"I really hope that marriage is a dream, and when I wake up from a dream, I am still my original self."
Under the topic of "disgusting husbands" on Zhihu, I saw such a sentence, and countless women were poked.
After many years of marriage, the passion has faded, and the feeling of not only not being able to love her husband is not only that she can't love her, but that she even has some "physiological disgust".
When he saw the other party, he was angry, as if he was full of problems and smelly all over his body.
It is like there is a nameless anger in my heart, nameless disgust, as long as I talk to my partner, I am full of resentment and irritability. As soon as you get close, you will subconsciously dodge.
As for sex, either there is no sex, or it ends in endurance.
Under the haze of long-term disgust, many women are like trapped beasts, trapped in the quagmire of internal friction and struggling.
I want to fix it, but I hate it. I want to continue, but I am even more disgusted.
This kind of marriage is like a broken mirror, reflecting no longer the dreams and warmth of the past, but the cruelty and helplessness of reality.
Every look of disgust is like an invisible blade, cutting the last patience and understanding between each other, leaving only deeper scars and pain.
Physiological disgust, the most intuitive emotion
One of my visitors, Xiao Ai, said that she seemed to be sick.
Now she can't even look directly at the chair that her husband often sits in, and she will have a physiological disgust.
Every time he sat in that chair and tried to close the distance, her heart tightened and her body tensed involuntarily.
The sound of his breath, the smell of his perfume, and even his laughter began to disgust her.
This physiological resentment has become an unspeakable pain in their marriage.
This disgust did not develop overnight, but accumulated through countless distancing exchanges, cold wars, and quarrels.
At first, Xiao Ai just felt that the spark between them was missing, but as time passed, this lack turned into a deep physiological disgust.
In her heart, every little movement of her husband became dazzling, and the air between them seemed to condense into a visible barrier.
Their marriage gradually began to deteriorate, from love to bland, from bland to bitter.
The term "internal friction marriage" perfectly describes the relationship between Xiao Ai and her husband – a state that seems calm but is actually full of consumption.
In this relationship, love has been worn away, and all that remains is the shackles of habit and responsibility, which bind them together are no longer the passion or affection they once had, but the responsibilities and habits that have accumulated over time.
Faced with such a marriage reality, Xiao Ai felt a deep helplessness and pain.
She had tried to find the root of the problem, hoping to find a way to rekindle the fire of love, but every time she tried to communicate, it was like touching an electrified wall, leaving her bruised and bruised.
She begins to wonder if there really will be a day when the relationship will completely collapse due to internal attrition.
This physiological disgust is not only a protest against marriage, it is a direct reflection of long-term emotional estrangement, a natural consequence of the loss of emotional connection.
Love does not love a person, the body is the most honest.
In the same way, whether a person has emotions and resentment, the body is also the most direct expression.
I know I shouldn't, why do I hate him so much?
Physiological aversion leads to internal friction, and the biggest reason is that the true self is torn apart from the rational self.
The body inadvertently resists, and the mind that tells you to "try to get closer" is a great drain on a person.
saw a story on Zhihu, this netizen said, "After five years of marriage, my husband has not changed, but I hate him more and more."
He smoked and drank, and the smell on his body was terrible.
As soon as he got closer, he felt sick to his stomach.
And he is very childish in talking and acting, every time she says that his feet smell, he does not immediately wash his feet, but childishly sniffs them and says, "It doesn't stink, I don't believe you smell it."
When I first got married, I thought it was fun, but now I only think it's a diaphragm.
If you want to say that your husband has done something wrong, there doesn't seem to be any big right or wrong.
She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't control her boredom.
Physiological disgust is not sudden and uncaused, but is the result of emotional accumulation and changes in psychological state.
This female netizen's child was born with a little disability, and she has always thought that it was the reason why her husband did not quit smoking and drinking during the pregnancy period.
She also often wants to have another child and take care of her current child.
The only requirement is to ask my husband to quit smoking and drinking, and strive for some high-quality genes, but my husband will never be able to do it, and he will always make a verbal promise to do what he should do behind the scenes.
Those small unresolved disputes, indifference to personal needs, etc., can gradually accumulate into unspeakable emotional barriers.
These seemingly trivial contradictions and dissatisfactions, if not dealt with in a timely manner, can gradually transform into deep emotional burdens, which eventually manifest as a physiological dislike for the partner.
The dislike of our partner is also a reflection of our own growth and changes in our needs.
Many of us have said that he has not changed, but I am not blind.
Over time, a person's needs, interests, and values may change.
