Can you stay free even if you get married?
In fact, when you get married, you need to be free even more, otherwise no matter how strong your marriage is, it will be crumbling in the years.
Regarding freedom, Immanuel Kant once said:
"True freedom is not about doing what you want, it's about being in charge of yourself. ”
In marriage, smart women never lose themselves, on the contrary, they have their own principles and bottom lines, and know how to defend their personality and dignity.
When people reach middle age, they know how to keep these three hole cards, and the rest of their lives will be better and better.
Freedom of speech
Freedom of speech does not refer to absolute freedom of expression.
The former is the right to speak, and the latter is a thoughtless catharsis.
Many people often can't tell the difference between the two. In the end, I found that I was digging out my heart and lungs, but it was still thankless.
Instead of competing for the speed of words, it is better to firmly grasp the right to speak.
Marriage without the right to speak is like a fragile paper house, and it is the dignity of women that is most likely to be crushed.
In the TV series "An Family", Feng Yuhua accidentally discovered that her husband was cheating, and even more excessively, she had to buy a house for the mistress.
In extreme collapse, her choice was to run to the intermediary and make a fuss, asking the other party not to sell the house to her husband.
At the beginning, Feng Yuhua accompanied her husband to start from scratch, and after marriage, she took the initiative to resign and take the responsibility of taking care of the family.
It's just that Feng Yuhua has given everything to this family, but she still can't get the respect of her husband.
This is largely because when her husband tests her bottom line again and again, she always chooses to tolerate rather than resolutely show her hole cards and stick to her principles.
Her husband is messing with flowers and grass, she opens one eye and closes one eye;
Her husband wanted to use the joint property to buy a house for Xiao San, but she didn't ask him for a theory, but went to a real estate agent;
Later, Feng Yuhua even broke the bottom line and agreed that her husband would send a room to Xiao San as a hush money and breakup fee.
However, as a result of repeated forbearance, my husband is still messing around outside, and even more unscrupulous.
At this time, she suddenly realized:
In the face of the issue of principle, taking a step back will not open the sky, but will lead to no way out.
After seeing the truth, Feng Yuhua's aura was full of energy.
Not only do you have to divorce, but you also have to take away half of the family property and custody of all your children.
This time, she told the other party stiffly:
"If you don't agree, you get nothing.
All the 'bad things' you did are in my hands, and if I take one of them out to the court and say it, I can make you walk bare-assed!"
Finally, she was able to scold the negative man: "Without me, how can you be today!"
The process of Feng Yuhua's awakening is the process of regaining the right to speak step by step.
A woman who has lost her right to speak has lost half of herself.
Grasp the right to speak, and seize the confidence and freedom.
Keep in mind that:
In marriage, thoughtfulness and tolerance are important, but we must not lose our position and principles.
Otherwise, over time, not only will your partner's respect and attention to you decrease, but you will also become weaker and more passive in the relationship.
A happy marriage is not without problems, but when you encounter problems, you know how to take the initiative and speak.
Financial freedom
Yishu once said:
"I want a lot of love, and if I don't, I want a lot of money. ”
In marriage, fear is fear, and a woman can neither get love nor money.
A netizen shared his story:
After getting married, her husband went out to work, and she was alone at home with her two children.
At a fixed time every month, her husband gave her 1500 living expenses.
The family once complained: "This little money is not enough for the tuition fees of the two children." ”
But she knows very well that her husband is not happy with this amount of money.
Her husband thinks that it would be nice to give her this if he was working so hard outside the home and his wife was just at home.
Over the years, the woman's life has been extremely tight, and every month, she is looking forward to waiting for that pitiful living expenses.
Although I have saved and saved, most of the time I still can't get the day of "receiving money" at all.
She sighed:
"It would be nice if I made my own money, but it was really uncomfortable to reach out and ask for money. ”
Indeed, a woman who is not financially independent, no matter how much she pays, is still a dwarf "eater" in the eyes of her husband and relatives and friends.
The more moneyless, the more panicked, anxious, and tormented.
