Recently, people have always complained to me: I couldn't help but pestered him after separation, and now it's too late to make amends, and he won't give me a chance at all!
How big the water is and how serious the entanglement is, you know it in your own hearts, so I won't emphasize it.
Today, let's solve a problem, stepping on thunder, over-entanglement, over-doing, how to remedy this situation? How to get back together with the ex?
In fact, I have emphasized to you many times before, if you want to win back a person, you just need to do two things:
First: figure out the other person's mind and know what the other person wants.
Second: Wait patiently for the opportunity and let him know that only you can meet his needs, and only you can meet them. If these two points are done well, the possibility of him turning back will become greater.
But many friends may not be very accepting of emotional fluctuations, and they don't have so much patience, as soon as the other party withdrew, he immediately panicked, and hurriedly caught up and coaxed and compensated.
But people have a rebellious mentality, and the more you want him to do something, the more he will avoid and reject, so what is the final status quo?
You apologize and are enthusiastic, but the other party still has a lukewarm attitude, and you will increase the intensity of temptation and dump your fanatical sense of need on the other party again and again.
At this time, you are no longer simply exposing your sense of need, but constantly confirming the stability of the relationship with a compensatory mentality, which becomes a vicious circle, exposing, making up, exposing again, making up again, the more you do, the more you get wrong.
If you are aware of the seriousness of the problem, then the next two suggestions will help you make up for the current situation.
01
First, stop losses in time
Start by subtracting from verbal actions and stop your behavior of exposing your sense of need.
If you can't ignite your ex's desire for you and your need for you, then the other party will not have enough internal motivation to respond to you, and the feedback you barely make will become a kind of self-depletion for both parties.
Just like when you were a child, you didn't want to do your homework, and the more your teachers and parents pushed you to write, the less likely you would want to write, and in the same way, teachers and parents would become more and more impatient.
The same goes for your ex, the more you want a response from him, the more you want to make a security confirmation, the more resistant he will be, and the more irritated you will be.
A good relationship is clear at a glance, a bad relationship needs to be repeatedly tempted, it is very simple to stop the action of exposing the sense of need, let's just do it, the difficult thing is to control the sense of distance, and control the self that is constantly being mentally consumed.
But often we are difficult to do this, because people's attention is very limited, if your attention is on the other person, it is difficult for you to objectively examine the current situation, knowing that the current situation is not suitable for communication, you will also want to brush up on the sense of existence.
You may also find that when you are very busy with work and are particularly engaged in brushing questions, you can actually forget the existence of the other party for a while.
So when you're feeling unstable and you're stuck with your ex, the best way to do it is to immerse yourself in something.
What I recommend more is exercise, because sadness, sadness, and pain will make our body feel heavy, and the dopamine stimulation secreted during exercise will make us feel excited continuously, and if it is paired with cheerful music, the effect will be better, and the body and mind can become lighter.
Most importantly, it's also part of reinventing oneself to kill two birds with one stone.
Or go to immersive reading, whether it is a novel or a professional reading, a book is read in its entirety, and the sense of accomplishment and gain can also isolate your negative emotions, sleep well, eat well, this is also a way to love yourself.
02
The second point is to balance the relationship between demand and control
We can have a desire for needs, there's nothing wrong with that, don't think it's wrong.
Love and control have always been closely linked, you love him, you will want to explore it, control it, these are normal, but if the other person has been in a state of escape.
That means that your control, your sense of need is excessive, and these excesses mean being deprived of them for your ex.
You try to deprive him of the freedom of choice, the freedom of time, and in the face of this situation, human instinct will want to escape.
So to balance our needs and control the relationship, you need to learn to allow, to allow the impermanence of things, to be willing to accept the uncertainty of life.
If you miss your ex and make him resist because of it, the best way to make up for this is not to bother, which is the most basic respect.
If you desperately want to understand the reason for the breakup from the other person's point of view, or want to try to get the other person back by pleasing you, it also shows that you have never done a thorough analysis of the relationship, for yourself.
You need to be steady, patient, and have an objective review of your relationship from beginning to end.
Where did the relationship begin, where did it deteriorate, where did it end, and what specific events happened at these points in time?
You need to take a piece of paper and write it down, and finally, you have to draw up a self-centered plan for yourself, and then you can execute it.
Balancing needs and control requires you to constantly review, observe, and think about the relationship, so that you can be able to recognize your problems in time and make up for the need you have exposed.
Only by doing these well, can you fill in the pit you stepped on before, and only then will you have a chance to get the ticket to the compound.