Have you ever heard of a folklore called "hitting"?
Liu Erliang, a female forensic doctor, told me that in their place, when something is lost at home, many people will go to find "Hit Shi", which is actually a kind of fortune telling. "When fighting" can not only find small things, but also some large ones, such as corpses.
Once Liu Erliang ran into this method when he went out of the murder scene, it was a special evil door.
There were many people around the scene, and they also told Liu Erliang that they counted the deceased in the "southeast direction, by the water's edge" when they beat him, and they came to find him, faster than the police.
I said, what is the principle of this?
Liu Erliang said that it may also be experience, the case happened in the summer, the swimming picture is cool, there are many drowning deaths, the water flow has a bay mouth in the southeast direction, and the body will most likely stop here. Many things are weird just on the surface, and if you look deeper, you will have different understandings.
The story that Liu Erliang wants to record today is also like this.
On the surface, it was a woman who went to calculate whether her daughter could go ashore for the public examination, and the fortune teller told her that if you die, your daughter will be fine. So she jumped into the river and drowned.
But when you finish reading this story, you may see a lot more complex things than ghosts and gods, such as the life of a woman.
In October 2021, I went to be a bridesmaid once, wearing a champagne-colored bridesmaid dress, running back and forth to help the bride carry her bag, hiding her wedding shoes above the curtains, as a sign that as a "mother's family", I wanted to keep her even for a minute.
I met my bride Wu Ai more than a year ago, many of her friends didn't know me, chatting about marriage and asking me where I worked, I said the Public Security Bureau, and the other party praised "police flower", I agreed and stopped talking.
Such a festive occasion is not suitable for explanation, my job is a forensic doctor, and my first meeting with Wu Ai was in the criminal police team, and I led her to identify her mother's body.
It was also because of that case, because of that death, that the two of us became very important people in each other's lives.
When "Mayou" Li Hui called me that afternoon, I was about to get off work, I was in a good mood, and I picked up the phone in a very brisk tone: "Why do you think of me, don't you play mahjong on the weekend?"
I felt Li Hui give me a blank look on the other end of the phone: "Oh, no, you have mahjong in your head!" She said in an anxious tone, saying that a friend's mother disappeared last night and did not come back this morning, and the police station said that there was no sign of victimization, so she would not look for it for the time being, and asked me if I could help find it.
I said yes, and hurriedly glanced at the photos sent by Li Hui, and was called out of the scene. Fishermen found a female corpse by the river at the dam of the hydropower station.
When I arrived at the scene, the floating corpse was still being salvaged. The wind was still cool and the water was cold in early spring, and the workers who salvaged the body skillfully carried the body ashore in a boat, telling us, "This woman has a taste (interesting), and she even tied up a shoe." ”
I followed his finger and saw that the shoes on the woman's feet were tied in many circles with black cotton thread, and they didn't look like the usual walking attire. If you look closely at the sole, the rubber sole is angular and almost non-wearable.
I had some guesses in my heart, and then I looked at the clothes and pants worn by the woman, long-sleeved T-shirts, thin down jackets, and sweatpants, although they were not brands, they all looked new: "Master, this is not suicide, all of them seem to be new clothes." ”
Knowing that he was going to die, he wanted to walk beautifully, so he wore new clothes and tied his shoes to his feet with cotton thread to prevent them from falling off during the drift. I feel that this female deceased is quite exquisite.
According to the regulations, after we handed over the basic information to our colleagues to find someone, we took the body back to the public security bureau for further examination. When I took off her coat, under the bright light, I unexpectedly found a sewn compartment on the inside of the clothes and on the chest, like the hidden pockets in martial arts novels.
I knocked it with tweezers first, and it rustled, like a plastic bag.
I cut the stitches with a lancet and took out a triangular paper bag from inside, palm-sized, thin, very light, wrapped in tape several times. The tape should be waterproof, what is in it?
