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I am Li Juan, and my husband Wang Qiang and I live an ordinary and happy life in this small city. We have two children, the eldest son, Xiaoqiang, is 9 years old and is in primary school; The youngest daughter, Xiaoya, is 5 years old and has just started kindergarten. The atmosphere at home has always been harmonious, and although life is not rich, we strive to run our own happy little family.
Summer break is approaching and we decided to let our two children spend at home so they can enjoy more family time. But at this time, my mother-in-law Wang Guixiang called and said that she was going to come to our house for a while to help take care of the children.
Wang Guixiang lives in the countryside and rarely comes to the city. Since Wang Qiang and I got married, she has been staying in her hometown, and we only go back to see her during the holidays. My mother-in-law loves her grandson Xiaoqiang very much, but she always seems a little cold to her granddaughter Xiaoya, which has always made me a little dissatisfied.
However, as a daughter-in-law, I try to respect my mother-in-law as much as possible and don't want to complicate family relationships. After all, the mother-in-law is old, and it is also a good intention to take care of her grandchildren. Wang Qiang and I decided to make her feel as comfortable and enjoyable as possible during this summer vacation.
As soon as my mother-in-law arrived home, Wang Qiang and I were busy greeting her. She brought a lot of souvenirs, as well as some pickles that she had pickled herself, and it was obvious that she also had some affection for our little family. We carried her luggage to the guest room and had dinner together.
After eating, Wang Qiang and I cleaned up the dishes and chopsticks in the kitchen, while my mother-in-law chatted with the two children in the living room. She chatted happily with Xiaoqiang, asking him about his studies for a while, and asking him what fun things he had at school. Xiaoqiang also answered actively, and laughter echoed in the living room.
But when the mother-in-law turned to Xiaoya, the topic became serious. The mother-in-law began to set rules for Xiaoya, she said: "Xiaoya, you have to be obedient, you can't run around, you must know how to respect your elders, you must be honest when eating, and you are not allowed to be picky eaters." ”
Xiaoya was very well-behaved, she nodded and said, "I know, grandma." ”
I came out of the kitchen and said to my mother-in-law with a smile: "Mom, Xiaoya is usually very well-behaved, she is fine." ”
But my mother-in-law ignored me, and she continued to say to Xiaoya: "Also, you have to learn to take care of your brother, you can't let him do housework, housework should be done by you girls." ”
This sentence made me a little uncomfortable, I looked at Wang Qiang, and he seemed to realize that my mother-in-law's words were not appropriate. Wang Qiang walked up to his mother-in-law and said with a smile: "Mom, the times are different now, and boys must also learn to do housework, so that they can take better care of themselves." ”
The mother-in-law frowned and said, "Is this the way you teach your children?" Boys should be like boys, and girls should be like girls. Xiaoqiang is going to go out to the world in the future, and he can't be allowed to do these trivial things. ”
Wang Qiang smiled helplessly, turned his head to look at me, I knew he didn't want to argue with his mother-in-law, but this sentence made me feel unhappy. Our family has always advocated equality between men and women, and our children have grown up in this atmosphere. I don't want Xiaoya to be indoctrinated with this traditional concept, and I don't want her to feel inferior to her brother.
After eating, Wang Qiang went to chat with his mother-in-law, and I took the children back to their rooms. Xiaoya looked a little sullen, and she asked me softly, "Mom, why does grandma say that I have to do housework?" Doesn't my brother have to do it? ”
I felt a sour feeling in my heart, hugged her gently, and said, "Everyone has their own tasks, but housework is done by everyone together, not by girls." Mom will talk to grandma, you don't have to worry. ”
That night, I lay in bed, thinking about how to communicate with my mother-in-law. I know that this is not a simple problem and if not handled well, it can affect family harmony. But I can't let Xiaoya feel wronged. I thought about what I could do to maintain family harmony and make Xiaoya feel respected.
The next morning, just after dawn, I got up to prepare breakfast. The kids are still sleeping, and I want them to sleep a little longer. The mother-in-law had already gotten up, and she sat in the living room, watching the morning news on TV.
"Mom, you're early." I smiled and said hello.
