Yi Nengjing, it's too scary for you to raise your son

Mommy OK

2024-04-25 18:00Posted in Zhejiang Parenting Creators

Mothers who often watch our number should be able to feel that I rarely show my son, because I have always felt that whether the child is excellent or not, whether the education is successful or not, is a long result, at least until the baby grows up to see his conversation and expression, to see the way he treats people, and whether there is a comprehensive achievement...... These concrete and objective things are better than a thousand words of an old mother's own filter.

Just like Yi Nengjing's son Harry was interviewed on the street a while ago, it was only less than 5 minutes, which was enough to make all the people who questioned his three views in the past believe that his three views were more correct than anyone else, and the education he received must be very good.

In the early years, Harry's online reviews were extremely poor, especially when he popped out photos of himself wearing heavy makeup, long hair, and women's clothes, the screen was full of "abuse" and ridicule of Yi Nengjing's "failure" in education.

"Dressed like this, he must have a psychological problem"

"I don't know how many teenagers will be spoiled by him"

"Yi Nengjing, go and take care of your son!"

And this time he officially responded to the controversy: "I'm a boy, I usually wear men's clothes, women's clothes for me are the feeling of a show, and I want to wear beautiful clothes." ”

"In France in the tenth century, such as the time of Napoleon and Louis XVI, they wore wigs and high heels. At that time, boys were handsome like this. Why is it different now?"

"It's important to know what is innate (like male intuition or female intuition) and what is acquired. We are living in the present, and we may not feel many things, but if you look at history and see the evolution of trends, you will realize how absurd these rules we have set and these unspoken rules given to us by society are. ”

What is even more admirable is the person, he does not have the usual conceit of the rich second generation who studied art, but is full of warmth, openness, confidence and open-mindedness, you can also see that he usually has a lot of thinking about trends, history, gender and race.

In fact, a long time ago, Yi Nengjing responded to the question about Harry's "wearing women's clothes"-

"I'm going to give him all the freedom, he's in my world, he can be himself. ”

"It is more important for us who love Him to know who He is than for the world to know who He is. ”

When Harry called her worriedly and said, "Mom, will my affairs affect your career, should I empty my social platform", Yi Nengjing said indifferently: "It's a big deal that I'm not in this industry anymore, nothing is more important than you." ”

However, at that time, netizens just felt that Yi Nengjing was "hard-mouthed", her son was already like this, and she just had to accept it. But I believe that at this moment, no one will be unconvinced that Yi Nengjing really raised her son very well.

What is the real "love and respect" can be traced in the bits and pieces of the more than ten years she has been with her son.

1. "When you turn around, I'm there for you"

When little Harry was 6 years old, Yi Nengjing and Yu Chengqing divorced. It can be said that during that time, Yi Nengjing had a very bad time, ended a 20-year marriage and had to start again, her career also fell to the bottom, and she had to face overwhelming "cyber violence".

The harshest voice is, "You're the most selfish mom in the world"!

But in such a complicated and difficult state, Yi Nengjing has never lacked Harry's company. Although Harry usually lives with Yu Chengqing, every weekend, Yi Nengjing will put aside all the chores and work, rush back to Taipei to pick up his son from school, and spend weekends with his son.

But sometimes she will be very anxious when she encounters things that she can't push away, such as waiting for a year for the filming of "I Am the Queen", and finally had the opportunity to talk to Song Hye Kyo about the schedule, so she had to go as a director, so she called her son and told him that he couldn't show up on time as usual and the ins and outs of the matter. The next day, she would show up for Harry's first flight.

Later, Yi Nengjing and Qin Hao were recording a variety show, and Harry called her to say that his foot was twisted, but his father Yu Chengqing went to Kyoto. Yi Nengjing immediately put down her daughter Mi Li, who was still a baby, and rushed back to Taiwan by plane from Beijing.

"It's not a serious thing for a boy to fall and twist. But if his parents are not around at the moment, it will make Harry feel that his parents don't want him anymore?"

