The best way to deal with adolescent rebellion is to understand and accept.
Education can only play a role if parents read their hearts and connect the channels of communication.
With the acceleration of physical development and the arrival of puberty, children's thinking has also begun to improve, and they have begun to think about themselves, the future and life. At the same time, they will also face a lot of confusion and confusion.
At this time, they instinctively began to get rid of these confusions in their desire for independence, so they rebelled against and rebelled against their parents and teachers.
Some parents may become anxious when they see their children behaving differently from the past, and even discipline them strictly, believing that their children may deviate.
Practice has shown that this method does not have much effect.
In fact, in the face of adolescent children's rebellion, the best way is to let go of your body, establish an equal friendship relationship with your child, understand and support your child, establish a real intimate relationship, and let your child's world truly accept you!
01
I don't want to listen to my parents' nagging
The instructions of the parents became superfluous
There are many parents who are baffled by the sudden disobedient changes in their children who have entered puberty, and they are always asking their children and telling their thoughts to their children.
But what exactly is the child's mind and what is the recent state of mind? Parents often don't pay attention to it.
Our children have always grown up under the care of their parents since childhood, and when they enter adolescence, their physical development accelerates, and their thinking grows to a certain degree of perfection, they begin to think about themselves and life, and begin to be troubled by many problems in the process of physical and mental growth.
At this time, they have to find a way to solve these problems, which is the survival instinct of human beings.
At this time, there is a contradiction between the dependence on parents and the requirements of their own growth since childhood, so that the child is overwhelmed and does not know what to say.
or reluctant to say to parents, thinking that listening to parents or teachers is a sign of immaturity and not growing up, parents must guide this.
What should parents do at this time?
1. Don't let your child be blindly obedient.
To make children blindly obedient is to stifle children, to make them the mouthpieces and microphones of their parents, and children have no thoughts of their own.
Zheng Yuanjie has never said to his children, "You have to be obedient", he thinks, "Cultivating children into obedience is not cultivating slaves?"
So you might as well tell your child, "Parents don't want you to blindly listen to everything we say, and we don't like children who listen to everything." ”
In this way, it will be easy for children to feel that their parents understand them.
2. Encourage your child to have their own way of thinking.
Adolescent children, they have their own unique thinking, and if parents use the adult way of thinking, rough interference will stifle their imagination and creativity.
Therefore, we parents should respect our children's way of thinking and problem-solving.
3. Give your child a standard of behavior.
We should tell our children a principle, a standard.
Under this standard, he knows what to implement and what to resolutely oppose, and it is enough to master this degree.
It's not a matter of ignoring them, it's a matter of how to manage them reasonably.
On the whole, for the problem of disobedience of adolescent children, we must look at it dialectically, and parents should make correct guidance and let children be "obedient" or abide by the rules of life and behavior and morality;
And for some unprincipled issues, children can make their own decisions. For example, what clothes to wear, what kind of extracurricular books to read, etc.
02
Talk back to your parents
The child's "reasonable" psychology
Have you found that since the child has been in junior high school, he is reluctant to communicate with us, sometimes you say one sentence, the child has ten sentences, or simply ignore you, no matter what you say, I don't have a problem.
What should parents do at this time?
1. Change the order to a consultation
On many issues, parents should not be too arbitrary and do not make decisions for their children, but should ask their children's opinions.
For example, "What are you going to do, and when are you going to do it?" This shows our respect for the child, and after understanding the child's thoughts, if some parts are incorrect, we will discuss with the child in a tone of research and discussion.
"Mom understands your thoughts, but let's take a look at the feasibility of this...... Do you think Mom's analysis makes sense?"
Solve the problem in a consultative way, even if the discussion fails, the emotional atmosphere will be enhanced, which is conducive to the communication of future problems.
2. Let your child suffer a little
Adolescence is a critical period for children to form their own opinions, and small mistakes are inevitable, so parents should allow their children to make a little mistake and not tie their children's hands and feet too much.
