The ancients said: "There is no way for good or evil, but people call themselves." ”
This sentence comes from the "Taishang Induction Chapter", which means that blessings and disasters do not come on their own, but are caused by personal actions. This is in line with the spirit of self-reflection, self-discipline and self-improvement emphasized in traditional Chinese culture. In the excellent traditional Chinese culture, self-cultivation and family governance are the foundation of personal moral cultivation.
Most of the factors that a person has to face and the results come from their words and deeds.
One day, a man went to cut down a tree with an axe, and when the tree saw that the axe was going to hurt him, he hated it: "You are iron, I am wood, why do you want to hurt me?"
The axe said, "I am iron, yes, but the handle of the axe is still provided by your tree, otherwise how could I hurt you?"
The dialogue between the axe and the tree actually reveals a phenomenon that often occurs when a person is faced with a problem: passing the buck or blaming external factors. The real problem is often the individual's own words and deeds. In traditional Chinese culture, this attitude of self-reflection and self-improvement is highly respected.
The biggest problem in life is not knowing it, not recognizing one's own problems, and just attributing the problems to the so-called fate.
As everyone knows, being able to determine one's own fortune and misfortune is often the result of one's own behavior. Blessings cannot be forced, but keeping these three points can effectively avoid disasters and avoid disasters.
1. Hold the position, do not offside
A close friend shared her experience with her mother-in-law on Zhihu about parenting. At the age of 33, she welcomed their first child with her spouse, a boy, and was cherished by the family. Especially his mother-in-law, who has always held the concept of patriarchy, loves her children far beyond the ordinary.
Initially, the mother thought that her grandmother's deep love for her grandson was a natural outpouring of emotion, but as time went on, she began to realize that her mother-in-law's love for her grandson had gone beyond the boundaries of the norm. The mother-in-law's eyes were locked when she hugged her grandson, and she even held the child for more time than her biological mother every day.
Especially during the mother's confinement, as soon as the child cries, the mother-in-law will eagerly enter the room, announce her arrival loudly, and take the child away without waiting for any response, intending to let the child sleep with her. Even if the child is quiet, when the mother goes to retrieve the child, the mother-in-law will be displeased with the verbal promise and will complain to her son afterwards.
The friend also revealed that the mother-in-law intentionally or unintentionally expressed her desire to possess the child, and once proposed to let the mother have another child and leave this to her to take care of. In terms of daily tasks, the mother-in-law also handles the washing of the children's clothes and designates the clothes to be worn by the children in the morning, which further strengthens her dominance over the children in their daily lives.
This situation has sparked concern among the original posters and expressed confusion about this pattern of interaction within the family.
In the family decision-making process, especially when it comes to naming children, it is common for elders such as mothers-in-law and associations to make decisions privately without consulting their daughters-in-law or relevant parties. This behavior has caused a lot of discussion among the public, especially in the online community, where people have divided views on the mother-in-law's behavior.
In many families, especially after having a newborn, the lines between family members can become blurred, leading to conflict and resentment. In this case, the mother-in-law's excessive attention and care for her grandson may stem from her longing for the family and love for her grandson, but this behavior may make the daughter-in-law feel that her role is marginalized and even that her motherhood is threatened. The mother-in-law's actions, while well-intentioned, may not take into account the feelings and needs of the daughter-in-law. The bond between mother and child is especially important in the family of newborns, as it helps to build intimacy between mother and child, while also helping the mother to recover physically and adapt to her new role.
Among the many online comments, a highly praised opinion pointed out that although a mother-in-law may have put a lot of hard work into taking care of her children, a wise mother-in-law should have a correct understanding of her role.
There is an opinion circulating on the Internet that life can be summed up in three things: personal affairs, destiny, and other people's affairs. One of the reasons why many people live unfortunate lives is that they fail to properly manage their personal affairs and interfere excessively in the affairs of others. If the mother-in-law can recognize the boundaries and not overstep her boundaries, then the conflicts in the family may be reduced accordingly.
We should recognize that each person is an independent being, that every intimate relationship needs to have clear boundaries, and that a long-lasting and harmonious relationship can only be maintained on the basis of mutual respect.