The master handed me a towel, I changed out of my wet gloves, wiped off the residual water on the surface with a dry towel, and operated on the surgical pad.
The starting point of the tape is usually the exfoliated cells or fingerprints of the person who used the tape, which may be a breakthrough in the case, so I carefully found the source, extracted the exfoliated cells, and cut the tape with a lancet. The inner layer was a plastic bag, and I continued to scratch it open, and the innermost part was a yellow strip of paper folded in a triangle.
As soon as I opened it, Mom, it was a talisman with a red line that I couldn't read.
All kinds of horror movies, curses, and other things flashed through my mind, and I seriously reflected on whether I had done anything disrespectful since I came into contact with the deceased, and I didn't seem to have done so, right?
Stacked with the charm was a small note that read: "After wearing a shroud, hang it around my neck with a black thread." It should refer to this symbol.
The handwriting is stroke by stroke, like a child, or someone who has not read a book.
Flipping through it, there is no second line of words.
If this woman committed suicide, then this is all her last words, none of which are related to her identity, her family, and none of them mention the reason for suicide.
She seemed to think that no one would look for her, that they would recognize her, and that her only last wish seemed to be written to the stranger who salvaged her: that after her death she could be dressed in a shroud and hung with a charm.
Master and I were facing Fu Bai and couldn't understand it, when we heard a commotion outside the autopsy room, and a girl about my age, who was about the same age as me, and an uncle were supporting each other, and they were about to enter the autopsy room, shouting, "Where?"
The colleague at the door asked, "Are you family members?", and the girl nodded with a crying voice and continued to approach. When she saw the face of the deceased, she immediately couldn't hold back, turned her head and buried herself in the man's shoulder and cried, reading: "It's mother, it's really mother......"
A colleague from the police station who brought them told me that the two were father and daughter, and that they had reported the case yesterday, saying that the hostess of the house, 50-year-old Xu Lifen, had not returned all night. Age and time match, so let them recognize people.
I hurriedly took out my mobile phone to look at the missing person notice that Li Hui sent me in the afternoon, and I didn't remember what the photo looked like at a glance before.
The woman's hair in the photo is black and white at the roots, with a slight yellow at the ends, and the deceased's hair is dyed all yellow. It is very likely that it was specially made to re-dye before the suicide, and it is also corresponding to her action of buying new clothes.
Li Hui also sent me a message that I didn't see: "The police station said that I found it by the river, did it happen that you just went out?"
I feel a little guilty in my heart, if I wasn't so face-blind, wouldn't I have been able to reply to the message earlier, and don't let my own daughter recognize her face, how much it hurts.
Thinking so, I took the initiative to talk to the girl: "You, hello, I'm a forensic doctor, you're Wu Ai, just now Li Hui asked me to help you find your mother, but I didn't expect to meet here." ”
Before, the master would say to the family, "This is the result that no one wants to see", and I also said it, but Wu Ai was still crying. I ran out of tricks, trying to divert her attention, and took out the talisman and the note: "This is what we just found from your mother's clothes, do you recognize it?"
Wu Ai shook her head with doubts in her eyes, and her father also said with a little complaint: "We don't know what your mother is doing." ”
I continued to ask both of them, "Are all the clothes Auntie wears new?"
Father Wu said that he didn't remember, but Wu Ai immediately said: "It's new clothes, and she usually wears just a few." ”
is still a daughter who is careful. I added, "The shoes are obviously new, and the rope is tied like this, probably for fear of being washed away." ”
I tactfully hinted that this might mean suicide: "Has something happened to your mom lately?"
Dad Wu reacted, but his expression was even more confused: "Why can't she think about it......" He said that he hadn't encountered anything at home recently, and his wife usually went to work in the supermarket, so he couldn't see anything wrong.
I looked at Wu Ai, and this time she didn't speak.
There must be a reason for suicide, I was a little strange, and when I checked again, I still didn't find any signs of homicide. According to the procedure, what I can do is done, and I can only inform Wu Ai's father and daughter to pick up the body first.
