Narrator: Zhang Sainan
My name is Zhang Sainan, and I am 43 years old. Growing up, I didn't like the name at all. I was a girl, but my parents gave me the boy's name.
I was born in the countryside, but my family is not remote, I live in the town. My father liked boys, but my mother gave birth to a girl. Because at that time, my father had a formal job in the town. If you give birth, you will lose your job. It can't be helped, that's it.
Although my father was patriarchal, he was very good to me when I was a child. At least my mother didn't stop me from buying me anything, but he wasn't close to me. At that time, my mother worked in a factory, and she still sat in the office. However, it's not just a formal job.
Both father and mother have salaries, and the family has no worries about food and clothing. Life is good at home. At that time, my mother often helped her uncle's family, who lived in the countryside.
Life at my uncle's house is very difficult, because my grandfather is not in good health and can't do much work. My mother usually saves, and then sends some rice, white flour and pork to my uncle's house during the New Year's holidays. Mother said that at least you have to eat dumplings during the New Year. My cousin and cousin always looked forward to my mother's visit. When my mother went, she would bring candy and biscuits for my cousin and cousin.
My aunt is a very kind and virtuous woman. I am full of gratitude to my mother. always said that mothers have good hearts, and if it weren't for their mothers, they wouldn't know how difficult their lives were.
My aunt often brought us home-grown vegetables, as well as peanuts and chestnuts. When I was on vacation, my uncle would take me to play, and I would follow my cousin to the river to catch fish and tadpoles. It was the happiest days of my childhood.
I always thought I would grow up happily with my parents! But you never know which will come first, tomorrow or the accident! When I was 13 years old, my mother fell ill and left me forever!
I was a young child, but I knew that my mother would never come back. My uncle and aunt were afraid that I would be alone in my thoughts. He stayed with me for a long time, and picked me up again during the summer vacation.
But school is in place, and I have to go back to school. My uncle had to send me home. My uncle told my father that he would care more about me. Father nodded in agreement. My aunt and uncle would come to see me every once in a while.
But it wasn't long before my father brought back a woman and a boy from outside. The woman was wearing makeup and was good-looking, and the boy was supposed to be much smaller than me, short and short. When I entered the house, I jumped directly on the sofa, and it looked very unruly.
My father pointed to the woman and asked me to call my mother, and the boy said it was my brother. I ignored him. The woman said to my father, "If you don't scream, you won't scream, why are you anxious with a child?" Then she walked up to me and touched my head and said, "Just call me Aunt Qin in the future." At that moment, I missed my mother so much that tears welled up and I ran back to the house crying.
Ever since the woman and the boy came, the boy called Daddy, Daddy. My father was happy to get off work every day, but when he saw me, his face would pull down. Whether it's eating or watching TV, they talk and laugh. More like a family. Instead, I feel like an outsider.
One day when I came home from school, the boy was playing with my rag doll. My mother made it for me when I was a child, and I was so dear. I went to ask him for it, but he didn't give it to me, and threw the rag doll on the ground and stepped on it, and I was in a hurry, so I tore it with him. The woman didn't bother at all.
Just then, I heard the door open, and it was my father who had returned. That's when the woman came over. Tell the boy: Don't rob your sister, it's my sister's.
When my father came in, he grabbed me, slapped me, and said, "How old are you?" You have to look like a sister. I am particularly aggrieved. The woman said to her father, "What are you doing beating her?" I ran away aggrieved. Didn't eat in the evening either.
That night, my aunt and uncle came to see me, and my aunt saw that my eyes were swollen from crying. Ask me what's the matter? And I told them. The uncle angrily went to his father to theorize and said to his father: If you can't treat Sainan well, then I will take her away.
Unexpectedly, my father said: You have to take it quickly, out of sight and out of mind!
My aunt and uncle packed up my things and took me back to their house. After that, I lost contact with my father. When I left, he didn't even come out to see me.
My uncle's family lived in the village, and at that time I had to go to school in the town, so I had no choice but to live in the school. My uncle would pick me up from school on weekends.
I stayed at my uncle's house, and my aunt and uncle took good care of me. I don't have cousins and cousins who have good food and clothes, I have them. My aunt used to watch me cry. I know she feels sorry for me!
Later, my uncle went out to work for my cousin and me to study. My uncle went to work as a rebar worker on the construction site, and the work was hard and tiring. Uncle wants it to make more money.
I studied hard, and at that time, I just wanted to repay my uncle and aunt in the future. Time is fast, and I feel like I'm taking the college entrance examination in a blink of an eye. I was admitted to a normal university. At that time, I was running for a good job. My cousin didn't get into college. I went to learn barbering in other places. My cousin went to a junior college.
I went back to the county seat after graduating. became a teacher. My cousin married away after graduation. Don't go home often. My cousin opened a barber shop and the business was okay.
After two years of work, I got married in the county seat. My husband works in a public institution. At that time, my uncle and aunt were afraid that I would be wronged at my in-law's house. Give me as many dowries as you can. They treated me like a daughter! When I got married, my father didn't show up. Anyway, after so many years, there is no longer him in my heart.
More than a year after I got married, I gave birth to a daughter. My aunt came to take care of my confinement and take care of the children. Later, my cousin's daughter-in-law became pregnant, and my aunt went back. My husband and I gave her 20,000 yuan, but when my aunt left, she secretly put me under my pillow.
The husband said: We usually honor our uncles and aunts, or we will always have a chance to repay them in the future.
Therefore, we usually buy the food from my aunt and send it over. Including seasonal clothes and shoes. I would also buy gifts and go to my uncle's house during the New Year's holidays, and the mood was the same as going back to my parents' house. My uncle always likes to have two drinks with her husband. In the past two years, my uncle always likes to talk about my childhood.
The days are dull and happy. But last Wednesday, my father came to me out of the blue. According to him, he helped his stepmother's younger brother buy a house and marry a daughter-in-law. Now my stepmother is taking my father's salary card to help her son's family take care of the child. Leaving his father, he had no money in his hand. Desperate to let me support him. You want to live with me.
I outright refused. The father snorted and cried, saying that he was pitiful. In the end, I promised to give him 800 yuan a month. He also scolded me for being too much, and scolded me for giving too little!
I think I've done my best, and it's not in vain that he gave birth to me!