"I'm worried that I can't eat, I can't sleep well, especially during the holidays and New Year, I'm even more afraid of my relatives asking and comparing." I believe this is the mood of many post-60s and post-70s parents who still have leftover men and women in their families.
The anxiety and worry of parents when children do not get married are mainly the following three points: first, after the age of 30, there are fewer and fewer opportunities to choose, and they are always afraid that their children will be left behind, and they will not have the opportunity to get married in their lives; second, the children cannot get married, and they will be old and gone in the future, and the children are lonely, and there is a headache and brain fever, and there is no one to serve tea and pour water; third, although relatives and friends always ask the children if they have any good intentions, this has not formed the pressure of "no face and no completion of the task" in the family.
We all understand the mood of parents, but don't push the child out with outsiders because the child is not married, and make the parent-child relationship a mess, the following 4 suggestions are sent to you:
01 The object is to live a life with the child, not with us, and we should not interfere too much with the child's choice.
Although it is said that if you don't listen to your parents, you will suffer in front of you. However, we also have to consider our own insight and wisdom, many of which have nothing to do with the level of education, and some uneducated old people, their ideological height is still very high.
For example, we are usually very generous in doing things for others, have a pattern, have a very positive outlook, and are convinced and admired by family members and outsiders, so we can give our children ideas in marriage and examine the conditions and appearance of the object.
If we can't even handle our own affairs well, and our interpersonal relationships are bad, then when we judge some things, it is easy to wear colored glasses, then it is not right for us to interfere in our children's marriages.
The first thing we have to ask for is the children's opinions, such as we think that the other party is not beautiful enough, tall enough, and the work is not decent enough, which are our judging criteria.
What really depends on whether the other party is aggressive, whether the three views are correct, and whether they match or complement their children's personalities.
We always criticize this and criticize that from our own point of view, which will make it more difficult for children to find a partner and affect the parent-child relationship.
02 Provide more support to children, we will not hold them back.
Now there is a popular saying that when looking for a partner, you must first see if the other party's parents have a pension.
Since we can't help our children a lot of the time, let's try not to hold them back. When your health is okay, save more to earn more pension money and leave enough savings.
Now the bride price and the cost of marriage is not low, we do our best to save more for our children, provide more financial support, this is not caused by children, this is a trend now, we should not complain about how much money is spent on children getting married, we should support more.
03 Calm down and don't keep urging.
In order to escape the urging of their parents, many children choose not to go home, and even spend the New Year and holidays outside, and some even pretend to bring a partner home.
Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and the matter of fate is not in a hurry, it is natural. For example, the child is destined to marry later, and it is useless for us to be in a hurry, and it will naturally come when it should come, don't you say?
Always urging, complaining, and making the parent-child relationship very poor, the children are also under great pressure, and the parents are also anxious, and they can't live a good life.
We don't care about the opinions of outsiders and relatives, life is our own life, is it not that their children have nothing to worry about when they get married?
Life is a bumpy and bumpy pass, the bottom of everyone's pot has ash, we go with the flow and wait for the flowers to bloom, not all people's life trajectories are the same, everyone has their own timeline.
04 We only do what we can to match children with each other.
Today's children are under too much pressure, working long hours, and have little social coverage, especially in big cities, and all children have too little chance of meeting people on their own.
Then we will first ask for the child's consent, and then help them to match more, whether it is through the Internet, or we can go to the corner of the park, or ask someone who often talks about matchmaking to help pay attention.
After having a suitable target for the intention, the children can meet if they want to meet, and if they don't want to meet, don't force and complain, and discuss.
Marriage is a lifelong thing, not to go to the vegetable market to buy vegetables, just buy some casually, we must be cautious and cautious, we respect the choice of children.
Even if they choose not to get married for the rest of their lives, we must choose to understand and let go, life is originally a variety of choices, you can choose to do a fixed thing at a fixed time, or you can choose to find another way.
Anyway, no matter how you live, it's a lifetime, everyone has the right to choose, and we should learn to respect and understand.
What do you think? What do you recommend?