My mother-in-law looked back at me, nodded, and said in a light tone: "Well, it's early." ”
I know that my mother-in-law is a little cold to me, and she always feels that I have not fulfilled my responsibilities as a daughter-in-law. But I also have my own difficulties, I am busy with work and housework, and I have tried my best. I thought I'd find a chance to talk to my mother-in-law about last night's housework today.
By the time I had breakfast ready, the kids woke up. Xiaoqiang has always been lively, and as soon as he saw the breakfast on the table, he ran over and shouted: "Mom, today's breakfast is so delicious!" ”
The mother-in-law touched Xiaoqiang's head with a smile and said, "Xiaoqiang is really good, remember to help grandma clean up the table after eating." ”
Xiaoqiang nodded, picked up his chopsticks and began to eat breakfast. I brought Xiaoya a bowl of porridge, she looked at me and asked in a low voice, "Mom, do I want to help too?" ”
"Of course you can, Xiaoya is also part of the family." I touched her head and gave her some side dishes.
After breakfast, my mother-in-law stopped me: "Xiaojuan, I think Xiaoya is too squeamish, she has to learn how to do housework." You young people don't know how to educate your children, and girls should learn to take care of the family. ”
I looked at my mother-in-law and tried to make my tone appear gentle: "Mom, in fact, Xiaoya is still young, we can take our time." It's summer vacation, let the kids play a little more and don't stress them too much. ”
The mother-in-law shook her head, her face was a little displeased: "You are doting on children, especially girls, you can't let them be too willful." ”
I was a little unhappy in my heart, but I still tried to stay calm: "Mom, educate children to be equal, boys and girls are the same, and they can't make them feel inferior to others." ”
The mother-in-law frowned, looking a little angry: "Where did you hear this?" Boys have to go out and have to go out, and girls have to learn to take care of the family. This is the rule of our older generation, and you young people just don't understand it. ”
Wang Qiang came out of the bedroom at this time and saw me arguing with my mother-in-law, so he hurriedly came over to mediate: "Mom, don't be angry, we are all for the good of the child." Xiaojuan is also reasonable, now that the concept of education is different, we still respect the individuality of children. ”
The mother-in-law looked at Wang Qiang, and her tone was a little cold: "You don't listen to what I said?" You weren't educated like that when you were a child, and now you're working against me? ”
Wang Qiang was a little embarrassed and scratched his head: "Mom, why am I working against you, I just think that every child should have their own choice." Xiaoqiang too, and I also hope that he can learn to take care of himself. ”
When the mother-in-law heard this, her face became even heavier, and she waved her hand: "Okay, okay, you young people can educate as much as you like, and I don't care." ”
I saw my mother-in-law's attitude hardened, and I knew that this communication did not work well, but may have exacerbated my mother-in-law's dissatisfaction with us. But I don't want Xiaoya to be affected, so I can only put down this topic for the time being and wait for a suitable opportunity to communicate.
That night, Wang Qiang and his mother-in-law sat in the living room watching TV, and I was cleaning up the dishes and chopsticks in the kitchen. Xiaoya sat at the dining table and helped me wipe the dishes. She suddenly asked me, "Mom, does grandma not like me?" ”
I was stunned for a moment, and my heart felt sad for a while. I looked at Xiaoya and said with a smile, "How come? Grandma just thinks you're young and wants you to learn more things so that you can be more independent in the future. ”
Xiaoya nodded, but there was still some doubt in her eyes. I knew that my mother-in-law's attitude towards her was confusing her, and I had to find a way to fix it. But I also know that this kind of thing can't be rushed, you have to take it slowly. How to respect my mother-in-law while not making the children feel unfair is my most important task now.
I continued to patiently explain my grandmother's idea to Xiaoya, but I knew I had to find a solution. The mother-in-law's attitude is very stubborn, and it is not easy to change her concept. But as a mother, I can't let Xiaoya feel unequal because of these traditional views.
The next morning, while I was preparing breakfast, my mother-in-law came into the kitchen. She glanced at my pot and frowned: "You put too much salt, children can't eat too salty." ”
I smiled and said, "Mom, I put very little this time, you can taste it." ”
The mother-in-law shook her head and sighed: "Young people nowadays just don't know how to control themselves, so they can let everything go." ”
I knew my mother-in-law was picking on my thorns, but I didn't want to argue with her, so I had to keep busy with the work at hand. Wang Qiang heard our conversation and came out of the bedroom, and he came over to help me make breakfast together, trying to lighten the mood.