In fact, after Yi Nengjing flew back, Harry's foot injury was almost dealt with, and he was recuperating at home, and the time she spent with her son before and after was only half a day, but Yi Nengjing said, "This is probably a mother's mentality, no matter how independent and sensible you are, I still hope that when you turn back, I will be by your side." ”

2. "Single parents are not missing, there are more people to love you"

Although judging from the description of the media, the divorce of Yi Nengjing and Yu Chengqing is not peaceful. But in fact, they are both trying to defend each other.

Yi Nengjing has a strong desire to express herself, loves to write small compositions, and often digs holes for herself everywhere. But only in the matter of divorce, he has never left any handle for the outside world.

Talking about divorce, she said, "He is a very kind person, fortunately it is him, I don't quite understand why reporters outside always want us to quarrel after 20 years of getting along and having children, in fact, it is not!"

She said that after getting divorced, she would never tell her children what was right or wrong about the other party, but tell him the truth. Even if the fate of father and mother is gone, there is still respect. Be sure to teach him respect, because if you teach him to hate, the first person he will hate when he grows up must be you. Trust him to have the ability and wisdom to deal with his relationship with you and with his father.

So on Harry's Weibo, every time he talks about his parents, he is full of love: my dad is going to use my paintings for concerts, and my mom is sorting them out...... It's a simple description, but it's warm enough.

After Yu Chengqing remarried, Harry and Yi Nengjing were traveling in Los Angeles once. Harry bought a gift for his stepmother, but feared that Yi Nengjing would be sad to see it, so he secretly hid under the sofa.

In fact, Yi Nengjing had already flipped it, and felt so angry and funny, after returning home, she couldn't help but complain to her mother-in-law, "How can he think I'm unhappy?

三、重要的不是Yes or No

It's the perception and thinking behind it

Yi Nengjing said that from childhood to adulthood, when the little prince asked me questions, I never gave direct answers, but gave suggestions for choice and made him think.

"Give the answer directly, that's the logic of my life, and I don't want to copy myself. And he has to pay for the consequences of every choice, which he needs to bear. ”

She shared two stories in the interview.

Once, on Harry's 6th birthday, he invited many of his classmates to his home. He opened a gift on the spot, it was a beautiful pop-up book, and a classmate immediately snatched it, Harry was very upset, ran into the room and asked his mother, "Why didn't he show me, it was my gift." Yi Nengjing didn't give him an answer immediately, but told him that there are three ways to deal with it, you can see for yourself which one you choose will be more comfortable with?

1. Grab it back, it was originally yours, but that classmate will be sad and angry, if you don't grab it back, you will be sad and angry, so one of the two people who grabbed it must be unhappy.

2. Give it to him, but I am very angry, I don't want to be friends with him in the future, you have one more book, but one less classmate who grew up together, the book will be read, you grow up, you may read the book of a big friend, but the friend will grow up with you, and you still have a lot to share.

3. Give it to him, because you have so many gifts, they are all classmates' love, you are happy to share, you know that your classmates have not read it, and you can't take it home, so I really want to read it here, the book is yours, and you have a lot of time to read it slowly, so that you will have books and friends.

After analyzing it, Harry finally chose the third option.

Another time, Harry suddenly said that he wanted to learn piano, Yi Nengjing was very excited, and immediately rushed to buy a piano for him at a high price and helped him hire a teacher. But Harry didn't last long before giving up.

But a few years later, Harry offered to continue learning piano. I thought that the second time would definitely last longer, but within a year, he said that he didn't want to study anymore.

This time, Yi Nengjing's anger couldn't be contained, she scolded her son with her head and face, but Harry calmly told her mother:

"Mom, in fact, I want to learn how to compose music with the piano, how the keys fall, what rhythm and sound will be produced, I want to be familiar with this tool, I don't want to become a performer. ”

Seeing that Harry could firmly express the thinking behind him, Yi Nengjing didn't persuade anymore.

She also sighed in the interview, "In fact, I also thought about interfering with my son's choice and using my own experience to guide his life." But at one point Harry just said to me, 'You haven't been to my future, so don't use your last forty years to tell me what to do in the next twenty years.' This sentence made me sober up instantly.