Seeing Wu Ai's eyes red, I tried my best to use a euphemism: "A stone thrown into the sky will eventually fall to the ground, something happens, there is no way, and you still have to face it in the end." You can put on the clothes (shrouds) for your aunt first. ”
Hearing this, Wu Ai, who was originally in a stable mood, suddenly cried again, and Wu's father helped agree: "I want it." ”
Wu Ai and I added WeChat. In the past, I was most resistant to adding family WeChat, but when I saw her crying today, I always felt a little sad in my heart.
Wu Ai sent me a friend application, the avatar is a cute puppy, and the WeChat name is a sun. Click on the circle of friends, the latest one is a missing person notice sent this morning.
The photographs accompanying the missing persons notice are in color. It was a field of golden rape flowers, and an aunt stood in the middle of the field, wearing bright clothes that she only wore when she went out to play, and raised her face and smiled brightly. Maybe it's because of the smile, the whole face is more than ten years younger.
It turns out that she looks like this. I stared at the picture and lost my mind for a long time.
In the afternoon, the trace inspector asked me if I would like to go to your little sister's house, and he said that the team was worried about what kind of cult the talisman was related to, and they wanted to search for it. I immediately followed.
Wu Ai's house is a two-story private house in the county seat, and Wu Ai led us to the second floor, Xu Lifen's room. This kind of house is always dimly lit, and she turns on the light.
The whole room still looks like someone lives in it, and I didn't have time to clean it up. The bed is covered with old-fashioned Shanghai peony sheets, and the matching flower quilts are neatly folded.
There are no statues of gods that seem to be religious or anything like that, and everything is clean and tidy and lively, and there is nothing out of the ordinary.
The trace inspector looked for the drawer of the bedside table and found a note on the top.
I leaned behind her and looked at it, and the paper was written stroke by stroke: "Mom's life is not worth anything, everything is to hope for you".
This note seems to be from the same source as the note that came with the note. Is it really a suicide note?
Wu Ai tossed and turned, wanting to see if there were any other words, but no, she laughed: "It's for my good again." But she only laughed, and tears flowed down her red eyes.
I squatted on the bedside table again and flipped through it, where the notes were originally placed, and below was a thick family album, most of which were photos of Wu Ai when she was a child, or film, which was worth a lot of money in those days.
I feel like there's something going on here. Peeked to look for it, his straight man, crying in the face of the girl, directly avoided his eyes, and continued to look for things. I was the only one left, I thought about whether I should hug Wu Ai, and considering that I was wearing gloves, although they were clean, it was always a little bad, so I raised my two hands and hugged Wu Ai.
I felt Wu Ai's body stiffening when she was crying and trembling, and I was also embarrassed, so I immediately retreated.
The room was quiet for a while, Dad Wu saved us, he came up from downstairs and called Wu Ai over, "Your aunt is here, saying that she has something to tell you."
After searching and finding no cult-related information, we went downstairs together. In the hall, a woman who looked very similar to Wu Ai's mother was crying, Wu Ai called her, she hugged Wu Ai and cried for a while, and suddenly said: "Ai girl, I heard that your mother still had a talisman on her body when she left, and my aunt is sorry for you." ”
Wu Ai seemed to want to interrupt her, and said with a crying voice that it was my mother's own choice, and it had nothing to do with other people.
I really wanted to listen to my aunt's words, and then Wu Ai also called my aunt: "Auntie, we are from the Public Security Bureau, and we are also Wu Ai's buddies, do you know that this Fu has something to do with Wu Ai's mother's departure?"
The woman glanced at Wu Ai, Wu Ai nodded, and she said intermittently that she probably knew where this talisman came from.
Wu Ai's aunt told us that once a year ago, Xu Lifen asked her to go to a fortune teller, because Wu Ai was preparing for the civil service exam at home, and Xu Lifen wanted to ask her daughter about her future.
