Hello everyone, I'm Yumi MaMa~
Have you noticed that most of the current fathers are "daughter slaves".
A child is good to say, a family with both children and daughters, this state of affairs will inevitably make the boy feel lost. Because of this, mothers generally pamper their sons more.
My cousin's family is like this, my cousin's family is in good condition, and he has always been "rich" to his daughter, and his food, clothing, housing and transportation since childhood are basically famous brands.
For his son, he is free-range, and in his cousin's consciousness, the boy has to work his own in order to be responsible, so he has always been very strict with his nephew. The cousin-in-law felt sorry for her son, so she took extra care of her nephew, and the relationship between the two was very close.
Originally, the husband and wife loved one of them, which was quite fair. But during a family gathering, I learned that my 9-year-old nephew even asked his mother to bathe him!
I felt a little uncomfortable in an instant, so I told my sister-in-law that the child was older and should give the child some private space. But the sister-in-law said disapprerovantly: No matter how old he is, he is also my son.
There is no shortage of mothers like my sister-in-law in life, who have a close relationship with their son in the name of love. In their minds, it is good that their son and mother are close.
As everyone knows, when a boy grows up to a certain age, the mother should pay attention to her own proportions and give the child a certain space and sense of independence, otherwise it will affect the boy's personality.
Children do not shy away from the possible dangers of motherhood
There is a theory of "gender role identity" in psychology, which believes that both boys and girls will gradually form an identity with their gender roles in the process of growing up, so as to assume the corresponding responsibilities of their roles.
However, if one parent is overly involved in the child's development, it may hinder the child's exploration of his or her gender role, which can lead to confusion in the child's gender role.
For example, a boy who stays with his mother for a long time will not know how to get along with the same sex and how to obtain the approval of the same sex due to the lack of his father's company. Their emotions will also be more feminine and become delicate and sensitive, and less atmospheric and unrestrained than boys.
In addition, if the child does not avoid the mother and the mother does everything, it may also make the child overly dependent on the mother, hindering the development of the child's autonomy, and such boys will easily lack self-confidence and decision-making ability in the future.
There are not a few such boys in life, and their first reaction when they encounter difficulties is to seek help from their parents, rather than finding a way to solve it themselves, this is what netizens often say "Ma Bao Man"!
Erikson proposes that each stage of a child's development has specific psychosocial crises that need to be addressed.
For example, boys need to deal with initiative and guilt before they go to school, and they need to learn how to get along with the same sex and the opposite sex in order to overcome low self-esteem.
Because of this, mothers should learn to let go when appropriate, or after the age of 7, let dad take their son as much as possible.
After the age of 7, 3 "minefields" mom better not touch
● Minefield 1: Don't help your son take a bath
7-year-old children already have a considerable degree of self-care ability, and they are fully capable of daily activities such as bathing and packing their school bags.
If the mother continues to help, it will not only make the child dependent and hinder his independence, but also destroy the child's sense of privacy.
You must know that children already have gender consciousness when they are 4 or 5 years old, and if the mother does not pay attention and treats the child in the same way as the baby, it will blur the child's gender role, which will affect the child's future attitude towards the same sex and the opposite sex.
In fact, not only boys, but also girls should avoid bathing with parents of the opposite sex as much as possible after the age of 4 or 5.
● Minefield 2: Don't do everything
Boys are more aggressive, not as attentive as girls. Therefore, they will not be as good as girls in daily skills such as organizing school bags, tidying up beds, and learning planning.
Coupled with the fact that boys mature later than girls, most boys' mothers will unconsciously help their sons take care of everything. For example, get up in the morning to help your child make the bed and pack his school bag, and go home at night to stare at his child's homework and set an alarm for the next day.
Studies have found that most mothers of boys are overprotective of their children in the early years of their development for fear that their children will be injured or make mistakes.
As everyone knows, the difficulties and challenges that boys experience in the process of growing up are the best way to exercise their resilience and problem-solving skills.
If the mother always arranges everything for the child and does not let the child face problems independently, then the child will grow up to be very dependent and lack independence.
● Minefield three: Don't be overly intimate
It's normal for moms and children to be close, but excessive intimacy can make boys grow up with a lack of privacy, respect, and self-preservation.
When a boy reaches the age of 7, mothers should pay attention to maintaining appropriate distance and boundaries from their children, and respect their privacy and personal space.
For example, after the child is 7 years old, the mother should try not to change clothes in front of the child at will, so as not to cause discomfort or confusion to the child.
I once saw a female star on the Internet posting a kissing photo with her son in order to show her close relationship with her son, although this behavior seems to be very warm, but it actually leaves hidden dangers for the child's subsequent gender role development.
Freud's psychoanalytic theory states that children go through different stages of psychosexual development as they grow up. As children enter the latent period (about 6 years to adolescence), their interest in the opposite sex begins to become more complex and internalized, and if there is too much intimacy between the mother and the child at this time, it can interfere with the normal development of this stage.
Children who have been growing up in close contact with their mothers will unconsciously engage in some intimate behaviors with the opposite sex after entering puberty. It is likely that this was not his intention, but just a way for him to express his closeness. But in the eyes of girls, this can be a big offense.
This type of boy, unless he has excellent emotional intelligence, it is difficult for him to establish a good social relationship with the opposite sex.
In general, mothers play an important role in their son's "gender role identity", but they must also know how to withdraw at the right time, only in this way can they help their children balance their views on the opposite sex and the same sex.
Today's topic: Do you agree with the three "minefields" mentioned above?