes helping children with babies seems to be "lazy", but in fact, it has a lot of benefits for children, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and even for the whole family.
What do you think is more conducive to the common progress of the family to help your son and daughter-in-law take care of the baby? Welcome to leave a message to discuss~
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Wanqiu talks about parenting, the mother of the two babies who loves to learn and think, welcome to pay attention, complain about the chickens and dogs that raise babies together, share the happiness of raising babies, and summarize the lessons of raising babies.