The fortune teller was very godly, they only gave Wu Ai's eight characters, and people counted out that this person had no brothers and sisters, and he should have been a man with a gun, but unfortunately he didn't take care of it when he was a child. Wu Ai is really an only daughter, and she has really participated in the college entrance examination military and police physical examination, but she has never had asthma caused by a cold. It's all for him.
But the fortune teller said that this child and her mother are incompatible, and if there is no mother, her career and marriage will be relatively smooth in the future, otherwise she will have to go through some twists and turns.
Aunt Wu Ai retorted at the time: "You fortune teller, her mother is here, where are you talking like this?!"
The fortune teller was trained by her not to look up. She pulled Xu Lifen to leave, but Xu Lifen didn't leave, and said to the fortune teller very calmly: "Then what do you want me to do?
Xu Lifen actually believed it like this, and I was stunned when I heard this. Something is wrong, it's not like being scared by a fortune teller, it's more like I already have this idea in my heart and was told by a fortune teller.
Aunt Wu Ai said that later Xu Lifen spent money to buy the talisman with the fortune teller, and the fortune teller said that the talisman should be carried with her, "Take it to the coffin, it may protect your girl's marriage and career." Keep both ends, you and your girl are restrained, I can't do it here. ”
Aunt Wu didn't think that Xu Lifen really took this seriously, thinking that she was spending money to buy peace of mind. Xu Lifen told her not to tell Wu Ai, who was about to take the exam, but she didn't say it, she didn't expect it to happen.
Aunt Wu Ai hugged Wu Ai and cried bitterly: "Don't blame your mother, your mother's hope in this life is pinned on you......"
Wu Ai's tone was almost broken: "Neurotic, my mother is really neurotic!"
I also think it's incredible. Generally calculate this kind of unlucky thing, we will find another Taoist priest to "break", and we will not listen to him stupidly, even if we really believe in this Taoist priest, the provincial examination has not yet been determined when it is, why did I commit suicide yesterday?
My question was quickly "answered".
Early the next morning, I received a notice to attend the report on the closure of Xu Lifen's case. Wu Ai sat across from her father, uncle, and aunt. The colleague played the surveillance evidence found, which was the last part of Xu Lifen's life.
The surveillance camera captured her walking out of the supermarket gate on time, and then walked around the street alone, without talking to anyone or buying anything, and finally walked to the bridge.
She stayed on the bridge for a long time, until night fell, and the man became a black shadow, and the black shadow jumped off the bridge.
Supermarket employees all said that no one had a conflict with Xu Lifen, and Xu Lifen's new clothes were worn when she went out in the morning, which also ruled out the suspicion that work conflicts led to suicide. If you count the time Xu Lifen dyed her hair, this decision was probably made earlier.
March 20, 2020 was a day without any abnormalities.
Xu Lifen chose to die without encountering any accidents and without being coerced by anyone. The leader gave the final conclusion of the suicide to Wu Ai's family.
There was a small, suppressed cry in the conference room, it was Wu Ai.
This video, while explaining all the legal stuff, is probably a bigger mystery for the family. Wu Ai's cry seemed to ask, "Why?"
The family members helped each other out of the public security bureau. If there are no surprises, this is probably the last time we will be on it.
I couldn't help but catch up and say to Wu Ai: "You're good, you and Dad are each other's dependents." ”
She nodded and said nothing. It seems that as the previous times, my reassurance still didn't work.
I felt unspeakably uncomfortable. At noon, "Mayou" Li Hui called again and asked me if I could accompany her to see Wu Ai, "Her mother will be sent up the mountain tomorrow, and she will definitely stay up all night tonight, I want to accompany her, and I am a little afraid at night." I said yes without saying a word.
On the way there, Li Hui told me that Wu Ai and her were high school classmates, and the two of them went home together after school every day. "Actually, Wu Ai is a very good person, she can't say anything specific, she doesn't have so many tempers and twists and turns. ”
But later, during the college entrance examination, several of them had a good relationship with each other and studied at the university in Hunan Province, so Wu Ai had to go to school in other places, so there was less contact.
