Preface
They used to be high-spirited, but now they are trapped in, pee, and fart.
Who are they? They are the caregivers behind the 44 million disabled elderly people.
The professor of Peking University could not escape this catastrophe, so he had to put down his whip and become a 24-hour personal "maid".
Birth, old age, sickness and death are justified, and resistance is ineffective.
Do you think you can stay out of it? Don't be naïve, this could be the future for each of us. There is only one kind of heroism in the world, and that is to love life after recognizing the truth of life.
24-hour "invisible labor": the ups and downs of taking care of the disabled elderly
Taking care of the disabled elderly is easy to say, but it is like a punishment.
Their lives depend on you, eating, drinking, lazing, sleeping, everything, all of them are all done by you.
Don't think that taking care of an elderly person is similar to taking care of a child.
Taking care of the elderly is much more difficult than taking care of a baby.
No matter how skinny the child is, he still knows that he will grow up, but the old man will only get worse.
You have to keep an eye on them at all times, for fear that they will fall, for fear that you will not do well enough. Peking University professor Hu Yong's experience of caring for his disabled mother is embarrassing.
The dignified professor also has to go into battle in person and wait for his mother to go to the toilet. The stench of feces lingers on the tip of the nose for a long time. This smell is not only smoking, but also smoking.
Taking care of the elderly is not only physical work, but also a technical job.
The behaviors of the elderly with Alzheimer's disease often catch people off guard: rummaging through boxes and cabinets, defecating in the open, and even eating laundry detergent by mistake...... Hu Yong is always walking on thin ice, afraid that his mother will have an accident.
Even when he slept, he didn't dare to relax.
As soon as his mother spoke, he had to get up and check. Over time, he got used to light sleep and was used to being on call 24 hours a day.
Where is this at home, it is clearly a rotation in the trenches! The long-term and high-intensity work has made him physically and mentally exhausted.
The work of teaching and educating people has long been out of time, and it is even more difficult to balance one's own life. The family took turns to fight, and they barely supported it. If Hu Yong is an only child, the consequences are really unimaginable.
The most poignant thing is that these efforts are often not understood by others.
Onlookers only envy Hu Yong for being a professor at Peking University, but they don't know that he has been reduced to a 24-hour personal "maid" and suffers unimaginable crimes from ordinary people. This kind of invisible labor, in the eyes of outsiders, seems to be a matter of course, and it is taken for granted that you should do it.
The helpless choice behind the predicament: "exhaust yourself, or let go of your parents"
Taking care of the disabled elderly is not only a manual work, but also a war without gunpowder.
This war is not only a test of people's bodies, but also of people's minds.
When life is coerced by, pee, and fart, when one's life is infinitely postponed, who can be calm and calm? What's more, no one is a superman, and everyone has their own worries and difficulties.
For children, taking care of the elderly and raising children should be two beautiful things that can be achieved at the same time.
But the reality is that there is only so much energy and time, and you can't have it both ways.
Either it is consumed on the elderly, or it is used on children. A girl cares for her paralyzed mother day and night, only to see her child crying in fright.
She wants to be a good daughter and a good mother, but fate doesn't allow her to have the best of both worlds.
When she chooses to send the elderly to a nursing home, isn't she heartbroken? Where is this a choice, it is clearly a parting! Sometimes, we have to be "selfish" in order to preserve our happiness.
Career, for many people, is a stage for realizing self-worth.
But when you have to take care of the elderly full-time, a career becomes a distant dream.
Once upon a time, Hu Yong was brilliant on the podium, but now he can only calculate his mother's food, drink and Lazar day after day.
His academic research stalled, and so did his life.
For a middle-aged person with ideals and ambitions, this kind of ordeal can be imagined. Who doesn't want to make a difference in their career? But the reality doesn't allow us to be willful.
Taking care of the elderly is actually a marathon, there is no end, only constant perseverance.
Day after day, year after year, there are few happy memories left, and all that remains is exhaustion and despair.
Sometimes, people really get driven crazy. Hu Yong still felt that he was on the verge of collapse, not to mention those ordinary people who were isolated and helpless? They had no rotation, no respite, no support.
The torture-like life has emptied almost all possibilities for their joy. At such a moment, sending the elderly to a nursing home may be a last resort.
But how many unspeakable hardships are there behind this choice? The bond of family affection, moral condemnation, and social pressure...... All kinds of factors are intertwined, which makes people in a dilemma.
On the one hand, there is a lingering guilt in my heart, and on the other hand, there is a reality that I am struggling to support. Which is more important at both ends of the scale? Many times, we have no choice.
No one is born a saint, and no one wants to dedicate the last of their youth to the stinky fart of the elderly.
But life doesn't give way because of our grievances. It poses two options: either exhaust yourself or let go of your parents.
What a cruel choice question this is! I wonder how many people have accepted the latter after the battle between heaven and man.
But when we were about to throw a stone at them, did we ever think that if we were in the same situation, would we be able to do better, would we be able to escape this dilemma?
The Death of China's Aging Population: The Social Dilemma Behind the 44 Million Disabled Elderly
When we lament for those infamous nursing home adopters, have you ever thought that behind this is the dilemma of the whole society?
