Are there many friends who don't know: what is the first sentence after a breakup to make it easier to get back together?
Many people will ignore this point and feel that there is no taboo to say anything at this time when they have just broken up, even if they say the wrong thing, they can make up for it later.
But I tell you that the behavior in the early stages of the reunion stage is very crucial, and many of the negative impressions of the ex are solidified because of improper communication in the early stage.
As we all know, initial communication is the best time for you to make amends. If this step is done correctly, the follow-up will be much smoother, and if this step goes wrong, you are adding difficulty to yourself.
Some friends may still not believe it: To put it bluntly, isn't it just communication? What's so difficult about this? I've been in love with him for so long, can I not know what he wants to hear?
Although it is easy to say, it is difficult to do it, your mentality is far from being as good as you imagined, and maybe the other party's attitude will make your thoughts fly.
To put it simply, if you send "Are you okay" or "Are you there", you will be afraid that the other party will not reply, and if you directly say "I miss you so much" and "Let's get back together", you will be afraid that it will be too abrupt;
If you explain your mind at length, and you are afraid of being disgusted by the other party...... The more you struggle, the more you don't know what to post, and the more you make mistakes.
So instead of hesitating, let's stick to one principle directly: don't take the initiative to say things that will cause the other party to refuse.
Almost everyone who comes to me for reunion has a very strong utilitarian attitude, and wants to get an enthusiastic reply from the other party at the first sentence.
I want to be able to get back together on my first date after a breakup, so the first thing a lot of people say to me is: Can I get back together in this situation?
Feelings are not a matter of quick success, they all need to have a process.
If you want a person who is determined to break up and turn into a person who voluntarily gets back together, it is inevitable that there will be a lot of ups and downs in the middle, and even those relationships that can finally get back together will be stumbling at the beginning.
At the beginning of communication, everyone should adhere to two mindsets
1. Don't ask the other party to reply to you;
2. Even if the other party replies, don't ask for immediate results.
Remember, the lower your expectations, the better your mindset, the less pressure you put on the other person, and the more likely you are to succeed. So get your attitude right, let's see what you have to say?
Here I will divide it into three situations
1. Within 15 days of breaking up:
The shorter the breakup time, the more profound the negative impression of the other party, and the other party's mood swings will be greater at this time, and there will be more negative emotions towards you, so the most common situation at this stage is:
You ramble a lot, but your ex's reaction makes you very sad, he is either sneering, harsh, or cold as ice.
Because many friends try to persuade each other to reconcile with each other in the way of true love + confession + promise when they redeem themselves, they can't listen to what their ex says.
Even if your ex wants to explain things clearly to you, if you are always interrupted or not understood by you, he will not have the patience to continue talking to you.
Instead, use a cold and resolute attitude to make you die, and no matter how much you entangle, it will only make the relationship worse.
Therefore, at this time, everyone must control their emotions, achieve a state of "emotional frequency" with the other party, accept the fact of breaking up, understand the other party's decision to break up, and feel the other party's emotions.
You talk less, let the other person talk more, and you have to learn to listen and empathize with the other person.
The more your ex talks, the more information is exposed, which is also conducive to finding and solving problems.
Redemption has never relied on reasoning and stalking, but on emotional driving and trust rebuilding, and it can only be effective from the two states of emotion and rationality.
2. Break up for 1-2 months:
In this case, the ex has basically passed the rejection period for you, and will no longer be emotionally charged as soon as you just broke up, if you don't operate indiscriminately in the middle.
At this time, your first sentence should be as natural as possible, don't be too deliberate, go from 0 to 1, slowly introduce the other person into your framework, and don't expose your sense of need too early.
At this time, the tactics we insist on are: the enemy does not move, I do not move, and slowly try.
Don't say meaningless nonsense such as "are you there" or "remember me" that can easily be ignored by the other party, but find a natural and non-verbose topic.
Not only do not provoke the other party's defense, but also attract the other party to be willing to reply to you, I will list a few good opening remarks: such as the pets you have together, your previous unfulfilled agreements, your financial involvement, etc.
3. The breakup time is relatively long, about half a year
If the breakup lasts for half a year, if you don't have a sense of existence back and forth in the middle, then the other party has almost come out of the past relationship experience.
I don't think of you anymore, I'm ready to accept a new life for a long time, and your appearance at this time is more abrupt, so you need to reduce the feeling of abruptness.
I've done a similar case before,
The girl had been separated from her ex for more than a year, and by chance, he saw the phone number of his ex in his mobile phone address book.
All of a sudden, I recalled such good memories of the past, and I just didn't meet the right one around me, and the two of them broke up peacefully at the beginning, so I wanted to contact them, what if the two of them could still make it?
She couldn't help but send a message to the other party "How are you doing lately", and the other party replied to him, but the content of the reply was "What are you doing", obviously with defense and vigilance.
The girl didn't know how to reply, so she ran backstage to me for help.
I taught him to reply: It's okay, I happened to see that I still have your contact information, so I want to contact and try, after so long, many things are relieved, nothing else, don't think about it.
Although this sentence is short, it has many meanings:
1. Reduce the sense of need - I didn't deliberately wait for this day to contact you, I just accidentally found your contact information;
2. Arouse the memories of the other party - everyone has a nostalgic plot, "so long has passed", emphasize the time, so that the other party can't help but think of your past;
3. Anti-customer - "A lot of things are relieved, there is no other meaning, don't think about it", this sentence is actually telling the other party: I have let go of the past, why are you still so nervous, maybe you haven't let go yet.
This sentence is easy to arouse the other party's shame, if he doesn't reply to you, he will appear to have a small belly, and he will have to return to you.
Therefore, if you really love someone and want to get back together with him, use your patience to influence him subtly, instead of convincing him with your mouth to educate him. In this way, he can turn back willingly.