Marriage is like living a half-asleep life, and Mr. Bai Yang has reminded us a long time ago.
Where are the perfect men and women?
If you keep your eyes wide open and observe with a magnifying glass all day long, even the gods will be singled out by you.
Marriage is like a piece of land that you don't take care of, hey, that weed can grow so crazy that you doubt life.
Want to reap the rewards of happiness?
Then you have to take care of it, do you understand?
I'm going to tell you four things that a wise woman wouldn't do if she was killed in a marriage.
Prick up your ears and don't drop a word.
Don't try to reinvent him
Lin Huiyin's sisters said that Xu Zhimo did not love the real her, but Lin Huiyin in his own imagination.
You see, in the relationship world, people always like to sketch a fantasy portrait of their partner, and then go to great lengths to transform the other person into that look.
Take Xu Yiwan in the movie "Embarrassing Mother" as an example, after getting married, he was bent on turning Zhang Lu into his ideal wife, hoping that she would revolve around him and his children like his mother and become his perfect partner.
The result?
Marriage is over.
Remember that conversation?
Zhang Lu was leaving, Xu Yiwan said:
I'll fix that lamp, you can take it.
Zhang Lu choked with anger:
I've never liked that broken lamp, it's so pretentious!
Xu Ivan was surprised:
Isn't it just a table lamp, what are you scolding it for?
Zhang Lu responded calmly:
You have a fantasy wife living in your heart, and you have set what she should like, hate, and how she should speak. Why do you have to die to reform me? Didn't you realize that I wasn't the person you wanted?
Got it, right?
Always trying to reshape the other party, in the end, he often falls into the abyss of disappointment.
Mr. Yang Jiang once taught us that marriage does not require the love of the mountain alliance and the sea vow, as long as the two do not dislike each other, it is enough.
How can there be a natural pair?
It's just two people slowly running in, you change a little and I change a little, and it's like this day after day, year after year.
Respecting his way of life, understanding your ideas, and accepting each other is the most harmonious relationship between husband and wife.
Don't dig through old accounts
There's a saying that makes sense:
The secret of getting along with husband and wife is to learn to turn the page, so that they can hold the hand of happiness.
That's right, the most taboo thing in marriage is to turn over old accounts, what you open is the past, and what you destroy is the present.
Let me tell you a story, in "The Power of the Moment", a woman counts down her husband in a psychological counseling class, one day she gets angry, which thing makes her sad, she nagged over and over again, and cried while talking.
The counselor advised her to:
Can't you just turn the page on these things and try to let go?
As a result, she blew up:
I let it go, what am I doing?
I forgive him, what do I get?
I don't fight him, am I still me?
Have you seen it through?
My heart is full of resentment, how can there be room for happiness?
I only saw his badness in my eyes, and those sweet times had long been thrown out of the clouds.
A wise woman, learn to "selectively forget".
Let go of resentment, and the mood will be natural and comfortable.
It is said in "Workplace Wanderer" that the secret of two people's longevity is not to turn over old accounts.
What's the use of flipping around?
It's just a lose-lose situation.
The best state of the relationship is to take matters into account.
The problem is solved, and the rights and wrongs of the past should not be mentioned again, so that we can go long-term.
Again, don't expect too much
Have you ever heard this phrase?
I finally knew why I wasn't happy, because I always wanted a sure result.
In marriage, if you expect too much from your other half, you will dig a hole for yourself.
In "Do You Know", Minglan married Gu Tingye's maid and said that her life was good, but she said:
In this world, no one can be anyone's backer.
Don't rely too much on people in everything, the more you rely on it, the greater the disappointment.
If the disappointment accumulates, you will resent, and if you resent, your life will be sad.
See?
This is what marriage really looks like:
Expecting too much from others is a disaster.
I have a friend whose husband takes care of her in every way when she is in love.
After having children, the pressure increases, and my husband is busy with work, so it has become the norm to go out early and late.
As for her, she still hopes that her husband will always pay attention to her and take care of her emotions like when she is in love.
At first, my husband tried his best to be satisfied, but then he couldn't do it.
Disappointments kept playing, and quarrels became the order of the day.
She blamed her husband for changing, and her husband thought she was unrealistic.
As a result, the two who were originally in love gradually drifted apart.
Japan writer Mitsuro Sato 说得对极了:
All grievances are due to too high expectations of each other.
In fact, it is not the other party that really hurts you, it is your own expectations that are detached from reality.
Don't always insist on it, lower your unrealistic expectations appropriately, and the two hearts will get closer and closer, and the relationship will naturally heat up.
Don't be foolish
Zheng Xinyao, an old-timer, said:
Life is tired, half because of survival, and half because of comparison.
The happiness of marriage is obtained by the joint efforts of two people, not by comparing it with others.
I remember attending a college reunion a few years ago, my female classmates were all dazzling, I just got married, I was so poor that I was shabby, I didn't fit in with them, and I had low self-esteem.
After the dinner, the men waited outside early or drove away, and I had to step on the puddle to catch the bus stop.
When I got home, I scolded my husband, accusing him of not caring and laughing at him for not being able to complain about his hard work.
After the fight, I huffed back to my room.
After a while, my husband brought a bowl of egg noodles with tomatoes and said:
You can't eat enough every time you eat with them, and you probably didn't eat enough just now.
Looking at that steaming bowl of noodles, all my anger was extinguished in an instant.
It was then that I realized that my life also has its warmth and touching, and it is not useless.
Shi Kang has a sentence that is quite accurate:
The result of comparison is basically harm, because people like to compare their own shortcomings with what others have.
In fact, everyone's life is a long string of pearls, and you can't just stare at one of them.
Life is like a person drinking water and knowing it, don't always envy the happiness of others, and protect your own little luck is the most important.