44 million disabled elderly people, this number is too staggering!
If they all line up, I'm afraid they can line up from Beijing to Washington!
But what's even more terrifying is that the number is still rising. As the population ages, every family could become a battleground for caring for the disabled elderly.
Think of the office workers who have to go home to serve the elderly after work, and think of the only children who take care of their parents alone...... What they bear is not the burden of one person, but the predicament of the entire era.
If you look at the map of China's family structure, you will find that the vast majority of them are 4-2-1 models: 4 elderly people, 2 adults, and 1 child.
This structure resembles an inverted pyramid, heavy at the top and light at the bottom. When the elderly are disabled, the burden of support is all on the middle generation.
They are only children, and it is not easy to have no siblings to share with. But the old people are all in pairs, two in one breath, this taste, I am shocked to think about it.
Nowadays, small families take on the responsibility of old age support, and the risk is too concentrated. One collapses, and all loses. In contrast, although the old family has other problems, it does have an advantage in terms of support.
Some people say that it is not enough to send the elderly to a nursing home? In China, high-quality nursing homes are hard to find, and ordinary fees are frighteningly high.
Even if you have a bulging pocket, you may not be able to find one that you can rest assured. It is an indisputable fact that the development of the pension service industry is lagging behind, there is a shortage of professionals, and the quality of service is worrying.
The government has been calling for the participation of social forces, but progress has been slow. Without a perfect pension service system, the old age of 44 million elderly people is destined to be bleak.
What's worse is that many people are still immersed in the dream of "raising children and preventing old age", and feel that they can sit back and relax after giving birth to a child. They didn't expect that their children would have their own difficulties when they grew up.
Nowadays, late marriage and late childbearing are so common, and many people are still taking care of their babies when they are running for four.
There are old and small, a top two, that is the standard configuration of leftover fighters in the workplace. How do you free them up to take care of the disabled elderly? Besides, who has to live a careful life?
Housing loans, car loans, education, tourism, ...... As soon as this account is calculated, you will know how unrealistic it is to expect to "gnaw the old".
The only child can't carry it, the small family is too fragile, the old-age service can't keep up, and the traditional concept is out of date...... The combination of various factors has created the dilemma of China's aging population.
This is not the dilemma of one individual, but the dilemma of an entire era. It doesn't go away because of our generous statements, it only intensifies over time.
The way to break the situation: individuals, families, and society work together to weave a dense pension security network
In the face of the dilemma of China's aging population, we must not sit idly by, but actively look for ways to break the situation.
This requires the joint efforts of individuals, families and society to weave a safety net for old-age security. Only in this way can we let every disabled elderly person enjoy their old age in peace.
For children, moderate "selfishness" is not only understandable, but also necessary. Only by taking care of our own physical and mental health and maintaining the harmony of our small families can we have the ability to take care of the elderly.
A broken child, a divorced family, will only bring more misfortune to the elderly. On the contrary, a happy child can give more warmth to the elderly.
Therefore, while taking care of the elderly, we must give ourselves breathing space. It is not a wise move to properly arrange for the elderly to live in nursing homes and give themselves a buffer.
At the family level, children should learn to divide labor reasonably and share the responsibility of supporting the elderly.
Taking care of the disabled elderly is not a one-man business. Husbands and wives should support each other, and relatives and friends should also lend a helping hand. Everyone takes turns to fight, and the division of labor and cooperation, the burden will not be so heavy.
Never let the tragedy repeat itself and leave a person alone struggling in endless, pee, and fart until the spirit breaks down. For a family to tide over difficulties together, it is inseparable from the efforts of all members.
At the social level, a perfect pension service system is indispensable. The government should increase investment, encourage the participation of social capital, and accelerate the development of community and institutional pension services.
So that every elderly person can enjoy professional, high-quality and affordable pension services. With reliable external support, the pressure on the family is greatly reduced.
Children can also work and live with more peace of mind without having to worry all day long.
Of course, public opinion should also tolerate those children who choose institutions to provide for the elderly, and do not label them as "unfilial". Behind every choice, there is an indescribable bitterness.
The most important thing is that we must keep pace with the times and establish the concept of "the old and the old". We need to realize that every old person was once the mainstay of society and deserves our respect.
Their happiness in old age should not only be the responsibility of their children, but also the responsibility of the whole society. We need to work together to create an age-friendly social environment where the elderly receive the respect and care they deserve.
This is not only a moral appeal, but also a legal system. Only in this way can the rights and interests of the elderly be effectively protected.
Epilogue:
No one can predict tomorrow, but we can make tomorrow better.
Individuals are a little more "selfish" and give themselves more respite; The family is a little more tacit and gives each other more support; The society works harder to give more protection to the elderly; The concept is a little more progressive, and there is more space for the happiness of "you and me".
Don't let, pee and fart suffocate family affection, and let exhaustion bury love. Life is short, do it and cherish it
。 May the people being cared for have less pain, and may the caregivers have more joy. May all people harvest a dignified and warm sunset. After all, life should not be just about suffering.