For example, the question of whether to wear woolen pants in spring. If we feel cold and need to wear it, and the child doesn't feel the need to wear it, then follow the child's advice.
If he catches a cold, he knows what kind of clothes to wear in what kind of weather.
In short, for adolescent children, it is better to support than to suppress, and to consult than to command.
In addition, as long as the child's ideas are reasonable, give them full support.
- The main reasons for running away from home:
1. Escape the pressure of studying.
According to a survey, 35% of middle school students feel very tired, 34% of students can't help crying because they have too much homework, and 20% of students have thoughts of "not wanting to study and want to commit suicide".
Today's children need to face a lot of pressure, some of which comes from themselves, they set various learning goals for themselves, and once they do not achieve them, they will feel discouraged and even have thoughts of escape.
Some come from parents, whose goals are too high, and the children do not meet the expectations of their parents, and they are stressed, afraid, and want to leave.
2. Escapism.
Some children do something wrong and are afraid of being punished by their parents, so they choose to run away from home. Usually this happens in families where children are often punished.
3. Be tempted by the outside world.
There are too many temptations from the outside world in modern society, and children at this age have relatively weak self-control and can't withstand the temptations of the outside world, such as games, fights (think they are handsome), smoking, etc.
What should parents do at this time?
1. Prevention-oriented, let children grow up freely.
Often children who run away from home are due to a lack of communication with their parents.
Parents should strengthen communication with their children, do not force their children to do things they are not willing to do, create space for their children's free growth, and we should not interfere too much in children's learning.
Adolescent children are already aware of the importance of learning, and nagging and admonishing them all day long will make them disgusted.
2. Pay close attention to your child's psychological changes.
Many children run away from home unexpectedly, and parents should always pay attention to their children's psychological changes and needs.
When children make mistakes, they should not be blamed, but should help them analyze the causes of the problem and find solutions to the problems, instead of just blaming and criticizing without giving guidance.
3. Grow your child's knowledge and make him face up to social temptations.
Let the children go through some setbacks and tribulations, let them suffer a little, so that they can cherish what they have now.
For example, parents can be helped to do some housework, participate in some manual labor, or have some professional experience, so that they know that everything needs to be done.
You can also let your children go out with their classmates and participate in some social activities, so that they can face up to some temptations in society.
4. Accept your child back home.
If the runaway child returns, parents must give comfort and care to make him feel the warmth of the family. At this time, don't criticize and scold.
- Dress up weirdly
Adolescent children want to live their lives with individuality and be the object of attention from those around them. So, dress yourself up as an alternative.
In order to make themselves look like adults, many students smoke, drink, and dress excessively. In this regard, parents must guide them.
What should we do with children dressed strangely?
1. Pay attention to the small changes in your child's life.
Some parents are busy with work, they only care about their children's test scores, but lack attention to some details of their children's lives.
For example, if the child has a new hairstyle or a new dress, they are not aware of it, but in fact, the child wants to attract the attention of his parents in this way.
When we realize that we are neglecting our children, we may as well sincerely say to our children, "Mom and Dad have been ignoring your feelings, I'm sorry." ”
Then show appreciation for your child's new hairstyle and new outfit, which will greatly increase their self-confidence.
2. Don't directly criticize your child's aesthetic views.
When we see a child dressed strangely, we don't directly criticize the child's aesthetic point of view, don't say, "You see you're dressed like a gangster." ”
This will make the child feel that it is a personal attack on him, and we can take advantage of the opportunity to educate.
For example, when we see a girl on the street wearing low-waisted pants, we can ask "What do you think of a scantily clad girl?" or "What do you think of a child with dyed hair of all colors?" or "Do you think this looks good?"
The child may also say that it is very good-looking, at this time, parents should calm down, do not criticize directly, parents can express their views on this phenomenon.
Tell your child that I think this way, and that it's okay for you to think that way, it's just that we have different opinions.
