Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
If you ask a woman, what is the most difficult thing in marriage? The answer is often the same: the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Since ancient times, there has been a saying that "it is difficult for a clean official to decide family affairs", and this sentence is also true in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
But objectively speaking, if you want to judge whether the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good or not, we must look at one point - that is, whether the two parties can respect and understand each other.
Respect and understanding, just a few words, easy to say, but difficult to do.
On the one hand, there is a generation gap between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, and on the other hand, the two people come from different families and have different living habits.
Such differences, if not properly handled, can easily lead to contradictions and conflicts.
01
Let's start with respect.
Respect is the most basic need between people, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is no exception.
As a mother-in-law, you must be able to respect your daughter-in-law's way of life, and don't always judge and blame from the perspective of the older generation.
For example, young people are under a lot of pressure at work nowadays and like to order takeout. If the mother-in-law expresses dissatisfaction with this and even teaches a lesson, then the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law will become strained.
On the contrary, if the mother-in-law can respect the choice of the daughter-in-law and understand her difficulties, then the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can get along harmoniously.
In the same way, the daughter-in-law should also respect her mother-in-law's experience and ideas, and not blindly reject and deny them.
After all, my mother-in-law has experienced more ups and downs in life, and some of her suggestions are also out of concern for the family and children, you can not listen, but don't resist with a bad attitude.
For example, when it comes to taking care of children, your mother-in-law will give you some ways she can take care of children.
If the daughter-in-law denies it all without thinking, it is easy to make the mother-in-law feel uncomfortable.
If the daughter-in-law can listen patiently and then adopt it appropriately in combination with the actual situation, then the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can often reduce a lot of friction.
02
Let's talk about understanding.
From the mother-in-law's point of view, it is necessary to understand the situation and difficulties of the daughter-in-law, and not always put on the shelf of "parents" and give "orders" from above.
For example, when it comes to work, the daughter-in-law has her own ideas and is not willing to take care of the children full-time at home. If the mother-in-law does not understand this, or even interferes with it, then it is likely to lead to a dispute.
But if the mother-in-law can empathize, understand the daughter-in-law's practices more, and give her some support, maybe the daughter-in-law will be grateful for your help.
In the same way, the daughter-in-law should also understand the worries and expectations of her mother-in-law.
Mother-in-law will have some anxiety and uneasiness in daily life because of age, health and other factors.
If the daughter-in-law can take the initiative to care for her mother-in-law and give some companionship and comfort, then the mother-in-law's heart must be warm.
For example, when there is a holiday, the daughter-in-law can take the initiative to ask her mother-in-law to go on a trip together, and the family is happy, which can not only make the mood happy, but also enhance the relationship between each other.
In many cases, whether the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good or not depends on whether both parties can respect and understand each other.
As the ancients said, "Harmony without difference can last long." ”
In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we must also learn to seek common ground while reserving differences, grasp the big and let go of the small, and accept each other's differences with an open and inclusive attitude.
In this way, many conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can be avoided. And you can also reduce the internal friction caused by the problems of your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Why not?