Learning to correctly define one's place in various social relationships and avoid going beyond these boundaries is the foundation of a good life.
Wisdom is embodied in the recognition of one's own identity, and a good state of life lies in the proper identification of one's own position.
2. Keep your mouth shut, don't cover your mouth
When discussing the online issue, "What's more terrifying than breaking the law?", one of the most popular arguments is that turning one's back on one's heart is more frightening. Breaking the law may result in a short-lived social reprimand, but when an act is contrary to one's beliefs, it casts a shadow that will haunt one's life for a long time.
For example, a master and his apprentice spent two days on a desolate, arid road without drinking water. When they stumble upon a lush watermelon field, both of them are thrilled and quickly head there. The apprentice was eager to pick watermelons to quench his thirst, but the master stopped the impulsive act.
The master reminded: "You should not use it without our permission. Despite the fact that there were no one else on the scene and their actions would not be noticed, the master still insisted on the bottom line of honesty and morality, demonstrating the importance of maintaining self-discipline even when no one was knowing. The so-called sticking to the heart means guarding the boundaries of one's own morality and avoiding moral degeneration.
Of all the things that can be escaped, the only thing that cannot be escaped is the judgment of the heart. The self-condemnation of conscience is more intense and unbearable than the sanction of the law. This can be confirmed by a case in which one of the criminals committed a crime and was unable to bring him to justice despite a long search by the police.
After a life of constant evasion from the law, fear and insecurity, the character finally chooses to surrender to the police. In the face of interrogation, he confessed that his long-term evasion had caused him to feel extreme psychological pressure and insecurity. And after turning himself in and going to prison, he said that he felt the peace of mind that he had not felt for a long time, as if he had finally found a kind of relief.
This case reveals a profound psychological phenomenon: although individuals may try to hide the truth from the outside world, it is difficult to deceive the inner moral conscience. The conscience is like a vigilant mechanism stationed in the heart, and once an individual's behavior crosses the line, the inner "alarm" will sound, arousing attention to the moral code and self-reflection.
From a historical point of view, Confucian scholars such as Yan Hui were able to maintain inner contentment and peace even though they lived a simple life, while Li Si and Zhao Gao, on the other hand, suffered from guilt for deceiving the people by tampering with the holy decree. This reflects a moral principle – that honest and upright people have a broad and bright heart, while those who are fraudulent and hypocritical are often in a state of anxiety and remorse.
There is no such thing as a "regret pill" in life, and decisions made against one's conscience will lead to constant inner turmoil. Therefore, the pursuit of success or wealth and status in life should not be to be successful, but to be committed to becoming a person who sticks to his heart and is worthy of his moral values. This kind of self-realization and moral self-discipline is one of the most important pursuits in life.
3. Keep your mouth shut, don't cover your mouth
When young people ask the guru what is worse than low emotional intelligence, the answer is a plethora of words. This echoes the wisdom of ancient times, admonishing us to say too much and to be cautious in what we say and what we do, and that it is often wise to remain silent.
In another story, a woman named Youyi Li often had to explain the origin of her unique name when she first entered the workforce. Her original name was Li Beibei, a name that is extremely common among only children in China. Due to the frequent occurrence of duplicate names, the mother decided to give her daughter a new, meaningful and extraordinary name. Therefore, the word "Xiao" is taken from the image of bamboo, and the word "Yi" symbolizes good morality, and the combination of the two is both profound and refined. While the name was satisfying, writing was challenging for beginners, so much so that she spent a lot of time writing her full name while her classmate Ding Yi completed her homework quickly.
In the office, a woman elaborates on the origin of her name, and then observes the soft smiles of her colleagues. Mistaken for something they were interested in, she went into more detail about the origin of the family members' names. However, her oversharing did not take into account the feelings of her colleagues present, leading her to speak without restraint about her personal and family information.
Subsequently, the company's leaders summoned her to the office and revealed some intimate details about her and her maternal relatives that she had not previously disclosed directly to the leadership. This shocked her and puzzled her as to how the leaders learned about the information. The leader explained that due to her oversharing in the office, which led to the widespread dissemination of information, he easily grasped the details about her, noting that the situation was thought-provoking.