I've also found that when you give your child a choice, he'll be more confident. Harry, for example, never had that sense of anxiety, the fear of not being able to show off his talent. He always knew what he was going to do, and he was always opinionated. ”

Later, Harry did grow up very well, he could compose, compose, paint, dance, and design clothing, and his school homework was never lower than A, and he was 22 years old this year, and he graduated from New York University (NYU) a year ahead of schedule.

When parents give their children back the right to choose, they are actually telling him that you are responsible for your own life.

Fourth, the best parent-child relationship is to nourish each other

Yi Nengjing once said: "Be a mother who is always like a friend, shining, gentle and funny." ”

She respects all of her son's hobbies, listening to music, watching movies, shopping, and traveling with her children, "We listen to Maroon 5, Taylor Swift together, sing loudly, and we even go on a night trip together...... Even though you are in your adolescence, you still feel like an innocent child around you. ”

From childhood to adulthood, the mother and son have endless topics to talk about, in Yi Nengjing's own words, "chatting hotly, chatting for three or four hours".

Compared with the outside world now praising Harry's various talents and dressing tastes, Yi Nengjing said that what she admires most about her son is actually his deep soul and strong core.

Yi Nengjing shared an exchange between mother and son on Weibo -

"Mom, most people in this world are on both sides of the river, but there is also a group of people on the river. The people on both sides of the river are always fixed, so they can't understand each other and criticize each other. But when they see people drifting on the river, they suddenly unite and mock the people on the river together. But, Mom, you and I are both from the river!"

This passage made Yi Nengjing feel extremely gratified, Harry has always had a clear and clear understanding of the world, he has a free and frank soul, but he also knows that true freedom is to learn to respect each other's boundaries.

Yi Nengjing wrote a small essay on her birthday, lamenting that she has lived to be in her fifties, and she rarely has the opportunity to be herself. In many blurry moments, it was her son who pushed her hard behind with an unwavering attitude and opinion, giving her the courage to "take a step forward".

In 2012, Yi Nengjing took Harry on a trip to France, and during the trip, she asked, "Do you think your mother can have a boyfriend?"

Harry's answer dispelled the uncertainty in her heart, "I hope you all have boyfriends and girlfriends soon, and I hope you are happy." ”

And when she received Sister Lang's invitation at the beginning, Yi Nengjing was also very hesitant, most of the family did not support her, only Harry has been silently supporting her, teaching her mother to dance by herself, and gently encouraging her, "You support me to be myself, and I also hope that my mother will not give up to be a mother." ”

Love and respect are never one-sided giving, but mutual nourishment between mother and child.

Harry asked Yi Nengjing in an interview, "Are you confused when I do something that most people think is more maverick?"

Yi Nengjing's answer made me extremely moved: "I never felt that you were a maverick. I think more that all children should be mavericks and unique. It's not so much that you're a maverick, it's more parents looking for a unified standard for their children. For me, your maverick is precisely the most important meaning of your existence in this world. ”

And what she has always expected for her son is: I only want you to be a kind person, not to be hurt and not to hurt others.

Two days ago, I saw 🍠 Harry open his own account and posted a Q&A video in response to the questions of the majority of netizens.

He went on to respond to the question of freedom of dress: "Some people can't even wear clothes. If you're lucky enough to wear clothes, why not enjoy the beauty of fashion?"

He also connected with Yu Chengqing and asked his father if he wanted to ask him, but his father asked his younger siblings to say to his brother in a voice call, "I love your brother." He complained that his father didn't seem to understand the purpose of the live broadcast, but it didn't matter, he had received the best gifts, his younger brothers and sisters were the treasures of his life, and of course, there were also millet grains from Yi Nengjing's family......

I love this video of him, a warm and enthusiastic teenager who is slowly unfolding his dreams in life, and you will want to make friends with such a child. He also truly lived up to his mother's expectations of him, "to be a gentle and kind person".

True love and freedom have always been the most extravagant and grand maternal love, and they can also water the most beautiful "fruits".

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Personal opinion, for reference only