There is a saying on the Internet that says "we do not live in a peaceful era, but in a peaceful country". Although we are very far from war, there are still many places in the world where war is still raging, and children will also be exposed to war information through the media, teachers, friends and other channels.
For children, the message of war can be confusing and unsettling, and if parents don't respond properly, it can be detrimental to their development. Today, let's talk briefly about how to talk to children about war.
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War, can you talk to your children?
Let's start with the conclusion, as soon as the child reaches the age of four or five, he can talk about the topic of war. If parents deliberately avoid this topic in order to protect their children, it can create insecurities in their children. However, when talking to your child about a sensitive topic such as war, it is important to choose different methods and content of communication according to the age of your child. Specifically:
1. For children between the ages of four and five to seven or eight, don't ask them about it if they don't ask, and be prepared to answer their questions if they do.
2. For children between the ages of 8 and 10, parents can take the initiative to communicate with their children about the war and talk to them according to their maturity, but they don't have to discuss too much with their children, just let them believe that their parents are the best and most reliable people to talk to, and they can talk to their parents when they have problems.
3. For adolescents, encourage them to talk about their thoughts and feelings, to understand where they got what kind of information they received, and to share with them what you know about the war. In this process, it is necessary to pay attention to letting children learn how to think independently, how to face all kinds of true and false information, and correct children's incorrect concepts when necessary.
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War, how to talk to children
First of all, don't rush to tell your child, listen to him first, and let him feel that you care about what he feels and thinks. If your child tells you that he is scared and sad, do not tell him, do not be afraid, do not be sad, but show understanding and acceptance: "It is normal to feel scared and sad when you hear about the war, what are you afraid of being sad?"
If your child asks why those people are fighting, you can answer them succinctly, for example, by telling them, "People who fight will feel that they are protecting or fighting for what is important to them, but if there is a better solution, try not to fight." ”
Don't be afraid to admit to your child that you don't know the answers, think about it with your child to bring you closer to your child, and teach your child how to think.
It is important to think about how much your child wants to know and not to talk too much, because children who are too young will not be able to understand this complex information, and it will only cause them to be cranky.
Therefore, it is important to communicate with your child in an open and sincere manner, and do not deliberately understate or tell your child about the cruelty of war. Don't tell your child too much about your predictions about the war, don't tell your child that something bad will happen, and be careful not to let your child share your anxiety and uncertainty.
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Is there anything in particular that I need to pay attention to?
First of all, it is important to maintain a calm attitude when communicating with your child, because your child is more confident in what they feel. At the same time, keep in mind your educational goals, what you want to develop is a caring and sympathetic person to others, not a cold, paranoid person, so pay special attention to the message you send to your child, don't plant prejudice and hatred in your child's heart, you can express your opinion, but don't let your child lose the opportunity and ability to think independently too early.
Secondly, one difference between children and adults is that their understanding of the world is more black and white, which is determined by the characteristics of their brain development. Adults should pay special attention to avoid taking advantage of children's characteristics when communicating with children, and do not always use "right and wrong, black and white, good and bad" to help children understand others and the world. This is conducive to helping children slowly pass the simple thinking mode stage of dualistic thinking in their growth, and develop a more comprehensive and mature thinking mode.
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In addition, it is particularly important to talk to children of four or five years old about the war: one is to make them feel safe, that is, to tell them that those things happened far, far away and have nothing to do with us, and the other is to pay attention to the fact that the communication is mainly based on facts, and it should be concise.
Communicating with children of this age often makes adults feel that they can't explain it clearly. This is because children at this age have very immature brains, so it is difficult for them to understand abstract concepts and ideas.
To solve this problem, we can use things that can be seen and touched to help children understand when communicating with them, such as finding a map of the world and letting them see on the map how far away the war is from us, and you can also communicate with your children through games and stories, which are the best way for children to understand reality. If your child is sensitive by nature and has anxiety and fear about this issue, you can also encourage your child to express his emotions through drawing and other means.
Parents should pay attention to what kind of information their children have been exposed to, what kind of remarks they have heard, help their children sort out in a timely manner, and help their children block bad media and information if necessary.
Finally, the author would like to remind you that you need to pay special attention to the following conditions when your child has the following conditions:
Younger children become unusually sleepy, unusually clingy, regress to more childish situations in words and deeds, bedwetting, etc.;
Older children become more expressive of fear of death, prolonged negativity, talking too much about war or paying too much constant attention to war news, etc.
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Editor's note
In fact, sometimes in addition to discussing real-world warfare directly with our children, we may also consider another way, which is to use the power of children's picture books. However, compared to picture books on other themes, the number of children's picture books related to war is already very scarce, and it is even more difficult to see those with good stories and paintings, and the "Shepherdess Warrior" series (completed) is one of the best.
"Shepherdess Warrior"
Popular Science Press
author
Author: Jonathan Garnier / Emily Fleicher
This book tells the story of a war ten years ago that left the men of Sheep Village far from home and never heard from again. In order to protect the sheep village, the brave women set up the Shepherd Girl Warrior Association!And Molly, a ten-year-old girl who dreams of becoming a shepherd girl warrior, works hard with her friends to train, complete tasks, and protect the village, and by chance, she and her friends embark on a journey to the truth of the war. However, the war hides countless secrets, and the search for the truth is fraught with danger. Can Molly succeed in the challenge?
This book is written by Jonathan Garnier, winner of the Montreuil Children's Book Fair in France, and Emily Fleicher, concept artist of the animated films "Song of the Sea" and "Trolls".
bibliography
[1] Tamar Jonessky, Keeping Children Away from Anxiety, Hangzhou, Zhejiang Science and Technology Press, October 2023
[2] Jennifer Garbow, Anita Harris Hering, Ellie McCann, Cari Michaels, and Sharon Powell, How to talk to your kids about war, https://extension.umn.edu/family-news/how-talk-your-kids-about-war
[3]Dr. Arpit Aggarwal，How to talk to your kids about war—5 tips to get you started, https://livehealthy.muhealth.org/stories/how-talk-your-kids-about-war-5-tips-get-you-started
Planning and production
Wang Lin is a Master of Education from the University of Tennessee, with a focus on child and family studies
Yang Xiaoyang is an associate professor at the School of Psychology, Sichuan Normal University
Planning|Ding Kun
Editor-in-charge|Ding Kun
Reviewer|Xu Lai, Lin Lin