In the journey of life, we may encounter various temptations and challenges, but it is essential to maintain a clear mind and moral self-discipline. Although it may seem like a trivial matter, the Master stopped his apprentices from picking watermelons in the watermelon field, but in fact it reflected his persistence in his attitude and values towards life. This kind of self-discipline is not only respect for others, but also responsibility for oneself. The fact that the perpetrator you mentioned eventually chose to turn himself in shows that a long period of conscience condemnation and inner turmoil made it impossible for him to continue to escape. He may wish to seek relief and peace of mind by turning himself in. In this case, the sanction of the law may instead be a relief. Many of life's choices and actions may not be condemned by the outside world in the short term, but our inner conscience will always shine on us.
As it is said, conscience is like a secret whistle hidden in the heart, and once it crosses the line, it will light the lamp of morality and remind us to return to the right path. This kind of inner supervision and self-discipline is an important characteristic that distinguishes human beings from other living beings, and it is also the cornerstone of human social civilization. A gentleman acts in a fair and honest manner, so he is able to be at ease, while a villain is often anxious and uneasy because of his guilt. The greatest achievement in life is not wealth or status, but the ability to be "worthy of one's heart". This is not only a requirement for oneself, but also a respect for others, and a contribution to society.
Many of life's dilemmas often stem from excessive talking, and seemingly innocuous jokes can be seen as important by others. The writer Ernest Hemingway once pointed out that it may take two years to learn to speak, but it takes a lifetime to learn when to be silent. In the workplace or in a social setting, talking is not a real skill, but it is a sign of wisdom to remain silent at the right moment.
In the professional world, the core of effective communication is not only about the skill of expression, but also about the precise grasp and proper control of information.
How can I keep my mouth shut?
As the saying goes, "It's your business, it's my business." ”
Why do you say things that have nothing to do with you, and why do you say things that have nothing to do with me?
"The still water flows deeply, and the master is silent. "For the rest of our lives, may we all be able to control our mouths and think twice before we speak.
Lin Qingxuan once said: "There are nine times out of ten that you are disappointed in life." ”
In the world, it is impossible for everything to go as desired, and everything can be fulfilled, so blessings and misfortunes will follow.
"Blessings and misfortunes come from their own sources. "There is no such thing as the best of both worlds in life, all of them are blessings and misfortunes, and they all come from themselves.
Lin Qingxuan's words profoundly express the reality of life. It is true that life is full of all kinds of unsatisfactory and challenges, and we cannot control all external factors, but we can control our reactions and choices. This autonomy is something that each of us possesses, and it can be translated into a positive force that helps us maintain balance and dignity in the face of adversity.
Keeping our mouths shut means being careful not to say things that hurt others or ourselves. Words have a lot of power and can be built up or destroyed, so we should use words to convey positive energy and kindness.
Staying where we are meant means being aware of our roles and responsibilities and not overstepping the line or expecting too much. Everyone has their own space and freedom, and respecting the boundaries of others is also a sign of respect for oneself.
Guarding our hearts means that we must remain morally and conscientiously sober and not act contrary to our values for short-term gain. Inner peace and contentment come from respect and recognition of oneself. "Blessings and misfortunes come from their own sources" emphasizes the importance of personal choice. Our choices affect our future, and the right choices often lead to positive results. If we can do what we have to do and maintain a positive attitude, then good fortune will naturally come. This kind of good fortune refers not only to material rewards, but also to spiritual satisfaction and peace. We will encounter various challenges along the road of life, but as long as we can keep our mouths, places and hearts, we will be able to face life in a more mature and balanced way, so as to achieve personal growth and happiness.
Please remember
Keep your mouth shut, no matter what you say, you can be just right and measured.
Hold your position, no matter what situation you are in, you can have boundaries for people and things.
Keep your heart, no matter what you do, you can stick to the bottom line and have a conscience.
We can't control external factors, but we can control our choices. If we can all do what we need to do, good fortune will come.