"Mom, don't worry, Xiaojuan and I will pay attention." Wang Qiang said to his mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law looked at Wang Qiang, then at me again, and shook her head: "You are just spoiling the children, so how can they become successful in the future?" Xiaoqiang is a little better, Xiaoya is too squeamish. ”
Wang Qiang scratched his head: "Mom, Xiaoya is still young, she has her way of growing up, we will teach her." ”
The mother-in-law stopped talking, but the expression on her face showed that she was not satisfied. She returned to the living room and watched TV, while Wang Qiang and I continued to prepare breakfast. While the two children were still sleeping, Wang Qiang and I exchanged a look, and he gave me an encouraging smile.
When breakfast was ready and the children got up, Xiaoqiang was as lively as ever, he ran to the table and excitedly shouted, "Mom, what's delicious today?" ”
I smiled and said, "Today there are pancakes, and eggs." ”
Xiao Qiang clapped her hands happily, while Xiao Ya looked a little shy, she slowly walked to the table and sat down. The mother-in-law looked at the two of them with a somewhat complicated expression on her face. She said to Xiaoqiang: "Xiaoqiang, eat more, so that you can grow taller and stronger." ”
Xiaoqiang nodded, picked up his chopsticks and began to eat breakfast. The mother-in-law turned to Xiaoya again and frowned: "Xiaoya, why are you so slow?" Eat quickly, don't procrastinate. ”
I whispered to my mother-in-law, "Mom, Xiaoya is usually quiet, she eats slowly, but she will finish eating." ”
The mother-in-law waved her hand impatiently: "This can't be done, if you can't keep up with the rhythm, how can you do it?" What should I do when I go to school? ”
I feel that my mother-in-law's request is a bit excessive, but I don't want to exacerbate the conflict, so I can only try to let Xiaoya relax. She ate her breakfast silently, looking a little uneasy. I remembered what she had said last night when she asked my grandmother if she liked her, and I felt very uncomfortable.
After breakfast, I decided to take the kids to the park to play so that they could relax. I invited my mother-in-law to come along, but she said she was going to stay at home and watch TV. I thought to myself, maybe that's fine, give us some space.
In the park, Xiaoqiang ran around and had a good time, while Xiaoya followed me and seemed a little reserved. I took her to a flower bed where there were many beautiful flowers. When I told her the names of the flowers, she relaxed and smiled.
"Xiaoya, you know what? Every flower has its beauty, just like you. I said to her.
Xiaoya raised her head, looked at me, and smiled: "Really, Mom?" ”
I nodded, "Yes, everyone is unique, and so are you." ”
Xiao Qiang ran over at this time, grabbed a handful of stones, and began to play the game of throwing stones. I told him to stay safe and not to hurt others. Xiaoya looked at him and wanted to try it too, but she was a little hesitant.
I said to her, "Xiaoya, go and try it, just pay attention to safety, your mother will watch you." ”
She looked at Xiaoqiang, then picked up a small stone and tried to throw it. Although she didn't throw far, a smile appeared on her face. Xiaoqiang encouraged her and said, "Sister, you can do it!" Try again! ”
I saw that Xiaoya gradually relaxed, and I felt relieved. I know that my mother-in-law's rules may affect the children, but I will try to make them feel the warmth and love of the family. I decided that I would have a good chat with Wang Qiang after I went back to see how I could solve my mother-in-law's problem and avoid the children being treated unfairly.
When we got home, my mother-in-law was sitting on the couch watching TV, and when she saw us coming back, she asked, "Are you having fun?" ”
Xiao Qiang replied in a loud voice: "Grandma, we went to the park, and I also played stone throwing!" ”
The mother-in-law smiled, obviously satisfied with Xiaoqiang's liveliness, but she didn't ask Xiaoya. Xiaoya stood beside me, a little shy, and she whispered, "I also threw stones, although not as far as my brother." ”
The mother-in-law did not respond, and she continued to watch TV, as if she was not interested in Xiaoya's activities. I was a little unhappy, but I still suppressed my emotions.