3. Teach your child how to earn the true respect and admiration of others.
Tell your child that what really makes a person respected and admired is not the outside, but some of his inner moral behaviors.
For example, some noble qualities, being able to insist on doing one thing well, being able to respect the old and loving the young, respecting teachers, being able to help people in difficulty, being caring, etc., these are the most respected.
Don't stress that you can only be respected if you study well.
Many Chinese parents will send the message to their children that only good studies are the best, but in fact, academic performance is only a small part of life.
- smoke
There are many reasons why teenage children smoke cigarettes, the main ones are:
1. Emotional instability and stress.
The pressure brought about by the body (physiological secondary sex characteristics), study (many subjects, large amount of homework), making friends, etc., can easily lead to large fluctuations in mood, and if there is no suitable solution, smoking has become a convenient way for them to relieve their boredom.
2. Feeling chic is a sign that you can "eat openly".
Adolescence begins to develop a qualitative sense of self, they pursue individuality and independence.
Smoking may be considered a sign of adulthood, and they meet to smoke or hand out cigarettes to make themselves look more like adults.
What should parents do?
1. Positive education on the dangers of smoking.
(1) Harmful to health. The nicotine in cigarettes can cause damage to the trachea and bronchi, and it is more harmful to teenagers than to adults. Parents should help their children realize the dangers of smoking, so that children have the motivation to quit smoking.
(2) Reduce brain vitality and affect memory.
(3) Get acquainted with delinquent juveniles in society, and it is easy to embark on the road of crime.
2. Remove the sources of contamination that make your child smoke.
(1) Parents lead by example and do not smoke. Create a smoke-free environment for your child.
(2) Pay attention to children's social relationships. Prevent them from socially interacting with their smoking partners.
(3) Cooperate with teachers to supervise children.
Of course, it depends on what kind of person the child's teacher is, if the teacher respects the child very much, loves the child, and will give the child positive guidance, we can cooperate with the teacher;
If the teacher is not loving to the child and blindly criticizes and blames, then it is not good for the child to tell the teacher about the child's smoking.
Therefore, parents should be cautious when cooperating with teachers.
3. Help your child concentrate on learning.
(1) Care more about children in learning and give guidance on problems encountered in learning.
(2) Encourage every bit of progress of your child. When children are improving, we should give them encouragement and appreciation in time.
04
in your family
Has this ever happened?
1. Focusing too much on learning and ignoring children's physical and mental needs.
We usually pay more attention to children's academic performance, and the most common question is whether the homework has been completed? Have you clocked in? Why did you get 60 points in the English test today? I'll sign you up for an English cram school!
But I rarely care about whether the child is happy at school for a day, and what troubles I encounter today.
Sometimes when children tell us about school, parents often reprimand their children, saying "don't worry so much about things, just study hard", ignoring the psychological needs of students.
We parents should pay attention to the physical and mental needs of our children and don't care too much about our children's mistakes. At this stage, children will have their own opinions and ideas, and they will also make some mistakes.
Parents don't have to worry too much about their children's mistakes, what they should do is to help their children find out the reasons behind their mistakes, and teach them how to correct their mistakes and learn the right way.
2. Ask your child to grow up in the direction that parents preset.
Some parents may "say that I don't have any requirements for my child, as long as he studies well and can be admitted to a university." ”
When you hear this, do you think that there is no requirement for children?
My feeling is that there are a lot of requirements, and they also require children to grow according to their own expectations. When your child doesn't meet the standards you expect to learn well, you get angry.
If you don't do what you ask, some parents will think that your child is disobedient, or persuade your child to listen to you, or say to your child "I won't care about you anymore, you can do whatever you want!"
In fact, neither approach is advisable.
We must be patient with our children, understand the real needs of our children's hearts, and be consistent with our children's requirements, otherwise our children will feel that their parents are unprincipled, and they will not have to abide by them.
