"Who should sleep in the master bedroom of the house that my mother bought?" The controversy itself is the problem 

Mi Li's mother loves to share

2024-05-08 14:13Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Text | Mi Li's mother

There is a saying in Cantonese that "it is better to give birth to barbecued pork than to give birth to you".

Usually, this sentence appears frequently when a mother scolds her child.

It means that what this child did was too disappointing, and giving birth to a piece of barbecued pork is better than giving birth to this child, at least the barbecued pork can still take care of the child.

Recently, there was such an incident, which vividly interpreted this sentence.

A girl posted a plea for help.

She said she came from a single-parent family and had an older sister who was already working. Their parents divorced, and the sisters have been living with their mother.

Recently, my mother took out the savings she had saved for a long time to make a down payment, and took out some loans to buy a three-bedroom house. When I bought a house, my sister also borrowed some money from relatives, but my mother had to pay it back.

Although they still have to repay loans and loans, the mother and daughter finally have a place to live, and since then they have their own home, and they want to live a happy life.

My mother chose a master bedroom with a separate bathroom, and two secondary bedrooms for each of the daughters, but what people didn't expect was that in the allocation of rooms, my sister was dissatisfied with her mother's decision.

Because my sister herself also wants to live in the master bedroom, and now her wish has been disappointed, she feels that her mother's arrangement is very unreasonable.

Regarding the dispute between my sister and my mother, the sister who posted said that she "doesn't care", anyway, she goes to school outside and doesn't go home at all. ”

The mother raised the two sisters with hard work, paid the down payment to repay the loan and improved the living environment, and in the end, even choosing a bedroom she liked was disliked by her daughter.

is also an old mother, and I really feel cold for her.

It is understandable that children want to live in a good house, everyone has the right to yearn for a better life, but what they want needs to fight for themselves.

Like the sister in this incident, while living in the house that her mother bought, she complained that her mother didn't give up the best room, which really doesn't make sense.

And the sister who posted the incident on the Internet actually didn't choose her mother firmly in her heart.

At first, she felt that this matter had nothing to do with her, because she usually did not live in this house, and no matter what her mother and sister chose, it would not affect her.

So of course she looks like she doesn't care about herself, maybe she is inclined to her mother's choice, but she is not completely convinced, otherwise she would not post this matter on the Internet to seek the approval of others.

While enjoying the shade of their mother, the two sisters are not satisfied, they do not know how to understand their mother's hardships, but only focus on their own interests.

No matter how much his parents pay for him, it is the norm in his eyes, and once the norm in his eyes is broken, he will feel resentment.

Before, I saw an incident on the hot search, a man named Xiaofei said that his old father knelt down to the woman's parents because he couldn't get enough money for his wedding bride price.

According to Xiaofei, on the day of the incident, his father and the woman's father were sitting in a restaurant talking about marriage, and according to their local customs, they need to give a bride price of 150,000 8 for marriage.

But their family's economic situation is very poor, when their mother suffered from breast cancer, they had spent all their family savings during treatment, and Xiaofei was about to get married as soon as he graduated, and the old father had no choice but to go out to work again, and borrowed to get 50,000 yuan.

Because they couldn't get together the bride price, when the two families were talking about marriage in the hotel, the father knelt down to the woman's parents.

His father once told him that a man has gold under his knees, and he must not kneel easily, but now, for his own bride price, his father has left his face and put down his dignity.

But after reading his subsequent speeches, I really have no way to empathize with him.

Maybe in order to show his father's love for him, he said a lot of things, such as his father loved him very much since he was a child, and he almost gave him anything.

When he was in junior high school, he began to run to the Internet café in the middle of the night to play games, and when he reached high school, he simply didn't even attend classes, and after graduating from college, he couldn't find a job, and he didn't care.

He smug and said, "No matter how old I am, I will always be a kid with my dad." Even if I can't eat now, I will have a hot mouthful when I get home. ”

To put it mildly, the wreckage should be at ease, and the rotten should be justified.

But the more proud his tone became, the more chilling it was to hear.

Although he kept saying that he was distressed and sad, in actual action, he couldn't see that he felt guilty at all.

The family conditions are not good, and he is not busy looking for a job as soon as he graduates, but he is planning to get married first. can't afford to give the bride price to the woman's family, but he doesn't make any effort, but knocks on his parents, and enjoys his father's contribution as a matter of course.

It wasn't until the father knelt down for the woman's parents that he said in a high-sounding manner how difficult it was for his father. Moreover, putting this matter on the Internet is tantamount to putting the woman's family on the fire, which is quite a bit of moral kidnapping.