Wang Qiang came out of the bedroom, saw his mother-in-law and the children, and asked with a smile, "Mom, do you want to go out for dinner together?" We just went out and relaxed in the evening. ”
The mother-in-law shook her head: "If you don't go, I won't join in the fun with you young people." I'm old and don't want to go anywhere. ”
Wang Qiang smiled: "Mom, don't say that, you're still young, go out with us to breathe." ”
The mother-in-law waved her hand, and her tone was a little impatient: "Okay, okay, I'll just stay at home." Go out, and I will not hinder you. ”
Wang Qiang glanced at me, and I knew that he didn't want to force his mother-in-law, after all, she had just come to live with us. We decided to take the kids out for dinner to give the mother-in-law some space and also for the kids to enjoy.
In the restaurant, the four of us sat together, and Xiaoqiang was as active as ever, chatting with Wang Qiang non-stop. Xiaoya was a little quiet, she looked at me from time to time, as if looking for my comfort. I gently held her hand and told her not to worry, that her mother would always be there for her.
Wang Qiang saw that Xiaoya was a little silent, and tried to make her relax: "Xiaoya, what do you want to eat?" This restaurant has a lot of good food to order, you can order as you like. ”
Xiaoya looked at the menu and whispered, "I want to eat chicken wings." ”
Wang Qiang smiled: "Okay, order chicken wings." He said to Xiaoqiang again: "Xiaoqiang, what about you? ”
Xiaoqiang said excitedly: "I want to eat steak!" ”
We ordered, and throughout the dinner, I tried to make the atmosphere a little more relaxed and talked to the kids about a lot of interesting topics. Wang Qiang is also trying to liven up the atmosphere, he knows that Xiaoya has been a little unhappy recently, so he tries to make her smile more.
After dinner, we came home and my mother-in-law was still watching TV. When she saw us coming back, she asked, "How were you eating?" ”
Wang Qiang smiled and said, "It's good, Mom, you should go with us." ”
The mother-in-law waved her hand: "I'm old, I don't want to go anywhere." You young people can just play on your own. ”
I was a little irritable in my heart, my mother-in-law always put herself in a position of abandonment, as if we were deliberately snubbing her. But in fact, we've been trying to integrate her into family life.
That night, Wang Qiang and I chatted in the bedroom, and I told him that I was a little worried about my mother-in-law's attitude, especially her indifference to Xiaoya.
Wang Qiang frowned: "Xiaojuan, mom, she may be used to traditional concepts, she thinks boys should be lively, girls should be quiet." We may need to take a little more time to get her to change her mindset. ”
I nodded: "But I don't want Xiaoya to feel that she is being neglected, especially since she is still so young." ”
Wang Qiang sighed: "I know, but we can't be too tough, we have to take our time." I'll talk to my mom tomorrow and see if I can make her understand what we think. ”
The next morning, I was in the kitchen preparing breakfast when my mother-in-law suddenly walked in. She looked at me and said, "Xiaojuan, I thought about it yesterday, do you have an opinion about me?" ”
I was a little surprised, I didn't expect my mother-in-law to take the initiative to bring up this topic. I stopped what I was doing, smiled and said, "Mom, why do you think that?" I don't have a problem with you. ”
The mother-in-law frowned: "But I think you have been cold to me recently, is it because of my attitude towards Xiaoya?" ”
I didn't expect my mother-in-law to be so direct, I hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Mom, I didn't treat you coldly, it's just that I think Xiaoya is still young, and she needs our love." ”
The mother-in-law was silent for a while, and then said, "I know, but I just think that girls should be sensible and not like boys." I don't really understand the way you educate now. ”
I nodded: "Mom, I understand your thoughts, but times are changing, and many things are changing. We want our children to feel loved as equals and not be treated differently because of their gender. ”
My mother-in-law looked at me and seemed to be thinking about what I said. I know that this topic is not easy to solve, but at least my mother-in-law is willing to listen to me, and this is already a good start. I decided that I would spend more time communicating with my mother-in-law so that she could gradually understand our educational philosophy.
My mother-in-law listened to me in the kitchen, and her expression became a little complicated. She looked at me, and then at the children playing in the living room, as if thinking about what I had just said.
I continued chopping vegetables, thinking to myself that my mother-in-law might be gradually understanding my thoughts. I decided to communicate with her more during this time and let her see our family values.
