Wen \ Mu Xin
There are too many differences between men and women, you don't pay attention to him, he said that you have not fulfilled your duty as a female companion, you pay attention to him, he said that you are always staring at him, and there is no freedom.
Men are rarely willing to take the initiative to open the door of their inner world to women, making it more difficult for women to see what they really need.
The Japanese love master Junichi Watanabe combined his years of experience to write all the thoughts and thoughts of men in this book "This Thing of Men", so that women can see men's hearts clearly.
When you read this book, you will show a look of surprise from time to time, subverting the previous perception of men. It turns out that the gap between what a man wants and what a woman thinks he needs is so big.
If we use a woman's way of showing love to a man, we may not get his feelings, and we may even make ourselves aggrieved to death, blaming the man for having no conscience.
But when you follow the author's guidance and treat a man from the perspective that he really cares, you will find that a man doesn't need you to be good to him, as long as you give him these three things, they will feel from the bottom of their hearts that you understand him and love him.
01 Skillfully give him confidence and majesty
A woman's casual words will make a man "languid".
Junichi Watanabe understands how much men care about sex, and a woman's casual words or inappropriate care can make a man sluggish.
He concludes that aside from women's blunt "You're done with this?" will discourage men, even those gentle "Are you tired?" and "What's uncomfortable?" can also frustrate men's self-confidence.
Even the encouragement of "it doesn't matter, it will get better in the future" and "it will definitely be okay next time" will still cause a lot of pressure on men.
At this time, a woman who knows how a man is a man can see the fragility of a man, and will gently snuggle up to him, replacing ineffective comfort with a sentence of "I love you".
It seems to be a very simple soothing, but it steps on a man's heart, which is comparable to ginseng, a great supplement.
Watanabe verified this with his own experience, when he was young, he once met an excellent woman, but because the woman had dated a very attractive man, Watanabe was worried that he was not as good as the other party, and he couldn't complete the good of Qin and Jin with a woman.
The woman understood a man's heart very well, and comforted Watanabe and said, "As long as I'm with you, I'll be happy...... The next morning, she said to Watanabe, "Let's stay one more night!"
To Watanabe's incredibleness, he was still sluggish the day before, but he easily regained his self-confidence and spent a good night with this woman. Thinking about it now, he was still grateful for the woman's most appropriate encouragement to her.
Junichi Watanabe wrote in "That Thing for Men":
A WOMAN'S CASUAL WORDS WILL CAUSE A MAN TO SUFFER A FATAL BLOW, AND MANY MEN WILL LANGUISH AND BECOME IMPOTENT FOR A LONG TIME, AND EVENTUALLY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARTY WILL BREAK DOWN COMPLETELY. ”
Men's psychology is actually much more sensitive than women's, and because men are particularly concerned about their sexual ability, this requires women to pay more attention to men's core physiological needs.
Maybe you can care about his food, clothing, housing and transportation like a, but because you don't understand the physiological needs of men, you push away a man who could have been deeply connected with you.
It is more important for a woman to understand a man than to love a man, and to use care for herself first, and then to use the remaining part of care accurately where the man needs it.
The man was encouraged and satisfied, and the result of his happy mood was that he would take the baby to mop the floor, and he would do it humming a little song.
If you don't believe me, you can try it, and soon you will see the difference.
02 Give him space and freedom in moderation
The activities that men are keen on are limited to men's circles and do not want women to participate.
In film and television dramas or in life, men who bring their girlfriends and buddies to have fun may still see a few sporadically, but there are almost no men with wives.
A man bringing a female partner to join a man's world is suspected of disrupting the male order, and for other men, they can't let go of the fun, and in the long run, the man's same-sex social interaction will be greatly reduced.
Occasionally, when I want my husband and buddies to drink on a whim, he also takes me with him. But he said, "It's inconvenient for you to go."
I remember that he started saying this not long after he and I formalized their relationship.
At that time, I still couldn't figure it out, but after reading this book, I realized that a man may not be able to give you a reason, but his instinctive social awareness will give him the most reasonable guidance.
For example, in "That Thing for Men", the man proposes to sail a sailboat for 3 months, and the woman is angry that the man has left him and only knows his own pleasure, and sends a soul torture to the man, "Is it more important to play with a sailboat than me?"
Even women will plead, "Take me with you", and Watanabe, after a long period of observation, concluded that the vast majority of men would refuse either directly or in a corner.