I asked Li Hui if she knew why Wu Ai wanted to pass the exam? Li Hui said vaguely, as if she didn't want to be controlled by her family anymore.
I quickly asked, "What do you think of her relationship with her mother?"
Li Hui said that they didn't talk about this when they were children, and after Wu Ai came back to take the civil service exam last year, she complained to her a few times.
Wu Ai came back in a hurry, her mother seemed to often say that as long as she wasn't reading, she scolded "how did I give birth to a parasite", or that she was hiding at home and not working or something.
I was secretly surprised. Xu Lifen doesn't love her daughter very much, she kept the photos when she was a child, and she wrote a suicide note like that. Why is this like this in Wu Ai's mouth?
Li Hui also asked me about Wu Ai's mother's suicide, I wanted to say but stopped, and said that you should listen to Wu Ai when the time comes, and let her say what is in her heart.
At about seven o'clock in the evening, Li Hui and I arrived at Wu Ai's house, Wu Ai was wearing a long filial piety handkerchief on her head and a straw rope tied around her waist, and was following the Taoist priest.
I finally stopped wearing my uniform and came as a friend, and this time, my eyes were red without burden.
Wu Ai nodded at us, and Li Hui went up to hug her: "Xiao Ai, I'll accompany you." Wu Ai lowered her hand and did not respond, let us sit first.
Li Hui and I found a place to sit on the first floor, and there were only a few neighbors who were not relatives. Wu Ai's aunt and uncle, who could not participate in the ritual like their descendants, were sitting quietly next to the coffin in the hall. My uncle lit a cigarette from time to time.
The ritual was very long, the Taoist priest waved props I didn't know, sang scriptures I didn't understand, and the spirit flags outside the house were also shaken, I felt a little scared, and thought that if we hadn't come, would Wu Ai be afraid?
Wu Ai was an only child, and most of the rituals were to be attended by the children of the deceased, so she stood alone in the middle of the hall, her eyes lowered, and her expression was so calm.
After 12 o'clock, the ceremony finally came to an end, and Wu Ai came over and said the first sentence to us: "Thank you two for coming with me." ”
She paused and said to herself, "I'm so tired." ”
She advised us to go back and rest, saying that there was nothing we needed help with. But I felt like I had to be there, and insisted that we just squint in our chairs for a while, and rush her to rest.
Li Hui and I sat for a while, and when we were half asleep and half awake, we heard a thin voice coming from the hall. Wu Ai, Wu's father, aunt and uncle were all sitting next to the coffin, the fire was reflected on their faces, and they were talking about Xu Lifen.
At first, Wu Ai's father said in a joking tone about the blind date with Xu Lifen: "When I first met, I looked so gentle, but I didn't know that I was bullied so badly when I got married, and I wasn't allowed to smoke." ”
After a pause, he still said with a smile, "I need a fierce wife."
He said to Wu Ai, maybe you don't know, when I was young, I once couldn't pay my wages at the construction site, and your mother ran to the boss to make a big noise, and the boss had no way to settle the account.
Wu Ai asked her father, what did she say?
Wu Ai's father learned Xu Lifen's tone: "'Your family raises children, our family also raises children, if you don't give money, I will come to you every day!'"
Wu Ai listened, with a little nostalgic smile on her face.
Xu Lifen in their mouths seems to be a very strong woman. She would take a stick to look for her brother who was skipping school, and if she found it, she would be smoking. will take care of the family's money, and can do it with her husband when she is in a hurry.
Only Aunt Wu Ai kept saying "no, no, no", she said that Xu Lifen was not like this when she was a child, Xu Lifen was very funny when she was a child, she was called sister, and she was obviously the boss.
Aunt Wu Ai said that it was probably because her "sister" had to work.