In marriage, if a woman has no money, she loses all her confidence.
In the movie "Searching", Mo Xiaoyu's role is a stark example.
Mo Xiaoyu became a full-time wife after marriage, and stayed at home for ten years, and her husband Shen Liushu took care of food and clothing.
As her face gradually aged, she became an unattractive housewife in the eyes of her husband.
Even if she takes care of everything in the house in order, she can't stop her husband, who holds the financial power, from despising and oppressing her.
He will say domineeringly that the wedding anniversary is the day he says, and he will arrogantly tell his wife that only he can decide the divorce.
He would freeze all of his wife's credit cards silently, and he would also tell his wife that "my money is not something you can spend if you want to".
And Mo Xiaoyu, who suffered all this treatment, always chose to forbear.
Because she has been palms up for decades, she has long lost the right to speak.
The economy is not independent, so she is restricted everywhere and can only be at the mercy of others.
A truly intelligent woman will never give up her financial freedom under any circumstances.
As Mr. Yang Jiang said:
"The best way out for people is never to find a good husband, but to cultivate themselves to be wise and strong, to match everything in this world, and only by being financially independent can the soul stand tall. ”
Freedom of retreat
The writer Su Hei once said that a truly happy woman must have the following conditions:
Emotional stability, physical health, independent thinking ability, full mental world, financial independence.
To sum it up, there are only three points:
Ability and economy, a healthy body, a rich heart.
These add up to a woman's "retreat".
In the TV series "Perfect Relationship", Stella is a woman who knows how to leave a way out for herself.
also found out that her husband was cheating, and her reaction was unexpected.
Search the physical evidence first, then locate the whereabouts, contact the lawyer after taking the evidence, and finally liquidate the assets and let the husband leave the house.
This experience was undoubtedly a huge test for her body and mind.
Until one morning, she woke up and found that she had a high fever of 39 degrees, and her body had reached its limit.
However, it is admirable that even in such a difficult situation, she still maintained strong willpower and sanity.
She picked up the mobile phone thrown on the ground with difficulty and silently called herself on the 120 emergency number.
Behind her extreme strength and sanity is the absolute confidence brought about by her successful career, financial independence, and spiritual wealth.
Such a woman never pins her hopes on marriage.
They understand that marriage is a choice on the road of life, but it is not an absolutely safe destination.
Only by leaving yourself the freedom to retreat can you calmly deal with the accidents and changes in life.
In the hit drama "Menghualu", four different women interpret different retreat freedoms.
Gao Hui was entangled by Ouyang Xu, and her powerful mother's family ensured that she minimized the harm.
Sun Sanniang was divorced by a negative man, but her good cooking skills allowed her to regain her own world.
Song Yinzhang was deceived by a scumbag, and her amazing pipa skills allowed her to be reborn in Nirvana.
Zhao Paner was abandoned by Ouyang Xu, but her outstanding business acumen soon helped her make a comeback.
It can be said that a woman who has a way out is not afraid of twists and turns, and she is not afraid of taking the wrong path.
When there are more retreats to rely on, the more confidence you will have.
Therefore, no matter what kind of marriage you are in, you must remind yourself:
Financially, accumulate sufficient savings;
In terms of health, maintain an exercise habit;
In terms of career, adhere to personal growth and ability renewal;
In life, cultivate hobbies that can be adhered to for a long time;
Spiritually, look down on gains and losses, and be positive and peaceful.
There's a good saying:
"I don't expect life to be easy, but I want to be a rival to life when it comes to difficulties. ”
A truly far-sighted woman will prepare these three hole cards for herself:
Freedom to speak, freedom to finance, and freedom to retreat.
Even if the forms of marriage are different, as Mr. Zhou Guoping said:
"Marriage is a voluntary alliance between two individuals, and only on the basis of freedom can we achieve high-quality stability and creative longevity. ”
You will find that when you find your whole, independent, and free self, marriage becomes the icing on the cake.
Over the years, such marriages will be stronger and more durable.
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