It has nothing to do with whether men like women or not, Watanabe summed up the root cause and said:
"The activities that men are passionate about are limited to men's circles, and are activities in a society composed entirely of men. If you bring a wife or girlfriend, it is not only possible to upset the order of the man's world, but it is more likely to affect the friendship between him and his friends. ”
Yes, men may care much more about friendship than friendship in women's hearts, and many women have less interaction with friends after marriage. But when a man gets married, he doesn't, he stays in touch with his friends just as he did when he was single.
Women have fewer friendships, and families and children are busy. If a man disrupts the male order and loses friendship without authorization, it means that he will be excluded by the male society, and it also means that he will be abandoned by the society.
Therefore, after a woman understands this point of a man, she may be disappointed: she wants to participate in his life so much, taking care of him bit by bit, but she doesn't know what people want, but she is a pure man of no opposite sex.
But when you understand the helplessness of a man, you will be able to understand it, let him go alone for a wave!
When a man's body and mind are stretched out outside, then his state when he returns home is different, and he will really be more willing to take the initiative to release love and care for women.
03 Give him time and support to run his business
For men, work is the focus of life, and family is just a foil.
A man's concern for his career is beyond women's imagination, giving women the illusion that they are their foils and their work is their lovers.
The best-selling author said that the biggest reason why she embarked on the road of writing books and starting a business was that her husband spent only a handful of time at home in a year.
She complained, quarreled, and observed carefully, and found that her husband's love for her had not changed, but compared with her career, her husband still had difficulty controlling his work.
In the cultivation of writing and jadeite career, she found that the glory brought by career is incomparable to anything else, which also makes her understand more and more men's preferences.
There are not many women who can really understand men, and when her husband sees that the people around him fall into the accusations of his wife from time to time, he is very grateful for the wisdom of the evening love beyond ordinary women, and he also took the initiative to hand over all his net worth to her for safekeeping.
With the improvement of women's education level and participation in social construction, we can actually feel more and more that having a lot of money, achieving fame, and honoring their ancestors can indeed bring people a great sense of achievement.
In "This Thing About Men", Junichi Watanabe also discovered:
"A man has an unhappy marriage or divorce, as long as his career is strong, his mental state is still very good, but after a man retires, without career support, in just two or three years, they will be visible vicissitudes. ”
Looking at the retired man who has been rehired or opened up a new career channel, you can clearly feel that his state can still be rejuvenated.
The health care effect given to men by the cause is the same as that of women engaged in medical beauty.
Watanabe's straightforward analysis:
"The origin of men's life lies in social life, in other words, for men, work is the focus of their lives, and the family is only the foil part of this life. ”
He even asserts:
"Career is a man's life, and in order to save his life, a man can do anything. ”
Yes, if you don't understand a man's penchant for career, you won't be able to stand the sadness of being left out, but as everyone knows, a man's understanding of career and marriage is different from that of a woman, and if he loves his career, he won't have so much time to love you.
But when women understand this, they should give up their cranky thinking, and there are still many benefits to supporting men to be themselves!
The end result is mostly that men are satisfied with the fulfillment of women, and women have also gained a life of material abundance, so why not?
04 Mei Niang said
Junichi Watanabe sighed in "This Thing About Men":
"Not all women understand the man's world and are happy to be tolerant of it. Just as men only think from men's perspectives, women tend to see things in a way that is unique to women. ”
Man this thing ¥35 purchase
Men and women seem to live on the same earth, but what they want is a galaxy away, and there are not many women who can truly understand men, and at the same time, there are only a handful of men who can put themselves in the shoes of women.
As a woman who is delicate and wants to be good to men, and also wants men to be good to herself, she has to use her brains: making men feel good is effective good.
There are wise women who have realized this, and they seem to be like that to men, and they may not be as good as we are to men, but men are very useful, and in turn they are like jewels to them.
And most of us women don't have such a strong understanding, and when they realize a little bit of eyebrows, they get older, lose that heart, and miss the best interaction period of the relationship between the sexes in vain.
Junichi Watanabe saw this confusion of women, and integrated the needs of men who were reluctant to open up into this book "This Thing for Men" for us to learn and practice.
After reading this book, I tried it on Lao Yang, and the effect is not bad, and I look forward to the warming up of your relationship with your partner!