At that time, when the two of them got out of school together, Xiao Xu Lifen would always propose that the two of them take turns carrying their schoolbags, "It's almost home, she carried both of our bags, and my father thought she helped us carry all the way."
Xu Lifen became the "eldest sister" after dropping out of school.
Aunt Wu Ai sighed and said, "I am actually not as good as your mother in reading, but I was too young at that time", "at that time", that is, when the youngest boy in the family, Uncle Wu Ai, was born. Parents are busy, someone must drop out of school to take care of his younger brother, and finally Xu Lifen.
Aunt Wu still remembers that at the beginning, Xu Lifen was "always unconvinced", and when she brought up her younger brother, she never mentioned those words again.
She seems to have adapted to the identity of the eldest sister, beating her younger brother, and she will also buy snacks for her younger brother with all the money she earns, and clean up her husband, but she has never been poor and bored for so many years, and she has never let her husband get involved in housework.
Xu Lifen will always have a way and will always be reliable, until she committed suicide "suddenly".
I really want to hear if they will talk about the reason for Xu Lifen's suicide, even if it is about the mother-daughter relationship between Xu Lifen and Wu Ai, but they didn't mention a word, not even Wu Ai. In fact, she didn't take the initiative to talk about her mother at all, but kept asking her family about things that happened when she was not born.
It occurred to me that in our custom, a person is not really "gone" when she dies, and her soul lingers at home until she is buried. Therefore, the night before the burial is the last time in the world.
They are using their memories to say goodbye to the wandering Xu Lifen.
We talked until the Taoist priests woke up and began to sing again, overshadowing the voices of the voices, and everyone went to sleep. I also leaned back in the chair and slept a few times, I don't know how long, and suddenly I was woken up.
The Taoist priests were already packing up their things to send the deceased to be buried.
In the morning mist, the funeral procession slowly walked up the mountain. Wu Ai followed behind the coffin in a filial piety robe, and Li Hui and I followed from a distance, the mist and the ashes from the paper money burning kept hitting our faces.
The sealing of the coffin and falling into the ground is the moment when this person is really "gone" in our customs. At that moment, I saw the real most devastating appearance of this girl of the same age, and the whole person cried and fell into the mud, and her fingers kept picking at the grave.
I felt like I was in tears, too. I've dissected so many corpses, but I've never understood what death is, so I can only stand here as if I had been with her.
By the time everything was over and the time it went down, it was already eight or nine o'clock. Li Hui and I were about to go back by ourselves, but Wu Ai ran out of the crowd, stopped us, and said thank you.
She seemed to have a lot to say, but her eyes were red, and she was so tired that she was about to fall apart, and in the end she just asked us to have dinner together in the evening.
I went home to make up for sleep, and when I woke up, I saw that Wu Ai had sent me the address of a barbecue stand. When Li Hui and I went over, she had already ordered skewers and was waiting for us.
Wu Ai's eyes were still swollen, and when she saw us coming, she smiled weakly and effortlessly: "I don't know what you want to eat, Li Hui likes to eat meat, anyway, all kinds of meat skewers and butter have been ordered, you can see what else you want." ”
This is the first time I've seen Wu Aixiao in two days, and I'm not used to it.
I said what does it mean to just eat barbecue and not have some wine? I want to drink something.
Wu Ai suddenly shouted loudly: "Boss, take five bottles and crooked neck!"
Li Hui and I were both startled and looked at each other. Wu Ai was still fine, asked us what we were drinking, and smiled and thanked the boss.
I don't know why, I saw Wu Ai's smile was very uncomfortable.
Li Hui picked up the small wine bottle and unscrewed it and poured wine into Wu Ai's cup: "Xiao Ai, we have known each other since high school, and we came home from school together at that time, but I didn't expect the time to pass in one fell swoop. ”
I carefully looked at Wu Ai's expression, and Wu Ai smiled with tears in her eyes: "Yes, it's been many years." As he spoke, he raised his head, and more than half of the cups were gone.
