Ask you a question, what do you think it means for your ex to be ruthless and indifferent to you? Is he really not in love? Or is he hating something about you? Or is he trying to find a new love and wants to break up with you?
From my point of view, after I have done so many emotional repair cases, I found that those desperate exes actually have a deep fear hidden in their hearts, and judging from various conditions, the probability of such exes being reunited is still quite large.
Some friends may not believe it, he is so cold to me, he doesn't answer the phone when he doesn't reply to the message, and he wants to disappear completely in my world, he must have no me in his heart!
This powerlessness is really desperate, because all the efforts you have made have not been rewarded by the other party.
Your grievances, your pleading, your apologies, and even your careful compensation, in exchange for the other party's indifference again and again, but don't panic.
I tell you the truth, except for some special circumstances, the vast majority of ruthless predecessors have their ruthlessness stemming from their inner irritability, and he is afraid of this unfirmness.
But he has no choice, so he can only push you away again and again, trying to scare you away with this superficial resistance.
Why do I say that?
Because of a person who can let go of you after truly loving you.
And he also firmly confirmed that he will never look back, no matter what happens, this decision will not be shaken, then he will face you very calmly after the breakup.
No matter how much you break down and entangle, out of respect for the past feelings, he will tolerate you as much as possible, and even accompany you through this difficult time, why?
Because he has confidence, he is confident that no matter what you do, he will not look back.
But let's look at those who are uncertain, those who are emotionally determined to break up, he will also worry that he will be soft-hearted after the emotions subside, and he is not sure that he can withstand your flattery and crying.
But at the same time, he is afraid that he will experience the previous injury, so at this time his stress protection measures are turned on, and the specific manifestation is to ignore your emotions, block your appearance, and minimize the impact you have on him.
So can you understand? This kind of ex is more like a paper tiger, and you can only touch his essence by piercing through the disguise on his surface.
can shake his cognition and make him change his decision to break up, which is also the underlying logic of his ex's ruthlessness and coldness, and it is also a composite window that we can pry open.
So how do we do it?
I would like to provide you with two general solutions, and you can be flexible according to your own situation.
01
Dispel the other person's concerns and dispel his fears
The reason why he was able to do it, and to be so ruthless and indifferent to you, was because he was afraid that he would relent, and then agreed to get back together with you, and he was afraid that he would be moved by your behavior.
So his idea of breaking up is not so strong, it's just that he makes psychological hints to himself in his heart over and over again, so here I want to remind you that this fear of your ex will be superimposed again and again with your behavior.
The more you push the other person to do something he doesn't want to do, the more he is afraid of you, of your communication, of your behavior, of the high level of stress you bring.
Because most people's emotions after a breakup are dominated by emotion, rationality is only an occasional flash of thought, but since his ex is afraid, it means that his heart must have been shaken, and his heart has flashed back to compound thoughts.
At this time, what we do must not be to force him, but to guide him to think clearly, but it is not recommended that you go directly to disconnect, disconnection can indeed make people reflect on each other, there is a certain chance that he will take the initiative to find you after thinking clearly.
But for this kind of shrinking turtle-style ex, more will be slowly put down in the disconnection, so at this time you have to express an attitude to the other party, that is, you will not entangle him, and you will no longer humbly keep him.
Now you understand his decision to break up, you can accept the fact of breaking up, and even in this calm process, you have reflected on your own problems and got a certain solution.
But you also have to tell the other person that your reflection and problem solving are not for the sake of getting back together, but purely because you have discovered your own shortcomings and want to make yourself better.
This is a good supplement to your personality, and it can also reduce the other party's vigilance, and it will be more reasonable when you go to communicate with others in the future.
02
You don't want to be confrontational
To put it bluntly, don't do things with your words and deeds.
Some friends may not understand: I love him and am reluctant to him, so I have made a series of recovery measures, why do I say that I do things?
I can tell everyone in front of the screen very responsibly that most of the ex's rejection and resistance is not your desire to redeem, but your redemption operation has brought trouble to the other party.
You may have expressed what problems you have, and how you can solve them.
But what you say and do is to change the other person's mind, change his cognitive bias against you, change his attitude towards you, and change the other person's decision to break up, because the other person doesn't want to get back together now.
So anything you do against him can be considered confrontational.
If you often read my articles, you must have heard what I have been emphasizing to you, if you want to get back your ex, you must understand what the other party needs, understand what the other party wants most at the moment, and then make up for the needs.
Failure to do so will only allow your situation to continue to deteriorate.
So I hope that when you operate emotional repair, you must recognize your identity, after all, you are the ex who has broken up, even if there is still an old relationship, the current identity is still relatively sensitive.
Take the case I did before, some friends can listen to my advice and take it step by step, but some people blindly feel that they are very hopeful, and they will put together if they don't agree.
Or feel that the pace is too slow, privately strengthen the frequency of contacting the ex, and do not consider the reconstruction of comfort, knowing that the temptation to send a boring message to the other party and not considering the reality of the situation is more tragic.
So I'm sure of all of you, if you can do the two lines of thought that I've said above.
The comfort between you will definitely improve steadily, and his emotions towards you will be slowly eased, as long as you can guide patiently, your ex will not tear your face.
To put it bluntly, don't be in a hurry to entangle and harass the other party, don't let yourself be immersed in the pain after the breakup, the pain will not solve anything.