Be a person who loves to learn and is willing to grow with me
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Once a scumbag, if the prodigal son turns back
Text/Yan Lingyang
01
In other words, my best friend's cousin is also a super scumbag in his thirties, often doesn't go home at night, messes around outside, and makes the relationship between husband and wife very poor, and the relationship between my sister-in-law and everyone in my cousin's family is also very poor......
The cousin wants to force the sister-in-law to divorce, but the sister-in-law's income is very low, and the quality of life will drop sharply if she leaves the cousin, and the sister-in-law does not agree, so the two of them get along so awkwardly.
Later, my cousin was sentenced to one year in prison for economic crimes.
After coming out of prison, my cousin suddenly changed sex.
He began to learn various chicken soup courses, believed in "family and everything is prosperous", and no longer messed with flowers and grass, nor did he spend all his time drinking, and spent time at home with his wife and children whenever he was free, and the relationship between husband and wife improved, and the relationship between his sister-in-law and his cousin's family also improved in an all-round way.
Some time ago, my cousin also paid for all his cousins to go to a chicken soup class with him. He said that he has the mission of pulling the whole family in a good direction, and no one can be left behind.
Now, my cousin just wants to take care of his body, educate his children well, and earn more pension money, and he doesn't want to think about anything else.
Anyone who knows his past has a hard time connecting "the present him" with the "past him".
After my girlfriend told me this story, she asked me, "If you hadn't divorced your ex-husband, what would happen now?"
I replied to her without hesitation: "Then there are only two possibilities." First, I kept attacking myself, I was depressed, I got cancer, and I probably wouldn't be alive now, and second, I attacked the outside world, and I killed TA, and he might not live now. ”
I admire the cousin-in-law in the story, but everyone's forbearance is different. My cousin-in-law is probably the one who "can't bear the hardship, but can stand it", and I am just the opposite.
Moreover, forbearance also depends on the object...... If I marry Hu Ge or Liu Qiangdong, I will definitely be willing to endure it, and the benefits will be great. Moreover, these two people have a high IQ, they have a strong ability to self-correct, and they can figure out a lot of things on their own.
Other people with average comprehensive quality, forget it.
I don't believe that they can change sex, I prefer to believe that "dogs can't change their eating, but their anti-detection ability has become higher".
Even if "the predecessors planted trees, and the descendants enjoyed the shade", it was better than sinking in that dead marriage, and Bo had a slim chance of "the prodigal son turning back", until he finally lost his heart.
02
When men choose women, most of them will meet two kinds of women, one is the main room and the other is the concubine.
The concubine is a concubine, only mouths and does not contribute (give you enough emotional value, let you go to the front line to fight "catching praying mantis", she is a "yellow finch" in the back).
In order to get practical benefits, you can put your posture and figure very low, and you can kneel and lick all kinds of things, and you can cater to the inferior nature of a man in some way.
And the main room style, high self-esteem, strong sense of responsibility, in front of men to behave upright, sit upright, always ask men to self-denial to avoid overturning......
They may not have a sweet mouth and a bad temper, but if they really encounter something, they can really carry the trouble and fight against the ups and downs of life with you.
Most men choose to "have a formal style" in the career stage, and then find a "concubine style" to make up for it after their career has improved a little.
The main room and the concubine room, one is a partner who can fight side by side, and the other is an employee who works hard to please the boss and receives a salary.
I think this is actually the difference between "raising assets" and "raising consumer goods".
They know very well that only when they have assets can they have the basis for wanton consumption. And this is also the reason why they only cheat secretly and step on two boats, but they can't give up at the thought of divorce.
And the men who can really keep their wealth are often men who are very good to the main room.
In ancient metaphysics, it is said that "women are wealth", but only "the main room".
Their mission is not to make men happy, but to make their families prosperous and their children and grandchildren prosperous. If you keep them, you are also guarding your money.
When a man finds a woman with a concubine, none of them is unwealthy.
Modern women can stand on their own, not only "making wedding clothes for their husband's family" This is not the only way to go, so if a woman with a "formal style" is let down, it doesn't matter.
You can grow your own tree and make your family prosper because of you, and let your children live a long life because of you.
03
In a patriarchal society, the history of respect for people is very short, and the history of respect for women is even shorter (I even wonder if there has ever been such a history).
I think the vast majority of men are only used to the hierarchy of power, not to equality and democracy. This is true for them in society, and it is true for them when they return to the family.
"Whoever is the main breadwinner of the family can command the family in the house", this is the family culture that most people are accustomed to.
If you want to break down this entrenched culture and establish relatively equal and democratic family relationships, it is very difficult and even doomed to failure.
Following the old model, where thousands of years of ready-made experience allowed you to copy homework anytime, anywhere, while creating a new model requires originality, greater individual challenges, and teammates.
In the latter hard mode, only a few people with wisdom and luck can get through, so they have become the couple we envy.
But this kind of couple, there is only one couple in the ten teams, right? Moreover, after the death of one party, the other party has to endure a long, cold loneliness.
So, you see, the world is flat.
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Author: Yan Lingyang, born in the 80s, emotional columnist, author of new feminism, member of the Chinese Writers Association. He is the author of the best-selling books "Those That Make You Miserable, One Day You Will Say It with a Smile", "May You Let Go of the Past and Be Worthy of the Future", "May You Have a Journey and a Way Out", "I'm Divorced", "With Your Rivers and Lakes Are Not Lonely - An Alternative Interpretation of Jin Yong's Martial Arts Novels" and the children's picture book "Mom's House, Dad's House". With 13 years of experience in financial industry (management), he is currently the founder of a cultural information consulting company in Guangzhou and the co-founder of a cultural media company. Born in Lijiang, Yunnan Province, he now lives in Guangzhou.
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