I quickly touched her cup: "Drink slowly, drink slowly, let's drink slowly." ”
Wu Ai waved her hand, she said I know what you mean by drinking, just hope I can ease my emotions, "I'm fine, I've been thinking about what the fortune teller said these days, maybe my mother and I really get along, I accept my fate." ”
At this, her tears snapped and fell.
Li Hui didn't know about fortune telling, Wu Ai probably talked about it once, and she was furious when she heard it: "Which fortune teller said that, and he went to his house!" Wu Ai shook his hand and said where to find it.
We drank for a while, and Wu Ai gradually got a little drunk, blushing and saying, "To say something without conscience, I feel that my mother has passed away, and I am very relaxed." ”
I chuckled inwardly. Li Hui was also puzzled and asked her if she had drunk too much.
Wu Ai held the cup, buried her head in her arm and shook her head: "No, I'm not drunk, I can't tell my family what I said, I really feel relieved." ”
Wu Ai said slowly while drinking.
She said that in the more than a year since she came back, she felt that the days were so painful and painful, and every day her mother was complaining about her, complaining about why she didn't take the exam last time, why she didn't take the exam early.
The point is not the exam at all, it's everything, and my mother doesn't like her.
During the Chinese New Year, she didn't want to go to her relatives early in the morning, and her mother scolded her for gnawing at home, "It's okay not to go, it's a shame to take it out!" She retorted that she had been using the savings for eating and drinking, and if she was not allowed to stay, she would leave, and her mother would not let her pack her things, and the two of them almost fought, but they were persuaded by her father.
Later, her mother came to her to apologize, using the words: "Am I not good to you?
"I'm really funny to hear. I told her that you would listen to you for everything, and that you should get a dog. ”
"It's always like this, it's always like this", when I was a child, I obviously said that I would buy a princess dress if I took the double hundred, but when I got it, she accused her of not knowing that she felt sorry for her parents, "You have clothes to wear, your mother goes to work in the supermarket, and your father works as an electrician, it's not easy to make money. ”
When she went to college, she talked about her boyfriend, this one was too short, that one was too poor, she asked her mother why she was never satisfied, and her mother finally said, "I just don't want you to marry too far and never see each other in the future."
She encountered sexual harassment when she was working outside, her boss deliberately touched her hand and asked to go on a business trip together, she fled home to take the civil service exam, but her mother blamed her in turn and said that she had already asked you to take the test, "Now that you are swinging around outside and coming back to take the test, is it a delay?"
Last night, I heard by the fireplace that Xu Lifen, who is strong and takes care of everyone, in front of her daughter, turned out to be like this.
But after thinking about it, I think it's too reasonable.
In fact, those who "forced my younger brother to go to school with a stick" and "forbade her husband to smoke" were not also a kind of suppression method of "knife mouth and tofu heart"? It's just that all this has intensified on Wu Ai and has become a heavy burden.
Wu Ai lay on the table and cried, cried a few times and took a sip of wine.
I asked, "...... you guys?" Did you have an argument two days ago?"
Wu Ai shook her head: "No, we have been safe for many days." ”
Wu Ai said that in fact, almost every time she quarreled, her mother would bow her head and knock on the door to ask her, "What did I do wrong?" She would not bear to tell her mother why she was angry. Mom will promise to change it in the future and try not to say that about her. But I don't know why, the next time it's the same.
The same is true of the quarrel during the Chinese New Year, Xu Lifen scolded her for being unproductive, and asked her again: "Why don't you kiss your mother?"
She was very angry and asked her mother, "Didn't you say that you changed it?"
Xu Lifen replied: "I'm dozens of years old, and I can't change it." ”
After that, until they committed suicide, they did not argue and did not say anything more.
It was as if a thunderbolt flashed through my heart. I suddenly understood what Xu Lifen was thinking. She couldn't understand why her daughter felt uncomfortable as soon as she spoke, she couldn't understand whether what her daughter hated was a way of speaking or herself, she could only understand that the fortune teller was right, this was a disagreement, she and her daughter could not coexist, she was in her daughter's way.