She used to appreciate her husband's humor and spoil his childishness, but now she only thinks that he is too naïve to protect herself from the wind and rain.
If this change is not recognized and respected in a partnership, we may begin to develop an aversion to a partner who no longer aligns with our upbringing and needs.
When I hate him, I hate myself
My friend Kaka said that he often got sick because of the internal friction of his marriage.
Thyroid nodules, breast nodules, uterine fibroids, all over the body are "knots".
The doctor always told her that emotions are very important, and that suppressed emotions have become physical diseases.
She was also in pain, she couldn't understand why the same person who had once made her heart flutter now gave her the urge to run away.
She tries to hide her true feelings at friends gatherings and family events, and builds an image of a perfect wife with a smile and enthusiasm, but all these efforts make her feel exhausted.
In such a marriage, Kaka feels like she is trapped in a beautiful cage, where the light of the outside world cannot shine into the shadows of her heart.
She longs to be understood, to be truly intimate, but these longings gradually become unattainable in constant physiological disgust.
This is the silent pain of many women in "internal friction marriage", a complex and profound exploration of loving and being loved.
In Kaka's mind, physiological disgust is not only uncomfortable for her husband, but also a huge shadow in her self-perception.
When she looked at herself in the mirror, she not only hated him, but also began to hate herself - the self who seemed so weak and tired in the face of love.
This emotional internal friction not only eroded her trust in marriage, but also gradually eroded her perception of her own worth.
Every time Kaka tried to get close to her husband, an irrepressible sense of disgust came over her, followed by deep self-blame and confusion.
She kept asking herself why she couldn't enjoy the happiness of marriage like other women.
This confusion gradually translates into doubts about one's own worth.
She felt that she might not be worthy of love and not enough to sustain a family.
This self-doubt has caused her self-esteem to suffer, her mood to fall into a trough, and her overall satisfaction with life has declined.
Long-term high pressure and negative emotional states have had a profound impact on Kaka's mental health.
Her anxiety levels increased significantly, and depression began to plague her from time to time.
She found it increasingly difficult to enjoy the little things that once brought her joy, such as a party, a trip or even a simple lunch.
Her social circle began to shrink because she didn't want people to see her struggles and vulnerabilities in her marriage.
In the midst of this fear and uneasiness, what should have been the simplest and most natural intimacy in marriage becomes an ordeal and a test.
This state not only affects our relationship with our partner, but also affects our overall attitude towards life and expectations for the future.
Marriage is our best "training ground"
In the face of the shadow of "internal friction marriage" and physiological disgust, every tiny feeling of disgust should not be ignored;
Because they can accumulate and destroy what was once sweet and warm.
For many women, how to repair this relationship without losing their ego and dignity is a painful and complex process.
Here are three practical ways to help women in marriage regain their inner peace and strength.
First, deep self-reflection is the key to understanding the root of deep emotional disgust.
Establish a daily emotional journal of every interaction with your partner and your own feelings, for better or for worse.
Doing so helps identify patterns and moments that invisibly add to the emotional burden, thus providing a clear direction for changing the status quo.
Second, time for self-healing is essential to free yourself from tension and stress.
Plan some time for yourself, such as going for a walk alone, practicing yoga, or just sitting quietly in a café.
These moments can help you disconnect from your day-to-day role and reconnect with your inner self, which can improve your inner ability to cope with marital stress.
Finally, positive life adjustments can create new shared experiences and break old negative cycles.
Trying new activities with your partner, such as learning to dance, cooking, or other hobbies of mutual interest, can rebuild emotional connection and breathe new life into your relationship in a relaxed and enjoyable environment.
This physiological aversion to an internal marriage reminds us how loving and being loved in relationships is slowly eroded by daily alienation.
The real challenge is not how to end this, but how to find a new way to live with our partner in self-preservation and redefine our understanding and expectations of marriage.
If you want to know more about the management skills of intimate relationships and better cultivate yourself in marriage, you are welcome to participate in the "Intimate Relationship" experience camp of Mr. Defen, and seek true knowledge and harvest happiness in practice.
Marriage cannot always be full of freshness and passion, give each other and give yourself a chance to examine yourself during the trough of the relationship.
We can't hope to cut off internal friction all at once, but learn to accept and tolerate through the mirror of our partner in the experience of stumbling.
May every married woman be benevolent.
*This article was created by Miao Dai, if you need to reprint, please contact for authorization.
Curated 丨kiwi
Editor丨Li Xiaodou
Anchor | Mountain tea