After a man returns to the family, he still thinks about the woman outside, what should he do?
This is a letter from a reader, and a common confusion for many women who have suffered marital betrayal.
Indeed, many men who cheat and betray their families, after choosing to return to the family, will fall into a state of lovelorn, depressed all day long, unable to give up, and listen to sad love songs at every turn, as if they were beaten by their wives and bitter mandarin ducks.
This situation makes the wives sad and helpless, and they always feel that the man can't let go of the woman outside, the man's return is a fake model, and the man may betray the family again at any time and throw himself into the arms of the woman outside.
The man who chooses to return after cheating, can't let go of his heart, is it really a woman outside?
The truth given by psychology is shocking:
In the vast majority of cases, it is not.
One
The state of falling out of love is real, extramarital affairs are also love, and he has also paid time, energy and money, and after suddenly losing it, a piece of his heart is suddenly missing, and there will be a sense of discomfort that is difficult to let go.
After Lao Zhou returned to his family, he was lost for a long time.
He and the woman outside of marriage have been together for 4 years. Divorced in middle age, women do not covet marriage or money, but only seek spiritual companionship and physical satisfaction. So after being with Lao Zhou, he followed Lao Zhou everywhere and everywhere, and seemed gentle, sensible and considerate.
What Lao Zhou wants is a sense of novelty outside of marriage and a sense of ease of escaping responsibility. He and his wife have been married for 15 years, and the dull days after day have long lost the freshness of touching his wife's left hand and right hand.
More importantly, when people reach middle age, they are not only facing life pressure, but also facing career crises, as long as they return home, when they see their wives, Lao Zhou thinks of firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, that is, the pressure of the old and the young, he feels tired, and he just wants to find a relaxed place to go, hide well, escape.
The two people have similar needs, hit it off, and get along very well.
But in the fourth year, the East Window incident happened, and Lao Zhou chose to return to the family due to practical needs.
But after returning, Lao Zhou was depressed for a long time, he lost a refuge to escape the responsibilities of life, and felt that life passed every day. So I miss the days when I used to be with a woman outside of marriage.
Two
But nostalgia is nostalgia, Lao Zhou knows that he can't go back, and he doesn't want to go back, because the story has become an accident, and he doesn't want to shake the basic foundation of the family.
However, in his heart, he also hopes that there will be a new person who can fill this psychological vacancy. When he was depressed and depressed, he also secretly repeated the story, looking for other possible women outside of marriage. It's just that the opportunity hasn't arrived, and it hasn't been able to get my wish.
Because of this, Lao Zhou sighed countless times and said:
If only we could find another woman who could meet my biological and spiritual needs.
After cheating and returning to the family, the man will indeed fall into a state of broken love, which will make the wife have the illusion that "a man can't forget a woman outside of marriage".
But in fact, what men miss is not the women outside, but the sense of pleasure and satisfaction that is easy and comfortable.
There is a concept in psychology called "self-love", which refers to a person's psychological need to be loved, respected, and recognized.
This is a subjective feeling, not unique.
In other words, as long as you can meet this psychological need to be loved, respected, and recognized, it doesn't matter if the other party is Zhang San or Li Si.
As long as this psychological need is not met in marriage, as long as there is a woman outside of marriage who just fits the man's needs, the man may start an extramarital story.
A man who cheats and betrays his family, from the moment he cheats, no longer loves his wife. Because if there is love, he will not easily trample on the bottom line of marriage and hurt his wife and family.
Such a man also does not love women outside of marriage. If he truly loves a woman outside of marriage, he will definitely be willing to give her a future and be willing to share her responsibilities, rather than just enjoying temporary pleasures that do not need to be responsible.
What he loves is only himself, the longings and shortcomings of his heart.
No matter how many lovelorn and bitter dramas he can't ask for, what he can't let go of is never a woman outside of marriage, but his escape, greed and selfishness.