For lunch, I made my mother-in-law's favorite braised fish, which is her favorite dish in her hometown. I brought the fish to the table, and my mother-in-law looked at it with a hint of joy in her eyes: "This fish is my favorite." ”
I smiled and said, "Mom, I made it for you, you can eat more." ”
Wang Qiang and the two children also sat down, and the mother-in-law looked at everyone and began to serve vegetables to Xiaoqiang: "Xiaoqiang, you have to eat more, and when you grow up, you can have strength." ”
Xiaoqiang smiled: "Grandma, I will." He looked at the other dishes on the table as he ate, looking very happy.
I was relieved to see my mother-in-law's expression soften. Wang Qiang is also chatting with his mother-in-law and chatting about some trivial matters at home. He told his mother-in-law that Xiaoqiang was doing well in school and had recently won a certificate.
When the mother-in-law heard this, a relieved smile appeared on her face: "Xiaoqiang is awesome, grandma knows that you are the best." ”
I sandwiched some vegetables for Xiaoya, and when I saw that she was a little shy, I said to her, "Xiaoya, you also have to eat more vegetables, so that you can grow healthy." ”
Xiaoya nodded, picked up the chopsticks and began to eat. She eats slowly, but seems serious. When the mother-in-law saw Xiaoya like this, her expression became a little complicated. She said, "Xiaoya, you have to eat quickly, otherwise the food will be cold." ”
I hurriedly relieved Xiaoya: "Mom, Xiaoya just eats slowly, she will slowly get used to it." ”
The mother-in-law nodded, although she didn't say anything more, but obviously felt that Xiaoya was a little "slow".
After lunch, Wang Qiang proposed to take his mother-in-law out for a walk. He said he wanted to take her to a nearby mall to get a feel for the atmosphere in the city. The mother-in-law was a little hesitant at first, but under Wang Qiang's persuasion, she finally agreed.
We went out together and went to the mall. There were a lot of people in the mall, and her mother-in-law was a little uncomfortable, but Wang Qiang was always by her side and introduced her to the various shops in the mall. Xiaoqiang and Xiaoya were also very happy, they ran around and shouted excitedly when they saw something they liked.
We walked around for a while and walked to a shop that sold clothes. The mother-in-law glanced at it and shook her head: "These clothes are too fancy, I still like simple ones." ”
Wang Qiang smiled and said, "Mom, these clothes are for young people, what do you like?" I'll buy it for you. ”
The mother-in-law looked around and finally chose a relatively simple coat. She tried it on and thought it was very suitable, so Wang Qiang bought it for her. The mother-in-law seemed to be pleased, she took her coat and said with a smile: "This color is good, I like it." ”
When I saw the smile on my mother-in-law's face, I was relieved. Although she was a little dissatisfied with the way we were raised, her emotions were gradually becoming part of our small family.
After shopping at the mall, we returned home, my mother-in-law looked a little tired, she sat on the sofa and rested for a while with her eyes closed. Xiaoqiang and Xiaoya were playing with their new toys on the side, and the atmosphere at home became much more relaxed.
At this time, Wang Qiang quietly pulled me aside, and he whispered, "Xiaojuan, I think my mother's attitude is starting to soften." We need to talk to her more so that she can slowly understand our thoughts. ”
I nodded: "Yes, Mom's concept is more traditional, but we can change her with more time." ”
Wang Qiang smiled: "Don't worry, we will take our time, don't worry." ”
That night, I saw that my mother-in-law's attitude towards Xiaoya had become a little softer. She began to pay attention to Xiaoya's activities and asked her some questions about school and hobbies. While there is still a bit of tradition in her rhetoric, I sense that her mindset is beginning to change.
This week, my mother-in-law gradually became accustomed to life at home, and she began to cook and chat with us, and play with the children. Although her rules sometimes seemed too serious, she also began to try to understand our way of education.
I know that it is not easy to change a person's perception, especially the traditional concept of the older generation such as a mother-in-law. But I will continue to work hard with more patience and love to make her feel that our family atmosphere is warm and harmonious. I believe that as long as we persevere, my mother-in-law will eventually accept the way we are educated as a small family and give more understanding and support to the children.
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