I have to say that this little abacus is too fine.

And his father has always supported him, so he simply put it up, because he knows that even if he doesn't work and don't work hard, someone will still give him a hot meal.

It's normal for parents to love their children, but too much love is a disaster.

Give too much, and your needs will be ignored by others. This is true between people, and even more so between parents and children.

When Mi Li's mother was studying in the United States, she also heard that some international students did not attend classes well, and spent all their thoughts on drinking and partying.

Because in their opinion, my parents sent me anyway, so I should be taken care of, and I just have to be happy.

Previously, there was a 23-year-old girl who studied abroad in Spain, and the same was true.

She insulted her father by name in the WeChat group, and the words were so vicious that Mi Li's mother couldn't believe that this was what her own daughter could say.

And the reason for the incident turned out to be that her father, whose monthly salary was only more than 10,000 yuan, asked her to control her monthly expenses within 10,000 yuan.

She posted on Moments and proudly accused her father: "Old guy, don't give birth to this fairy if you can't afford it." ”

Not to mention how many part-time ways there are to study abroad, there are even work-study positions on campus. She only knew that she reached out to her father to ask for money, but she did not have a trace of gratitude.

What's even more hateful is that an international student who is also in Spain said that he is living a normal life, and he only spends a total of 4,000 yuan per month.

This father was so humble that he thought that as long as he coaxed his daughter well and sent her abroad, he would definitely raise excellent children.

But what he didn't know was that when he gave too much and too easily, he was already destined to not be able to raise an excellent child.

The selfishness of these children manifests itself in all sorts of ways, but in the final analysis, it is the family's education that has gone wrong.

And, if you don't experience some things, you will never know whether the children you have raised with hard work are here to repay your kindness or collect debts.

I still remember that during the epidemic, there was a mother who was impotent, had a high fever and was very weak, but she couldn't rest in bed for a while.

Because she still has three children to take care of, she can only drag her sick body to cook for the children.

When the meal was ready, and the children ate with relish, she suddenly felt a wave of dizziness, and wanted to hold on to the wall to relieve it, but before she could wait a few seconds, she fell heavily to the ground.

Hearing a muffled sound, the three children turned around one after another, but they saw their mother fainting on the ground, and the three children were indifferent!

They just glanced back at their mother, who had fallen to the ground, and immediately turned their heads to continue eating, as if there was a stranger lying on the ground who had nothing to do with them.

No one rushed forward to see how my mother was doing, not even a word of inquiry.

After a long time, the older sister finally stood up and stepped forward to check on her mother's condition, but she just stood there and watched coldly, without even stretching out her hand, leaving her mother to lie on the cold ground.

The second daughter and the youngest child, who were less than a meter away from their mother, just glanced back at their mother who fell to the ground, and then continued to eat the rice in their bowl as if nothing happened.

It was the mother who accompanied and took care of them day and night, fainting beside her, but none of the children cared about the life or death of their mother, they only cared about the bowl of rice in front of them.

Selfishness and indifference are vividly interpreted by these three children.

When she was lying alone on the ground, this mother also felt aggrieved and cold, otherwise she would not have sent out this surveillance footage.

But when she saw that public opinion was overwhelming and scolding her children, she still chose to stand up for her children again, saying that the children might think she was "joking" with them.

However, the surveillance footage is real, and the children's indifference is also true, and the self-deception is only the mother from beginning to end.

To be honest, watching the children's performance, I really felt a chill through and through.

Ignoring her mother's dedication and not caring about her every move, it can be seen what kind of status her mother is in in the daily relationship of this family.

Why children always ignore their parents and take their parents' contributions for granted, it is because parents are usually used to taking care of everything, giving too much and giving too much.

She must be hard-working, hard-working, taking care of a few children to have clothes to stretch her hands, and food to open her mouth, but as everyone knows, she is too full of love, so that all her efforts have become "taken for granted".

We can shelter children's bodies, but we can't shelter their souls.

Dodging beyond the boundaries and losing the principles will only make the child lose themselves and deviate from the course.

Mi Li's mother feels that the best love for her child is not to bear everything for him, nor to pretend to be strong when she is struggling.

It is to give the child a chance to give, personally plug in the child's independent and strong wings, even if it is just to let him pour a glass of water and say a word of comfort, it will make him have a sense of worth.

Being able to understand each other and be willing to pay for each other is the best look of a family, isn't it?

Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.

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