When it comes to learning, we tell your child that as long as you do your best, you can have enough patience and confidence in your child.
Don't hit or scold your child for his or her poor grades.
Hitting and scolding a child can cause serious psychological damage to the child and affect the parent-child relationship.
They will refuse to communicate with their parents, or even run away from home, etc., and will be full of resentment towards their parents and family, which will affect their children's lives.
3. The child is not free and has no independent space.
Some parents only ask their children to study, and do nothing else, "don't listen to what is going on outside the window, and only read the books of the sages." "Just read good books.
Such parents are very strong, have no sense of boundaries, take care of everything, and manage their children a lot:
What time you wake up in the morning, how long you eat and dress, what extracurricular classes you attend, and who you associate with should all depend on your parents' wishes.
Children can't make their own decisions, and even if the toilet time is a little longer, parents have to knock on the door to urge. If you don't give your child freedom and interfere at will, how can your child not be annoyed and not rebel?
We should let our children participate in family events and give them a certain amount of independence. Learning is only a stage in the development of life, not the whole of life.
The level of academic performance really does not affect the size of a person's achievements.
Therefore, the most important thing is to cultivate children's self-reliance, processing ability, problem-solving ability, ability to interact with others, and cultivate children's love and sense of responsibility from an early age.
4. Disrespecting children and interfering excessively.
There is a mother who is worried about her son's early love, so she secretly checks WeChat and QQ, and does not let her son interact with girls.
The son was very disgusted, and every day after school, he closed the door of his room and did not let his mother in.
Mom is not at ease, one will send fruits, the other will send snacks. In fact, it is to monitor the child and see if the child is studying or playing with the mobile phone.
A child is always being watched and monitored, and is not trusted, so he naturally resists his parents and does not like them.
Respect the child and change the tone of command to a tone of negotiation.
Knock on the door before entering your child's room and discuss something with your child, rather than directly ordering him or her what to do.
For those children who are rebellious and do not study, give up on themselves, run away from home, and smoke, parents should reflect on what is the reason why the child has come to this point?
Parents may wish to check the number, whether they have the above problems, break the child's heart, and let the child get farther and farther away from you.
We should combine our own growth experience to support, affirm and believe in our children, and face them with an attitude of "human nature is good".
When necessary, admit your mistakes to your child and make them feel from the bottom of your heart that you are determined to change, rather than being overly involved in the situation or apologizing and not taking action. In this way, the child will be more disgusted and rebellious.
We must get along with children on an equal footing from the perspective of respecting children and respecting them as bigger and more independent people, hand over the baton of life to children, and let children decide their own lives and futures!
The most important goal of young people in adolescence is to gain self-identity.
In order to build this self-identity, it needs to be recognized by important people in the outside world, so the attitude of parents, teachers, and close friends is very important for young people in this period, and they will strive to be loved and appreciated by them.
Therefore, parents should give their children enough recognition, recognize everything about their children, and tell their children:
When you do this, your parents understand you and support you. Where you don't do well, your parents will also work with you to find a way to solve the problem.
Sincere understanding and persuasion are the best ways to polish the "stubborn stones" of adolescence.
5. Lead by example in front of your children.
In life, some parents are very strict with their children, but they are very lax with themselves.
Not paying attention to your words and deeds in front of your children, and always doing some unreasonable or bad habits in front of your children, will set a very bad example for your children and will also affect your children.
Parents are their children's first teachers, and their manners and behaviors play an important role in their children's growth.
Long-term bad behavior of parents can lead children to imitate these bad habits, and it can also lead children to lose confidence and respect for their parents and alienate their parents.
During the period of rebellion of children, parents should change their roles and education methods in a timely manner to avoid the bad influence of wrong education methods on children.
The most important thing for parents is to build trust and respect for their children, so that they can tolerate and understand each other and there will be no particularly serious conflicts between parents and children.
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Source of this article: Homeroom Teacher's Home, Today's Education Media
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