Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
Marriage is a long journey, not that if you get a marriage certificate, you will be able to last forever, but we need to continue to manage it carefully.
During this trip, it is inevitable that there will be various problems and conflicts between husband and wife.
Some mistakes can be forgiven, such as occasional negligence, petty temper, or negative emotions brought about by high work pressure, which are all human nature.
But some mistakes are like a "red line" in marriage, and once touched, it often means the breakdown of the relationship.
In marriage, there are 3 "mistakes" that cannot be easily forgiven, and if your significant other has these behaviors, it may be time to consider letting go.
01
Infidelity and deception
Faithfulness is the cornerstone of marriage, and a marriage without loyalty is like a house without a foundation, and a little wind and grass may collapse.
Infidelity, whether emotional or physical, is the most serious harm to a marriage.
For example, when your significant other has an "intimate relationship" with someone else without your knowledge.
This kind of behavior will instantly destroy the trust between you, and you will no longer be able to trust this person, or even be unwilling to continue living with him.
The damage caused by infidelity is difficult to turn the page easily, and that kind of pain will even follow us for a lifetime.
Deception in marriage is likewise not easily forgivable.
If infidelity is an instantaneous sting, then deception is a long-term "poison".
Imagine that your partner lied to you for a long time, whether it was about your finances, personal whereabouts, or other important things.
This constant deception can make every moment in the marriage no longer real. You may even wonder if this marriage is real or not, and how can you go on with it?
Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "We must accept disappointment because it is finite, but we must not lose hope because it is infinite." ”
However, in the face of infidelity and deception, disappointment can turn to despair, and hope can be completely destroyed.
Therefore, in the face of such a "mistake", sometimes letting go may be a relief.
02
Persistent apathy and neglect
Marriage is a commitment between two people, and it is a lifelong career, which needs to be worked hard and managed together.
When one of the parties shows continued indifference and neglect, the marriage may have died in name only.
Apathy, maybe verbal non-response, maybe emotional indifference, maybe physical detachment.
But these are enough to make you chill about marriage.
For example, you come home and excitedly share with him about a big project, only to get a perfunctory response.
Another example is that you are sick and want the other party to cook a porridge for you to drink. But he's so busy playing games that he doesn't even hear what you're saying.
Neglect in marriage is often more hidden.
The most intuitive manifestation is that he will turn a blind eye to your needs and feelings.
For example, if you tell him that the light bulb in your house is going to be changed, but the other person does not take action, you make it clear that you don't like a certain habit, but the other person repeats it again and again.
This kind of indifference and neglect is like a chronic poison, which quietly erodes the marriage.
When indifference and neglect become habits, then this marriage may come to an end.
03
domestic violence
Whether it is physical harm or mental torture, domestic violence will never be tolerated.
Domestic violence is not only about punching and kicking, but also about verbal insults, intimidation, and financial control.
Not only will it hurt you physically and mentally, but even your children will be harmed, and family happiness will be completely destroyed.
Therefore, in the face of domestic violence, we should be brave enough to stand up and say "no", seek outside help, and consider ending this unhealthy marital relationship.
At all times, marriage is a spiritual practice that needs to be maintained with our hearts.
But when there are three of these "mistakes" in a marriage, we need to stop and rationally think about whether the marriage is still necessary.
Sometimes, letting go is not a sign of weakness, but a choice that is responsible for both yourself and the other person.
Because, marriage is never the whole of life, and everyone has the right to pursue a happy life.
When we find that marriage no longer gives us these things, it may be time for a change.