Well, she is willing to make way for her daughter.
It's like dropping out of school in junior high school to let my brother go to school, and it's like taking care of the kids at home and letting my husband go to work. Sacrifice is the one thing she is most accustomed to, she is the eldest sister, wife, mother, she is used to, "my life is not worth anything".
However, I wanted to tell what to say, but I didn't know who to say.
She deserves it, she's so brave, she's powerful, she loves all her family so much, and she's asked so many times "what did I do wrong......?" She really wants to change, she really wants to love her daughter.
It wasn't the talisman that trapped her, but a path that the family had drawn for this woman in the past fifty years.
I don't know if it was empathy or an alcohol attack, but I also burst into tears and couldn't speak.
Li Hui saw that we were both crying, and shouted and coaxed us: "How can there be such a thing, when parents always want to control their children, they are obedient and filial, bullshit!"
The hotel owner couldn't listen to it anymore: "What are you girls doing, crying and laughing, parents must take care of their children, the children are gone, no one will support the elderly, otherwise they will be raised in vain, you will know when you become parents tomorrow." ”
I glanced at the boss: "You can't be a parent like this, and I can't be a parent like this." ”
The son of the barbecue restaurant owner also shouted beside him: "Yes, yes, you just want me to listen to you, I have a brain." ”
I squatted down and touched the child's head: "Brother, your father wants to bully you, you have to resist bravely, I support you!"
The boss pulled his son: "What time is it, don't go back to bed yet! I'll slap you twice!" kicked his son away in the direction of the house.
The three of us watched the boss train our son and laughed in unison.
After laughing, Wu Ai sighed blankly: "I really like that when my mother is in a good mood and listens to me share interesting stories on campus, she will ask me if I am real? ”
I took a big sip of my drink. None of us spoke anymore, cup after cup, and the river flowed silently into the night.
Later, the three of us had a WeChat group. Wu Ai decided to stay at home and continue to take the public exam, and we often complained together and helped Wu Ai prepare for the exam together. I cut my tonsils, she ate stinky tofu next to my bedside, and we ate and drank together and bought beautiful clothes.
After passing the written test, passing the qualification examination, and finally going ashore, she happily reported every new information to us, and we happily encouraged her.
The next year, Wu Ai was going to get married. I went to her house to be a bridesmaid, and I was busy until the evening, and I stayed to clean up.
The hall was a mess, all ribbons and paper flowers, and I suddenly noticed a cross-stitch hanging in the middle, I don't know when it was newly added, and the stitches are so beautiful. I looked at it for a long time, Wu Ai's father looked at me in a daze, smiled and said, this is Wu Ai's mother embroidered.
That cross-stitch is a flowery five words:
"Home and everything is prosperous".
What impressed me the most about this story was the questions Xu Lifen asked: "What did I do wrong?" and "Why are you not close to me?"
And her daughter used to answer to her over and over again, "Can you not talk about me like that?" and "Can you be my friend like any other mother?"
This conversation makes me sad. They had tried very hard, but it was as if they were standing on both sides of the river, and they couldn't hear each other.
In the first 50 years of Xu Lifen's life, she used her sacrifice and strength to spur her family and protect her family, but when her daughter grew up, she found that this set was no longer universal.
She was a woman who carried the whole family in that era, and in the face of poverty, hunger, wage arrears, and no fixed residence, she always had a way, and at this moment, she had no choice, she couldn't change herself. She decided to die.
We can't criticize Wu Ai or any other child like her, who still loves their parents regardless of anything in return when they feel oppressed and painful, but I also hope that this story can show more people what kind of limitations those who are "abusive" are trapped in.
It's a long river, and we'll cross it slowly.
(Some of the characters in the article are pseudonyms)
Editor: Cassini Little Whirlwind
Illustration: Big Five Flowers
This article is 9990 words
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